Why to Be Afraid of Tomorrow
Part 12
Okay, I think it’s a big success. I endured without drugs for a week. It was the hardest week ever but it was worth it. It’s even not the victory but I’m on the right way. Now I eat normally the easy-to-eat foods such as soup to keep my strength up while clucking. I try to sleep for 8 hours every day, but just when I can fall asleep.
It’s Sunday. Two days ago David and I agreed on a Sunday meeting. So now, I’m standing in front of his house with a jacket on because it’s really cold. Just autumn weather – leaves are falling on the cold ground and the wind is blowing through my hair. “Hi, Pierre,” David’s greeting interrupted my thinking. “Hi,” I’m absolutely fascinated by him. I’m making some strange sounds. “Pierre, are you okay?” He asked me, smiling. “Yes, of course. I like your … cap.” I stuttered. Why the hell I said cap? I thought. If I could I would tell him that HE is beautiful and I like everything about him but I said that I like his cap … shit, it’s stupid. “Thank you.” He said and smiled widely. I did the same before offering: “So, we can set off. How does it grab you?” I said before he nodded and we started out together.
On the way David made me laugh everytime. Once I couldn’t hold his joke much longer and I burst out laughing. I think the whole street heard me.
Now we’re sitting in urban park, sipping hot chocolate. “David, we can be out only for an hour long because I have to go by metro to the city, don’t you mind?” I said and waited for his response. “All right. We are out maybe for 3 hours now, though.” David said, smiling. I did as well. After short silence I spoke: “David, I think I’m on the right way to overcome it.” He looked into my eyes. “Don’t talk about it, it’s not a victory yet,” he said and giggled. “But already now I want to thank you for your support. You’re one of the reasons why I try to overcome it.” I spoke out but hesitated. David looked at me defiantly. “I care about you and want you to beat it.” His smile made me nervous again. I took both of his hands. “Davie, I like you, I really do.” I’m looking down at his hands. “I like you, too, otherwise I wouldn't be here with you.” I looked up at the smiling angel before I managed to say: “I love your smile.” “What are you talking about?” David is really confused now and I couldn’t stand it. “Just, when I think of you I long to feel your touch. YOU are the reason I am on cloud nine. YOU are why I’m still alive and not stoned at the station. YOU make my heart melt and… just Davie, simply said … I love you …” I said it, finally. David’s eyes filled with tears. “Your sweet words made me cry, Pierre.” He smiled sadly as he said. “Why? I think it absolutely serious.” There was a silence before David said: “But, Pie, there’s a big problem.” “What problem?” I asked disappointed and fearfully. “I love you, too.” He said and I looked up into his hazel eyes. “What? What did you say?” I was confused. “I love you and the big problem is that I can’t be without you anymore. I mean you won't get rid of me.” He smiled widely. “Aw, Davie, come to me.” I said and pulled him into a tight embrace. “I love you so damn much.” I said and my eyes filled with tears as well. “Aww, honey.” I pulled away and kissed him. He did the same. Okay, it wasn’t only one kiss, lots and lots sweet, passionate, lovely kisses.
Okay, so, you may know that the leave-taking was long. I didn’t want to leave him. Just, that boy makes me wanna turn it all around.
I’m at the station, waiting for the metro arrival. The station is already depopulating because there’s duskiness outside and it’s evening so people don’t need to travel somewhere.
Shit, I thought as I glimpsed the well-known dealer. I’m trying to not notice him. I’m sitting down on a grubby bench. Damn, I thought again. The strange man is still approaching to me. I’m standing up and turning my back. Now, I felt a few pats on my left shoulder. I swallowed thickly and turned at him. “Good evening.” I hesitated. “Did you find other dealer or what? I'm not good enough for you?” Again, the hoarse voice spoke. “No, I’m just getting out of it.” I said firmly and wanted to turn back but he grabbed my shoulder and during my attempt he pulled me back. “Don’t you want a dose?” He took a sachet out of his pocket and showed it to me. I swallowed. “Just to feel better. To forget all your problems. To feel high.” I think he just needed to sell the sachet to someone and he didn’t care for how much money, though. Then he continued: “You won’t gonna get out of it. It’s impossible to overcome the addiction. Come on, take it. It will help you.” He said sort of violently. I swallowed again. I’m reaching out for the sachet slowly. My breathing is rapid. I’m only a few inches from good feeling. A small dose doesn’t kill me. I’m almost touching the sachet and … “No.” I pulled my hand back and put both my hands in my pockets. “I can’t. I will never take it again.” I said convincingly. “Come on, take it. Only this. I will make a reduction.“ He offered but I didn’t agree. “No. I don’t wanna see these shits again. Bye.” I said and went about 50 metres away from him.
David. That’s why I didn’t take the drugs. I promised him I will be out of it in the near future and I want to keep a promise.
It’s Sunday. Two days ago David and I agreed on a Sunday meeting. So now, I’m standing in front of his house with a jacket on because it’s really cold. Just autumn weather – leaves are falling on the cold ground and the wind is blowing through my hair. “Hi, Pierre,” David’s greeting interrupted my thinking. “Hi,” I’m absolutely fascinated by him. I’m making some strange sounds. “Pierre, are you okay?” He asked me, smiling. “Yes, of course. I like your … cap.” I stuttered. Why the hell I said cap? I thought. If I could I would tell him that HE is beautiful and I like everything about him but I said that I like his cap … shit, it’s stupid. “Thank you.” He said and smiled widely. I did the same before offering: “So, we can set off. How does it grab you?” I said before he nodded and we started out together.
On the way David made me laugh everytime. Once I couldn’t hold his joke much longer and I burst out laughing. I think the whole street heard me.
Now we’re sitting in urban park, sipping hot chocolate. “David, we can be out only for an hour long because I have to go by metro to the city, don’t you mind?” I said and waited for his response. “All right. We are out maybe for 3 hours now, though.” David said, smiling. I did as well. After short silence I spoke: “David, I think I’m on the right way to overcome it.” He looked into my eyes. “Don’t talk about it, it’s not a victory yet,” he said and giggled. “But already now I want to thank you for your support. You’re one of the reasons why I try to overcome it.” I spoke out but hesitated. David looked at me defiantly. “I care about you and want you to beat it.” His smile made me nervous again. I took both of his hands. “Davie, I like you, I really do.” I’m looking down at his hands. “I like you, too, otherwise I wouldn't be here with you.” I looked up at the smiling angel before I managed to say: “I love your smile.” “What are you talking about?” David is really confused now and I couldn’t stand it. “Just, when I think of you I long to feel your touch. YOU are the reason I am on cloud nine. YOU are why I’m still alive and not stoned at the station. YOU make my heart melt and… just Davie, simply said … I love you …” I said it, finally. David’s eyes filled with tears. “Your sweet words made me cry, Pierre.” He smiled sadly as he said. “Why? I think it absolutely serious.” There was a silence before David said: “But, Pie, there’s a big problem.” “What problem?” I asked disappointed and fearfully. “I love you, too.” He said and I looked up into his hazel eyes. “What? What did you say?” I was confused. “I love you and the big problem is that I can’t be without you anymore. I mean you won't get rid of me.” He smiled widely. “Aw, Davie, come to me.” I said and pulled him into a tight embrace. “I love you so damn much.” I said and my eyes filled with tears as well. “Aww, honey.” I pulled away and kissed him. He did the same. Okay, it wasn’t only one kiss, lots and lots sweet, passionate, lovely kisses.
Okay, so, you may know that the leave-taking was long. I didn’t want to leave him. Just, that boy makes me wanna turn it all around.
I’m at the station, waiting for the metro arrival. The station is already depopulating because there’s duskiness outside and it’s evening so people don’t need to travel somewhere.
Shit, I thought as I glimpsed the well-known dealer. I’m trying to not notice him. I’m sitting down on a grubby bench. Damn, I thought again. The strange man is still approaching to me. I’m standing up and turning my back. Now, I felt a few pats on my left shoulder. I swallowed thickly and turned at him. “Good evening.” I hesitated. “Did you find other dealer or what? I'm not good enough for you?” Again, the hoarse voice spoke. “No, I’m just getting out of it.” I said firmly and wanted to turn back but he grabbed my shoulder and during my attempt he pulled me back. “Don’t you want a dose?” He took a sachet out of his pocket and showed it to me. I swallowed. “Just to feel better. To forget all your problems. To feel high.” I think he just needed to sell the sachet to someone and he didn’t care for how much money, though. Then he continued: “You won’t gonna get out of it. It’s impossible to overcome the addiction. Come on, take it. It will help you.” He said sort of violently. I swallowed again. I’m reaching out for the sachet slowly. My breathing is rapid. I’m only a few inches from good feeling. A small dose doesn’t kill me. I’m almost touching the sachet and … “No.” I pulled my hand back and put both my hands in my pockets. “I can’t. I will never take it again.” I said convincingly. “Come on, take it. Only this. I will make a reduction.“ He offered but I didn’t agree. “No. I don’t wanna see these shits again. Bye.” I said and went about 50 metres away from him.
David. That’s why I didn’t take the drugs. I promised him I will be out of it in the near future and I want to keep a promise.