Why to Be Afraid of Tomorrow

I’m coming at school fully frustrated. My entire way I was thinking about if I should or shouldn’t tell it to David. I was in doubts.

“Hi, dear. So, how did it turn out?” David said while pulling closer and wrapping his hands around my neck. “Hello, honey, they said that…” I hesitated. When I saw his smiling face I didn’t want to make him feel worse. So, I had to lie to him. “They said I will be alright. The doctor gave me some pills so, for a few days it will be absolutely better.” I stuttered and smiled to cover my insecurity and falsehood. “Aw, so that’s great. For a few days it will be fine again.” He said, smiled and kissed my forehead. I pulled him closer. “I’m so glad I have you.” I said while rocking with David from the side to the side. He smiled to my shoulder. “I love you, sweetie.” He said, looked up and pressed his lips against mine. “I love you, too.” I smiled.

So, this day I tried to chase the bad feelings away but again, I was sweating, I had a headache and I had an aversion to food so, it was beyond my strength. But luckily, David didn’t notice anything.
Now, it’s 2 hours after our last lesson ended and I parted from Davie. A few minutes ago I came home but, I can’t help but I feel the urge to see him.

I’m on my way to him. Truly, I feel so damn blameworthy because of my untruth I said to him but, what can I do? Should I tell him the truth? Or not? I don’t wanna hurt him.
I see a small approaching silhouette through the class front door. “Oh, Pierre. Hello. What are you doing here?” David was confused because of my coming. “Hi, sweetheart. I just… I just need to be with you. I wasn't with you for a long time. Just, if you understand, I just want to… wanna… you-uh-um-“ “Come in, Pierre.” “Oh, thank you.” Luckily David interrupted the embarrassing moment. I didn’t really know what to say or what to do. He smiled and I went straight into the very huge house. “Oh, you’ve got a big house.” I was fascinated. “Oh, yeah. My room is upstairs.” David answered a bit loud from the kitchen.

I was sitting on David’s bed while he came in. “I love your room.” Until now I realized that this is the first time I’m in David’ house. “Thank you.” He said and smiled before sitting on my legs. I wrapped my arms around him. “I brought hot chocolate to you.” “Aww, thank you, Davie. What would I do without you?” We exchanged gentle smiles. “Honey?” I asked fondly after a while. “What?” Unsuspecting David responded. “Come on,” I said before I took him in my arms and stood up. “Oh, Pierre,” he said while he was smiling prettily and wrapped his arms around my neck. “You're like my prince, you’re champion of my heart,” I said triumphantly and smiled before I laid him on the bed and I lay on the top of him. I’m stroking his cheeks and smiling. “Why are you looking at me so… dreamily?” David asked with a smile. “Because you’ve always been my dream.” I said, smiling.
I’m kissing his perfect lips. I feel his soft hands stroking through my spiky hair. I’m going down and kissing his neck. I smell the scent of his skin. My hand’s running under his white T-shirt. David’s moaning silently. I'm rolling his T-shirt up. I’m getting even lower. I’m kissing his chubby belly. He’s still stroking my hair, moaning.

I'm recalling something bad. My eyes are filling with tears but I’m still kissing his belly. But now one tear fell onto his skin. I’m continuing him to not notice my tears coming out of my corner of eyes. “Pierre?” David asked me but I’m still kissing him, crying. “Sweetie,” he said before he pulled my head up and looked at me. “Oh god, what’s happening? Why are you crying?” He asked confused before I got up and rested my hands on his chest. “Davie, I lied.” Really, I can’t live with that fact that I lied to him. I had to say the truth. “What? What are you talking about?” David is really addle-pated. “Davie, the doctor didn’t give me any pills because…It’s not gonna be okay. Davie, I’m …” I swallowed thickly before I said: “I’m HIV positive.” I burst into tears much more then before. I’m looking into his eyes which are filling with tears as well. “Wha-what?” He stuttered and breathed heavily. “I’m sorry Davie.” I said and rested my head on his chest in tears. “Are you kidding me? Is it because of the drugs?” He asked tearfully and I looked up again. “No, probably because of the being a slut.” David hesitated and thought for a while before he said: “Well, that’s a… serious situation.” He said and breathed out quickly.

I expected that he will leave me. I expected that he will slap to my face and say me something like ‘Get out of my sight, I don’t wanna see you anymore’. He didn’t say anything. I understood. I’m getting up and I'm propped up on elbows. I’m looking into his tearstained eyes. “I know what you’re gonna say. I'm outta here.” I said sadly and stood up. “Wait,” he took my right hand and made me turn. “It’s not the end.” He said and tried to smile. “Does it bother you?” I asked curiously. “It does because we won’t be able to do things I always wanted to do with you but… truly, not long ago I told you that I will be with you till the end of times no matter what. I’ve always loved you and I will always do.” He said and smiled weakly. I figured out that he was serious and honest. “Are you serious?” I asked with low voice just to make sure he wants to be with me from now on. “I am. I love you, Pierre. It’s gonna be difficult but we CAN do it, okay?” I leaned down and kissed his lips. I’m so glad he got it right.