Why to Be Afraid of Tomorrow
Part 19
Other weeks passed another pain came. It’s an agonizing feeling. I’ve got so many unexcused lessons now. And what about my condition? Truly, I feel like I was at death’s door.
David rang me out before a heartbeat and now I listen a few sounds of knocking. “Come i-in,” I sneezed and coughed. It was the whooping cough. “Hi, honey,” David greeted and approached to me. Meanwhile I’m still lying in my bed with a pillow against my mouth to not cough the bacillus at him. He took a seat on my bed. “So what, sweetie? How do you feel? You’re so damn sweaty,” he said carefully while stroking my wet hair. “It’s be-bette-er,” I stuttered and cleared my throat. “Pierre, I’m losing my patience. That’s not normal. You – need – a doctor.” He said the sentence somewhat cautiously and sharp. “No, I’m ok, Davie, I’m fi-fin-ne,” I stammered and coughed again but this time more violently. “Pierre, shut your mouth. I can't look how it torments you,” he said and stood up. He’s taking his phone out of the pocket and dialing. “Wait, Davi-vie.” I interrupted his attempt. “I’ll do anything just don’t call an ambulance. There will be a chaos on the street again, ple-lease.” I said, wiping my sweaty face with a face cloth. He hesitated before he said: “You know what? If you're able to walk I will accompany you there, okay?” He made an offer and I agreed.
Meanwhile David helped me to dress up and pull myself together so I hope I look like a man. It’d be better just to not make people be afraid of me because I’d feel like a monster. But I was wrong. We’re going down the street and every really EVERY person is staring at us so strangely. “Why are they looking at us so weirdly? I hate it.” I said quietly but firmly before I stopped by. “Don't care about it, Pierre. Move on.” He said, wrapped one arm around my shoulder and the other hand took mine. “Shit.” We’re going really slowly but another step another weird look. “Hey why are you staring so stupidly?” I couldn’t stand it and snapped. That nitwit went elsewhere rather. “Pierre, calm down.” David said and held my hand again. After a while of our very slow motion I stumbled down. “Fuck!” I said aloud, falling on the ground. David’s giving me his hand. “Get up off the ground, Pierre.” I burst into tears. “I suck, David!” My shouting made him nonplus. I’m looking into his confused eyes. There was a silence for a while and then he said: “Get up, come on.” He took my hand and lifted me up.
Now David’s accompanying me home. The doctor told me I should eat a balanced diet, mainly vegetables, fruit and protein and that’s a problem because many proteins are in eggs and I hate them! Yuck! He also told I should avoid alcohol, smoking, stress and people who are sick with flu, allegedly I could infect easily. He gave me some strange pink pills and some very big white ones, he called them ARV, I don’t really know what it is. And the last thing he said to me is to practice safe sex. Oh, it’s so damn brainy.
“So honey, don’t forget what your doctor said, okay? Care for your feelings – when you feel scared or depressed, talk to someone. Don't keep it inside and turn it into stress, yes?” He told me as we came in front of my house. “Sure, honey.” “So, take care, Pie, see ya.” He said and kissed me. “Bye bye, sweetheart.” I said and kissed him as well. “I love you.” “Me too.”
It’s 2 a.m. and daddy’s still not at home. I don’t know what’s happening but I’m afraid, factually afraid.
“WHAT THE FUCK?!” Oh shit, I thought when I realized that was my tipsy dad. He promised me it will never happen again, damn. Okay, I’m disappointed. I’m getting up and coming to the room’s door briskly. I’m locking up quietly before getting back under the cover. I hear lots and lots thumps on my door. Oh, no, I thought and buried my face into the pillow. “UNLOCK!” He shouted. I don’t wanna say anything. “OPEN, PIERRE!” He smashed a few things around he had at hand. He’s very pissed, I guess. “OPEN!” It was the last word before one big disaster. He kicked the door. Immediately my dad appeared in the middle of the door’s pieces. I huddled the most I could. He’s approaching to me and tearing my blanket away from me. “CRAWL OUT, YOU FAG!” “You promised it will never happen again!” I said in tears and sat up. “ “HAPPEN WHAT?! YOU ASSHOLE!”
Truly, I don’t wanna discuss about it but what happened, happened. We can’t go back. I thought he will keep a promise but he didn’t. He disappointed me even my mommy. He should behave normally but instead he came home drunk and beat me up. Great. And moreover he broke the door so he broke my only protection from his stupid behavior while his alcoholism.
David rang me out before a heartbeat and now I listen a few sounds of knocking. “Come i-in,” I sneezed and coughed. It was the whooping cough. “Hi, honey,” David greeted and approached to me. Meanwhile I’m still lying in my bed with a pillow against my mouth to not cough the bacillus at him. He took a seat on my bed. “So what, sweetie? How do you feel? You’re so damn sweaty,” he said carefully while stroking my wet hair. “It’s be-bette-er,” I stuttered and cleared my throat. “Pierre, I’m losing my patience. That’s not normal. You – need – a doctor.” He said the sentence somewhat cautiously and sharp. “No, I’m ok, Davie, I’m fi-fin-ne,” I stammered and coughed again but this time more violently. “Pierre, shut your mouth. I can't look how it torments you,” he said and stood up. He’s taking his phone out of the pocket and dialing. “Wait, Davi-vie.” I interrupted his attempt. “I’ll do anything just don’t call an ambulance. There will be a chaos on the street again, ple-lease.” I said, wiping my sweaty face with a face cloth. He hesitated before he said: “You know what? If you're able to walk I will accompany you there, okay?” He made an offer and I agreed.
Meanwhile David helped me to dress up and pull myself together so I hope I look like a man. It’d be better just to not make people be afraid of me because I’d feel like a monster. But I was wrong. We’re going down the street and every really EVERY person is staring at us so strangely. “Why are they looking at us so weirdly? I hate it.” I said quietly but firmly before I stopped by. “Don't care about it, Pierre. Move on.” He said, wrapped one arm around my shoulder and the other hand took mine. “Shit.” We’re going really slowly but another step another weird look. “Hey why are you staring so stupidly?” I couldn’t stand it and snapped. That nitwit went elsewhere rather. “Pierre, calm down.” David said and held my hand again. After a while of our very slow motion I stumbled down. “Fuck!” I said aloud, falling on the ground. David’s giving me his hand. “Get up off the ground, Pierre.” I burst into tears. “I suck, David!” My shouting made him nonplus. I’m looking into his confused eyes. There was a silence for a while and then he said: “Get up, come on.” He took my hand and lifted me up.
Now David’s accompanying me home. The doctor told me I should eat a balanced diet, mainly vegetables, fruit and protein and that’s a problem because many proteins are in eggs and I hate them! Yuck! He also told I should avoid alcohol, smoking, stress and people who are sick with flu, allegedly I could infect easily. He gave me some strange pink pills and some very big white ones, he called them ARV, I don’t really know what it is. And the last thing he said to me is to practice safe sex. Oh, it’s so damn brainy.
“So honey, don’t forget what your doctor said, okay? Care for your feelings – when you feel scared or depressed, talk to someone. Don't keep it inside and turn it into stress, yes?” He told me as we came in front of my house. “Sure, honey.” “So, take care, Pie, see ya.” He said and kissed me. “Bye bye, sweetheart.” I said and kissed him as well. “I love you.” “Me too.”
It’s 2 a.m. and daddy’s still not at home. I don’t know what’s happening but I’m afraid, factually afraid.
“WHAT THE FUCK?!” Oh shit, I thought when I realized that was my tipsy dad. He promised me it will never happen again, damn. Okay, I’m disappointed. I’m getting up and coming to the room’s door briskly. I’m locking up quietly before getting back under the cover. I hear lots and lots thumps on my door. Oh, no, I thought and buried my face into the pillow. “UNLOCK!” He shouted. I don’t wanna say anything. “OPEN, PIERRE!” He smashed a few things around he had at hand. He’s very pissed, I guess. “OPEN!” It was the last word before one big disaster. He kicked the door. Immediately my dad appeared in the middle of the door’s pieces. I huddled the most I could. He’s approaching to me and tearing my blanket away from me. “CRAWL OUT, YOU FAG!” “You promised it will never happen again!” I said in tears and sat up. “ “HAPPEN WHAT?! YOU ASSHOLE!”
Truly, I don’t wanna discuss about it but what happened, happened. We can’t go back. I thought he will keep a promise but he didn’t. He disappointed me even my mommy. He should behave normally but instead he came home drunk and beat me up. Great. And moreover he broke the door so he broke my only protection from his stupid behavior while his alcoholism.