Why to Be Afraid of Tomorrow
Part 9
It's been a few months since I became completely addicted to heroin and a few months since I make money by being a slut. I was at school only a few times so I have a lot of unexcused lessons. They say that I changed for the worse but I don’t care about their stupid theories. Let them think what they want.
Now I wasn’t at school for 3 last days and I managed to finally. I’m sitting next to Daniel without greeting. “Hello, where have you been these past 3 days?” He asked. Truly, his questions are so irritating. “Hey, buddy, can you give me a break, please? I'm not curious about your speech.” I said firmly and crossed my arms. “Dear Pierre, You make David luckless. He is unhappy because you don't talk to him at all.” He said seriously. “Hey, Dear Danny, I don't give a shit! I don’t care what people think! Everybody is stupid!” I shouted. “Oh, great. If you think so.” He said this because he didn't want to be at odds with me.
During the French lesson I’m totally out of place. I’m oblivious to what the teacher is talking about. Again, I’m sweating. “Bouvier, come here!” The teacher DuPont yelled in my ear. “Shit,” I said annoyed. “What?” I asked in front of the board and she came near to me. “You’ve got constricted pupils, Pierre? What happened?” She asked confused and I ducked my head. “Nothing. Can I sit again?” “Aren't you sick?” “I don’t know, shit.” I was surly and didn’t want her to find out what happens. “Go to sit.” I was really glad.
Now it’s a break and I’m sitting at my desk. Shit, David’s coming to me, I thought when I glimpsed approaching David’s little body maybe about 5 meters away from me. “Pierre, can I sit here next to you?” His angelic nice voice asked. I looked up at him. “Okay.” I said simply, not looking into his eyes. “Pierre, I know that you don’t wanna talk to me, but you torment me. Already too long we have not talked together. What happened?” He asked cheerlessly. “Nothing happened I don’t just have a mood to talk to anyone, you understand?” I asked annoyed again. “Pierre, why do you do that? You are absolutely indifferent to your surroundings! About 3 months ago you were so amazing boy and now? It’s bad, buddy, bad! Everything points to the fact that-“ “What?” I cut him in. “What do you think?” I continued. “Pierre, I’m afraid. You sweat, you have a beard, you are grouchy and depressed. Pierre, I know what happens. Tell me the truth.” He said worried and his eyes filled with tears. “There’s nothing to talk about.” I looked down at the ground. “Pierre. Are you on drugs?” He asked cautiously. I hesitated and looked into his tearful eyes. “So what? I’m.” I admitted. I glimpsed a tear running down David’s cheek. “It’s great, really.” He said rather calmly before a bit keener continuing: “And can you tell me how you make money?” I didn’t answer. “So WHAT?!” He shouted. “Yes okay. On the highway they pay me the most.” I said firmly and looked at him angrily. “Do you make money by being a slut? Yes?” David asked reproachfully. “Yeah! I have nothing else to do, my dear!” I said more angrily. Okay, I didn’t talk but screamed. “You know what? Fine. I told you a couple months ago that I’m here for you. That I’m here to help you, Pierre and you don’t care. I'll tell you frankly, I thought you could do it but you disappointed me. It’s too much. I’m sorry.” He said and walked away disappointed. “But you don’t understand it!” I called at him but he didn’t even turn back at me. “Shit.” I told to myself. That's what I screwed up – I lost my only soul mate.
Maybe about half a minute after Daniel came from behind me. “Why do you do that?” He asked calmly and I snapped: “Because everything I touch turns to shit,” before I walked away to the toilets.
I’m locked in a cabin. I’m crying and getting a withdrawal syndrome, again. I’m huddled on the floor and holding my belly. I began physically go to the bad already many weeks ago so I don’t look normal. I’m like a walking corpse. I feel so depressed. It’s like I was dying in every awful way you could think of, all at once. I feel pain in all my bones, I’m so cold but still sweating. It's as if I had pieces of ice in my veins.
I have a bad cold turkey.
I’m coming to the station with money I made on the highway, again.
I feel so great when I put a spike into my vein. It makes me feel like I’m a man. I guess that I just don’t know I have made the big wrong decision. I tried to nullify my life. Once the high really set in I felt like I was sinking into the floor.
Now I wasn’t at school for 3 last days and I managed to finally. I’m sitting next to Daniel without greeting. “Hello, where have you been these past 3 days?” He asked. Truly, his questions are so irritating. “Hey, buddy, can you give me a break, please? I'm not curious about your speech.” I said firmly and crossed my arms. “Dear Pierre, You make David luckless. He is unhappy because you don't talk to him at all.” He said seriously. “Hey, Dear Danny, I don't give a shit! I don’t care what people think! Everybody is stupid!” I shouted. “Oh, great. If you think so.” He said this because he didn't want to be at odds with me.
During the French lesson I’m totally out of place. I’m oblivious to what the teacher is talking about. Again, I’m sweating. “Bouvier, come here!” The teacher DuPont yelled in my ear. “Shit,” I said annoyed. “What?” I asked in front of the board and she came near to me. “You’ve got constricted pupils, Pierre? What happened?” She asked confused and I ducked my head. “Nothing. Can I sit again?” “Aren't you sick?” “I don’t know, shit.” I was surly and didn’t want her to find out what happens. “Go to sit.” I was really glad.
Now it’s a break and I’m sitting at my desk. Shit, David’s coming to me, I thought when I glimpsed approaching David’s little body maybe about 5 meters away from me. “Pierre, can I sit here next to you?” His angelic nice voice asked. I looked up at him. “Okay.” I said simply, not looking into his eyes. “Pierre, I know that you don’t wanna talk to me, but you torment me. Already too long we have not talked together. What happened?” He asked cheerlessly. “Nothing happened I don’t just have a mood to talk to anyone, you understand?” I asked annoyed again. “Pierre, why do you do that? You are absolutely indifferent to your surroundings! About 3 months ago you were so amazing boy and now? It’s bad, buddy, bad! Everything points to the fact that-“ “What?” I cut him in. “What do you think?” I continued. “Pierre, I’m afraid. You sweat, you have a beard, you are grouchy and depressed. Pierre, I know what happens. Tell me the truth.” He said worried and his eyes filled with tears. “There’s nothing to talk about.” I looked down at the ground. “Pierre. Are you on drugs?” He asked cautiously. I hesitated and looked into his tearful eyes. “So what? I’m.” I admitted. I glimpsed a tear running down David’s cheek. “It’s great, really.” He said rather calmly before a bit keener continuing: “And can you tell me how you make money?” I didn’t answer. “So WHAT?!” He shouted. “Yes okay. On the highway they pay me the most.” I said firmly and looked at him angrily. “Do you make money by being a slut? Yes?” David asked reproachfully. “Yeah! I have nothing else to do, my dear!” I said more angrily. Okay, I didn’t talk but screamed. “You know what? Fine. I told you a couple months ago that I’m here for you. That I’m here to help you, Pierre and you don’t care. I'll tell you frankly, I thought you could do it but you disappointed me. It’s too much. I’m sorry.” He said and walked away disappointed. “But you don’t understand it!” I called at him but he didn’t even turn back at me. “Shit.” I told to myself. That's what I screwed up – I lost my only soul mate.
Maybe about half a minute after Daniel came from behind me. “Why do you do that?” He asked calmly and I snapped: “Because everything I touch turns to shit,” before I walked away to the toilets.
I’m locked in a cabin. I’m crying and getting a withdrawal syndrome, again. I’m huddled on the floor and holding my belly. I began physically go to the bad already many weeks ago so I don’t look normal. I’m like a walking corpse. I feel so depressed. It’s like I was dying in every awful way you could think of, all at once. I feel pain in all my bones, I’m so cold but still sweating. It's as if I had pieces of ice in my veins.
I have a bad cold turkey.
I’m coming to the station with money I made on the highway, again.
I feel so great when I put a spike into my vein. It makes me feel like I’m a man. I guess that I just don’t know I have made the big wrong decision. I tried to nullify my life. Once the high really set in I felt like I was sinking into the floor.