I Can't Help But to Love Him Though

"Kira?" he asked me, once more.

I sighed and took my ear plugs out of my ears. "What, Max? What do you want?"

Why are you mad at me?" he asked, adverting his eyes away from mine.

I stared at him. I can't believe he was asking this again, we had already been over it a thousand
times in the last hour.

"Where should I start? You wrecked my brand new car that my brother got me, you almost killed Craig, you haven't stopped doing drugs like you promised me." I said, listing things off.

"I said I was sorry for all that." he replied, tucking a piece of long black hair behind his ear.

I stared at him. "Sorry doesn't cut it Max."

I got up and turned my iPod off as I placed it on my desk and then turned back around, staring at him.

"What if Craig wasn't wearing his seatbelt.."

"He'd be dead."

"Exactly."

"I shouldn't have drank."

"Correct."

"Or gotten high."

"How right you are, Max, how right you fucking are."

He sighed and got up, limping towards the door. "Will you ever forgive me?"

"Probably not." I said.

Max sighed and walked out of my room. I laid down on my bed and closed my eyes, thinking about that night.

"Max, you need to stop drinking!" I shouted.
"What?" he asked, slurring his words.
"Craig, make him stop!" I said.
"Max, bro, you've had enough, let's go." Craig said, helping a very intoxicated Max to my car.
"I'm going to find Monte and Robert." I told Craig.
I had given my keys to Craig, that was probably a bad idea because by the time I found Monte and Robert and the three of us had gotten back outside, my car was gone and so was Craig and Max.
We got the call an hour later.
They had been in an accident. Max was driving. He was highly intoxicated and he was driving my car.
The doctor's said that if Craig hadn't of put his seatbelt on at the last minute, he would have flown through the windshield and died.
Max had swevered and the car rolled off the road and hit a tree. Craig got the worse damage. Max got away with a broken leg and some cuts and bruises on his face.

"Sis?" my brother's voice came through the door as he opened it.

I looked up. "What's up?"

"Dinner's ready." he said.

"I'll be down in a sec." I said.

He nodded and closed the door. I got up and went downstairs. I smiled at Craig.

"Hi Craig." I said and sat down.

Craig just smiled. He still couldn't speak. He was still in a wheelchair. We had to help him get to the bathroom, to eat, to get in bed, to get dressed.

The band was on hiatus because of this.

The guilt was killing Max, we could all see it.

Monte sat down the plates of food. Robert started eating like he hadn't eaten in weeks, Max picked at his, not really eating anything, Monte ate his and kept his eyes on the plate.

I helped Craig. It was either me or Monte that helped him with these things. Max didn't want to because he felt bad. Robert, well he, he, just stayed away from it.

Things were awkward now.

Once I had finished feeding Craig, Monte wheeled him into the living room so they could watch t.v.

Robert finished eating and went to join them.

I looked at Max.

"You need to eat."

"Everyone hates me."

"No one hates you."

"You do."

"I don't."

"You said it that night."

"I was mad."

"This is all my fault.."

"Max, stop blaming yourself."

"You know it is."

"Max, please eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"You haven't eaten much in the last two weeks."

"I don't deserve to live..I hurt my best friend."

"Max..stop it."

"I'm not eating."

"I'll make you eat."

He looked at me then. His eyes were full of guilt and sadness.

I got up and walked over to his side of the table and sat down. I picked up some of the pasta on the fork and held it up.

Max looked at me and opened his mouth. I put the pasta in and he chewed and swallowed.

"Do you hate me?" he asked.

"No."

"I would hate me though."

"Well...I can't help but to love you though." I said.

I gave him a smile and he returned it. A real smile.

Things were going to get better, I knew it.