Locked Up Lust

After getting in front of everyone and singing, I feel like I'm a different person. It allowed me to truly express my emotions, talk more about how I'm feeling, and.....it was the first time in a long time.....I've sang. It's amazing how a song has so much power. Different songs can convey different moods, different situations, different stories. All of which I'm starting to learning again.
When Marie heard Georgina rant and me singing, she decided to change her whole approach with the services. Marie decided to add me and Georgina into her program. Georgina would have her little speech every other day and I would sing a song every week. It was nice to see everyone excited to hear my song of the week, every week. Everybody always looked forward to my part of the service. This was a feeling I haven't felt in a long time.
Over the past SIX months, I've made a complete 180. I'm a totally different person. My bad attitude is gone. No more talking back to people, not as much cussing. I feel good about myself. Although, I do have my ups and downs. But I always try find a way to get back up. The longer I'm here in jail, the more I tell myself to accept the fact that I'm really in here for those seven to ten years. The days, weeks, months pass by. Doing nothing but chore after chore, waiting for the next meal, reading book after book, attending service after service. This has become my life now.
I've also been getting all of Darren's letters......
He's been writing to me almost every week. I have a whole box in the corner of our cell full of his letters. I wonder where he finds the time to write all of them. He does have a crazy schedule. Believe it or not, I haven't read a single one. I guess I'm too scared to read them. I'm too scared to see what he has to say.

MY CELL ~WEEK 9~

I wan't feeling well this week. Not because I was sick or anything. For whatever reason, I was feeling kind of depressed. Remember when I said I would have my ups and downs? Well this week, I'm having my downs...and I'm deep DEEP down. I'm not quite sure what got me to this deep dark place, but I was not liking it. I was back to giving people attitude, talking back, and cursing. The funny thing is, when I would do that stuff to people; talk back and cure at them; I would immediately realize what I said and apologize. I was aware of what I did wrong but I didn't realize where this anger was coming from.
Wait.....What day is it today? Friday?......It's Friday!........It all makes sense now. The whole time I've been in jail, almost every Friday, Darren would come to visit me. Every time he would, I would always deny to see him. If this was a weekly thing, why was it bothering me so much? This must be a sign. Something is telling me that I HAD to see him.
I ran to that corner of my cell and opened the box of Darren's letters. I randomly grabbed one and started to read it.

Dear (Y/N),
Sorry if this letter got to you a little later than usual. We had to work over time last night to film one last scene. I hope everything is cool with you. I was actually thinking of you on set yesterday. We had a game night in one of our scenes and we played "Guess Who?". Remember when we used to play that game when we were kids? We used to laugh at the face all the time! We would even try to imitate each person! Remember that? I'm laughing right now just thinking about it! When I looked at the game I started to laugh hysterically and everyone was just giving me weird looks. I miss those days! I miss you. I hope you reply to at least one of my letters. Or better yet, you can come out to see me in the visiting room. But if you can't right now, it's okay. You need some time to yourself, and I completely understand.

Love,
Darren

P.S. If you ever need me, I'm here for you.

When I read the part about "Guess Who?" I tried to hold back my laughter but I just couldn't. I broke out laughing. I continued to read the rest of the letter. When I finished reading, the smile that was once upon my face slowly became a sorrowful frown. What am I doing to myself? What was I doing to Darren? To our friendship? I got lost in my own hatred...But it's not like this hatred came out of nowhere. There's a reason for why I act like this with Darren. I need to get answers. I need to see Darren.
"(Y/F/N)." An officer sternly said holding a clip board.
This surprised me as I quickly looked up from the letter to look at her.
"Yes?" I replied.
"You have a visitor. It's the same Mr. Darren Criss from last week. Would you like to see him today?" The officer said.
I took in a deep breathe before answering. "Yes I would." I responded.

VISITING ROOM

The officer escorted me from my cell to the visiting room where Darren was waiting. I slowly walked into the room and immediately knew which one was Darren, but he had his hair in a weird slicked back style. I guess he just came from filming. I cleared my throat to let him know that I was there. This made Darren quickly turn around.
"Hey." Darren said quietly as he signaled me to go ahead and sit first. He followed soon after.
There was a very uncomfortable and awkward feeling in the air.
"I'm glad you uhh...decided to let me come see you." Darren said, breaking the silence.
"....Yeah." I responded.
"So how are you?" Darren asked.
"I'm making it." I said giving a slight smile. "So you're uhh...Getting married soon huh?" I asked, trying to make this a little less awkward.
"Yeah." Darren answered.
"Congratulations....Good luck with that." I replied with a little bit more enthusiasm.
Darren was not feeling comfortable either. And it was showing on his face.
"...I...I really don't know what to say.....I feel like I keep letting you down." Darren confessed, Shaking his head.
I decided to just be real with Darren now. I wave my hand telling him to stop.
"I've been going to Marie. And...I've really been listening to what she has to say. And she says that
if you love the Lord...then everything is gonna work out for good for you. Do you believe that?" I asked.
"Yeah..." Darren said nodding his head. "Yeah, I believe that."
"I know I do 'cause....Darren, I gotta believe in somethin'." I confessed.
"You can believe in me." Darren suggested. "I know I wasn't there that night. But I guarantee you
that will never happen again."
My eyes went from looking straight into Darren's eyes to the floor when he said that. The bad memories started to run through my mind once again. The rough touching, my unheard cries, the physical pain were all coming back to me. The time to ask the burning question I had on my mind for years was now.
I finally raised my eyes, that were now full of tears, to look at him. "Did you know that they were gonna do that to me that night?" I whispered.
Darren scrunched his eye brows together in a confused way. "...Huh?" Darren questioned.
"Did you know that they were gonna do that to me that night?" I repeated myself emphasizing each word and louder this time.
"No (Y/N), I didn't." Darren said, as if he was surprised I would ever think that.
Tears were rolling down my face and I didn't care to wipe them away. Darren needed to see how much pain he caused me. "Darren, I needed you! You weren't there for me. You weren't there! I screamed for you. And you never came for me! You left me there!" I sobbed, looking into his hazel eyes the whole time.
"...(Y/N)..." Darren whispered with guilt.
"You didn't protect me..." I added, finally wiping away some of my tears. The tears that needed to be shed.
"(Y/N), I'm sorry...Please, forgive me......Please." Darren said sadly.
"I was so mad at you, Darren. I was so angry for so long!......But, Darren.....I forgive you...I forgive you!" I said through my tears, trying my best to put on a smile. "You gotta go on and you gotta live your life. And I gotta live mine. I'm not gonna be a victim anymore. I gotta change my life for me." I said referring to Georgina's first lesson/rant. "Now you go get married. Be happy. And I'm gonna try to do the same thing." I said trying to sound hopeful.
I stood up and wiped the tears from my face. "I gotta go." I whispered. "Have a good wedding day." I said before forcing a smile and leaving the visiting room.
After seeing me walk away from him, Darren sat back down and cradled his head in his hands. Darren felt as if he had committed a crime that was just was bad as the crime the four guys at the party committed. He realizes what a monster he really was.

ST. BRENDAN CATHOLIC CHURCH ~A WEEK LATER~

Today was the day of Darren and Mia's wedding. Everything was perfect! The dress, the venue, the food, the flowers, even the church was perfect. The ceremony was going to be a traditional Catholic wedding held at a Catholic Church. St. Brendan in Los Angeles to be exact. Mia was coming from the hotel that her and her bridesmaid's were getting ready at. Her maid of honor Mel, also her sister, got to the church first to make sure everything was set and ready to go for her entrance. Little did she know that Darren was not ready at all.
Mel walked into one of the church's back room where Darren was.
"Darren...." Mel said, telling him that Mia was coming any minute now. "Darren! Why are you not dressed?" Mel asked in surprise, but with anger. "Get the jacket on! Mia's gonna be here in five minutes, and I am not getting cussed out behind you. Get your jacket on! Everybody is out there right now! Are you gonna make them wait? Your just gonna make them wait? You're gonna keep working?"
Then Joey walks in, and thank God he did.
"Oh my goodness." Joey said in disbelief, seeing Darren not fully dressed and ready for his own wedding. "Okay, okay...I got this, calm down, I got it, I got it, I got it." Joey assured Mel, and closing the door behind her.
"Darren! What are you doing man? Okay, it's your wedding day. Dude, why are you working? What are you even working on? Get dressed!" Joey said trying to stay as calm as possible.
"I'm getting dressed, man. I'm...I'm getting dressed, yeah you're right." Darren said as he got up from the couch and pushed aside the paperwork he was looking at. "Hey I was looking through the released paperwork from (Y/N)'s case, and uhh....something's not adding up." Darren stated. "(Y/N) gets seven to ten years...right?...And...I've done my research...and the maximum sentence for this crime is........." Darren says, but his words were becoming blurred as Joey listened.
The guilt in Joey kept building up more and more. Until Joey couldn't take it anymore.
Joey exhaled. "Darren, I gotta tell you something..."

WEDDING MUSIC STARTS TO PLAY

Now's the big moment everyone was waiting for. When the music started to play, Darren's groomsmen came walking down the aisle. Next was Darren's best man who was, of course, Chuck. Then was Mia's bridesmaids, followed by her Maid of Honor, Mel. The cuteness level went through the roof when the flower girl and the ring bearer walked down the aisle. Finally, it was Mia's turn! The "Here Comes the Bride" song starts playing. Everyone stood up and turned to the front doors of the church. Escorting Mia was both her Mother and Father on either side of her. The whole time this was happening, Darren's mind was full of anger and rage. But he hid it well, being the actor that he was.
"Who gives this woman to be married with this man?" Father Ken Deasy asked.
"We do" Both Mia's mom and dad answered.
Then they took Mia’s hands putting it into Darren's hands. Everybody sat back down. Father Ken makes his usual wedding speech and announces that the couple has written their own vows. He goes on to saying that these vows are from the heart and will bind them together forever.
Mia goes first. "Darren...You are my heart and soul. I thank God for you every day. I promise to love you in sickness and in health. I promise to give myself only to you. And I promise to be honest...and to love you forever...and ever." Mia said getting a little emotional towards the end.
Darren was getting ready to explode. When he heard that last part about being honest, he wanted to burst out sarcastically laughing. But he held it together.
It was Darren's turn to say his vows. "Mia...I will always know that you are a wonderful woman. But you are a conniving...and a manipulating...human being...and you disgust me!" Darren said starting off sincere but later getting brutally honest. Everyone in the church gasped out loud.
Mia couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Da...Darren!" Mia gasped.
Darren turned away from his, what could have been, bride to be, and faced the guests. "Ladies and gentlemen...This beautiful insecure woman...that I refuse to marry...has been lying to me.. for far too long!" Darren announced to everybody in the church. After making his speech, Darren turns and walks over to Joey saying, "Thank you."
All Joey did was shake his head, but that was enough. Darren walks away from the alter. Mia being the controlling woman she is, tried to grab Darren back to try to change his mind. Darren just brushes her off and proceed to walk out the church. Mia gave Joey a look that could melt metal. Joey just acted as if someone was calling him and walked away.

CENTURY REGIONAL DETENTION FACILITY

I was in my cell, finishing my current book until out of nowhere, an officer walked into my cell.
"(Y/F/N), you have a visitor. A Mr. Darren Criss is here to see you." The officer said.
Wait.....what the hell? He's supposed to be with Mia...getting married. I followed the officer to the visitor room. I see Darren pacing the floors, still in his tux. Why was he here?
"Darren! What are you doing here? You're supposed to be getting married!" I said in a mad tone.
"Hey (Y/N), (Y/N). Come here...Come here." Darren said walking closer to me.
Darren grabs my face and pulls me in for a kiss. I gasped into the kiss because it totally took me by surprise.
"No touching!" The officer on guard ordered.
"Shut up, man!" Darren yelled with an attitude.
"What are you doing?" I asked in a very confused tone.
"I'm going to get you out of here, okay. I got to get you out of here, I'm going to take you home. You understand me?" Darren said with such determination.
"Wha...Wha...What are you talking about?" I questioned, still confused.
"I'm going to get you out of here. Mia is the last person in my life that I'm gonna let hurt you. I'm gonna be here for you. I'll help you kick that crap in the streets and all the other stuff...if it takes every breath in my body. You understand me?....I love you." Darren admitted.
I breathed a sigh of relief because I think.....I loved him too. I think I loved him the whole time. I think Darren is just realizing that too. He made a little chuckle and gave me another kiss, then embraced me in a hug.
The officer had to ruin the moment and yell, "No touching!" again.
Darren gave the officer a pissed off look.
"Ahh the heck with it." The officer said giving up.
Darren went back to hugging me.

CAFETERIA ~2 WEEKS LATER~

After professing each other's love for one another, being away from Darren was harder than before. He had come to visit every Friday, but only for a short period of time because he had to get back to work.
Most of our group of friends were downstairs in the cafeteria watching the news. Then an officer walked in and shut off the TV.
"What? Turn the TV on! We sittin' here watchin' that! What the hell's wrong with you?" Georgina yelled at the officer.
"(Y/F/N)." The officer called out. "There's been an investigation in the DA's office, that has led
to the overturning of your convictions...Get your things. You're going home." The officer announced.
Everyone cheered for me. I was still in shock.
"What?" I said turning to Lindsey.
"(Y/N), you're free! You're free! Go!" Lindsey cheered.
I packed all of my things, said good bye to all my friends, and was ready to leave. But wait....It feels like I'm missing something.....Lindsey.
"I told you someone had to trumped your charges." Lindsey said leaning on our,....well her cell door.
"I don't want to leave without you." I said in a sad tone, walking towards her.
"Nah, don't worry about me, girl...I'll be fine...I ain't got that long anyways!" Lindsey laughed, trying to cheer me up. "We'll see each other again soon!"
"Promise?" I questioned, holding my pinkie out.
"Promise!" Lindsey answered hooking her pinkie around mine.
Then we both hugged.

After passing through security, I walked out to find Darren standing the end of the hallway, waiting for me. Me and Darren's eyes meet as he holds out his arms signaling me to come to him. Being the little asshole that I was, I pretended to be disgusted and walk back into the jail.
"Hey!" Darren yelled from across the hallway, sounding betrayed.
I turned around and ran towards Darren laughed all the way to him. I jumped into his arms, wrapping my legs around his waist. He spun me around, as I screamed. He stops spinning and we kiss, turning our friendship into something greater.