For Us

Ew.

Just . . . ew.

Fuck, ew.

I mean, ew.

Porn . . . I didn’t get it. I didn’t understand why people sat behind computers masturbating to it. To me, it was pure education—aside from the fact I was a bit disturbed, I got what I needed to know.

Alright, yes. I knew the dick goes in the vagina, but there were so many things I had heard about positions and all kinds of weird shit that I just . . . way overanalyzed. After getting past the boring fifteen minute intro with the lame story as to why some whore decided to pay for her pizza with a blow job, you got to the educational parts that I just . . . only watched ten seconds of before I realized, nope. This shit came natural.

Slightly disturbed. Not gonna lie.

Once I was sure I had it under control—as sure as I could get anyways—I hopped into a hot shower. I was on edge, but the shower helped. It cleaned off all the ick from my sickness and relaxed the tense muscles inside my body.

Elli, stop fucking overanalyzing this shit. At least wait until Sean gets back to worry about it.

Somehow, I managed to shut out the fear and stopped worrying. I spent probably the entire hour bathing in some form or fashion. If I wasn’t showering, I was in a warm bath shaving. Literally.

When I got out and dried myself off, Sean still wasn’t home. So I got some lotion out of my bag and started rubbing it on my skin. Not really to make it softer because like my momma, I had naturally soft skin.

This was just because I liked to smell good.

I put on a clean pair of pajamas and just kinda watched some TV while waiting. I got through more than one TV show, which was weird considering Sean had said only like an hour, but I didn’t really think much about it.

About halfway through a Family Guy episode, my phone began ringing from back in the bedroom. I knew who it was, so I took off running back there and answered it before it went to my annoyingly chipper voicemail.

“Hello?”

“Hey there, beautiful,” Sean said back, voice so happy that I felt the warmth from it surging through my body. “I’m on my way back, finally. Sorry it took so long. Business sucks. Anyways, you need anything while I’m out?”

“No,” I murmured. “Still don’t need anything. Just hurry back? I’m kinda freaking out here all by myself.”

He laughed. “Okay, Sparks, but you do remember that people aren’t just allowed up there, right? They call you and ask you before just sending someone up there.”

“Yeah, well . . . .” But I didn’t really know what other excuse I could come up with to get him to hurry, so I kinda left it hanging there. “I’m hungry.”

“I think you’re on some kind of drugs,” he scoffed. “I’m on my way, and yes, I have food. Just wanted to make sure you didn’t need anything else.”

I pressed my lips together and began nervously rubbing my arm. “Uh, nope. I’m good.”

“Alright. I’ll see you soon. Bye.”

I think I said bye, but I was suddenly so overcome with fear and nervousness that I didn’t really have enough air to push it out enough. I hung up the phone and threw it onto the bed, my eyes wide as I started pacing.

Because pacing solves things, right?

How would I even begin to tell him? I think that was the most terrifying part of it all. After scarring myself with porn, I realized it would just come natural, but initiating it . . . how would that come about?

I had no idea, and that thought alone almost caused me to have a panic attack. It wasn’t like I could just get naked and—

Wait.

I slipped out of my clothes, put them back in my suitcase, and didn’t think about it again. Fuck, it was cold. Sean was gonna be here soon to, erm, warm me up, but that didn’t really help right then.

I walked back into the bathroom, and the temperature in there was at least ten degrees higher than the rest of the house. My body shivered at the change.

When I looked in the mirror, I noticed my hair looked a bit . . . out of place. It was natural and curly and all, but it didn’t look . . . like it should considering I was completely naked.

I messed around with it some, tried to add some volume to my roots so it looked “sexier,” but there was only so much I could do with it. So, I gave up after a minute or so and left the bathroom again, back into the icebox Sean called his house.

I didn’t have to freeze long, though. Right about the time I started second guessing my decision, the front door opened, and in came Sean. My heart pounded against my rib cage, and my throat felt a bit swollen . . . but I didn’t care. I shook with excitement—and I was cold, but you know, excitement was in there, too—and I took one step towards the living room.

Until I heard something . . . not right.

Sean was here, and he was talking to someone. Not just any someone, and it wasn’t on the phone either.

Norman had arrived back in town, and he was here to see me.

“Elli?” I heard Norman’s voice call back towards me. “You okay back there?”

Holy fuck.

I didn’t mean to squeak as I turned and bolted back for the bathroom, but I fucking squeaked. And of course they heard it and came to my rescue.

I managed to slam the door and bolt it shut before they got there, thank goodness, but I was fucking trapped.

Damn shit fucking bloody hell.

Did I miss any . . . ? Ass. Piss. Bastard?

Fuck it. This was bad, and to make matters worse, all of the fucking towels were dirty in Sean’s laundry room, waiting for him to wash them. I didn’t have clothes, and I had literally no way to get out. That is without being like, “Oh, hey, I’m just, you know, naked and all. No big deal.”

NO!

I shivered as my bare ass hit the cold floor, and almost immediately, I jumped back up and began pacing. “Uh . . . hey, Normy?”

“What the hell, Sparks?” Sean asked. “Are you okay? Open up.”

“Uh . . . I can’t,” I tried, but it was stupid and pointless. “Okay, fine. I won’t. Erm . . . .”

My phone had never looked as beautiful as it did sitting on the bathroom counter, in all of its Samsung Galaxy S4 glory. I think I squeaked again as I picked it up, and immediately, I unlocked it and began a hasty text to Stella.

EMERGENCY. SEAN’S PLACE. HELP!!!!

My face disappeared behind my hands as I leaned against the mirror because fuck had this backfired. An attempt to be, well, spontaneous and, you know, be able to initiate sex without having to have a nervous breakdown about it . . . it just blew up in my face.

And I was red all over. Cold was no longer an issue.

“What the actual fuck are you doing, El?” Norman asked, and he actually started knocking on the door.

“Erm, well . . . you see, it’s a not-so-funny funny story that, erm, I’m sure I’ll laugh about in ten years,” I muttered, and I just hid my face again.

Not like it mattered. Neither were in here.

“Seriously, Elli, are you okay?” Sean murmured. “You were acting funny earlier, too. Uh, you okay?”

“Elli, are you pregnant?”

I knew Norman was kidding, but just the thought made my eyes burn. Made my cheeks flush as anger surged through me. “No! Fuck, Norm, that’s not even—no! I hate you.”

Norman just laughed while I’m sure Sean rolled his eyes at him, and I just curled into a fetal position on the floor again. “Come on, El. I know, I know. You’re a virgin. Not possible.”

My face felt like someone had set it on fire. “Leave me alone, Norman!”

“Come on, Elli,” Sean whispered. “Seriously, dear, what’s wrong? Just tell me you’re alright. I’m worried about you.”

“I’m okay,” I promised. “I’m just fine. I . . . can’t explain why I’m locked in the bathroom.”

“I’m sure we’ll laugh about it in ten years,” Norman said, an attempt to lighten the mood.

Strangely enough, it worked, and I almost smiled. “Not if Stella kills you first.”

Sean laughed at that whereas Norman didn’t say anything, not for a few seconds anyways. I could hear him breathing, but I think this confused him.

“Why would she—?”

The front door slung open, and if I didn’t know who it was, I would’ve been even more freaked out about my situation than I already was. But alas, I knew the doorman would only let one person up at this point . . . .

“What’s the emergency?!” Stella exclaimed.

Norman actually gasped. “Oh shit!”

“Emergency?” Sean asked.

I carefully unlocked the door and cracked it just enough I could look at Stell, whose eyes were wide. “Sorry! I made it out to be worse than it actually was. Erm . . . come here?”

“Fuck, El, I was on my way to work,” she groaned, but she stepped through the bathroom door with a sigh. “What is going on?”

I stood up so I could whisper in her ear. “Long story short, I’m stuck in here with no clothes or towel. Could you possibly get them to go away so I could, you know, run in Sean’s room and grab something?”

She looked a bit confused, but I think she knew what she had to do. She slipped back out of the bathroom and sighed. “Girl’s done gone and lost her mind. Hey. There’s, like, some random chick running around the stairwell butt ass naked.”

Sean sighed. “Casey’s at it again, I see. She gets drunk and does that a lot. No one ever complains about it, so she hasn’t been kicked out yet.”

My eyes were wide, and I’m sure Stella’s were too. Attempt to get them to leave backfired as quickly as my plan to tell Sean I wanted sex without words did.

“Uh, well, I think we should go help her to her room,” she tried. “She could barely get up the stairs when I passed her.”

“Nah, don’t worry,” Sean said. “Her husband will come get her soon.”

What . . . ?

“Okay then,” Stella huffed. “Well . . . let’s go eat. I’m starved. That pizza smelled great! What kinds did you get?”

“Cheese and ham and bacon,” Sean answered, but he didn’t really seem to be too focused on that question. “I’m not going anywhere until Elli comes out.”

“Well, she can’t until you go somewhere,” Stella said. “At least Norman . . . .”

“You’re not really helping anymore,” I grumbled.

Stella snorted. “Yeah, well, I ran out of ideas. Now, if you want her to come out, shoo.”

“Why can’t I stay?” Norman was beyond confused, and honestly, I wasn’t surprised at all. It was Norman, after all. “I’m confused.”

“Come on, Reedstein,” Sean sighed. “Let’s go get some pizza.”

Poor Sean. I’m pretty sure he knew exactly why Norman couldn’t stay, and from the sound of his voice, I knew he wanted to stay. Yet he couldn’t because Reedus wasn’t gonna understand or leave if he did.

If Norman understood, trust me. He’d high tail his ass out of there.

Stella opened the door wide and smirked. “There ya go. Now, I’ve gotta get to work. Behave yourself? And remember. If you’re gonna stand around naked, make sure you have clothes to change into first?”

“Yeah, thanks,” I muttered, and I very quickly slipped past her and into the bedroom, where I pulled on my pajamas faster than I think I ever had in my entire life.

Stella walked with me into the kitchen, but she left after that. Sean and Norman weren’t paying any attention to me until I stepped in there, and when they did, my face was as red as the sauce on Norm’s mouth.

“Erm . . . have you ever tried ham and bacon with pineapples? If you pick off the pineapples, it leaves this flavor that’s just to die for.”

Sean’s lips pressed together. “Huh. That’s an interesting thought.”

I took a bite of the ham and bacon pizza and didn’t say anything else. My eyes wouldn’t meet Norman’s, and they sure as hell wouldn’t meet Sean’s. That motherfucker knew I was naked back there, knew that—oh wait.

My plan only went awry. It didn’t really backfire. Sean still knew what I wanted, and I didn’t have to say it.

Well . . . this worked out nicely. Aside from the humiliating and tense five minutes spent in the bathroom.

Sean was looking at me, but the way he looked at me made my heart flutter. He wasn’t just watching, making sure I was okay.

No. There was a fire in his eyes I recognized, something I had seen the last time things almost got carried away. I knew exactly what Sean was thinking, so very impatiently even, I ate my pizza and avoided eye contact with anyone.

“Fuck, I’m out!” Norman exclaimed out of what seemed like nowhere. “You two just . . . ew. I’m gonna be sick. We’ll hang tomorrow, it seems. Don’t . . . ew.”

And the fucker took the box of cheese pizza with him as he ran out the front door and up the stairs towards his condo.

Oh, now he gets it.