For Us

*Sean*
Norman was passed out in the chair while I played Xbox nestled next to Elli, waiting on Stella to get back home. I hadn’t drank as much as I had let on, but I still wasn’t sure driving was the best idea.

Besides, I had to talk to her . . . .

It was probably around four when she came in, and by the look on her face, I realized just which job she came in from.

Ash didn’t hesitate to run across the room and nearly attack her in excitement. The poor girl was about to start crying because she worried, too. Coming in that late seemed to always scare Ash.

Stella noticed me sitting there, still wide awake, and raised her eyebrows. “You okay?”

“Are you?”

“I worked the bar tonight,” she said, and I felt a bit of relief. Only a bit because that didn’t exactly mean she had a good night. “It was a slow one. Now, your turn.”

I shook my head. “I don’t know, Stell . . . I’m not sure what to think, really.”

“If it’s about Reedus, it’s nothing,” she sighed. “You know how Elli is. She just doesn’t realize how what she’s doing might look to someone else.”

I felt the air rush out of my lungs, but I couldn’t really focus on anything. Couldn’t think straight. Maybe it was the buzz from the alcohol, but I didn’t really think so.

“What if it’s not her I’m worried about?”

Stella rolled her eyes. “You had her first, bro. Norman will understand, but I don’t think it’s like that. Elli’s still stuck on you.”

My eyebrows furrowed. “Uh huh. She was never stuck on me to begin with. There’s no ‘still’ here.”

“You’re a fucking dumbass,” she informed me. “How can you be so blind to what’s right in front of you? She fucking adores you, Sean, and you want proof? She hasn’t dated anyone since you left.”

“She’s been busy,” I said. “I haven’t dated much either.”

Stella’s eyes narrowed. “She’s had a few parts in TV shows here and there. Never anything major.”

I knew why she was glaring at me, and really, I deserved it, but what could I do? I guess I could tell her, but I didn’t really see the point. Nothing was gonna happen.

“I’ll take care of it,” I promised her, but she didn’t look convinced. “Fuck, Stell, trust me. I’ll take care of it.”

“Take care of what?” I heard Norman groan from the chair. “You okay, Sean?”

That man . . . he was the best brother I never had. So loyal, so ready to jump and fucking take a bullet for me . . . and it worked both ways. We’d do anything for each other, go anywhere for each other.

We’d never do anything to hurt each other, not intentionally, and if we did, we’d fucking stop what we were doing and make it disappear. But how could I tell him? I mean, he clearly didn’t think it was anything, but he called her babe. They fucking lived together. Where is that nothing?

That’s what Norman would say, though. It was just nothing, friendship, so I wouldn’t be upset. So I could have her.

But could I? Sure, I knew her and loved her first, but if Norman loved her now, I couldn’t blame the guy, but could I even be with her?

My life had changed from the moment I met her. Everything changed. All my dreams, desires—it all changed. I wanted a family. I wanted to act. I wanted to make something of myself.

I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life. Marry the shit outta her and live happily ever after.

“I’m fine, Reedus,” I sighed. “Go back to sleep.”

“No way, brother,” he said, and he sat up too quickly. His eyes had to adjust, but he let them after rubbing the sleep from his face. “What’s wrong?”

Stella’s eyebrows rose, and she placed one hand on her hip, waiting to see what I did, what I said. What could I say? I don’t like you hanging out with Elli? I think you’re too close?

It wasn’t my place to decide that. Even if she was mine, it wasn’t my place. She was allowed to have guy friends, same as I had Stella.

But was it different?

Either way, I shook my head and took a deep breath. “Just got a lot on my mind. I wasn’t expecting this to happen when you told me she was coming back.”

“Yeah, well, that’s what you get for trying to avoid the obvious,” she snorted. “I’m guessing the empty Jack bottle explains why her ass is passed out on the couch and why you fucks are still here. I’ll get you some pillows and blankets. I don’t care what you sleep in; just make sure you’re not naked.”

“Sean can sleep with Elli,” Norman teased, smirking when he saw my eyes light up.

I just knew they had. That was what I wanted, and not just in the sexual way. Being able to keep her safe and warm . . . the girl needed that in her life.

And maybe that was Norman. Maybe he was what she wanted, not me. I mean, they already lived together. He called her babe. Clearly there was something there anyways. Why force us if she didn’t want us to exist?

But did Norman want that? As often as he teased about Elli and me, it felt like he didn’t. He would do that, though, act like he didn’t care for her to make me happy.

Maybe I needed to do the same. Maybe I needed to act like I had moved on with my life so what should be happened.

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, right. She’d wake up and start screaming bloody murder. Probably hit me, too.”

“We should wait ‘til she’s sober, true,” he agreed, and he plopped back down in the chair.

“I’ll get the pillows and blankets,” Stella said, and she walked carefully out of the living room with Ash happily following behind her.

I walked over to the couch and started to pick Elli up, but she jolted awake before I could. Her eyes were barely open, but she was kinda sitting up, kinda still laying down. It didn’t look comfortable in the slightest, but she didn’t notice much.

She noticed me, however, and she got a big smile. “Hey there, gorgeous. What are you doing?”

Her slurred voice was a bit amusing, but I didn’t laugh more than a small snort. “I’m taking you to bed.”

“Okay, sounds fun,” she purred, and she actually reached for my belt again.

Dear goodness, this was maddening. Fucking torture is what it was. This was the fucking love of my life grabbing my belt, trying to fuck me . . . and I was supposed to somehow say no? Pretend that it wasn’t exactly what I wanted to do?

Yes. I was.

“Not what I meant, sweetheart,” I whispered, and I placed a soft kiss on her forehead before carefully pulling her bridal style into my arms. “I’m taking you to your bed.”

She pouted and tried to open her eyes, but it just didn’t work. “Well that’s no fun.”

“You can’t even open your eyes,” I laughed. “And you think you’re up for sex? Not with me, Sparks. You need all the energy you can get.”

She smirked. “You’ll have to show me someday.”

“We’ll talk when you’re sober.”

For some reason, that made her giggle. “But talking when I’m sober is so lame. Neither of us say what we’re really thinking.”

This piqued my curiosity, but I waited until she was on her bed and uselessly trying to pull the covers over herself to respond. “Well, what are you thinking then?”

A huge smile fell on her lips. “I’m thinking you’re one of the most attractive people in the world. My mind goes bananas when you’re around. I can’t really imagine what my life would’ve been like if I hadn’t met you, hadn’t met the one person on the planet I think God made for me. Cause that’s what I think, Boo Bear. You were made for me, as I was made for you.”

Fuck, really? Fucking little angel fucking said the exact fucking words I fucking wanted her to say. Everything I wanted to hear.

But was it real? Maybe it was stupid to believe it wasn’t, but how could I believe it was? There’s the saying that a drunk mind speaks for the sober heart, but I knew some cases where that wasn’t true.

She couldn’t even cover herself up, though. How could she just make that shit up?

I shouldn’t have let my curiosity get the better of me. Really, it only made things worse because what would I fucking do now? Reedus loved this girl. I loved this girl. She loved me? What did that mean?

How could I let my brother have the girl that I love if she loves me in return? If her feelings were really as she said they were?

Fuck.

I started to stand once she was nice and tucked in, but of course, she grabbed ahold of my arm to stop me. It wasn’t the first time she was drunk and begged me to stay, but I think it would be the first time I didn’t.

“Please stay with me, Sean? It makes waking up with a hangover so much better.”

“I can’t, Sparks,” I whispered. “Just get some sleep, alright?”

“But then I can’t hope for a split second we had drunk sex,” she breathed. “That we had a reason to work out our issues . . . .”

This caught me off guard, enough that I didn’t take the chance I had to slip away from her tight grip on my arm. “What?”

She giggled. “Oops. I never told you that, huh? Well, I’d always wake up hoping we had sex. Because if we did, we’d be forced to talk to each other and work out our issues.”

“If you wanted to work things out so bad, why didn’t you just say something?”

“Because I was scared,” she said. “Scared that maybe I was wrong. That you didn’t think you were meant for me. That you would reject me, or you didn’t wanna be with me.”

“From the moment I saw you, I just wanted to be with you,” I whispered, and I realized then that I had no idea whether I would stay or not. Could I walk away from her?

It didn’t matter. I had to, for Norman.

I kissed her forehead again and climbed onto the bed beside her, loving the huge smile that she got when I did. My heart must’ve been skipping a hundred beats because it was suffocating me at the rate it was going.

While she curled up in my lap, I let my fingers softly trace circles on her face. It didn’t even take a minute before she was out cold again.

Every part of my body ached as I slipped out from under her and put her head on her pillow. She didn’t open her eyes, didn’t even mumble. Just laid there and breathed.

So beautiful . . . Elli wasn’t a stressed person. She was fucking terrified of everything, but she wasn’t stressed. Spider? She’ll flip her shit and then be over it as soon as it’s gone. Not dead—no, you can’t kill it, or her heart will break. But somehow, you’ve gotta get the fucker away from her and out of her sight without harming it.

She was crazy, borderline psychotic sometimes, but she was the only thing in the world I wanted. With the sunrise just moments away, there wasn’t any angelic light shining on her face, like in all the movies.

She didn’t need all of that. Light or no light, she was an angel.

And I had to walk away.