From Under the Cork Tree

The flirting stopped once Pete got on stage. Beatz, Rae and I stood in the crowd, letting all the people who were big fans go ahead of us. The camera men told us to look excited, they were warming up the crowd until the band actually started to play. The played Sugar We're Goin' Down first, with some funny intro from Pete. The crowd screamed and downed around as the cameras panned over them; I made sure to stay out the way. Then, they played Dance, Dance, and then a song with a long title that I had forgotten.

By the end of it, which wasn't very long at all, we all returned backstage. Joe and Beatz continued talking while Andy and Rae were off by themselves, talking secretly -I guess they were becoming friendlier with one another. Pete, Patrick and myself got some water and I listened to them tell me stories about their time on the road.

I really liked talking to them, they were funny, and the flirtation was gone. Pete was actually a sweet guy, he was protective over his friends, he told me all the things he's done to protect Patrick from critics and judgmental figures around. I really admired that, I was the same way, but somehow, I could see and sense the people close to Pete meant more to him than himself.

There was something else about him that irked at me. It wasn't bad, it was the notion that he was either hiding something or he wasn't being entirely himself around me. I didn't judge him for that, I was just curious as to why he was open, but yet shied away from me. I never pushed him or questioned him, I was slightly worried that something was bothering him. I wanted to ask him, but we never got a chance to be alone; the band had to leave a little over an hour later.

Rae rode home with me and Beatz; she stayed over that night. She and I ate ice cream and watched Texas Chainsaw Massacre while Beatz caught up on sleep. Rae had been unusually quiet, her mind seemed lost; I had an idea that she was thinking about Andy.

"You fancy Andy, don't ya?" I asked.

Rae giggled, "Fancy? You sound like me."

"I spend enough time with you," I said. "So, you guys are a thing now?"

Rae blushed, even in the glow of the TV and the darkened room around us, I could see her cheeks burning. I shoved her playfully, "C'mon, you two a thing?"

She hummed, grinning, "Yeah...I guess...I mean, he did ask me to stay over when he returns back from tour. You know we get those few weeks off in August; he invited me to hang out in Milwaukee."

"That's cute!" I gushed, "He's your boyfriend!"

Rae shrugged, "Maybe...I dunno, we're just havin' fun."

I backed off, "Okay, okay. I'm incredibly excited for you. No labels, just have fun with Andy, he's your type."

"Ya think?" She blushed again.

"Of course. He's quiet and he talks quiet like you...he has tattoos, like you. He's into you and you're into him."

"I don't want to fall too hard," Rae reflected softly. "I'm not moving too fast, right?"

"No, not unless you got married tomorrow," I joked, "you're moving at a nice pace. He's a nice guy, you're a nice girl; I sense fireworks," I gave her a cheek grin.

Rae grinned, her head down, so she was smiling to herself. I could see she was beyond happy, she was ready for this, I just knew it. I patted her shoulder, "I'm happy for you, Rae."

"Thanks," she looked at me now, "I'm just as happy for you and Beatz."

I leaped over and hugged her, "Thanks love!"


As the weeks passed, I dreaded the moment Beatz would leave. I spent all my time with him, and of course we talked about the wedding, we just hadn't picked a date. He wanted it to be all red and white, I agreed, mostly because I didn't even care; he could've picked any colors and I'd be happy. I was marrying the love of my life, my best friend, the one guy who makes me happy just by calling or looking at me. Beatz is the one I wanted, who I knew I'd be with until we were both 6 feet under.

It always bugged me when he left for tour. Not in a bad way, I would get sad and sulk for a few days, but then he would call and I'd be my normal self again. This time that he was leaving, I felt something bothering me even more than usual. I pushed it out of my head and helped him pack, then I was driving him to the airport to meet up with his bandmates, they were all flying to Texas to start Warped Tour. We spent the morning packing his things, fooling around, and then getting ice cream.

My stomach was in knots by the time we were in the car heading to LAX. I hated the way I felt, I thought I was being so selfish. Beatz had noticed my quiet demeanor and the way I kept scolding myself. He took ahold of my hand, "What's wrong, Lus?" He asked.

I looked over at him, then at the stalling LA traffic, "I don't know...something's bugging me, but I don't know what it is."

Beatz frowned softly, "You don't want me to go?"

I shook my head, "Yes and no, but it's something more. I don't know, it's annoying."

The traffic thinned and I started driving again; Beatz let my hand go and rubbed my knee, "You worried about me?"

"No, I know you can handle yourself. Maybe I'm nervous or something," I muttered flatly. "I'll be okay, B, don't worry."

"I don't want you to be sad."

I smiled at him, "I'm not gonna be sad...I mean, I will, but it's not gonna last more than a week. I'll miss you, that's all. Maybe I have indigestion."

He laughed, "You needa cool it with the junk food."

"No way."

Beatz chuckled, then began to flip through my CDs to find something to jam to. I drove, listening to whatever he was playing; I laughed though when I heard his band's self titled album. He began to mine playing the drums and head banging; I couldn't stop smiling, knowing that I loved him more than I loved anyone.

Once we got to the airport, I parked and waited with him at the terminal. Again, my stomach was in knots while waiting, and then when his gate was called I felt like throwing up. Beatz pulled me into a tight hug and kissed me, "I love you, Angelus. I'll call you when we land."

I exhaled, "I love you too...you don't have to rush 'n' call, okay?"

He nodded, "Okay. Drive safe, 'nd don't cry."

We parted, I smiled up at him, "Have a safe trip."

He winked at me, then trailed behind his bandmates. The guys blew mocking kisses at the both of us, prompting Beatz to flip them off. I just waved and shook my head; I watched them disappear into the tunnel and then waited as the door shut.

My stomach didn't settle; I stayed until the play took off down the runaway and into the clear, sunny sky. It was funny, by the time it was gone, my stomach settled and I was able to leave.