Apartment 4C

Being alone was one of the things Alfie hated most in the world. It was one of the reasons he went travelling in the first place. His parents didn’t approve of him dropping out of college, and made it pretty obvious he wasn’t welcome at home, so exploring the world, meeting all those new and exciting people really filled that void. And coming to Chicago initially meant he was always with his grandma. But then he didn’t have her and he knew no-one else in Chicago, until he met Jake. Perfect wonderful Jake. With Jake, he felt like he meant something, like he was useful again, and it was an amazing feeling to have someone want him around again.

But then that all went to shit in the space of, what, a week?

To see the one person he needed most to make him feel worthwhile with someone else, no matter how creepy and unwanted the guy was, had triggered something inside Alfie, something he hadn’t felt since his parents had all-but-thrown-him-out, and he’d thrown up walls like concrete shields without being able to help it. And before he could break himself out of those walls, he’d already lost Jake.

And now he didn’t know what to do with himself. He no longer had Jake to spend his evenings with, no longer had Friday night movie-and-take-out with Jake and his friends, and he was lonely. He hadn’t realised just how lonely he could get, to be honest, and this felt like rock bottom. How pathetic was he that at 25, he genuinely had no friends? Wow.

And that only made him feel worse. Alfie hated that everything blew up with Jake, he really did, but he hated not feeling smart enough even more. He dropped out of college because he didn’t feel smart enough – he didn’t need that with a partner too. He didn’t need to feel undermined and stupid every time he was around Jake and his friends, and he just couldn’t deal with that. So he would have to deal with this reality instead.

*

Alfie was moping at work a couple of weeks after the break-up, not quite May yet, and it was a pretty rubbish night so far. The bar and grill wasn’t all that busy, so he didn’t even have a steady flow of work to fill his thoughts.

A loud chorus of laughter walked through the door, making Alfie lift his head, before he groaned. Elliot. Of course Jake’s friend Elliot would be here. He’d seen Elliot in here before with people that weren’t Jake and Gabe, so it only made sense that he’d appear sometime again.

And of course Elliot would choose to come straight over to him, scowling.

“He’s not here, if that’s what you’re wondering. And he’s not coming later either,”

Was he really that obviously thinking about Jake?

“Oh, um…”

“Save it. I’ll have four beers,” Elliot snapped.

Alfie just nodded (what else could he do?!) and silently uncapped the bottles.

“You’ve really hurt Jake, you know that right?” Elliot said sharply.

Great. So they were doing this.

“I didn’t mean to. But seeing him with that guy stirred up old insecurities. And on top of that I hate feeling stupid, and I always feel stupid around him,” Alfie blurted.

Wow. That really did spill out without warning. Way to go Alfie. Idiot.

“Jesus, you’re as fucked up as he said you would be,” Elliot muttered.

Was he meant to hear that?

“Look, I’m only saying this because at one point you actually made Jake really happy, okay?” Elliot sighed.

Alfie just nodded, trying not to look as confused as he felt, or as hopeful.

“Jake doesn’t care that you’re not as book smart – yesterday he told Gabe and I that he thinks you’re perfect because you’ve seen the world, that you’ve picked up knowledge about other cultures and people just by seeing them with your own eyes, not through books,”

“He does?” Alfie frowned.

“Yeah, he does. He’s still so gone over you, dude, and it’s heartbreaking,”

Alfie swallowed heavily, trying to rid himself of the lump rising in his throat. He couldn’t do this now, not at work, not in front of Elliot.

“Clearly, you’re still a mess over him too. He cares about you so much, and it’s killing him that you broke up with him over something that could easily be fixed if you actually just talked to each other,” Elliot frowned.

“I…”

“The kicker is, Jake didn’t want me to tell you this because he doesn’t think he’s worth it,”

This only made Alfie frown too. He didn’t even care that Elliot interrupted him. Jake thought he wasn’t worth it?

“But he is worth it,” Alfie said softly, “He is the sweetest, smartest, nicest guy I’ve ever met,”

“Then prove it,” Elliot shrugged.

“How…”

“Not up to me, Alfie,” Elliot said simply, “you’ve got to fix it from here,”

Alfie just huffed out a breath. Yeah, okay, so Elliot was right. He had to fix it. He had to fix it if Elliot thought there was something still there to fix.

“These 4 are on the house right? Great, see you later,” Elliot said, grinning.

Asshole.

But Alfie couldn’t help but smile as Elliot walked away, a flicker of hope igniting in his chest. If all wasn’t lost for him and Jake, there was no way he was letting this opportunity go.