The Seventh One

I remember one time. 
It was September. A nice warm day, the sun was high and the sky a cloudless blue. The grass woven around my toes was cool and bright. The trees loaded up with leafs. Slowly turning yellow and so fourth. It was a perfect day. I was wearing my mothers favorite dress. It was white, soft and cottony. Warm in the sunlight, Jess had gotten me to wear it. Despite how much I hate dresses and skirts, I was wearing it now in our dream meadow. Our hands linked on the grass as he sat beside me. His expression much the same. Awe for the world we lived in and the meadow surrounding us. I breathed in the warm air. It was sweet all the same. It always was here in our dream meadow. Of course this place was real and no work of fiction. But however I... I believed that it was so beautiful here that it had to be fiction. I looked over at his face. Young and smooth in her youth. He'd gotten back from the army some punch of days ago. And I've loved him unconditionally since then. He was the perfect boyfriend. He was quiet, didn't talk about his family much. Which all had been killed in a car accident when he was young. He spoke of things of interest to him. He wasn't boring. In fact he is the most interesting man I know. So full of life and intelligence. It saddened my heart to know he wandered for so long alone. We had shared a relationship a full six months before he joined the army. And it's been strong since. As long as I love him, he will never be alone. Thats a promise...
He ducked his head to planted a kiss on my cheek.
“I love you Amy Keller...” he whispered. Still leaning towards me, his words smooth. I don't think I could ever word it properly, but I think I love him more.
I smiled and leaned in to kiss him back
“I love you more Jessie Scott.” 
He smirked. Brushing his dirty blond hair off his forehead and looking up at the sun.
“I know. And you know what Amy? You know how you can love someone who's no good for you? Everyone says he or she is bad for you and you just can't see it because you love them so much...?” he was very thoughtful as he spoke. Looking down and plucking dandelions from the patch around us. He was being serious. Which is odd for Jessie. Who is usually a total joker. I couldn't see it in him. He's my everything, I can't imagine his being my nightmare...

I can sure as fuck see it now! He is supposed to be dead. I saw his still body myself. I brushed his arm with my fingertips to feel how cold and emotionless it was. How cold and distant he had become. I'd lost him. My Jessie. To unknown circumstances. I never really knew the cause of his death. But I knew he was dead...! This makes no sense. Then again nothing does anymore. Every clue... I feel so lost now. Like I cant even start. He smiled.

“Miss me?” he said cheekily. A big smug grin on his face. He spoke as if there was no distance of life and death between us and that we weren't standing in some old crypt below the basement of our dream house. Like he couldn't see the fear in my eyes. He's not real... He's dead. I know it I know it. He can't really be standing there before me. I hesitantly reached out and brushed my fingers against his forearm to be sure. My fingers didn't sink through or disappear in his flesh like I'd expected. I had no emotions left to pour out over his return. Only to grieve that it couldn't have just ended when it did. Not have my paranormal husband back from the dead... It's not normal.
He caught my hand firmly in his “Amy.” he paused looking into my eyes “It's ok. I'm really here. I'm not going to leave again, oh no no no baby, it's ok. It's ok.” I hadn't noticed the tears seeping silently down my cheeks in icy clear ribbons of glassy emotions.
He pulled me tightly into his chest. Hugging me tightly to him like I was some kind of life line. I breathed him in, he didn't smell dead. In fact, he smelled the same as I remember. The sweet smell of mint, tree bark and cinnamon. 
I breathed it all in in one deep breath. Pausing and listening for the sign... Of course it was there. He had a heartbeat. Smooth rhythm beating in his chest.
I pulled away because to many questions lingered to just begin loving him again. 
“You're dead Jess.” I whispered firmly. I would know, I had to hold in gallons of tears as they set his urn in the dirt.
He pursed his lips. Either he was trying to find a good way to word it or a good way to lie about it. He couldn't lie to me, he never had before.
He took a deep breath before taking a half step back. All traces of humor gone from his face. It was just cold. Blank with the horror I'll come to face.

“I know.” he whispered. Looking down “I should be. But I'm not. I cam back for you Amy. I'm alive again. I'm ok, everything is going to be fine.”

I couldn't think of anymore words or just call out on him for being a liar. He was being totally honest with me. Coming clean that he was dead. Or at least should be. But heaven only knows why he's not.

“Come on.” he said while smiling softly. “Let's get out of here. This place gives me the creeps.” he shuttered for effect and grabbed my hand shamelessly in his and led me towards the ladder that would lead out of this hell hole. I gratefully began climbing. Suddenly certain that I was ok, everything would be ok now. But everything around me seemed to have a thing for crashing in on me. So it's safe to say nothing can be trusted. We climbed out behind the painting and landed in the kitchen. The room brighter as the sun rose.

“Here.” he said while pulling out my chair from the table “Let's chat.” he dropped into his chair across from me. Now I got a good look at him, he was wearing the same clothes he had been five years ago the last day I'd seen him alive. Happy and smiling. But his face held something dark that he had no intentions of sharing with me.
He held my hands across the table. Much like he had on that day. I blanked out into my own little world of memories.

September 15th 2008

I finished breakfast. But he was in such a hurry. Not to get his things together so he could get to work. But to look at me. He kept stealing glances at me like I was the prize behind door number 1 and he had chose door number two and wanted me more. The thing is he looked like he'd actually miss me today. It's not like it was our first day apart. He was just really anxious and leapt at the sound of a pin clattering on the kitchen tile. I laughed at him a lot that morning as I prepared his eggs for breakfast. He ate them in a heartbeat and stole more glances. He had fifteen minutes before he had to leave. It was a Friday. A little overcast. But it was decent out, and Jess would only work a half day today and he'd be back at three. Id miss him a lot during that time.

“You're going to be late.” I laughed while cleaning up the pan from breakfast. Scrubbing it in the sink.

His eyes flashed to me like I'd said some undesirable word. Then he hopped out of his chair and wrapped his arms tight around my waist. I laughed and finished wiping down the pan and set it in the dishwasher before turning to face him. 

“Ok.” he whispered while looking down at me. “Ok.” he repeated “I'll see you... Later.” 

I noticed that he said it uncertainly. But brushed it off and gave him a kiss. Another hug and called out a third 'I love you' while he walked towards the door. Opening it and disappearing outside with one more glance over at me.

At the time I didn't really think about that being his normal behavior. He was never that jumpy. I shrugged and turned back to cleaning the rest of the dishes in the sink. Scrubbing them down and rinsing then setting them in the dishwasher. When that was down, I leaned against the counter looking around the room. I suppose it looked much the same then as it does now, but we'd only been in that house two years. It was fairly new to us.
I decided to bake that day, I don't really know why but don't knock on me for it. I mixed the batter in a clear plastic bowl on the counter while the stereo in the corner poured out the music from my favorite CD. the Beatles; Rubber Soul. Regardless of how many eras of good music I'd seen come and go and how many other musical interests I have had since then, but still I always revert back to square one. Billie had given me a few Green Day demos for previous Christmas's and I still have them all on display, he'd get real proud about that when he'd come into my house and see them. I smiled and chuckled at the memory. Silvery and perfect.
I had the last batch of cookies in the oven and it was eleven. So I did screw around a bit much during that time, but no matter, I've got plenty of time to wrap it up. I went and found a book on the broad bookshelf against the wall in the living room. It was one from Jess's collection. One of those turn of the century novels. I grabbed it and sat lazily on the couch. Getting lost in the chapters logged with brilliant word patterns. I turned the page to chapter four and glanced up at the clock, declaring that it was one thirty already. I shrugged and read two more chapters then wrenched the book out of my own hands and setting it on the coffee table. Getting up from the nice white couch to go find something productive to do. In the kitchen I found a few more dishes to shove into the new load and also a fresh load of dripping dishes to be put away. The clear cups, bowls and plates and the chrome spoons, forks and knifes. Then the big pan I had used this morning earned itself a chance to get shove violently to the back of the cupboard because it wouldn't fit any other way. I breathed a sigh of relief when that was done. Then turned around and walked around the house to find the vacuum so I could touch up on the carpets throughout the house. I began with me and Jess's room and then the two guest rooms and then to the living room. I was just hauling the vacuum into the kitchen to vacuum the tiles and wood floor when I looked at the clock again. Two thirty. I became joyous, Jessie would be back soon. As retarded and old-school as that sounds, that'd how I've always been. To miss his absence. I decided that there would be nothing left in the house to do, so I went back to the living room and sat back down on the same white couch as before. Picking up the book from the coffee table and began to read again from the beginning of chapter six...

Lord knows that I didn't need to read and slouch that long. Oh well, I stretched my arms high above my head guiltily. Looking around the room as it was drenched in orange sunlight From the back windows in the kitchen that faced the west. I spared another look at the clock. Three forty five. 
That was odd, Jess had never been late home. Not by 45 minutes. I squinted at the clock to be sure, then figured he must just be running late because of traffic. This is indeed California... I waited around. Trying to stay calm when the minutes passed without signal of his return. I was getting fidgety. Then the phone rang in the empty silence. Scaring the living piss out of me. I hopped out of my chair and grabbed the phone.

“Hello?”

“Hello. Is this Amy Scott?” the voice almost sounded automated. A real human voice, just worn and repetitive from giving the same news to everyone with the same call.

“Yes.”
There was a slight pause.
“And is your husband Jessie Scott?”

Talk about being nosey...
“Erm, yes he is.”

“Well this is nurse Carrie at the Oakland hospital and your husband is here. We think it's best if you come immediately.”

“Okay.” I whispered weakly and the line went dead. Something inside me did too.
Without a pause, I grabbed my jacket and slammed my feet down into the first pair of boots I found at the door. Snatched my keys and went sprinting outside. Hopping into my car without missing a beat and backed out flying for the hospital while the worst thoughts played in my head, he worked at a mill somewhere around the Redwood Regional park. He didn't work in the park itself but somewhere remotely close to it. I'd never been there because he insisted that it wasn't nessecary. 

So I began to think of all the possible scenarios. And they became heart wrenching to be honest. I had no time to cry. He'll be ok... He'll be ok...
I parked swiftly and sprinted towards the double doors and shoved through them. My heart racing as I reached the front desk. Slamming my sweaty palms down on the counter.

“I'm Amy Scott, I'm here to see my husband. Jessie Scott.” I said hastily. Flashing anxious looks around me hoping to see him appear out of nowhere like he liked doing.

The nurse nodded sagely and pointed a finger to a tall doctor.

“Go speak with Dr. Roy.” she instructed softly. While I tripped over my own feet to get to him.
He seemed slightly amused by the time I reached him. So that tells me that he saw my crazy run down the hall...

“Dr. Roy?”

He nodded “You must be Amy Scott.” he shook my hand.

“Where's Jessie?” I asked breathlessly.

He pursed his lips into a thin line “Miss Scott, I need to speak to you about his condition.”
Oh crap... I thought. Crap crap crap...
I merely nodded and he lead me down the hall stopping in front of two chrome double doors.

“Amy. Your husband Jessie isn't going to recover from this.”

I looked at him in confusion “What? What's wrong with him?” 

He looked at me sadly “I'm sorry for your loss.” he finally said.

Loss? What?... Jess is a trooper. He's fine and this guy is just messing with me.
“What? Loss of what?” I choked out. It couldn't be true. Dear Lord don't let it be true...

“Jessie has passed.” he said in a gravely tone.

Every drop of blood froze in my veins. I couldn't breath nor react or do anything. I felt empty like I just wanted to scream at him for being a liar. Though I knew damn well that he wasn't. For the first time ever. Every part of me was begging he was a liar. And no one wants a lair. But right now I wish he was one.
I couldn't make myself feel the right emotions to suit the problem. It's like I had heard the news. But.. Somehow I wasn't comprehending it. Like it was impossible for me to understand. It was of another language.

“I want to see him.” I whispered before I even had time to think about it. He looked at me sadly and without another word led me through the double doors in front of us to a elevator at the end of that hall. I followed him while listening to the clatter of the boots I wore on the linoleum floor.
We walked inside and he pushed the button for basement. Otherwise, morgue...
I took three deep breaths to calm myself. On the verge of breaking down and screaming that I'd changed my mind and didn't want to see the cold lifeless shell that once housed the love of my life. 
The elevator settled with a ding and the doors slowly opened. The room was all sterile. Cold as hell.  The shelfs held chrome rectangles which were doors to the bodies that have going and passed and would be dressed for funeral soon. I winced as I realized I was widowed now. That's a word I never wanted to face. He led me through a maze of cubicles. Blocked off from each other with canvas pastel colored curtains. He pulled back the curtain of one. They'd changed his old work clothes for a hospital gown when they believed that there was still hope for him. He had a turquoise towel lying over his face. His arms, strong and muscular as they always had been, now laid pale and limp at his sides. It's was heart wreaking to even look down at his body without understanding.

“How?” I whispered. So quietly I doubt that he even heard it.

“We're not really sure at this point. They found him out about fifteen miles from the Redwood park. Sitting casually beneath a stop sign with his knees pulled up to his chest and his arms crossed. A few cars passed apparently before someone stopped to ask if he needed a ride. When he didn't respond or even acknowledge her presence, she got out and checked on him, then calling 911. There are no traces of heart failure or anything.” he said. Speaking of it like it was truly a mystery. Which made me wonder too.

“What about his car? Why would he be walking?” I muttered. Looking back at the doctor.

He shrugged and ran a hand through his thinning hair. “They found his car about a mile away pulled into a rest stop. It was in perfect working order. Gas, full. Everything. Unless he just needed a walk.”
My eyes flashed back down. I did want to see his face. But not all the painful colors of death too. I think I'll just stick to remembering him as he were. His golden wedding band still on his finger. And that's where it will stay.

I swallowed and turned back to the doctor “He had been on his way to work this morning. He was acting kind of... I don't know, jumpy? Sort of anxious”

He became thoughtful “Where does your husband work? If you don't mind my asking.”

I spared another long glance down at Jessie. “He worked at a mill somewhere up around Redwood in the forest. The old Sassafras mill.”
The sassafras mill had been in business for ages, if still was apparently and as soon as Jess got back from the army, he got a job there.
The doctor gave me a look of confusion. “Sassafras?”
I nodded.
He gave a dry chuckle “That mill has been out of business for seventy five years.”
My heart stopped at that remark. Jess was in his prime. Only  34. Two years older than I was then. 
I just merely nodded not wanted to start this conversation “Maybe I got the name wrong.”
He pursed his lips and nodded shallowly. I even wondered then if Jess had been hiding something from me.

Present day.

I looked up at Jess. He was very patent still. That hadn't changed about him. In fact, the more I looked at him, the more I could see that he hadn't changed at all.

“So your really alive?” I asked warily. Praying he was and it wasn't just a joke. The last five years had been something of hell for me. Of course I had the comfort of my best friends Billie and Adrienne and all the neighbors who sent me a daily shipping of roses and other flowers. But Jess's favorite was the complicated  bloom of a orchid.
I watched him intently as he played with our woven fingers laying across the table top. He was totally at ease and in no hurry to tell me what the hell happened.
“Yes.” he paused while looking down “I am alive. For now anyways.” he sighed
I froze “What does that mean? For now?” I whispered. Heavily doubting that I'd be able to take him passing away again.
“Well.” he took a deep breath and scrutinized my face “You're only human once.” 
I looked at him incredulously “So your a ghost?” I scoffed.
“Something like that.” he admitted slyly.
“Am I the only one that can see you then?” I asked. Leaning across the table.
He laughed out loud “What? No. What exactly have you been reading on paranormal Amy?” he grinned.
I shrugged and exhaled a big breath “I'm not really sure myself.” I looked back at him “So can anyone see you?” 
He became thoughtful “Yes.”
“Even Adie and Billie? They miss you a lot you know.”
He snorted “Oh yeah, Billie. Your little partner in crime at discovering my past.” he laughed.
“How long have you been around?” I asked curiously.
He shrugged “I never left.”
I looked at him for a moment to be sure that he wasn't joking “Then how come I couldn't see you or hear you?”
He laughed his musical laugh that I'd missed a lot more than I've led on.
“I was a wanderer.”
“A wanderer?” I echoed. “You better not be bullshitting me Jessie.” I smiled.
He laughed and shook his head “I'm not lying to you Amy.”
“But yes, I am a wanderer.”
“Is there a difference between a ghost and a wanderer?” I asked.
He was thoughtful again “Actually yes. A lot of difference. Two completely different species actually. A ghost is see through and can interact with mortals through energy, they can walk through walls so they say and do all that. Even have the power to move things. That's what they have up on the wanderers. Wanderers cannot interact with life forms in any way, only watch and study it but not touch and carry on with life. We can't float. We can't go through walls. We can't open doors or windows either. I have to enter when those entries are avaible. Like if you leave your front door open or a window I can come in. But if you shut it straight away behind you I have to find some other way to wriggle in.” he laughed at some memory he had.
“Wanders live their own life's. We carry on with work and whatnot. But you must be an ancient spirit.”
I took a deep exasperated breath “Now what the hell is a 'ancient spirit'?” I laughed.
He smiled too “If you were born within a certain date.”
“And that date is...?” I asked.
“You won't like it.” he said pursing his lips.
I groaned “Oh come on! Jessie.”
He looked at my face for a second of certainty then opened his mouth to speak again “1800's.” he answers simply.
I looked At him. I couldn't believe this. How old was he exactly? I decided not to push it.

“so.. Tell me more.” I insisted. 
He took a deep breath and studied my honesty. Then he began again in a different place and time. I became quickly enveloped in his words. Hanging onto every sentence.