Steal a Kiss in the Dark

November 14, 2013
Dinner

Chris inhaled sharply before looking at me, "So, is that why you never talk about your childhood, like, at all?"

I shrugged, "I didn't want anyone to know."

"Why?" He questioned me.

I thought about it for a while. There were quite a few reasons I didn't bring it up. Deep down, I guess I didn't really care if they knew I was once friends with the quartet that makes up All Time Low, but there were still residual feelings towards Alex, and I knew the more I'd bring him up the longer they'd linger.

There was no way in hell I would ever admit this, but seeing and talking to Alex again caused everything that had left me to come back. Suddenly, I was missing the little girl from Baltimore. I wanted to be back in my twin sized bed with my Care Bears curtains that I had been too lazy to replace once I outgrew them. I longed to wake up to the smell of my mommy's cooking.

"Mia... why didn't you want anyone to know?" Chris re-asked me.

For a moment longer, I kept quiet. "I was scared. Scared people would look at me as a way to get into Alex Gaskarth and Jack Barakat's pants. I tried so desperately to keep Baltimore in my past. Nobody needed to know I had once been friends with one of the bigger pop punk bands of today." That may be partially true, but it was also partially a lie.

Nicole spoke up next, "Why do you think that would happen?"

Sighing again, I answered, "Once upon a time I was decent friends with Sarah Madden, Joel and Benji Madden's little sister. Well, when this little band Good Charlotte came about people were suddenly flocking to her to be her friend. They didn't want to be her friend, and all they really wanted was to be friends with Joel and Benji."

The pupils in Chris' eyes widened. "You knew the Madden's?"

"I talked to Benji and Joel like once. As far as I can recall Sarah only invited me over once and that was to finish a Chemistry lab. It's not like we were close, we talked at school occasionally and that was it."

"For real?" Chris asked.

For a third time in the past fifteen minutes, I sighed, "You're doing it, Chris. You're only talking to me about the band members I've talked to."

Sheepishly, he mumbled, "Sorry Mia."

"Please," I begged, "I don't want to talk about Baltimore. I left it for a reason."

Just as I said that the waiter came with our food. My appetite was now gone. All I wanted was to go home. Home as in home, not the apartment I share with Nicole, but home as in Baltimore. Home as in mommy Gaskarth and mommy Barakat.

I didn't want to miss Baltimore, or my little getaways to my best friend's house late at night. There was nothing about my past that I wanted to miss, yet I couldn't help but miss it.

Quickly I texted my mom, Mommy... I miss Baltimore... I talked to the guys for the first time in how many years. Is it okay if I come up and visit in like a month?

I just wanted to be back. I wanted to drive from an Orioles game late at night with Alex sitting next to me and Jack, Zack, and Rian sitting in the back of my car. Going to Ram's Head Live with my four favorite boys to see random concerts just because, partying until dawn, and creating new memories every day is all I wanted.

Moving to South Carolina, I thought I'd have a fresh start and the ability to make new memories every day. As it turns out, I made more memories in my last five days in Baltimore than I have in my years here in Charleston.

This isn't at all what I thought I wanted. Yeah, I had Chris, Marissa, Nicole, and whoever else, but none of them combined could make up for what was missing. Jack, Alex, Zack, and Rian had all become a part of me, a very large part to be exact.

Never would I admit it, but my heart belonged to Baltimore. Everything I am was made up by Baltimore.

My phone vibrated in my pocket breaking me from my thought, You're welcome here anytime. Always remember that. I could never have asked for a better daughter. I know I fucked up that last day you were here but I'm sorry. I fucked up a lot with you. I'm so sorry Mia. I was confused by what my mom just said. How did she fuck up with me? I needed to know, so I asked.

"Hey, are you okay?" Nicole asked looking at me concerned. "You've eaten barely anything."

"I don't know. I'm just not hungry, I guess," I admitted.

Just as I said that my phone again vibrated with a new message from my mom. I gave you a piece of shit dad. I had you when I was fifteen. I was barely able to support us. Every night I prayed you'd stay at Jack or Rian or Alex or Zack's house long enough to eat supper just so we'd have a little more money to get by. I could never get you the name brand clothes or designer handbags you wanted. I couldn't get you a car when you were sixteen. I just couldn't do a lot of things for you. If I had just waited a few more years to find the right guy and finish my education your life could have been so much greater. That's why I'm so proud of you.

Quickly I replied, I had you and that was more than enough. You tried your hardest and that's all I could ever ask for. You can't change who my dad was and if it had been a different man I wouldn't be the rebellious girl I turned out to be. Who gives a shit about name brand clothes? I didn't turn out to be a piece of shit human being and that's the best thing you could have ever helped me with. But, why are you proud of me..?

"Who ya texting?" Chris curiously asked with a smile.

"My mom," I honestly replied. "I think I'm gonna head up to Baltimore again soon. I miss it."

"It's about time," Nicole chuckled. "It's weird that it took you this long to miss it, though."

"Oh well," I replied before looking at my mom's newest response.

I'm proud because you didn't end up like me. I'm proud because once you figured out who you really were you stuck to her and you didn't change for anyone. I'm proud that you followed your dreams. I'm so proud you didn't end up pregnant in high school. I'm proud that you continued your education to chase your dream. You have turned into everything I hoped you would. Even if you are a rebellious little bitch at times I'll always love you and I mean that rebellious little bitch part in the kindest possible way.

Reading her reply brought me to have slight tears. I had no idea she was proud of me. Not only did I have slight tears but the last part made me giggle. I couldn't agree more that I am a rebellious little bitch.

"Let's get this bitch on a roll and head off to the concert," I smiled wiping the stray tears from my face.