Fear Me, Dear

The atmosphere in the room could be better, in my opinion.

The five of us plus Hannah are sat in the living room with Call of Duty loaded up on the play station. Max and Matt are playing against each other, I'm sat cross legged on the floor with my phone in my lap, Hannah is sat beside me, Chris is sat in his designated arm chair playing his guitar, and Dan is sat on the edge of the sofa as far away from Matt as possibly. If I had Matt sat next to me whilst he is immersed in a game and moving his arms wildly, I would do just that. Same with Max.

Max and Matt are obviously shouting at each other, probably disturbing the neighbours on this pleasant Saturday afternoon. Hannah and I are sat quite peacefully on the floor, me scrolling through Instagram with Hannah looking over my shoulder. At her request, we glance at some tattoo profiles and point out the particularly good ones. Dan and Chris are unusually quiet. Granted, Chris is always quiet but he usually has some witty comment to give every now and then. Dan would usually have a go at Max and Matt and crack a few jokes. Alas, nothing.

Hannah seems to notice this as well.

"Chris? Dan?" Hannah asks in her strangely calm voice (although I've gotten used to it by now).

"Yeah?" They both reply, sounding rather unsure and just...odd.

"Why are you guys so quiet when I'm around?"

The whole room goes silent. The video game has been paused and Max is looking between Dan and Chris, eyebrow raised as he waits for their answer. Matt looks worried, ready to step in if the wrong answer is given. Chris, guitar silent in his lap, looks at Dan, as if the two of them are silently discussing what to say. I just stay close to Hannah.

"What do you mean?" Dan finally says.

"You know what she means." Max says, and before he and Dan can shout at each other, Hannah steps in.

"It's alright Max, I can handle this. Besides, it might be useful if I explain." She tells him with the same distant voice as always, then she turns back to Dan and Chris. "Whenever I hang out with you guys, the two of you go really quiet. Where as when I see you at college around others you are normal. What is it about me that makes you go quiet?" She inquires, cocking her head to the side as she watches the two of them appear to struggle for an answer.

"Why don't you tell her, guys?" Max asks in a jolly voice, throwing his controller onto the chair next to him. As he goes to stand, Matt is swift and places a hand on his shoulder, lowering him back into his seat.

"My wife will probably end up killing someone, so I will explain the situation in a calm manner. Basically, Mr Christopher Miller and Mr Daniel Flint think that you are the murderer and the person who attacked Josh."

Another silence fills the room. I almost snort as I imagine a caption above both Dan and Chris' heads reading 'sweats nervously'. Max's caption would be 'internally screaming' and Matt's would be 'Max is going to kill someone'. I cough to cover up the slight chuckle that bubbles up in my throat, and then I understand how serious this conversation has actually gotten. I mean, Matt just told Hannah that two of us think she's a murderer. This is the moment where I realise that I should be bracing myself for Hannah's reaction, because I know for a fact that if I were being accused of murder by my friends I would be bloody pissed.

"I can understand why you think that." She tells them and I think I hear everyone's jaws hit the floor. Okay, so that was not the reaction I was expecting. "If this is of any reassurance, I would never want to hurt anyone. I don't care if someone is a complete stranger and says something to offend me, never would I retaliate with violence or hurtful words."

Mic. Drop.

Hannah just never ceases to amaze me. Max takes the blushes on Dan and Chris' guilty faces as a sign of victory. Smirking, he lies back in his seat with a snigger and snatches the playstation controller from where he threw it on spot next to him. In a matter of seconds him and Matt are back to playing Call of Duty, I am back on my phone looking at different tattoos with Hannah, and both Chris and Dan are left with tomato red cheeks. With mutters of 'sorry' from the two of them, the atmosphere is lighter than it was previously.

Five minutes pass until my phone alerts me that I have a text message. Obviously because she is leaning over my shoulder looking at some pretty cool fox tattoo on instagram, Hannah notices despite my phone being on silent and is soon questioning me. However, she asks her questions quietly so that the others don't hear and for that I am incredibly grateful. I don't want the guys getting curious about who is texting me and all that jazz.

"Who's texting you? Or is it none of my business?"

"Don't worry about it, it's just Oli. Don't tell the others though, they'll just end up teasing me about it."

"No worries. What did he say?"

Tapping on the message icon, I open up the new text from Oli and quickly read it.

From: Oli
Hey, are you busy today? x

"Just asking if I'm busy." I tell her as I type out a reply.

To: Oli
Apart from making sure that Matt and Max don't kill each other, no x

From: Oli
Are they playing cod again? x

To: Oli
Yep x

From: Oli
Anyway, do you fancy going out today? I just need to leave my apartment x

"Do you think it would be a good idea?" I ask Hannah as she reads the text.

"Have you slept?"

"I got about three or four hours last night."

"I see no problem then, as long as you stick with him. Besides, it would be good for you to go out."

To: Oli
Sure, what time? x

From: Oli
Could we meet in about 15 minutes or so? x

To: Oli
Sure (: x

From: Oli
Great! Want to meet at the park? x

I stare down at the phone for a minute. As much as I would love to be able to just leave the house on my own and make the ten minute walk to the park, I just can't. Sure, it's been three weeks since I had that first break down, but I can't leave the house alone. I just can't. It would be stupid to ask one of the guys to walk with me, because it's a waste of their time and to be honest the whole thing is just pathetic. I don't realise I have taken the shoelace out of my pocket until I start fiddling with it.

"Are you worried about going by yourself?" Hannah questions, still with the tranquil voice she always has. I simply nod. "I'm guessing you don't want any of is to go with you, right?"

"You know me far too well." I mumble with a slight chuckle as I continue to stare at my phone screen in my lap.

"Why not ask him to meet you here?"

"Would that be asking for too much?"

"If he's your friend, then he would go out of his way to make sure that you are okay and comfortable."

"Alright." Wrapping the shoelace around one of my hands, I pick up my phone again and type out a reply.

To: Oli
Would it be possible for you to meet me outside my house? Sorry if that's asking for too much, it's just...yeah x

I get a reply within seconds.

From: Oli
Of course I will! Sorry, it was stupid of me to suggest meeting at the park. I'll pick you up in ten xx

To: Oli
Thank you so much xx

"I take it that you are very happy about the whole thing, then?" I didn't even realise that I was grinning.

"I guess so, yeah." I tell her. "Thanks for the coaching on texting."

"Don't worry about it, always here to help."

Looking up, I go to tell the guys that I'll be going out soon but I stop myself. In the time that I have been texting Oli (with the guidance of Hannah, of course) Dan and Chris seem to have disappeared. Matt and Max are still here though, although I would be able to know even if I weren't in the living room seeing as they are shouting abuse at each other as they are still sat on the sofa playing Call of Duty. Shouting at them to get their attention would be useless and counter productive, so instead I do what any other person would do.

I take off my shoe and throw it at Matt.

As expected, it works and with a shout of surprise the game is paused. Both Matt and Max turn to look at Hannah and I with matching expressions of annoyance, and it takes them mere seconds to figure out who threw the shoe. The evidence they have: the shoe is rather large, the shoe looks like one I own, and I am only wearing one shoe. Grabbing the shoe, Matt throws it back at me but thankfully my coordination isn't too bad today and I catch it.

"Can I help you?" Matt questions.

"Where are Dan and Chris?"

"I think they went out to do something, I don't know. I think I heard the front door open and close though." Max says.

"Alright. I'm going to go out in about ten minutes."

"Where?" Max asks, concern momentarily flashing in his eyes.

"I'm not sure, but Oli's meeting me here soon."

"Ooh, so going on a date with your boyfriend then?" Matt asks with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

"Look who's talking, Mister "my relationship with Max is totally platonic one-hundred percent straight no homo bro" Barnes."

And that is how you shut up Matthew Barnes.

"I've got to get going as well, Jordan and I need to go shopping. It's about time I got some new candles." Hannah announces, swiftly getting to her feet with a weird level of grace. Hugging each of us, she waves goodbye and leaves the house.

"Right, so I'm going to go get ready. You guys can go back to shouting verbal abuse at each other now." I say, jumping to my feet and heading to my room.

It only takes eleven seconds for the shouting to start again.

----------

As I walk down the stairs wearing my jacket and with my keys, wallet and phone, I can hear that Max and Matt have moved on to wrestling as well now. One must have executed a sneaky kill of the other for it to reach this point. A loud 'thump' alerts me that they have actually fallen off of the sofa. With a sigh I walk towards the living room to say goodbye, make sure nothing is broken, and to see if they are both still alive. When I reach the doorway, however, I stop. The game is paused. Max is on the floor with Matt pinning him down with a smirk on his face. Neither say anything, they just stare at each other. Not wanting to disturb them, I quietly leave the house. As I walk down the path that leads to the gate, I see Oli walking down the pavement towards me.

"What are you smiling about?" He asks as I jog to meet him.

"I think I just won a bet."

"How much?"

"Twenty quid."

"Nice." He says with a nod.

"Where to, then?" I ask, shoving my hands into my coat pockets.

"Is the park okay?"

"Of course, lead the way Oliver."

"Shut up and walk, Franceschi." He says with a chuckle, lightly punching my shoulder.

----------

"So, any reason why you wanted to meet up?" I ask as I slump down onto a park bench, Oli quick to follow.

"I kind of need someone to vent to about some stuff. That and you are pleasant company, of course."

"Just pleasant? I am offended."

"But you are my favourite company, darling."

"You are too kind. Anyway, what do you need to vent about?" I ask, pulling the shoelace out of my pocket and twirling it around my fingers.

"There's something I did and I feel really guilty about it." He mumbles, kicking his feet and avoiding eye contact.

"What did you do?" I quietly ask.

"So there's this person I know, and a while ago we were practically strangers. At the time I did something and I didn't really think much of it. They were just another person and it felt as if my actions would have no consequences, you know?"

I silently nod.

"But now we are really good friends and they are such a great person. You know when you know someone who you think just deserves nothing but happiness and luck in their life?"

In that moment I think of all my close friends: Chris, Matt, Hannah, Dan, Max, and now Oli. If something were to happen to them that caused them pain or sadness I would do everything in my power to make things better.

"I know what you mean. What did you do anyway?"

"I'd rather not go into specifics, but it wasn't good. What's worse is that this person doesn't even know it was me, and they still act so nice to me and I don't deserve it in the slightest." His voice cracks towards the end and when he looks up at me he looks ready to cry.

"How bad was it?" I ask as I place a hand on his shoulder.

"Pretty bad." He admits as tears begin to roll down his cheeks. "They didn't deserve it at all, and I didn't even know them that well when I did it." Then he begins to sob, and to be honest I've never been to good with comforting people. Hesitantly I wrap and arm around his shoulders and rub his arm in what I hope is a comforting manner.

"I'm not too good with advice or anything, but I think the best course of action is t-"

My elbow hits the floor first, and is soon followed by the rest of my body...

What fucking timing. My head jerks slightly and I have a feeling my grip on Oli tightened slightly. I relax my hold and squeeze my eyes shut, shaking my head slightly and breathing out.

"Flashback?" Oli asks just above a whisper.

"Yeah, sorry about that."

Oli buries his head in my shoulder and his body is wracked by sobs. Gripping the shoelace in my free hand, I wrap my other arm around him and hold him close. I rest my cheek on the top his head and rock him gently in an attempt to calm him down, just like Max did when I had another nightmare two days ago.

"As I was saying, it might be best to tell this person, but it is entirely up to you what to do. I am merely offering a suggestion. Now," I say, pulling away and taking Oli's face in my hands. Using my thumbs I wipe away the last few tears running down his face and look him in the eye. "I think some ice-cream is in order."

"Okay." He whispers.

Grabbing his hands, I get off the bench and pull him to his feet and start to drag him towards the ice-cream shop that is only a two minute walk away. Not once do I let go of his hands, I guess it's just to make sure that he's still there and to serve as some form of comfort for him. By the time we reach the small shop, Oli has completely calmed and is even laughing at my horrific jokes.

"Right, which ice-cream do you want? And I'm paying, my treat and terrible attempt at trying to cheer you up."

"There's no point arguing, is there?"

"Nope. Now what bloody ice-cream do you want before I change my mind."

"Do they have strawberry cheesecake?"

"They don't have strawberry cheesecake, but they have strawberry cheesecake ice-cream."

"Why the hell do I hang out with you?"

"Beats me."

We walk up to the counter and are greeted by one of the girls from college who I have forgotten the name of. I never talk to her anyway, so I guess it's fine. Here's hoping that she has no clue who I am.

"Hello, how may I help you today?" Her smile is so forced it physically pains me. The pain is dulled slightly by the fact that she doesn't seem to have a clue as to who I am. Excellent.

"Can I have one strawberry cheesecake ice-cream and one vanilla, please?"

"Of course. Tubs or cones?"

"Cone?" Oli nods. "Cones please."

"Sure thing, just give me a moment."

"Vanilla?" Oli mumbles as our ice-creams are being made. "You're so boring."

"Says the guy who wanted strawberry fucking cheesecake ice-cream." I mutter, taking the ice-creams and handing the girl the exact change.

"Oh shut up." Oli takes the ice-cream from my hand and we both walk out of the shop.

The walk is rather peaceful. There are very few people out and it is quiet for once. As we eat our ice-creams, we talk about college, video games, musics and other much more random things. Honestly, I think I could talk to Oli for hours on end and never get bored.

Next thing I know, we're stood outside my house. Were we even walking in this direction? Seems so. As we reach the gate, I unceremoniously shove the rest of the ice-cream in my mouth and turn to face Oli. He finished his ice cream earlier, and now he is just laughing at me.

"What's so funny?"

"You've got ice-cream on your face. Here," Using his thumb, he wipes the corner of my mouth and the tip of my nose. How I got ice-cream there, I don't know. "You're such a child."

"But you love me anyway."

"Of course." He chuckles, lightly kissing the end of my nose. "See you at college?"

"Yeah," I confirm as I kiss him on the cheek. "See you at college."

And with that, I turn and jog up to the front door. As I unlock the door, I turn back and wave before stepping into the house and shutting the door. For a second I just stare at the door, before running up the stairs and straight to my room. Pulling off my jacket, I throw it onto the bed and almost miss the piece of paper on my pillow. I have to do a double-take before my brain processes the fact that there is in fact a piece of paper on my bed which I certainly didn't put there. Taking the folded piece of paper, I stare at it with an eyebrow raised. It simply has my name written on the front in what looks like Max's handwriting. Unfolding it, a twenty pound note falls out and onto my bed. Right now the currency can wait, so I read the note.

'You win. Just don't tell anyone, alright?'

"I fucking knew it." I say to no one in particular with a sense of victory, snatching up the twenty pound note.