Fear Me, Dear

Despite there being four of us in the house, it's oddly quiet. The television speakers fill the living room with the music in Skyrim, the game I have been playing for probably a good four hours now. Max is sat beside me on his phone, adding his input here and there but otherwise being quiet. Dan's sat in the kitchen on his laptop doing an essay for college (hopefully not watching porn). I can hear the sound of a guitar being played upstairs, so that's Chris' whereabouts known. Usually it's a lot louder, what with five teenage boys living here. Often it's the sound of loud chatter and play-fighting. There's none of that. Hasn't been for a week or two now.

Josh has been getting better, but not significantly. However, progress is progress regardless of how much. I'm just glad he's getting better and not worse. Dan is still being difficult about the whole Hannah thing. He doesn't completely trust her which is understandable, but he is still so set on the theory that she is the murderer. Dan's attitude is just creating unnecessary tension because it really pisses Max off, Josh is close to Hannah, I see her as harmless, and Chris has seen sense. Then come the arguments and so on. I love Dan to pieces, he's practically a brother to me like all the guys, but he really needs to take the stick out of his arse. Max is pretty stressed, but he's handling everything like a pro. He's protective of us all and takes it upon himself to handle everything. I wish he didn't though because there is always drama going on in this bloody house. Probably not good for his health. And Chris is just...Chris. Being the voice of reason as per usual and not really causing any drama. That's just Chris.

"Do you think Josh hid alarm clocks in our room again?" Max asks me as I focus on killing the fucking dragon that just appeared out of bloody nowhere.

"No, of course not." I reply absentmindedly, shooting an arrow right in the eye of the bloody dragon. Maybe a Nordic sword would be effective. Wait, it's a frost dragon. Do I have any fire weapons? Would a fire spell work?

"If he has then I'm leaving you to deal with them."

"No you wouldn't."

"And why wouldn't I?" He challenges, and I notice him cross his arms out of the corner of my eye, his lip turning up slightly in a smirk.

"Because you value your sleep far too much. Plus you love me lots."

"Don't be so sure about that."

"Rude." I mutter, jerking to the left as I try to swerve my character away from the dragon.

"I love you really." Max confirms, placing a quick peck to my cheek. "But still, you'll be dealing with the alarm clocks if there are any."

"Grea- oh get in there!" I yell, raising my arms above my head in victory as the dragon is finally slain, it's scaled body falling to the ground as my character absorbs it's soul.

"Speaking of alarm clocks and Josh, where is the little shit?"

"I'm not sure. How long has he been gone?"

"About three hours now. It's getting dark, he didn't tell us where he went, and he hasn't answered my texts. I'm getting worried."

"Have Dan or Chris heard from him?"

"Dan! Chris!" Max shouts and wow, for someone his size he sure has a set of lungs on him. Sure enough, Dan comes storming in from the kitchen and Chris strolls leisurely down the stairs and into the living room.

"Have you finally heard from Josh?" Dan questions.

"Right, so that's Dan crossed off the list." I mumble, pausing the game and placing the controller beside me on the sofa.

"Chris, has Josh gotten in contact with you?" Max asks, almost desperately.

"Um..." Chris pulls his phone from his back pocket, quickly checking it before placing it in his front pocket. "Nope."

"What if something happened to him?!" Max almost yells, clearly alarmed.

"Oh god, what if history repeats itself?" Dan questions.

"Shut the fuck up, Daniel Flint." I spit with such venom I even shock myself as I wrap an arm around Max who is quite clearly about to breakdown. Chris looks surprised and Dan just looks scared. Good.

"Maybe he's with Hannah." Chris suggests, and I feel Max's shoulders fall as he lets out a deep breath.

"What if-"

"Dan I swear to fucking god, if you finish that bloody sentence I will gladly punch you in the fucking face."

Having had the last straw with Dan at this very moment, I jump up from the sofa and scream the words at him. My fists are clenched tightly at my sides and I can feel my body trembling ever so slightly as I glare at Dan. Teeth clenched, I take in a deep breath through my nose. Then I exhale. The room is dead silent. Dan looks even more scared and even takes a step back. He also looks shocked. Chris is stood wide eyed but stands his ground and says nothing. Out of the corner of my eye, I see that Max appears taken aback but just as shocked as Dan. Once I calm down and come to realise fully what just happened, I start shaking my head.

That wasn't me. Never have I blown up at any of the guys before. Sure, I shouted at them but never screamed in their faces.

But I just did. I blew up at Dan. Dan has just been a nuisance. Hannah is this. Hannah is that. I guess I just had enough. That doesn't give me the right to scream at him though.

I take another deep breath.

"Max, can you call Hannah please?" I ask quietly, calming myself down as I close my eyes and tilt my head downwards so that I don't look at Dan.

"Uh...yeah, sure. Sure." It's quiet for a few moments as Max dials Hannah. "Hi Hannah. I have a really important question to ask you. Do you mind if I put you on speaker phone?"

Silence.

"Sweet, thanks." Removing the phone from his ear, Max taps a button and holds the phone out with his hand, the screen facing the ceiling. "Right. Matt, Chris and Dan can hear you now."

"Don't say anything." Chris quietly advises Dan, and by this point I had opened my eyes so I caught Dan briefly looking at me before quickly nodding. Chris sends me a small smile which I return.

"Isn't Josh there?" Hannah's slightly crackly voice questions.

"Fuck me..." I mutter, running a hand through my hair.

"That's kind of why we called you, we're not sure where he is."

"I would have thought that he would be in his room."

"He left a few hours ago and hasn't come back yet. He hasn't texted any of us, and we were hoping that maybe he had gotten in contact with you."

"How strange..."

"Oh god." Dan mutters as he runs a hand down his face, other hand resting on his hip.

"Strong feeling of déjà vu right about now." Chris adds, and I just nod in agreement as I keep my attention on Max and the phone.

"What's strange?" Max asks with a tone suggesting a reluctance to hear what the answer is.

"He hasn't been round here for a while, in fact I haven't seen him for a few days. Did Oli meet him at yours?"

"I don't think so. He just ran out of the house."

"Then that makes things a lot stranger seeing as he went out by himself."

Silence. A look of dread crosses all of our features as we look at each other. You can almost hear the collective thought of "not again" as it dawns on us all that Josh may have gotten himself into some sort of trouble again. Just as he was making progress and the Josh before the incident was starting to come back, something could have happened and all progress will be lost. This can't be happening. Not again. We may lose the old Josh again.

None of us move. We have no idea what to do. Last time this happened, we knew where Josh was meant to be going but right now we have nothing to go on. Clueless, we all just continue to look at each other with blank expressions. It's different from last time. No one is rushing to grab their shoes, jackets or keys. No one is getting ready to run out of the house. No one knows what to do. The only thing that hasn't changed is Max. Motionless, he stares straight ahead, phone still in his hand as he remains silent. Taking a seat beside him and wrapping an arm around his shoulders, pulling him close to me, I carefully take the phone from his grasp.

"Hannah, it's Matt. I'm going to be honest here, none of us have any idea what to do right now. Josh could be anywhere at this point and finding a starting point is going to be hard."

"Do you want me to come round? Maybe I can help." She offers, and I choose to completely ignore Dan and how he glowers at me with a slow shake of his head.

"That would be great, Hannah." I reply louder than necessary. Not sure why. Definitely not to spite Dan, of course not. Speaking of, I look him dead in the eye as I continue to speak. "How soon can you get here?"

"Give me a few seconds."

"Are you out walking around randomly again?"

"Possibly."

The heads of everyone in the room turn towards the front door as someone knocks. I take it that Hannah is in fact randomly walking through the streets. As I start to get up to answer the door with a roll of the eyes as no one moves, Chris beats me to it. What a surprise that Dan, who is staring at the door like it's the kid who stole his drumsticks five years ago, doesn't move in the slightest. Max has decided to rest his head on my shoulder (which I do not object to in the slightest) so I run the fingers of my free hand through his hair in an effort to calm him down and make him less stressed. Then Chris is walking back into the room with Hannah trailing gracefully behind him, hands shoved into the large pocket of her over-sized jumper that hangs off of her small frame. Yep, definitely wandering aimlessly again. I hang up the call and hand Max his phone back. Upon spotting Max, Hannah runs over and sits on the other side of him, running a hand up and down his back in a soothing manner.

"So what now?" Chris asks.

"Should we all go out to look for him?" I suggest, and my suggestion is quickly met by Hannah shaking her head, her inky hair shifting with the movement.

"What if he comes back and none of us are here?"

"Good point." I mumble, scratching the back of my head as I try to come up with some sort of plan of action. "Any other ideas?"

"A couple of us could go out to look for him whilst the rest stay here?" Max finally says after a long period of saying nothing, his gaze no longer fixed on the bare wall.

"If those people split up then it would be far easier to find Josh." Chris pipes in, his contribution to the plan being met with nodding heads and murmurs of agreement.

"Sounds like a plan. So who's staying here and who's going?"

"I'll go." Dan suddenly announces, still looking as sour as a haribo tangfastic as he grabs his jacket from the side of the sofa.

"Is it okay if I stay here?" Max asks quietly, as if he's afraid we'll all have a go at him.

"Of course you can. I want to stay here with Max."

"I don't mind going out." Chris says with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Do you want me to go as well?" Hannah asks in her distant voice that gives the impression that she's away with the fairies. Dan interrupts her as she goes to stand up.

"No it's fine. Chewy and I can handle it."

"Okay then." Hannah says, not even mildly affected by Dan's tone of voice and just general attitude towards her.

"Fine." I say through gritted teeth as I glare at him. He really needs to stop being so rude to Hannah. "We'll let you know if he comes back here. Be safe, alright?"

Both nod their heads and exit the living room. The front door opens then slams shut.

The house is awfully quiet.



A couple of hours have gone by and it's now nearing midnight. Josh still hasn't come home. Dan and Chris are still out, and I'm guessing that they probably haven't found him yet. Hannah is sat cross legged in the middle of the floor, reading a battered and odd looking book she was carrying in her jumper pocket. Stuff like this happens so frequently when Hannah is around, so I don't question why she has a strange book in her jumper pocket. To be fair this isn't the strangest thing Hannah has done. Max has been obsessively checking his phone every few minutes despite it being on the loudest volume possible. If one of the guys were to call the whole of Surrey would know, but Max still insists on checking frequently. I have returned to playing skyrim in an effort to distract myself. At one point Max decided to lie down on the sofa and ended up with his head on my lap. Occasionally I play with his hair to keep him relaxed if the game is taking an age to load something.

At first I think I'm hearing things. As the sound of chatter from someone with no volume control gets louder each passing second, I pause the game and turn on the sofa so that I can see the front door. It sounds like it's coming from outside. I stare and wait. My behaviour has caught the attention of Max who has adopted the same position as me right by my side. I can hear Hannah mumbling quietly, and it sounds like a count down. When she gets to one, the front door bursts open and we are greeted by Chris supporting a rather intoxicated Josh.

"FUCK YOU, I'M DRUNK!" He sings (it's more shouting to be honest), waving his arm in the air, and I notice the nearly empty bottle of smirnoff in his hand.

"FUCK YOU, I'M DRUNK! AND I'M GOING TO BE DRUNK TILL THE NEXT TIME I'M DRUNK!"

Thankfully his song appears to be finished, and I don't think anyone is as relieved as Chris who throws Josh down onto one of the armchairs. Josh opens his mouth, probably about to start singing again, but before he can even let out the first note Chris clamps a hand over his mouth.

"Don't you dare." Chris warned in what was close to a growl.

He removes his hand from Josh's mouth and slumps down into the designated 'Chris armchair' and starts rubbing his temples. Josh doesn't seem to understand that he is hammered as he drains the rest of the smirnoff, and I probably should have stopped him doing that.

"Thank christ. You have no idea how long he's been screaming that bloody song in my ear."

"I can only imagine." I chuckle.

"Josh, are you alright mate?" Max asks.

"I'm not drunk." He declares, waving the bottle around. Hannah (who I didn't know had gotten up) grabs the bottle off of him before he hits himself or someone else with it.

"He's okay." Chris confirms, re-tying his hair.

"Where did you find the little shit?"

"Sat on top of the slide in the park with four empty bottles of corona and that bottle of smirnoff."

"Why was he there in the first place?" Max questions. Chris shrugs in reply.

"Beats me. I haven't been able to get much from him seeing as he is absolutely shitfaced."

"He needs to go to bed." I declare, seeing as Josh looks ready to pass out at any second. "Max?"

"I'm on it."

In seconds Max is at Josh's side, quietly talking to him as he wraps an arm around his waist and guides him up the stairs towards his room. I think I can hear Josh singing 'Anaconda' quietly on the journey. Hannah returns from getting rid of the empty smirnoff bottle and announces that she's leaving, hugging both Chris and I quickly and telling us to let her know how Josh is tomorrow. Then she soundlessly exits the living room and shouts a goodbye to Max, the sound of the front door opening and then clicking shut as it locks itself. Her sudden departures stopped being weird a while ago. The only sound in the house now is shuffling and quiet voices from upstairs as Max tries to persuade Josh (who I think is still singing) to go to sleep. The singing then cuts out and the sound of footsteps as Max travels down the stairs indicates that he was (thankfully) successful in getting Josh to go to sleep. Josh probably just passed out considering the amount of alcohol he's consumed.

"Chris, do you know where Dan is?" I ask as it has just suddenly hit me that Dan still hasn't returned.

"I have no idea. I did text him to let him know that our troublesome pet was found and safe."

"Hopefully he'll be home soon because I'm bloody tired." Max declares, resting his head on the back of the sofa.

"You can go to bed if you want. I'll wait up for our dear Daniel."

"I will too. We'll be fine, just go to bed."

"No, I'll wait. I won't be able to sleep without knowing that Dan is home and safe."

"I just hope he comes back with a better attitude. Before we separated he was moaning about Hannah and he had a couple of things to say about you, Mr Matthew Barnes. But his main issue was Hannah."

"Why am I not surprised." I mumble. "Right, someone chuck on Zombieland. I'll grab some food and drinks. Might as well pass the time with a film whilst we wait for Dan."

"Alright, your majesty." Max chuckles, turning on the television as Chris searches for the film.

"Carry on and you won't get any doritos." I warn him from the kitchen, grabbing any sort of snack foods I can get my hands on as well as some drinks from the fridge.

"You know I love you really." Max tells me as I stumble into the room with the ten tonnes of food that most certainly won't improve my health in any way, shape, or form.

"You just want doritos." I claim as I throw a packet of the aforementioned snack food at him.

"I do want doritos, but I love you lots as well."

"Whatever." I chuckle as I fall back onto the sofa, packet of twirl bites in my grasp.

"And now," Chris sighs as he takes a seat beside me, taking a vacation away from his armchair. "We wait for Dan."

The film starts up and we all fall silent. I don't know why, but I have a weird feeling about something. That something's off. I brush it off though, I'm just being silly. It's probably due to how worried we all got about Josh, but he's home and alive so it's all good. Dan will be back any moment, so really there's nothing to worry about.

What's the worst that could happen?