Remember Me

‘Live to be irresponsible’...

I heard it in my head. I'd heard it somewhere before... I can't place it though. It came to me on the drive home. When we got back the house was vibrating with music. And every light was only. Ollie only shook her head sadly And parked the car while pulling the key from the ignition and helped carry in shopping bags. She drowned out their racket as we walked through the front door. I was attacked in a bear hug from Billie. I gladly gave it back the looked around at the 'situation' that was taking place in the living room.

Tré and Mike were shoving each other off of a 'Dance dance revolution' mat on the floor that was connected to their Nintendo. I cocked an eyebrow as Tré screamed the lyrics of the songs into Mike's face while he skipped like an leprechaun on the mat. Until he got shoved off by Mike and he took over.

“What... Are they doing?...” I asked Billie.

He let out a loud laugh “They are playing multiplayer. But only have one mat.”

I caught on instantly. Sharing never seemed like something those two were capable of. I was incredibly correct about that...
So that phrase I'd remembered or heard or whatever, it totally fit the situation. 'live to be irresponsible.'
I rolled my eyes playfully and continued down the hall to my room with fists full of plastic Walmart bags stuffed with second hand clothing. Since Ollie insisted it was cheaper and there were more variety when you shop for clothes that way. I followed her lead. A single woman who single handedly raised six kids without help on one job was packed to the punch with wisdom.

I dropped the bags on the floor and called Checkers from his spot on the bed for his dinner feeding of kibble.

I walked into the kitchen and was getting a scoop from the bag under the kitchen sink, when I heard someone behind me. Of course I recognized the voice, I had heard it many times over the last two weeks. Billie.

“So... My mom tells me she took you dress shopping today.” he grinned cheekily.

I laughed and faced him. Surprised to see his face sad “Yeah, whats up?”

He shrugged “You have no idea the troubles you've triggered for me as her son.” a sudden sly smile crosses his face.

“What's that mean?” I giggled while setting Checkers dish upon the kitchen tiles. Then he enclosed my scarred wrists into his big hands. 

“It means,” he began, while looking thoughtfully down at our hands “Since you are... My first girlfriend.” he grinned proudly. “She's gonna make a big deal about everything in our relationship. Especially this dance. The dress, the tux, the pictures the corsages. Everything.” he quoted. I smiled up at him. Seeing a gleam in his eyes that signaled he was actually excited. Just not so much for his mothers obsession.

I giggled again and he drew me close to his chest. Is this normal? To feel your heart trying to escape from your chest because it was beating so fast. I never felt this... This loved. I felt all warm inside and just stood there. Slowly melting into his grip. Is this what people obsess with being love?

Ollie came into the kitchen then to make dinner. Her whistling pausing as she took in our embrace. Then picking up again twice as cheerful. However I dont think it was because of her happiness for her son's happiness. But something else. Come to think of it, she's been like this the last two days. I wonder what's up with Ollie...

Me and Billie played a game of cards while Ollie readied dinner. Tré and Mike persisted to play Dance Dance Revolution. We laughed and told a few jokes and when Ollie called in the others to dinner, she was practically bouncing with joy.

“What's up mom?” Billie asked his mother while we were all seated around the table. 

She beamed proudly at each of us in turn. Then she sighed happily and took a deep breath, “I think I've finally moved on.” she grinned. 

Billie's face fell slightly “What do you mean mom?”

She grinned again “On Friday, I met a guy. His name is Brad. He is really very sweet.” she smiled softly.

Billie's jaw clenched and it flexed. His eyes darkened noticeably and they dropped to his lap where he fiddled with his hands in his lap. I glanced between Ollie, lost in her daydreams to notice her only present child's reaction to her having moved on from his father. The only person during his childhood he was certain he'd loved. Even if it had been eight years, it still burned him to even think of her moving on.

“But what about dad?...” he murmured. So quietly I'd believe he was talking to himself.

“What about him?” Ollie asked nonchalantly.

“You just... Moved on?!” he snarled.

She rolled her eyes and dropped her fork. Draping her arms upon the table top and giving a stern look to her son that meant 'no more'. But of course Billie persisted.

“Hon, it's been eight years, he—”

“No! No mom! I can't, I can't take this anymore. It practically tore my heart out when dad died and do you know what you did to all of us? You said just to leave everything behind and move on. So much left unsaid... And you just... Want to forget dad?” he merely whispered. Tears of anger and pain glittered in the corners of his eyes. He wasn't the kind of person I'd ever expect to cry. And he didn't want to. He still wanted to prove to his dad that he was a big boy who didn't need sympathy.

“Billie Joe! That is enough.” Ollie scolded him when she'd had enough of his negative attitude towards her new boyfriend.

“Is it? Is it really mom? Today is the first of September. I HATE September. My best friend was killed in September. And certain people just want to move on during said month. As far as I am fucking concerned, you can just wake me up when September ends.” he snapped. Rising from the table and slamming his chair back against the table top as he fled from the room. I looked up at the doorway where he had disappeared. Then back to the broken Ollie. She appeared sad to not have her son's support on her decision. I didn't know who to side with on this argument.

“Good night.” she said abruptly. Rising from the table. Rinsing off her plate in the sink and going off to her own bedroom to lock herself away. That left me, Mike and Tré sitting in the awkward silence built up by the two disperses.

I finished up and did dishes, cleaned the kitchen while Mike and Tré dried dishes and cleaned off the table. I went down the hall and knocked on Billie's door.

“Go away!” he snapped without wanting to even know who it was. I leaned against his wall, and considered actually leaving as he instructed.
I turned around to head to my own room when his door opened a crack, he grabbed my arm, yanked me in and quickly locked the door again. His eyes were dark with every emotion.

Anger, fear, sadness, happiness, joy, rage, love. He just stood there staring at me with an unsure expression on his face.

“It's gonna be ok.” I assured him in a weak whisper. He snorted before shoving me against the wall behind me and planting a rough kiss upon my forehead. 

“Don't lie to me.” he growled. “I can't believe her, she just wants to forget my dad like he was nothing to this family.”

He wrapped his arms tightly around me like I was a lifeline. Keeping him from drowning was to hold on and keep your head high. But he looked in no such mood to be happy. He looked like the last thing he wanted right now was for anyone to talk about Brad. I couldn't blame though.

He stifled a false chuckle and swept me up and hugged me to his chest. While plopping down onto his never made bed and looking Down at my considerably long black hair. He leaned foreword slowly, pressing a light kiss to my temple and whispering “I have no idea where I'd be without you right now.”

At first I thought he'd just said it as a sweet gesture. But then he continued. 
“I'd probably be out on the nighttime Rodeo scene. Buying cheap drugs off a thug in a ally. And while high, dance with some bitch at Gilman and get drunk off my ass, to come home for one of my mom's famous, well deserved lectures about responsibility. Deal with a hangover while fighting the emotion to march across the hall and bitch out my mother for all this crap.”

I thought about everything he had said. Hanging onto every word. Is that really his other face? The person he has hidden since I'd been here? I had only seen him smoke some cheap cigarettes during my time of being here. But had I really moved him to better himself any? 

I glanced up at his still dark eyes as he leaned back against the head board and I laid my head onto his chest. Listening to the smooth beat of his heart. Light and happy. Considering how heavy with stress it was right now.