Luck

Lux and I decided to take a field trip on Thursday. The day before we had spent almost exclusively in the house, and I decided it would be good for us to get out and get some air, so I strapped her into her stroller and conquered my fear of taking a toddler on public transportation. We headed to Kensington Gardens, despite its popularity as a tourist destination because it was directly on the District Line and I wasn’t much in the mood to transfer.

It was a hike over to the Princess Diana Memorial playground, only slowed by Lux’s desire to walk part of the way instead of just ride her in buggy. But I loved the park, and Lux was happy enough, chattering about the various birds, bugs and plants she saw as she walked beside me. Only once did she run ahead, but even then, she didn’t try to hide from me.

Lux played for a while under my close supervision. The playground was crowded for a school day, and I was careful not to let her out of my sight for long. I chased her around and pushed her on the swings, while she giggled and had the time of her short life.

“Done!” Lux announced after nearly a solid hour of playing. I was glad; it was tiring trailing her for so long.

“Hungry?” I asked as I helped her down the slide. She nodded at me with intense eyes. “I brought us a picnic,” I told her, “Let’s go sit at that table and eat, yeah?”

Lux led the way to the only open picnic table, and we sat and dined on our sandwiches and apple slices.

There were several Americans at the table in front of us, and though they weren’t exactly a rare breed in London, I still always felt self-conscious around them. I could never tell who were tourists and who lived here, but I always felt like someone would recognize me and confront me.

“Savvy, I done.” Lux pushed away her remaining quarter of sandwich and hopped down from the table. Much to my surprise, the first place she toddled to was her stroller, climbing in by herself to tell me she was ready to return home.

I laughed at her antics as I cleaned up our mess, saving the left overs in my bags and tossing the rest into the rubbish bin.

“There you go.” I strapped her into her stroller and was mentally preparing myself for the Tube ride back.

“Oh! Savannah! I thought I recognized your voice!”

I turned around instantly, my ears filled with a familiar, honeyed voice. A blonde girl grinned wildly at me, and it took me a second to place her, but once I did, I knew I was in for it. It was Kylee Waters, my seventh grade best friend, and the type of person who your parents tried to limit your time with. I had heard that she didn’t graduate, being short a credit or two, but I hadn’t exactly been keeping in touch with anybody except for Maria, and Maria couldn’t care less about high school drama.

“Kylee! Hello!” The surprise in my voice couldn’t be masked.

“I can’t believe I ran into you here! In London! Of all places!” Kylee gave me an awkward little half hug that I wasn’t prepared for and didn’t return.

“Yeah, I live here,” I told her as I stepped back closer to the stroller, placing my hand on the handle.

“I mean, I had heard you moved to London after well, all that had happened,” Kylee chattered, “But I never imagined I would run into you here! And with a little girl! Is she your’s?”

I looked down at Lux in her buggy protectively, “I mean, I’m her nanny…”

“Oh, that’s wonderful!” Kylee grinned, “I wish I lived here! I’m just here on a vacation, or a holiday, as the Brits call it.”

“Are you going to school, then?” I asked, my curiosity getting the best of me, “I mean, it’s not yet Thanksgiving break, is it?”

“Oh, no it’s not, silly!” Kylee let out a short, high-pitched giggle, “It’s only early November. And I’m not going to school - yet! I didn’t graduate because I was short an English credit, you know how that goes.”

I didn’t, but I smiled like I did, “Mmm-hmmm.”

“Yeah, so I got my GED and now here I am! I’m going to Bunker Hill next semester, but my parents and I decided to take a little trip to Europe first! It’s like a senior trip, but delayed,” Kylee explained.

“Oh, good,” I said faintly, now realizing why my parents had always called her spoiled rotten.

“But what are you doing here? Do you like it? Are you going to school?” Kylee babbled, “I mean, I know you just said you lived here and I guess you’re a nanny but what else are you doing?”

“I’m going to school part-time and just getting on it with it,” I told her awkwardly, “How are things back home?”

“Oh, they’re great!” Kylee said, “Everyone’s off at school or work or whatever. Everyone except for me! Oh, well, but they’ll be coming back soon for the holidays. Are you coming home?”

“I don’t have any plans to right now,” I told her truthfully, “Maybe for next summer, though.”

“Yeah, I saw that your house is for sale, so I wasn’t sure if you would be or not. ” Kylee’s comment was off-hand, but it caught my attention, “Do you remember that time we had that slumber party in, like, seventh grade? We were such good -”

“Wait!” I sputtered, “Did you say my house was for sale?”

“Uh, yeah,” Kylee looked slightly confused, “Didn’t you know that? I thought that your old nanny or whatever was keeping you in the loop?”

“Maria, yeah,” I mumbled, “But my house is for sale?”

“I guess so,” Kylee shrugged, “There was a For Sale sign in the yard last time I drove by which was a few weeks ago.”

“Oh.” I couldn’t form real words and just stared at Kylee.

“Savvy.” Lux had remained quiet for the duration of mine and Kylee’s conversation, but was now speaking just at the right time, “Thirsty.”

“What is it, Lux?” I asked sweetly. Her voice had shaken me back to reality.

“Water,” Lux repeated, her eyes droopy. She rubbed them carefully and I knew it wouldn’t be long until she fell asleep.

I handed her the sippy cup I had thought to pack, “Here you are.” I then turned to Kylee, “I should really get going.”

“Oh, of course!” Kylee cried shrilly, “I understand how that goes. She must be tired. It’s probably way past her naptime!”

“Uh-huh,” I agreed quickly, “It was nice seeing you, Kylee.”

“You too, Savannah!” Kylee gave me a quick wave before turning away.

“Ready?” I peered down at Lux, who was still grasping her sippy cup tightly, while her eyes had gotten more droopy. She nodded sleepily. I coaxed her sippy cup out of her hands and put it back in the pocket. By the time we reached the Tube station, she was fast asleep.

The ride back on the Tube was easy. I didn’t have to worry about Lux because she was such a deep sleeper, and it was quiet enough that she didn’t even stir. It was an easy walk home, and it gave me time to think about what Kylee told me. Part of me didn’t believe it, but another part of considered it as a possibility.

I carried Lux up to her room, and she didn’t wake. I was glad, simply because I knew she could often sense when something was wrong. I wasn’t much in the mood to try to explain anything to her.

Afterwards, I went back downstairs and paced the house. I wasn’t sure what to do. I put mine and Lux’s leftovers away from our picnic lunch, but it didn’t take my mind of what Kylee had told me. My house was for sale. My house was for sale and nobody had bothered to tell me.

It occurred to me that Kylee could have been making a mistake. It had been years since she had been over to my house, and it was very possible that it wasn’t my house that was for sale and one of my neighbors were moving instead.

I checked the time. There was a five hour time difference between London and Boston, and it was currently slightly after two in the afternoon here. That meant it was nine back home and Maria should be up and starting her day, even if she had worked a graveyard shift the night before. Maria would nap in the afternoon, but she was always up by eight thirty.

Strictly speaking, my grandparents had asked me not to call anybody internationally on my phone. They were footing the bill, and I had always honored that, only emailing Maria and never calling her. I didn’t like to break rules, and my grandparents were still sharp enough to check the bill closely. I was sure that they would notice the phone call.

Despite that, the temptation was too great. I took a deep breath and dialed the number my parents had me memorize so long ago.

“Hi, Savannah,” Maria’s voice rang in my ear, worried and surprised, “How are you, my dear? Is everything alright?”

“My house is for sale?!” I cried without any greeting or acknowledgement to Maria’s questions.

“Savannah, I know I should have told you earlier,” Maria’s kind voice sounded worried and slightly guilty, “But I didn’t want to upset you; it didn’t seem like the type of thing that should be said over email.”

“Why?!” I demanded, “Why in the world is my house for sale?! That’s where I live! That’s where my parents live!”

“Lawyer’s fees are expensive, Savannah,” Maria hesitated for a second, “And, Savannah, I’m not sure that they’ll get a chance to live there again.”

“No, they will,” I said confidently, “They will. This will all blow over and I’ll go home and they’ll go home and this whole thing will be over.”

“Savannah, I’m not sure that’s going to happen,” Maria said cautiously, “And you can’t go back home. An offer was just accepted on the house.”

I could feel my jaw fall open in shock, and I spent a second struggling for words, “But… but what about my stuff?” It was all I could manage.

“I've boxed up all your belongings and I'll put them in storage for you. And all of Michael's and parents, too,” Maria’s voice was even and kind, and when she paused, I knew she was waiting for my reaction, “They’ll all be here when you come back. If you want any of it, I can ship it to you.”

I breathed deeply in a weak attempt to fight the tears already welling up in my eyes.

“Savannah?” Maria asked.

I hung up just at the first tear escaped. Soon after they were falling freely, and I was sniffling. I sat in shock on the couch of Lou and Tom’s house, unsure what to do. Emotions passed through me in waves and I wasn’t sure what I was feeling.

I could hear a car approaching, and it was instantly sobering. I wiped my tears quickly and tried to clean up my make up as best I could.

Tom’s red hair crept through the doorway, and I stood up to greet him. I was glad it wasn’t Lou; I didn’t feel strong enough to face her.

“Lux is upstairs sleeping,” I told him with a smile.

“Oh, good,” Tom said absent mindedly. We weren’t often left alone, normally Lou was the one who got home first, “I’m sure Lou will be in touch with you for when we’ll need you next.”

I smiled, “Of course.”

I grabbed my bag and went to the door, where Tom was still standing. I opened it and smiled weakly at him.

“Thank you, Savannah,” Tom said as he closed the door behind me.

Out of habit, my legs carried me down the street. I immediately turned like I was making for the bus station, but something stopped me.

I didn’t want to go back to the flat. That’s all I really knew. I couldn’t go back and see Eva. Nothing in the world sounded worse to me, and I knew I needed to stay out, at least for a little while.

Instead of taking the bus to the Hammersmith Station like I normally did, and taking that directly to the Caledonian Road Station, I found myself walking to the closer Ravenscourt Park Station. I wasn’t sure what my plan was, but I knew that this would at least delay my return to the flat.

The Tube car was crowded, as rush hour was now in full swing, and I kept my eyes straight forward. I wasn’t sure where I was going, or how much money I had on my Oyster card. I didn’t get off at Victoria to transfer, and I didn’t sit down even when given the opportunity to.

After several stops, the people in the seats had changed out entirely. I had discovered earlier that it was a huge taboo in the UK to make eye contact with anybody on the Tube, like breaking a law. A few seats from where I was standing, I noticed a familiar snapback and a familiar lock of dirty blonde hair sticking out of it. I instantly looked down, hoping to avoid his gaze, but it was too late.

“Hey, Savannah!” Brody waved, “Fancy seeing you here.”

“Hi, Brody,” I returned quietly. I silently prayed that my makeup hadn’t smeared too much and it wasn’t obvious that I had been crying. I shot him a quick smile, although I had never been the best at hiding my feelings.

“Are you alright, love?” he asked, “You seem a bit down.”

“I’m fine,” I lied, “I’ve just had a rough day.”

“Let me buy you a drink,” Brody suggested, “Get your mind off of it.”

“I’m fine, really,” I told him.

“No, I insist,” Brody stood up much the horror of several people around us, “I was just going to meet some friends anyway. You should come.”

The Tube began to slow and Brody grabbed my wrist, “C’mon!”

I didn’t have it in me to fight him, and just followed him out, although I did pull away the second we were on the platform. As far as I was concerned, this was one way to avoid having to face my flat for a little while longer.

“Brody, where are we going?” I asked as I hurried to catch him, “What are we doing?”

“I told you! I’m going to buy you a drink!” Brody walked quickly and I struggled to keep up with him.

It didn’t take long for the crowd from the station to clear as Brody led me down a series of winding roads. I hadn’t been to this area of London, and though it looked okay, I was still a bit worried.

“You wanna tell me what’s wrong?” Brody asked as he led me into a bar a few blocks down from the station.

“Nothing’s wrong,” I insisted, flashing a quick, insincere smile.

“Yeah, right,” Brody rolled his eyes. He grabbed a seat at the bar itself and motioned for me to join him. I did.

“We’ll take two shots of vodka, please,” Brody told the bartender with a cheeky grin. He slid a note across the bar and the bartender grunted in agreement.

The shots were slid back at his and Brody grabbed his. I eyed mine apprehensively, but Brody nodded at me and I picked mine up and together we drank. The liquid burned my throat but I forced it down.

“Not too bad, huh?” Brody asked me, “Eva told me you weren’t much of a drinker. You handled that well.”

“Thanks,” I muttered. I smiled at him, though I wanted nothing more but to get the taste out of my mouth.

“We’ll take two more!” Brody called to the bartender.

Against my better judgement, I chugged the liquid again.

“Wanna tell me what’s wrong now?” Brody asked after I finished it and had forced my expression back to something neutral and not disgust.

“Nothing’s wrong,” I repeated.

“You sure?” Brody pressed, but I just shook my head, “Hey, two more shots!”

“I, uh, just want a beer this time,” I told him before the bartender could get them.

“Get the girl a pint!” Brody cried. He was loud and boisterous and I didn’t like it.

Brody downed several more shots while I worked on my beer. I was getting somewhere with it, unlike last time. Eva would be proud of me, I thought bitterly.

“Brody!” A collection of boys entered the boy, each louder than the last. They yelled their greetings to Brody and Brody hollered back.

“Lads!” Brody cried, “Lads!”

The leader of the group pointed to a booth in the back, and without saying anything to me, Brody slid off his seat and hurried to join them. I was alone, but I still had my beer.

I was sure that it looked like a some sort of sad cliche, a girl at a bar all alone sipping on her beer. The alcohol hadn’t helped and I only felt worse than before.

“Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?” An older man put his hand on Brody’s seat, and I eyed Brody in the back of the bar.

“No,” I told him, “And I was just leaving, too.”

I jumped off my seat and offered him it.

“Great, thanks,” he said as he took my seat.

I didn’t look back at Brody as I navigated my way out of the bar and onto to the street. The fresh air felt nice compared to the stuffiness of the bar. I started walking, although I wasn’t quite sure where I was headed. I had been too focused on following Brody when I came to pay attention to the street names and directions.

“Savannah! Hey!” I wasn’t even fifteen feet away from the bar when I heard Harry call my name, a few steps behind me.

“Dear Lord,” I muttered to myself.

“What?” Harry called as he caught up with me, “It’s nice to see you, too.”

“I’m sorry. It is nice to see you. I’ve literally ran into everybody who I know in this town today,” I said by way of explanation, “It’s just been a long day; it’s nothing personal.”

“Oh,” Harry shrugged. He didn’t seem offended, “What are you doing out?”

“I, uh, I was just at the bar.” I pointed to where I just came out from.

Harry eyed the bar suspiciously, “You just didn’t seem like the type of person to frequent a place like that,” Harry made a face, “No offensive or anything… I mean, I figured since you wouldn’t go out for Halloween -”

“I’m not,” I cut him off before he could make the situation worse, “I got dragged there by a friend and then he ditched me and now I’m here.”

“Oh, that’s shitty.” Harry matched his stride to mine, which was something of a struggle due to his legs being far longer than mine.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“Niall lives around here!” Harry pointed to a tall condo a few buildings down, “In that building.”

“That’s neat.” We had reached a corner and while I stopped to cross, Harry turned.

“Do you want a ride?” Harry asked, stalling for a second.

“Sure,” I agreed. I followed him to his car which was down the street a ways. I climbed into the passenger seat.

“Savannah, are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” I was fine, at least compared to how I was doing earlier, “What makes you think I’m not?”

“Well for one you accepted my offer for a ride without any hesitations, which you never do,” Harry started, “And for a another you haven’t smiled once. You normally at least do that little fake smile.”

Something in Harry’s voice set me off. I could feel my eyes start to water again, but I took a deep breath, “I’m fine.”

“You really look like it,” Harry commented, taking his eyes off the road to glance at me, “Sorry, that was rude.” He reached in front of me to the glove compartment and opened it. A packet of tissues was there and he grabbed one and handed it to me, “Here you go.”

“Thanks.” Tears were flowing freely now, the way they always did when somebody was kind to me when I cried. People comforting me had the opposite effect that it should.

“Can I do anything to make you feel better?” Harry asked, “Take you anywhere? Get you anything?”

“I want - I need, I want, I wanna go home,” I blubbered.

“That’s not a problem,” Harry grinned, “I’m already giving you a ride.”

I managed to dry my tears a bit, only letting one escape every so often. Tiredness set over me, a result of crying and also the alcohol I had consumed earlier. We didn’t speak, but it wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable. Harry seemed weirdly unphased by my tears and sniffles.

Harry turned on to my street, and the truth hit me harder than ever before. There was a For Sale sign in my front yard and both of my parents and my brother were sitting in jail cells incapable of doing anything about it. And I was in London, too far away to do anything about it. I began dry heaving, and sobbing harder than I was before.

Harry noticed the change and turned to me as he pulled up to my flat, “No?” he asked, “Not what you want?”

“I want to go home,” I articulated the best I could.

“Home?” Harry repeated. He had become blurry before me, but I could almost seem him arch his eyebrows at me in confusion.

“I. Want. To. Go. Home,” I managed between sobs, “I - want - to - go - home.”

“Boston." Harry's moment of understanding washed over him and his voice got softer. I nodded at his realization.

"I wanna go home, I wanna go home," I cried. I could feel my words slurring together and wondered if Harry could even understand me.

"Savannah, you don't have a home to go home to.”

I just sobbed harder, "I wanna go home, I wanna go home, I wanna go home," I repeated.

“I’m so sorry, Savannah,” Harry whispered softly.

“I wanna go home, I wanna go home.”

“Shh, Savannah, we’re going home. I’m taking you home, shhh.” Harry’s whispers filled my ears and I closed my eyes, my tears subsiding just a bit. His repeated promises of going home was the last thing I heard as I felt the car start up again, and the movement lulled me to sleep.