Illicit Love

Gabriella stood in her closet wearing nothing but an oversized T-shirt. Normally she would be standing in her bra and underwear, but she can’t pick out her lingerie for the evening before knowing her outfit. She desperately wished she knew what Carl was planning for this evening, for it would make choosing her attire so much easier. She did not want to be dressed too fancy, but she didn’t want to be too casual, either. This was a constantly recurring dilemma for Gabriella. After what seemed like an eternity, she finally decided on a blue fit and flare dress.

As if deciding on her outfit wasn’t difficult enough, now Gabriella had an even bigger problem: makeup. The bruises on her nose and around her eyes were even more noticeable than they were before. She immediately went to work, caking on foundation and concealer, but that only made them look worse. She ultimately decided to just take it all off, focusing instead on her eyes and lip. She chose a neutral smokey eye, paired with a nude lip, and decided the just leave her naturally straight hair the way it was: in a deep side part.

Gabriella was dreading this date tonight. Why? She couldn't really say. Part of her really liked being with Carl. He was funny, smart, and just an overall good guy. He found ways to calm her nerves before her competition that she had never known about. He cared about her, and actually listened when she spoke. And let's not forget about the sex....

But at the same time, the thought of a relationship with him made her want to back her bags and head for the hills. She liked the way things were with Carl. They were simple, yet fun, with no commitment. Wouldn't a title change all of that?

Glancing at the clock, Gabriella noticed that she was already running late for this dreaded date. She knew that John would ask her all about the date tomorrow, and despite not wanting to go, she knew she would get shit from him if she didn’t. And Gabriella could never bring herself to lie to those big, blue eyes. Scurry around the truth, yes, but not lie.

Letting out a huff of annoyance, she grabbed her clutch, which was already filled with all of her essentials, and headed out towards the street. From the safety of her dorm, she hadn’t noticed that it had started to rain, or that the late November temperatures were dipping towards the lower 40 degrees. She cursed under her breath as she desperately tried to hail a taxi, angry at herself for forgetting to grab a jacket. Thankfully, it didn’t take her too long to obtain a cab, only getting semi-drenched in the process.

It wasn’t long before the car rolled to a stop in front of the familiar luxury apartments that she had found herself in far too often. After quickly paying the driver, Gabriella sprinted inside the building, earning a smile from the doorman who had seemed to recognize her from her numerous nights here.

“Would you like me to call Mr. Hagelin to tell him that you are on your way up?” he asked kindly.

“No thank you,” Gabriella responded with a warm smile. In all honesty, she wasn’t positive that she wasn’t going to turn around and head back home. Nonetheless, she found herself inside the elevator, heading up to his floor.

Standing in front of the familiar door, Gabriella began to have serious doubts. She truly should have come in with a serious plan of action. She was no FDR. She couldn’t come in and spontaneously come up with a plan to lead herself out of this tragic situation. If she turned back now, she could tell him she got sick herself when visiting Chris to see if he was okay. It was a plausible excuse.

Just as she was about to turn around to head home, the door flew open, revealing a very panicked Carl Hagelin, holding a burning pot in his hand.

Carl couldn’t believe that in the ten seconds he left the pot unattended, that the chicken he was cooking had caught fire. He quickly poured water over the flames, and grabbed the pot to run over to his neighbor’s apartment to ask if there was anything he could do to salvage the meal. His neighbor was a sweet old woman who was always sending him recipes upon seeing the endless amounts of take-out he got. Carl, needless to say, wasn’t much of a cook.

Noting that Gabriella should be here any moment, he picked up his tempo, flinging the door open. He did not, however, expect to see such a wonderful sight on the other side of the door. God, no matter how many times he stared at her, Carl could never believe how beautiful Gabriella is. Seeing her standing there in front of him, looking so innocent from being caught off-guard, made Carl forget where he was and what he was doing for a moment.

“Carl,” Gabriella spoke softly, pulling Carl out of his trance. Pointing to the pot, she added, “I think you burnt it.”

“Yeah,” he said with a chuckle. “I think I did, too. Please, come in.” Stepping aside, Gabriella hesitantly entered his home.

As Carl went over towards the kitchen sink, Gabriella followed him, taking a seat on one of the barstools at the counter. From the sight of all the pots and pans on various burners, she assumed that Carl had attempted to cook them dinner. Gabriella thought it was a cute gesture, but it only made her more nervous. This boy was falling hard for her.

Carl stared down at the pot as he covered the destroyed meal with water. “I know you get nervous when we go out in public together,” he admitted, slightly embarrassed. The thought he put into the evening actually warmed Gabriella’s heart.

“I’m already calling in for Thai food,” Gabriella laughed. “Do you want your usual order?” The Thai restaurant they usually order from is open 24 hours, so it wasn’t uncommon for them to order food after a night of vigorous exercise.

Carl watched Gabriella attentively as she called in to order the food. He wondered how he had missed goosebumps covering her entire body, as well as the giant bruise that covered a third of her face before. He figured it must have had something to do with the terrible hall lighting.

“Gabriella Kreider! Why on Earth’s sake are you not wearing a coat?” Carl chastised after she had hung up the phone.

“I forgot to grab one on my way out.”

Carl made his way over to Gabriella’s side of the counter. “Come on,” he sang, holding a hand out for her to take. “We need to get you in some dry clothes.”

"No Carl," she objected. "I'm fine."

Carl did not take no for an answer, however. "No, you aren't. You're going to get pneumonia, and I refuse to let that happen on my watch," he insisted. Gabriella gave in, not wanting to argue with him over something so stupid. The two slowly made their way towards Carl’s closet.

“I can’t change,” Gabriella objected, trying one last attempt to get her way. “Your version of me changing is putting on one of your old sweatshirts. You’re wearing khakis and a button down. You’ll be dressed much nicer than me.”

“Well, we can’t have that, now can we?” Carl asked with a smirk. Gabriella cocked her head to the side, not quite understanding what he was getting at. Reaching into his closet, Carl pulled out another one of his button downs, handing it to Gabriella to put on, before quickly leaving the room.

For the first time that night, Gabriella realized that she was shivering. She reluctantly took off her dress, and replaced it with Carl's shirt, which reached slightly below her buttocks. She involuntarily smiled as she pulled the shirt over her head as the scent of his cologne filled her nostrils.

As she returned to the kitchen, Carl couldn't help but keep his eyes glued to her long, toned legs. Feeling his eyes stuck on her, Gabriella felt the sudden urge to cover herself. It was a strange feeling for the usually confident girl. She decided to strategically place herself on the opposite side of the counter from where Carl was, which prevented him from viewing her bare lower half. As long as she kept her distance from Carl tonight, she would be fine.

"Gab," Carl spoke, filling the silence. "What happened to your nose?"

Gabriella laughed at herself, remembering the stupidity of the event earlier in the day. "I'm such an idiot. When I was grabbing my luggage off the cargo thing on the train, I dropped my bag on my face." Looking up, she noted true concern written all over the blonde's face. "I'm fine though," she quickly added.

Carl, however, didn't buy it. He swiftly made his way to Gabriella's side of the counter, standing directly in front of her. Gabriella tried to push herself further into the counter, attempting to enlarge the gap between them. Carl took a quarter step forward, eliminating that space that Gabriella desperately tried to hold onto. He reached out a warm hand, lightly grazing her injured nose. His touch caused Gabriella to stiffen. She squeezed her eyes shut so as to not get trapped in his piercing blue ones.

"Does that hurt?" he questioned softly. She shook her head in response. "Then what's wrong?" he asked confoundedly.

"Nothing's wrong!" she gasped as she tried to wiggle herself free from him. "I'm just a little cold is all. I think I'm going to go grab some sweatpants," she rushed out as she sprinted down the hall towards his bedroom.

Unfortunately for Gabriella, Carl's speed translated off ice, as well. He was easily able to catch up to her. He grabbed her wrist, spinning her body around and pinning her against the wall next to the door.

"Gab," he said, placing a kiss on her jawbone. "If you don't tell me what's wrong..." He paused mid sentence to place another kiss on her neck. "I'm never having sex with you again."

Gabriella turned her head to one side, which Carl took as an opportunity to keep assaulting her neck. His advances were causing Gabriella to melt inside; the one thing she didn't want to happen.

"For God's sake Carl! That is the problem!" she shouted, exasperated. The exclamation caused Carl take a step away from her, and stare at her with a look of pure confusion on his face.

"You're going to have to explain this to me because I'm lost," he stated, aggravation evident in his tone. He didn't understand why Gabriella was being so fickle about everything. But to be honest, she didn't, either.

"All I wanted from you was sex! And then you had to go and mess everything up by being a perfect human being! You even laughed at all of my nerdy jokes."

"Wait, so you don't want sex anymore?" Carl interjected, looking for clarification.

"No, I do. That's the problem. I still want the sex but I don't want a relationship. But I still want to be friends with you because I feel like you understand me more than I understand myself. But I don't think we can do both," she ranted.

"Wait, let me get this straight." Carl had the pause to let all the information sort through his head. "So you want me to be with you as friends. You want to hang out with me and talk with me. And you want the sex. That basically sounds like being a couple to me, but that's what you don't want."

"Yeah, pretty much," she whispered, realizing just how stupid she sounded at the way he explained things.

"It sounds to me like you have commitment issues," he smirked, thinking he found the root of all the problems facing them at the moment.

"I don't have commitment issues," she retorted. "I'm just married to skating."

"And I'm married to hockey. But I still think we could make it work. So that obviously isn't the problem either." Carl pondered for a moment, trying to get a sense for what was going on in Gabriella's pretty little head. He was usually so good at reading people. "Is this about Chris?"

Gabriella rolled her eyes in disgust. "No, this is not about Chris! If this was about Chris, I wouldn't even be here in the first place," she trailed off.

"Then there must be another guy, right? Prince Charming has already swept you off your feet, and now you're just here to tell me that?" he interrogated.

The statement hit Gabriella like a freight train. It brought up old feelings that she had thought she had buried long ago. But apparently those emotions were still just as raw, and just as painful. And when Carl said it, it made her realize that those feelings were preventing her from advancing things with him.

"I think I should go," she whispered, shyly staring at her feet. She quickly turned on her heel to gather her belongings in the kitchen. Carl followed closely behind her, his heart torn in half.

Gabriella was his perfect girl. Smart, beautiful, with a great sense of humor and a mind that always knew what it wanted. But she had just been ripped away from him, because another man has already claimed her as his own. He couldn't believe he had missed his chance.

Gabriella stood at the counter, all of her things neatly piled in front of her. Her face was blank, like she had just seen a ghost. For some reason, this unnerved Carl more than he expected it to.

"I hope he treats you right, Gabriella. I hope he makes you feel like the princess I would make you feel like. And for God's sake, I hope he never hurts you, or I'll kill him." Carl couldn't help himself from holding back these sentiments. If Gabriella was going to walk out of his life for someone else, he better be worth it. Although, the moment he said it, he wished he could take it right back.

The words shattered the barrier that Gabriella had so desperately tried to keep up for the past year. She could no longer hold in the tears she had forbid herself from shedding on that dreaded day a year ago. Her sobs were so violent that she hinged in half, clutching her stomach before eventually succumbing to the floor. She sat in a ball, knees pulled into her chest, tucking her head into her knees as she finally allowed herself to cry.

Carl couldn't believe the scene that was unfolding before his eyes. He felt like the biggest asshole for making Gabriella cry like that. He didn't even know what he had said that set her off, but it didn't matter. His own heart hurt seeing her so upset. He needed to see her smile again.

He immediately went over to her, easily swooping her up in her arms, and taking her over to the couch. He sat down with her in his lap as she cried, soaking the front of his shirt. He cooed to her softly for a while as he stroked her hair, attempting to calm her down.

"I'm so... Sorry... Carl," she managed to choke after calming down a significant bit.

Carl put a slight pout on his face. Carl was the one who had made her cry. She shouldn't be apologizing for that. He gently rubbed away the stray tear on her cheek with the pad of his thumb. "What are you sorry for?"

"For being an emotional mess," she stated simply, trying to bring humor into the situation.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Gabriella deeply contemplated the question before eventually nodding her head. "I've never told anyone about this before," she stated, with a slight hint of embarrassment.

"That's okay," Carl smiled. "I won't tell anyone."

That one little statement of trust brought a smile to the poor girl'a face. "Thanks Carl." She took a shaky breath, before she started to tell the story with a roller coaster of emotions. "I've only been in one other serious relationship. His name was Tom, and now that I think about it, you remind me so much of him. But that's irrelevant. I thought he was perfect, and he always said he felt the same way. We were both 16 when he finally asked me out. We were so happy together. Everyone we knew told us we were meant to be. I know I was so young, but I truly loved him with all my heart. I couldn't imagine myself with anyone else but him."

Gabriella had to pause, for she knew she was going to get emotional again soon. "But after eleven months together, I found out he was cheating on me. I felt so stupid for thinking he loved me." She unconsciously gripped Carl's shirt, balling her hands into tiny fists as silent tears slipped down her cheeks.

"I had to break up with him. I never told anyone why, not even Chris. It ruined me. The emotional pain was so unbearable. I never want to feel that pain again," she admitted. To this point, she has remained relatively calm, with a stone cold, blank expression on her face. "I thought he might even have been the one!" she wailed as she threw her head into the crook of Carl's neck, letting her body succumb to tears yet again.

Carl hated seeing her like this. He didn't know how anyone could do this to her. Gabriella was so... Perfect didn't even begin to describe the way Carl viewed her. How could anyone want to be with someone else when they had her right in their arms? But as Carl sat there, holding Gabriella as she let out the pain she had concealed for so long, the gears slowly started turning in his head.

Gabriella has spent her life with Chris, the guy who is now notoriously known for bringing a different girl home every weekend. Her life revolves around the NHL, a league known for not having the most loyal significant others. And then she was cheated on by the guy she thought she would spend the rest of her life with.

She's just afraid of getting hurt again.

"Gab," Carl cooed. She slowly picked her head up off of his shoulder. "You have to trust me when I say I would never do that to you." He wanted to go on, tell her how amazingly perfect she is, but he didn't want to cross his boundary of sentimentality just yet.

She picked her head up off his shoulder, meeting his blue orbs with her gray ones. "Don't you see?" she whispered through the tears. "I can't trust anyone."

"But haven't you heard of the song by P!nk? You're not broken, just bent, and you can learn to love again."

And just like that, a giggle took over Gabriella's tiny body, and the tears stopped flowing. And that's when she realized just how great Carl was to her. That's when she realized how much he cared. A guy who would make her laugh when she was upset, now that's a guy worth holding onto.

"Okay," she whispered through her smile.

Carl stared at her with slanted eyes, not understanding her statement. She laughed at him before planting a kiss on his lips, one which he met with a fierce hunger. When they pulled apart, Gabriella's puffy eyes matched her swollen lips. Carl couldn't help but think she was still the most beautiful girl he ever saw.

"Okay."