A Case of Unknown Identity

There’s really no way to look at someone and tell them you know their secret identity. It’s secret for a reason. There are so many ways they can react.

Let’s pretend for a moment that you’re Batman. Bruce Wayne goes by Batman for a reason, and that reason is so that no one knows who he really is. Bat Wayne, no, Bruce Man, Fuck, Batman, is just this normal guy prancing around his city with a cape and fighting crime. Without the mask, you wouldn’t be all that impressed. You wouldn’t be interested in the man behind the mask after they make their alter ego so interesting.

“Hey look it’s Ken from accounting fighting off a giant lizard in the break room,” just doesn’t have the same ring to it as, “look at that amazing superhero with the bitchin’ name saving lives!” Anonymity protects, and it reassures.

So how do you go about walking up to your best friend’s brother, to tell him that you are kind of in love with him, and his online persona? In this situation Gerard would be Batman, though he’s a bit more attractive than several incarnations of the dark knight. How do you go up to Bruce Wayne and tell him you know he’s Batman?

Bruce might deny it.

He might reluctantly admit he is, and nod.

He might kick you in the nards and run away.

He might confirm it but then tell you he has to kill you because you know.

He might hug you and say he needs a friend.

He might retire the cape because you found out.

He might get angry and try to destroy your reputation.

He might ask you to come join him in fighting crime.

There’s a rainbow of different things Bruce might say. There’s an equal number of things Gerard might say. There are so many bad things he could do that Frank doesn’t know which the worst is anymore. Frank can’t even bare to think what will happen if Gerard turns him away after finding out.

So what’s the key to telling Gerard? There isn’t one. Timing maybe?

Frank thinks about it, as he looks at himself in his bathroom mirror, that the time has finally come. He’s forgiven Gerard, and he’s really fallen for him, so he has no other choice if he ever want to make out with the guy.

Gerard has no idea when the right time is to drop that bomb either. It’s a huge bomb, it’s an Australia sized bomb. Well maybe more of a New Zealand sized bomb, but that’s still a big ass fucking bomb.

Frank makes a checklist as to when he should do it. He decides on a Thursday, because then Gerard will have a chance to think about it over the weekend, but he will also be able to give Frank a response on Friday. Then the question is before school, between classes, at lunch, at the end of the day, or on the walk home. Then there’s the format in which he does it, whether in speech, text, chat, or phone call. And he can say it in front of someone or alone, or in a public space with people walking around, or alone in like a closet.

Frank sighs, and he goes through his final strategy again. It’s Thursday morning, so it’s going to be today, and he’s on fire. It’s his second to last day to say it before winter break though. Maybe it can be like a Christmas present or something? A really stupid one, but a present.

He does make a final plan though.

Thursday: school: at the end of the day: speech: alone: public area.

Over and over he runs through it. He probably looks like he’s being poked repeatedly with needles because his eyes are pretty wide throughout everything.

“You look like you were just informed that you swallowed a PlayStation,” Mikey says at lunch. He’s sitting right next to Gerard and when he smiles at Frank, he blushes and looks down. What is this guy doing to him? Every time he’s with Gerard nowadays it feels like he’s going to faint. He’s got it bad.

Gerard does too, but they just don’t know that.

“Something wrong?” Gerard asks.

“The Israeli Palestinian conflict. The third season of Glee. The patriarchy and its effect on the misogynistic view of women in society. The global financial crisis. Asparagus,” Frank answers. He doesn’t actually intend to be funny or anything he’s just got a lot of stupid stuff floating around in his mind.

“You’re right all of those things are wrong,” Gerard answers, with a toothy grin. He’s so perfect and sweet though, Frank doesn’t want to ruin the friendship they have. Maybe they’ll have a stronger friendship when he tells Gerard. Maybe Gerard will want to have a relationship. Wishful thinking but a boy can pray.

Ray and Mikey don’t seem to be bothered by Frank, who’s always a complete weirdo, but Gerard keeps looking at him with that cute little grin, and Brendon just looks like he’s concerned for Frank’s mental stability. And maybe he should be, Frank’s an oddball, you never know.

“You look like you’re trying to put on mascara,” Brendon eventually concludes.

“He does, a little bit,” Gerard says.

“You would know,” Mikey answers, referencing Gerard’s eyeliner.

Frank likes Gerard’s eyeliner. He’s got to stop staring at him now because Gerard’s staring back. Frank looks down at his hands in his lap to try and pretend he wasn’t gawking at Mikey’s older brother.

He just wishes Gerard would stop doing that thing with his face where he’s attractive. It’s distracting.

The face is so distracting that he almost gets a detention in English for not paying attention but thankfully he sits next to Brendon who knew Frank was drifting off and conveniently wrote down the answer to the question at hand.

“Thanks man,” Frank says.

“Do you think my helping you out earns me a bit of an explanation? What’s got you so unfocused?”

“I’ll tell you if it’s anything. It has the potential to be life changing, life ruining or life will just be the same.”

“Wow, vague,” Brendon sighs.

“Are you going to be over it by Friday? We’re hanging at Mikey’s remember?”

“What? Oh, yeah,” Frank answers. He’d almost forgotten that they were having a movie night on Friday. He has the chance to tell Gerard then too, but he decides that he’s set himself up so much today, that it’s too late now. It’s going to happen.

Brendon doesn’t try to say anything else because he knows Frank’s not listening as he’s drifted back into his sleepless void.

He counts the minutes as they pass on the clock, and he doesn’t know whether he wants the hands to speed faster or slower. He wants to let it out, but he doesn’t want to change anything.

Twenty minutes turns into ten. Ten minutes turns into five. His precious seconds pass him so fast that he’s positive someone must have tampered with the clock, but no one did.

The bell rings, and he walks out of the classroom, to his locker, out the school and to the spot where he meets Mikey and Gerard.

He sees Gerard, and holy shit this is about to happen.

“Uh,” Is all Frank says in greeting to them.

“And to you too,” Mikey says, looking at him with a laugh.

“Hey can I talk to you Gerard?” Oh god he just said those words out loud.

“Without me?” Mikey asks, mocking hurt.

“Yes, without you Mikey, you can go on ahead,” Frank answers.

Gerard looks alarmed by Frank’s insistence but he smiles, eager to know what Frank has to say.

Mikey rolls his eyes and then sets off slowly, and Frank doesn’t say anything until Mikey realizes Frank’s not going to say anything when Mikey’s within earshot. He quickens up after that and Frank then stares awkwardly at Gerard.

“What’s up, Frank?”

“The sky. Gas prices. Floating monkeys,” Frank answers, and then stares down at his own feet.

He gulps a few times, and then looks back at Gerard.

The wind in his bright red hair sweeps in his eyes slightly but steadily, blowing one way and it’s hypnotizing. Gerard’s eyes are almost golden in the light, and Frank doesn’t want to ruin any of this.

The only reason Gerard isn’t freaking out is because Frank looks really cute when he’s all anxious. He’s biting his lip, and the metal of the lip ring makes a quiet clink against his teeth. Frank’s a little paler than usual but Gerard just assumes it’s because of the cold.

“Okay so,” Frank starts and then trails off, “uhm...”

“Are you okay, Frankie?”

Oh great call him Frankie and make him ten times more scared. Anyone else calling him Frankie kind of makes him want to rip out their tongue but the way Gerard says it... The way Gerard does a lot of things is strangely beautiful. Like the way he blinks.

“Well, here’s the thing, I have to tell you something. More like admit something.”

That scares Gerard a little bit, but he just nods and looks down at Frank with concentration pure on his face.

Just go for it Frank. Just pull the Band-Aid off, and then it’ll be done.

Oh god, he can feel himself about to say it.

A croaking noise, followed by a nervous bleat, and Frank opens his mouth.

Even though his stomach is teasing him with the risk of puking, he doesn’t do that, but instead he blurts it out speedily and it’s extremely high pitched.

“I’m Pansy, and I know you’re Watchman.”

Frank looks down at his shoes again, studying the laces which are a little frayed at the end, while Gerard kind of stands there with something far beyond shock.

He takes a deep breath and says the last thing Frank had though he would say.

“I know.”

Frank looks back up at Gerard and his eyes are wider than they were earlier so that they have the danger of falling right out of his skull.

“How do... what?” Frank asks.

“I’ve known for a few weeks. I didn’t know you knew.”

“I- you knew? I knew too! Well you know that. How can you possibly know? Tell me how you know,” Frank demands.

“Defenestrate stupid. Who else walks around threatening to toss people out of windows? How did you know?”

Frank feels like a dolt after Gerard says that. He never even considered that. What else had he said to Gerard that could have been incriminating?

“Frank, how do you know?” Gerard repeats, and he realizes he’s been quiet for a while.

“I, er, don’t get mad,” Frank asks, and Gerard nods, “you left your computer on when I was over.”

Gerard blushes a little bit and then laughs.

“Why are you laughing?” Frank asks.

“I’ve been so scared of telling you, because I didn’t know how you’d react, but I mean... you already know.”

“Me too!” Frank says, “I’ve been planning how to tell you for a week. I didn’t want to, like, lose you as a friend.”

Gerard shakes his head frantically, “no never! You’re way too amazing.”

Frank smiles at that, and giggles as well. It’s okay, everything is going to be alright.

When neither of them brings up the fact that they like each other as more than friends though, they both assume the other doesn’t. Gratefully the two of them walk across the field to their homes, too late to catch up with Mikey.

Frank’s chest which had felt like it had had fifty rubber bands tied around it, now feels like he has never been more relieved.

They’re both really giggly when they walk home, telling each other stories about how they’d wanted to tell the other.

“Gerard I just... I can’t believe it’s you, and now you’re not two different people anymore. You’re just Gee.”

“I know, same,” Gerard answers back smiling.

“Does this mean we can stop using that website and just be like friends?” Frank asks.

“I guess so. I mean Frank, you’re my best friend. Like honestly, you really are.”

“Don’t tell Mikey but you’re mine too. Well Watchman was, but Watchman is you so that makes you my best friend.”

“You’re not disappointed by him being me?” Gerard asks sheepishly.

“What? No! Why? Are you disappointed in me being Pansy?”

“No, definitely not! Sorry I didn’t mean to freak you out or anything, I just thought you’d be upset that I’m not as perfect as I tried to be online.”

“I don’t think you really had to try,” Frank says, and he blushes profusely at that. He notices they’re in front of his house and he’s supposed to say bye to Gerard now, but he doesn’t know that he wants to. However much he wants to go hangout at the Way’s though he has homework to do that he can’t put off.

“I’ll see you tomorrow Gee,” he says downheartedly.

“Okay, bye Frank. I guess we’ll see each other a lot tomorrow, wont we?” Gerard responds, and Frank suddenly feels very hppy about the fact that he’s staying over at their house tomorrow.

“Yeah, I look forward to it,” Frank answers honestly as he walks up the driveway, and waves back at Gerard from his front door.

He enters the house a little light headed, and collapses on his bed in a very happy mood.

“I am so going to marry that boy someday,” he whispers to himself.