Status: ♂♂

Don't Pick Up


You sit in the car until the engine stops whirring, the sudden silence startling you a little. You try to clamber out of the car without taking your seatbelt off, getting stuck before you even have the door fully open.

Swearing to yourself, you fall back against the seat, eyes burning, and will yourself not to do something ridiculous like crying.


The funny thing is, you can’t really remember the last time someone touched you like this, like you’re wading through water and gasping for breath and it’s the most amazing kind of dizzy, skin electrified and warm.

You shy away when Liev slips his hands under your shirt, feeling the sinewy muscle of his chest, sharp angles of your ribs. He drops his forehead against yours, lets you adjust to cold hands and exploring fingers.


He breathes against your mouth, and you nod. Your apprehension is palpable. So is your excitement, and you let Liev touch you, you let him touch just there, just like that. The funny thing is, you aren’t even shaking.


You wake up on the couch in the late afternoon with a headache like an Atom bomb. You're still in your day clothes, and fuck, you're so lost.

You make coffee and clean the apartment, pack and fold his things into flat-pack boxes and grocery bags. God, look at how your hands are shaking.


You want to set the boxes on the curb. You want to erase his fingerprints on every surface, from your skin. You want to burn something, his things, him. You feel like a stranger in your home.

It’s such a heavy weight that you just don't know how to carry.


Your phone buzzes with Liev’s hands on your belt, and he stops, drops his head to your thigh.

You look at him and he smiles.

“Don’t pick up.”


“I’m not the answer. I don’t… I don’t know if I want to be.”


Liev’s lips are warm and dry and when you look into his eyes it feels like you’re seeing for miles and miles.

You hide a smile in his neck. You hide a smile.


You don’t think you’ll ever smile again.