Come Live With Me

18.

I was finally 18 years old! Of course mother didn’t remember at all, but I was going out tonight to wherever Ben wanted to take me. He knew his way around the pubs and clubs, and I didn’t care either way.

The last two months or so with Benedict had been amazing. That first night, when my mother had shot me down to my lowest, was followed by the most motivational morning I had had for such a long time. I woke up and looked out of my window, appreciating the fact that I lived in the most wonderful city in England, remembering that I was doing well at sixth form, and most importantly, that I was the girlfriend of the most charming, handsome man I had ever met – and he liked me the same. It had inspired me to stop wallowing in my own self pity. I tidied up my bedroom that day, throwing out all the old junk that I had been holding on to. My mother hadn’t remembered a thing after a full night zonked out on sleeping pills, so she was a lot easier to handle the next day. I’d watched as many of Benedict’s DVDs as possible, so I had something to keep me entertained, and it was incredible to see how talented he was. I felt a sense of smug pride in being able to say he was my partner. Of course there were times where I’d get upset, overanalyse things, and I still had a few sleep problems – but that was just how my mind worked and I tried not to focus on it.

Anyway, since then, we’d been out on secret trips, been able to keep out of the lens of the camera, and he’d even been to wait at the sixth form gates for me a few times so that we could go for a stroll straight after. I’d grown better at timing my mother’s doses and how long she’d be a zombie for, so I’d been able to spend a lot more time with him without her realising. Now he waits in a hooded jacket outside the college every two or three days, avoiding any kind of attention, strangely. We’d cleverly planned it so that nobody suspected anything, just me leaving hand in hand with a guy. It was going beautifully.

Tonight, however, was the night I’d been waiting for since I found out I’d actually be celebrating this year’s birthday properly. I’d given my mother her dinner and a large dosage a little early, so that she fell asleep as I left and woke up when I’d be back – I was planning to stay at Ben’s house that night, because he knew where we were going and we didn’t know how drunk we were going to get; he wanted me to be safe.
I wore a lacy scarlet bodycon dress that Ben had picked out for me while we were shopping a week or two ago (and kindly paid for too, not that I’d chosen anything pricey), and some beige heels I’d had for years. I’d set my hair in some cheap Velcro rollers and it turned out bouffant and shiny, which along with my make up made me feel really proud of the effort I had put into my appearance.
I checked on my sleeping mother, before putting my purse and a little hip flask in my handbag and slipping on my sleek little black, faux-leather jacket. I heard two beeps from a car horn outside and grabbed my keys from the side, knowing that would be Benedict in a cab.

He was standing outside the open cab door when I reached him, as I shut my front door with the knocker. Ben wasn’t wearing anything too flashy; just a white shirt, a jacket and some jeans. He pecked me on the lips and pulled me into a hug.

“Happy birthday, beautiful” he smiled softly as our bodies distanced themselves once more, his hand resting on my hip. I thanked him and crawled into the back of the cab as classily as I could.

“So where are you taking me?” I asked curiously, excited beyond belief about finally being able to drink legally in a club or a bar.

“I thought I’d show you how to go clubbing,” he said, smirking at me from the seat next to me. I smiled back at him, almost bouncing up and down with excitement. I’d never been to a club before!
I held Benedict’s hand as we approached the flashy looking club, with lights and strobes and loud music all filling my ears and eyes. He paid the cabby as I stood in awe at the beautiful place I’d never seen before, not being able to travel as far as this usually.

“It’s so pretty!” I said, pointing up at the pink lights making out the name of the club. I turned around to him, beaming him the biggest smile I could possibly make.
“Thank you so much for bringing me here!” I breathed. He tittered at me, slipping his hand around my waist as we walked towards the bouncer.

“You’ve not even seen the inside yet, Jen.” He smiled, his eyes roaming all over my awestruck face. I couldn’t keep concentration on one thing for long; it was all so new and exciting to me.

“Alright, Ben?” the cockney bouncer chimed cheerfully to my boyfriend. I clung onto Ben’s arm in the chilly night air as he let us through. The smell of fruity alcoholic drinks and bodies filled my airways, and it was wonderful. The ceiling was lit up with little white reflectors, as the strobes hit them and made it look like a night sky. Ben took our jackets and gave them to the barkeep, who he knew as well.

“What do you want to drink?” He shouted in my ear. I told him to get me anything that will make me twirly. I stood by myself as I waited for him to get the drinks; there were a few people at the bar looking him up and down – I supposed trying to work out ‘is it him?’

He returned with the drinks and I sucked the red liquid through the straw, as Benedict told me to slow down.
“That’ll go straight to your head. You should savour your first legal drink!”

“I want to dance!” I yelled, pulling at Ben’s sleeve.

Five of the red drinks later, I was completely lost. ‘Radioactive’ by Marina and the Diamonds was playing, and I was swirling and twirling like nobody was watching. Benedict was nearby somewhere, but my head was spinning so much that I couldn’t tell quite where. I bumped into him suddenly, as he held onto my forearms to ask me if I was enjoying myself – I slurred what I thought was a ‘loving it’ to him, though it probably sounded nothing like it. I asked him if he would go use my money to buy another of the red drinks, and he kissed my cheek and walked away, a lot more sober than I was.

I saw some faces I recognised through the crowd, and I made my way over to them. It was Rebecca and Sam, and a few other girls and guys from college. I confidently made my way over to them, putting my hand on the shoulder of a surprised Sam, who greeted me with a sweaty, alcohol soaked hug.

“What are you doing here?” She asked me over the music.

“It’s my 18th today, I thought I’d celebrate!” I squealed.

“Are you on your own?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh no, my boyfriend’s at the bar, just over-“ I said, still having the common sense to cut that off and just give her an inebriated smile. I couldn’t see straight enough to spot him that far away anyway. I made my excuses and found my way back to my man at the bar; he had been chin-wagging all that time anyway.

“Ben, uh, ahthinks we need t’go” I said, my eyes rolling around in their sockets as I smiled up at my taller man. He furrowed his eyebrows at me, tilting his head to ask why. I took his hand and dragged him into the men’s toilets where it was quieter and less crowded.
“Loads people from school here... might see‘s t’gether!” I tried to say hurriedly, but I knew I was stumbling around and completely pissed. He laughed at me, before checking whether there was anyone else in the toilets and kissing me hard.

“Okay, I think I get what you’re on about.” He said, pulling away and taking my hand.
We grabbed our coats from Ben’s friend behind the bar and made our way out of the club. We’d been there a good two hours, which was plenty of time for me to get completely smashed. Benedict’s jacket went up in front of my face just as a huge flash lit up the entrance to the club. Shit. Thank God Ben had had the common sense to cover my face before the picture was taken; he must have realised that paparazzi would be waiting for Saturday night celeb gossip –and now they had some... or rather, the skeleton of some.

I stumbled into Ben’s flat, laughing at nothing in particular. I was so nicely drunk that I was over the moon with joy. I made my way to his kitchen and pulled out a bottle of white wine, holding it up to the man quietly wandering up to me.

“Open it?” I asked, flashing Ben one of my attempted beauty queen smiles. He gave me a ‘you’ve had enough’ look, but remembered it was my 18th and one of the only nights I could excusably dose up my mother for a good length of time. I hobbled out into the hallway to check what I looked like in the mirror; my dress was still at a respectable length, but my hair was a bird’s nest and I was sweaty as hell, but I was so unbelievably happy.

“You alright, babe?” He said as he put the two wine glasses down on the table and came to join me at the mirror. He stood behind me and slipped his hands around my waist, kissing my neck. I smiled at the feeling of his lips as they reached my collar bones.

“Yeah, fine. I was jus’ seeing what kinda mess I was in after all that dancing.” I admitted.

“Oh, you’re in no mess. It’s quite sexy really. All that tousled blonde hair,” he whispered in my ear as he ran his fingers through it. “That glowing, pale skin, all glittering with sweat,” his voice growled, as he kissed my cheek. I smiled at his silly little compliments, completely flattered in whatever way I could drunkenly comprehend at that point in time.

“What else?” I asked, curious as to where this was going to go; I couldn’t help but be turned on by his tone of voice and the sweet spots he was expertly kissing. He looked at our reflection in the mirror, looking me up and down as he considered his next thought.

“The beauty of your waist, and thence of the hips...” he continued as his hands stroked their way down to my thighs, sending shivering sensations throughout my entire body as I closed my eyes and tried to feel every word he was saying, and every touch he was giving me. It made me feel nuclear; I was on guard towards everyone else in the world, but with Ben it was pointless. He made me feel human again. A sudden thought came into my head.

“I want you to make love to me tonight, Ben,” I whispered assuredly as he looked up from the kiss he had planted on my shoulder.

“Are you sure?” He politely asked, knowing that I’d never done it before.

“I’m completely sure.” I smiled, meeting his eyes as I turned to kiss him, our lips softly meeting and parting.

Ben led me hand in hand to his bedroom, a place I’d only visited a few brief times before. I left the door open behind us, and approached Ben, unbuttoning his shirt and slipping it off. I was finally able to appreciate the body I’d been imagining for the last two and a half months, and it was better than anything my mind had ever created. He was pale, but so defined. His arms and torso were really muscular, but not over the top, I noticed as I ran my hands up and down the naked flesh, trying to remember every single freckle and the texture of his skin.

“Take your dress off...” Ben asked more than commanded, tentatively so that he didn’t freak me out too much. I think he was worried that I wasn’t ready, but I’d known Benedict would be the one I lost it to as early as two weeks into the relationship; I was in love with him, though I hadn’t said it yet, and I was more than ready for taking this step tonight I realised as I began to sober up. It was now or never.

I pulled the lacy red material over my head as gracefully as I could, leaving myself fully exposed in just my underwear and heels – thankfully I had chosen matching undies, not that I cared what I looked like in front of Ben anyway. It was more for me. His eyes followed the contours of my body, darting to those places he had pointed out that he admired just a few minutes before; my hair, face, waist and hips. He wrapped his arms tightly around me as he approached, the sensation making me feel completely electric and alive as he fumbled with the back of my bra and allowed it to drop to the floor between us.
I stepped out of my heels and he picked me up, carrying me to his bed and laying me down on it as he leaned over me. I reached down to his trousers, stroking the sensitive area before unzipping his restrictive jeans for him. Ben slipped out of them, not moving his hand from behind my head or his lips from my mouth as our bodies writhed together on top of the sheets. My hands roamed his back, desperate to own him completely, to feel wholly as one together.

“Ben,” I sighed, giving him a sign that I was completely ready. Our eyes met, as my hazel eyes assured his icy blues that this was what I wanted more than anything in the world.

Feeling Benedict’s skin against mine, flesh against naked flesh was magnetic. He kissed along my collarbone, his eyes on mine the entire time, my heart racing as I let my guard down and breathed his name, his mouth returning to mine to tell me that he appreciated that. It felt like we were working completely as one, moving together as one living organism while my mind swam in desire and serenity. I was in wonder and awe at how incredible this was; I appreciated my waiting until I’d met Ben, I thought, as his hand brushed my thigh lightly, moving the tiny invisible hairs and tickling me. He kissed and played with my breasts, as my back arched in wonderful pleasure; I felt electric, all over, like there was a current flowing between us every time we touched.
His cool eyes were fixed on mine in the dimness of the room as if I was the only thing he was seeing, his cold, large hand holding the small of my back as we moved together. Sweat gleaned on his forehead as it did on mine, and he rested his head on mine as I moaned his name in between uncontrollable waves of pleasure, striving and pulsating within my veins as I felt Benedict reach the same peak with a beautiful deep growl of my name, his voice made of gold. I saw his whole body shiver intensely. His hot breath on my neck felt like thousands of tiny pins and needles, as he lay next to me, hand in mine, breathing heavily.

“I’m so glad I shared that with you, Ben,” I whispered, fiddling with strands of his hair as he rested his head on my chest. My head was spinning and so many thoughts were buzzing around in there.
“Are you tired?” I asked, sensing he was exhausted.

“That was amazing, Jennifer...” he said quietly, his head not moving from its place on my chest. He smelled intoxicating; like millions of roses bathed in some wondrous perfume I couldn’t place.

“Not bad for a first timer, eh?” I winked as he glanced up at my face. We both giggled together, his throaty laugh resonating against me as we basked in the afterglow, feeling like I might finally have everything that I wanted; for the first time in my life not worrying about what anyone else was doing, thinking or saying. It was just me and Benedict, and it was a beautiful gift to have both given and received as I turned 18.