I'm Fine
How am I?
“So how are you?”
Those four words. One little question.
Part of me wants to open my mouth and let everything flood out. Just spill how I feel and how every day feels like hell.
I want to admit the words that float around my head like vultures, picking any my mind, leaving cracks and pain. I want to tell them about how I sat for an hour last night staring at a bottle of sleeping pills in my hand, almost urging myself to down them. I want to share that I thought about sticking a plastic bag over my head, or jumping off the bridge onto the road below, or looping a belt around my neck. I want to scream that the taunts I received as an overweight child and an obese teenager still sting just as much as when I first received them, and still taunt me to this very day. I want to cry that I feel so desperately alone at night, that I have nobody to turn to, no friends, nobody to care about me.
But instead I say my rehearsed line, a lie I pray that if I say often enough will come true.
“I’m fine.”
But really, I’m the exact opposite.
Those four words. One little question.
Part of me wants to open my mouth and let everything flood out. Just spill how I feel and how every day feels like hell.
I want to admit the words that float around my head like vultures, picking any my mind, leaving cracks and pain. I want to tell them about how I sat for an hour last night staring at a bottle of sleeping pills in my hand, almost urging myself to down them. I want to share that I thought about sticking a plastic bag over my head, or jumping off the bridge onto the road below, or looping a belt around my neck. I want to scream that the taunts I received as an overweight child and an obese teenager still sting just as much as when I first received them, and still taunt me to this very day. I want to cry that I feel so desperately alone at night, that I have nobody to turn to, no friends, nobody to care about me.
But instead I say my rehearsed line, a lie I pray that if I say often enough will come true.
“I’m fine.”
But really, I’m the exact opposite.
♠ ♠ ♠
Depression - it's not fun.Please get help from someone if you self harm or are suffering from depression. Even if its just talking to someone. People do care, although it doesn't always feel like it.
I have depressive bouts from time to time, and this is the result of one. I know it's short but it helped me get through it. Just a little insight into my mind when I'm down.