Wanderlust

It took two weeks for Mark to get his family back together. Elizabeth had rarely left her bedroom even to eat. For those two weeks she cried herself to sleep nearly every night. Jonathan had become a son to her in those 5 months that he spent with them. She could not bear the thought of him being gone forever. She had gotten herself somewhat together, if only for her family.

Sarah was old enough to understand that death was permanent. She knew that when someone was ‘gone’, they wouldn’t come back. She was as depressed as a nine year old could be. She refused to ever speak Russian again, but she could not help but to be playful; it was how kids were.

As for Dhonovan. Well...

Dhonovan no longer spoke. Not to anyone other than Sarah. And he only spoke to her on occasion because she was his little sister and he loved her to bits. But he never said a single word to Mark. He couldn’t help but blame his father. Part of Dhonovan knew that it probably would not have made a difference if Mark had wanted to keep Jonathan with them, but Dhonovan kept telling himself that he would have been able to protect the boy.

Dhonovan sat in his room every day, a picture of the two of them that had been taken at the movie theater photo booth in his hand as he stared into space. Thinking. Wishing. There was nothing that could be done. Jonathan was gone.

...

“Are you coming Dhonovan?” Elizabeth no longer bothered knocking; Dhonovan never left the same position all day.

She was dressed in all black, trying her hardest not to burst into tears yet again. It was the day of Jonathan’s funeral. They knew that he was dead. There had been more than ‘droplets’ of blood at the scene, so had said the news. They knew they were never going to find the body, it had been almost a month since the incident.

Dhonovan didn’t want to give up hope, though he knew. There was no point. But he refused to go mourn over an empty casket.

When he didn’t move or make any indication of answering, Elizabeth sighed and closed the door behind her as she left. She knew that Dhonovan blamed her too. It didn’t help her get closure. She blamed herself every day. And she knew that Mark blamed himself as well, no matter how hard he was trying to hide it.

Dhonovan watched the clock every minute after his family left. They would be arriving at the funeral home. The preacher would say some kind, scripted words about the boy he never met, people would cry, the preacher would ask for speakers. Dhonovan didn’t want to go. It was too fake. There was no body. There could be hope.

Dhonovan finally got off the floor to take a shower for the first time in three days by the time he figured they would be putting the empty casket into the ground. 
Dhonovan might not have figured out why he hadn't gone to the funeral himself, but he had not gone because he was frightened. He had always been so calm and composed. The knowledge that Jonathan’s death was final would have broken him. That was something that he never wanted anyone to see. Not even his family.

As he stepped into the shower, he wondered who else would be at the funeral. It wasn’t like Jonathan had any family other than his father. The man who killed him.

...

Dhonovan shook the wet hair from his eyes and wrapped a towel around his waist after drying himself. Even though he was home alone, that didn’t mean that he thought it was okay to just walk around in the nude. What if a neighbor was watching?

Dhonovan walked straight into his bedroom, going towards his dresser for a pair of boxers. He was thinking that he would just crawl into bed and stay asleep for the rest of the day. It wasn’t like he had anything better to do.

“Why didn’t you go to my funeral?”

A very....un-masculine scream fell out of Dhonovan’s mouth as he stepped in his closet and whipped out a very sharp looking katana all seemingly at the same time. His chest rose and fell sharply and his eyes seemed to bulge out of his skull at the sight of the smiling boy in front of him.

“Wh-” Words failed him, “You’re a ghost...right?”

“Well...depends on who you talk to.” A small smile made its way onto Jonathan’s lips. He missed Dhonovan. “I missed you.”

Dhonovan still looked as though a ghost had appeared on his bed. He dropped the katana on the ground, slowly moving one foot in front of the other until he was right in front of Jonathan. Jonathan stood from his seated position. He was so much shorter than the other man, but they were so close that their breaths mixed with one another.

Dhonovan slowly brought a hand up and softly placed it on Jonathan’s blushing cheek. The younger boy allowed his eyes to slip shut and opened them once again to see Dhonovan looking down at him, an incredulous look on his face.

“How are you alive?” He whispered, cupping the younger’s cheek. “There was so much blood on the scene. It was all yours.”

Jonathan gave a small laugh.

“As much as I hate saying it, I’m still Johan’s son. He taught me a few things growing up. Your body replenishes blood very fast, more so if you drink lots of water. Keep collecting, keep it warm, use when needed. I’m sure it didn’t fool him, but -”
The breath left Jonathan’s lungs as he was promptly pulled into Dhonovan’s chest and crushed in a hug. He wrapped his own arms around Dhonovan’s strong chest and reveled in the feeling of Dhonovan holding him again.

“You shouldn’t be here. It’s too dangerous for you to stay here. He could still be looking for you.” Dhonovan spoke into Jonathan’s soft hair. For the past month, he was depressed, living in the nightmare where Jonathan no longer existed. And now here he was, alive and just as warm as always. But it was so dangerous for him to be here. “Where have you been?”

Dhonovan finally let Jonathan go, sitting him on the bed while he quickly ran to put some clothes on. As wonderful as it was for him to be holding Jonathan pretty much completely naked, he figured it was best to put something on before things got awkward.

“I’ve been bouncing through motels, laying low and such. Though it’s been pretty hard since they put my picture on the news and everything.”

Dhonovan returned from the closet, sweatpants riding low on his hips and a tight wife beater on. Jonathan couldn’t help but lick his lips, but quickly looked down and continued.

“I know he’s looking for me, but I’m looking for him too. Whoever finds each other first...”

“But this man has been invisible since before you were even born. How do you know you’ll find him first?” Dhonovan took Jonathan’s hands in his.

“I lived with him for seventeen years. Growing up, I noticed the small mistakes that he made. Like, using a credit card for something or letting my mom get a Facebook account! Every year he slips up worse than the last and now everyone’s looking for him, any small mistake now could mean the end of him.”

Dhonovan looked down at his sheets, a frown on his face.

“How long can you stay for?”

“Until your parents get back. I’m sure they wouldn’t be too happy to see me here. I am putting you guys in more danger every second that I stay. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t care.” Dhonovan quickly cut him off. “I thought you were dead. The FBI don’t know? About you being alive?”

Jonathan shook his head, throwing himself down on the bed. He told Dhonovan everything. How he had this all planned since the second he left the hospital. He would have executed it sooner, but Robert was very good at his job; he hadn’t left Jonathan alone for a second until that day. He ran as far as he could the first day, then he took a bus into the city and hid in a motel for the night as police scoured the entire city for any sign of him.

He had saved up money from whenever his mother had given him some for spending whenever they went out together - it was rare, but in his seventeen years of never spending a dime, he had acquired quite a bit.

That didn’t stop Dhonovan from going into his stash in the shoebox underneath his closet and pulling out many large wads of cash and pushing them into Jonathan’s hands.

“Dhonovan, I’m not taking your money. Please put this back.” He tried shoving it back into the older man’s hands, but Dhonovan would have none of it.

“Absolutely not! How do you know how long this is going to take, Jonathan? It won’t be just a weekend job. You’ll need money, so take it.”

Jonathan sighed, taking a small amount but refusing the rest. 
He sighed once more, looking at the clock. The funeral should have ended by now.

“I have to go.” He whispered, unable to look Dhonovan in the eyes. “I don’t know when I’ll be able to come back...if I’ll be able to come back.”
Dhonovan sighed, coming to stand very close in front of Jonathan.

“Let me come with you. Please.”

“You know I can’t let you do that. It’s too dangerous. If Johan ever found out that you had run off, he would use your family against us and...I can’t risk that. I’m sorry.”

Dhonovan had been expecting that. He knew that it was foolish for him to think that he would be able to go, but...he wished. He didn’t like not knowing. He wanted Jonathan to stay...with him.

He brought his hand to Jonathan’s cheek once again, making the boy look up at him. Jonathan’s eyes were glazed with unshed tears.

“How will I know you’re okay?”
Jonathan let out a shaky laugh, bringing his own hand to cover Dhonovan’s.

“I’ll let you know. I promise.”

Dhonovan brought his forehead down to rest against Jonathan’s. This was the closest they’d ever been to one another. And yet, neither felt that their actions were in the least bit odd. They were comfortable.

They stayed this way for five full minutes. Until the from door could be heard opening and closing. Elizabeth yelled up the stairs that they were home and for another 10 seconds, the two still didn’t move.

“I have to go.”

...

Dhonovan could breathe easier. He was still anxious just about every second of the day. He needed to know if Jonathan was okay, but his mood had definitely improved. His family didn’t really notice because he didn’t want them to. The last thing Dhonovan wanted was for his father to somehow find out that Jonathan was alive and telling his boss about this possibility. That would just be a disaster.

“I think you need to go see a psychologist.” Mark said one day over the dinner table. It was no secret who he was referring to. It had been two weeks since Dhonovan found out that Jonathan was still alive and he had not heard a single word from the boy since. It was driving him insane.

“I don’t need to see a shrink. I’m fine.” Dhonovan mumbled over his shepherd’s pie. He saw this conversation coming a month ago.

“You most certainly are not fine. He’s dead, yes, get over it and move on. And what’s this about you dropping out of college? For what? Grieving still?”

Dhonovan’s fist tightened around his fork. It annoyed him to no end how Mark just pushed Jonathan’s death aside as though it was just another stranger who had been killed in a random accident. He thought that perhaps Jonathan might have meant something to the man at some point.

“Yes, he’s dead, I get that.” Dhonovan bit out through his teeth.

“Do you? Then why are you ruining your life over it? I don’t care what your reasons are, you are not dropping out of school. My son is not a failure!”

“No, your son isn’t a failure. I’m not dropping out of school, okay. I just absolutely hate criminal justice! I didn’t even get to choose what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, you took that from me too. I’m going into something that I actually see myself doing for more than 5 years before putting a bullet in my own head.”

All of that and he still didn’t look up from his food or stop eating. Dhonovan knew that his father would react this way, but he would not get into an argument with the man. He knew what he wanted to do and he was going to do it, no matter if Mark liked it or not.

“And what, may I ask, is that? A dancer? Do you like to dance?”
Elizabeth put a hand on her husband’s arm, a warning look on her face. He was antagonizing Dhonovan and Dhonovan was not one to back down, not even to his own parents. When her son finally raised his head to look at Mark with a glare, she knew that it was too late.

“Yes, daddy dearest. I love to dance, don’t you know. And since I love to dance so much, my dream is to get onto Broadway or perhaps I'll become a male stripper.” He pushed his chair away from the table and took his plate to the sink. “I want to be a social worker. I hope that’s okay with you, but it doesn’t really matter because you have absolutely no say in it.”
Dhonovan walked over and gave his mother a peck on the cheek and ruffled his sister’s hair before grabbing his jacket and making his way out of the house. He wasn’t sure when he would return, but he didn’t think it would be that night.

Getting on his motorcycle, Dhonovan revved his engine before peeling out of the driveway and down the quiet suburban street. On and on he went with no real destination in mind until he reached the ocean. The sun was still high in the sky at 7 pm, but the beach was pretty much empty. Dhonovan hopped off his bike, took off his shoes and walked out into the soft, warm sand. He sat a bit away from the water, the last thing he wanted was to become soaked by the tide.

It was peaceful, quiet, he could think. He could worry.

“You’re very predictable, did you know that?”

Dhonovan jumped up from the ground and immediately pulled Jonathan into himself. The boy barely had time to catch a breath.

“Where have you been? It’s been two weeks, I’ve been worried sick about you.” He let the boy go, but still held him at arms length, looking him up and down. He thought that Jonathan was too skinny. And there were bags underneath his eyes. Dhonovan wanted him to stay home.

“I got really close. I don’t think he’s left the west coast, but...I just can’t seem to ever find him.”

“It’s not safe for you to be doing this. Just go to the FBI. They’ll get you back to Rob and they’ll take over the investigation.”

Jonathan let out a small laugh, sitting on the sand, patting the spot beside him for Dhonovan to join him.

“And how close have they been this entire time? Are they even looking anymore? I just think that he needs to be put away. Once and for all. I’ll never live a day of peace with him out there. He’ll always be looking for me.” He sighed and looked up at the sky. “I just want a normal life. I got a taste of it in the UK, but...it wasn’t enough. I don’t want to live in fear anymore.”

Dhonovan stayed quiet, watching Jonathan. He looked exhausted.

“Do you sleep? Ever?”
Jonathan sighed and looked down at the sand that was between his fingers.

“Sometimes, when I can.”

There was silence. Neither wanted to look at one another. Both were ashamed. Both for different reasons. Jonathan didn’t want to disappoint Dhonovan in any way and he felt that though he was failing in this endeavor. Dhonovan....well...

He felt so guilty. He was arguing with his father and thinking about how hard and unfair his life was and here Jonathan was, on the run from his own father because the man is trying to kill him. The man killed his own wife in front of his son. Jonathan barely got to feel daylight all his life and yet Dhonovan was complaining about how unfair of a hand he was dealt. He felt like scum. And he was so sad. He wanted to help Jonathan in any way that he could. He wished that Johan would just be found already and put behind bars, but that didn’t look like it was happening any time soon. He wanted to just be with Jonathan, but until Johan was gone, that didn’t look like it was ever going to happen.

“Aren’t you worried that even if you do find Johan and get him arrested, his men will come after you? They have been with him for a long time right?”
Jonathan nodded.

“Yeah, but they’re hired help. They’ll do what he wants as long as he pays them. I remember when I was younger, a few of them completely bailed because Johan didn't want to pay them more than he was. I doubt he’ll be able to continue employing them from behind bars. But still...”

“Do you think your life will ever be normal?”

Jonathan sighed. The honest answer was no. But he could dream.

...

Dhonovan was laying on his back, watching the stars. The sun had set around him. Jonathan was beside him, curled up half on his chest, with Dhonovan’s arms around him. For that one moment, they could swear that everything was okay. There wasn’t a crazed mad man chasing after Jonathan. They were happy together. For that one moment.

But nothing lasts forever.

“I should probably get going. It’s not very safe for me to stay out here this late.” Jonathan raised himself to a sitting position, but still had his body turned towards Dhonovan.

“Can I stay with you tonight?” Dhonovan moved a piece of hair behind Jonathan’s ear.
Jonathan smiled. He should say no, but...

...

Dhonovan woke up alone.

...

Dhonovan did not go another two weeks without hearing anything from Jonathan. After three days, he got a handwritten letter in the mail. It was simple. Very simple.

‘I got a computer, that’ll sure make things easier.’
Another four days and another letter.

‘Go Red Sox!’ It was enough. He knew that he wouldn’t be getting a visit for quite some time.

This time he went for a week without word before he finally got an email.

‘These one-sided conversations feel almost pathetic. I miss you.’

There was no way for Dhonovan to send a reply email. The email address that Jonathan had sent it from didn’t exist. He was too good at this.

Dhonovan smiled.

...

Mark had been very stressed lately. It wasn’t the fact that him and his son no longer spoke to one another without arguing, but that sure played a role. He had been taking extra hours at work. Dhonovan was afraid. Did they find out that Jonathan was alive? He sure hoped not.

He decided to ask his mother one afternoon. Sarah was at a friend’s for a sleepover and Elizabeth was doing the laundry.

“Why is dad working so much? Does he hate the family that much now?”
Elizabeth scoffed and sent a hand towel flying at her son.

“No, he does not hate the family! They’ve gotten an anonymous lead on Johan. Something about him being in Boston or something.”

Dhonovan’s heart leapt into his throat. That could either be really good or absolutely horrible.

“B-Boston? Is that lead reliable or is it just some paranoid schmuck seeing this guy everywhere?”
Elizabeth shrugged.

“I don’t know, but apparently this ‘paranoid schmuck’ has been leading them everywhere and they’re finding proof that Johan might have been those places. I wonder who this person is. Doing the FBI’s job better than they are.”

Dhonovan couldn’t stop the smile from spreading on his face. Jonathan was doing good.

“Why do you look so happy?” Elizabeth smacked him on the side of the head with her palm and made her way into the living room to watch a movie. “It’s so weird, you’ve been so glum.”

“I’m allowed to be happy. I mean, Johan could be put away finally. We don’t have to worry about him anymore.”
Elizabeth sighed and shook her head.

“I wish it came in time to save Jonathan. I miss that boy every day.”
Dhonovan nodded sadly before excusing himself to his bedroom. If there was one person he wanted to tell about Jonathan it was his mother. Elizabeth loved him; Dhonovan realized that giving him up was probably the hardest thing she had to do. But Dhonovan would not do that, not unless Jonathan gave him permission.

Dhonovan immediately jumped on his email, but his inbox was empty. It had been 6 days and he had heard nothing. He didn’t want to get worried because he had gone longer without hearing anything, but he could’t help himself.

Dhonovan wanted to ask his father about what he found, but he didn’t want to be the first of them to cave. It sounded childish and he knew it, but Mark was acting the same way. Plus, he was sure that since he told Mark that didn’t want to work with the FBI, he probably wouldn’t be sharing any more information.

Dhonovan felt somewhat bad, but it was the truth. He had decided to leave criminal justice when he found out that Jonathan was dead - presumably. He wanted Jonathan to be proud of him more than he wished for his dad to be.

He was about to close his email browser when a notification popped up. What luck. Though he does check his email every 30 minutes, so he wouldn’t have missed much.

‘A new home means a new beginning. This is a good chance to settle down. Forget the past.’
Dhonovan couldn’t stop the grin from stretching across his face. If this meant what he thought it did...he could only hope.

...

Dhonovan practically skipped down the stairs that evening for supper, but it wasn’t food that was waiting for him. His mother and father were at the front door. Elizabeth was crying and hugging Mark tight. He was in his full FBI gear; vest and all. What was going on?
Mark looked over at the confused and slightly worried face of his son. He only had three words.

“We found him.”

...

It had been all over the news. There was footage of the tactical team moving in and breaking the door down. Johan had tried to run away, but he hadn’t been expecting it, so he had been unarmed. Two of his men were with him, along with another woman he had found somewhere on the streets. All of them were arrested. The press were having a field day. Everyone wanted to know how the FBI finally found Johan Kratzwit after 20 years of searching.

Jonathan was in the opposite building. He saw everything. As he set his binoculars down and closed the laptop, a small smile featured itself on his lips. Taking a deep breath, he finally realized.

After 18 years...he was finally free.

...

“The trial’s in a week. Are you going to make a miraculous reappearance? You’re going to need to testify against him on your mother’s death.”
Jonathan lightly hummed to himself.

“I think they have enough to lock him up for a long time without my testimony. Plus, if I stay dead, then they can charge him for my murder too.”

Dhonovan had gone back to the beach, but he stayed on the pier. His legs had been dangling over the side of the dock, watching as the waves rolled in. He still wasn’t sure how Jonathan managed to find him every time.

“You know now that he’s gone, you’ll probably be able to stay with us.” Dhonovan smiled. He wanted nothing more. But Jonathan had other plans.

“Would it be rude of me to decline?” Dhonovan frowned, turning to look at a peaceful Jonathan. He didn’t understand. “All my life I’ve been...shut inside. I’ve never seen or done anything. I don’t want the rest of my life to be this way. I just have this sort of...wanderlust. I can’t stay in California, not forever.”

“Then take me with you.” It had been all he could think about. “Don’t say that you’ll leave without me again.”

Jonathan smiled at the waves, humming the same familiar tune over and over in his head.

“I never said such things, darling.”

...

THE END