When I Was Your Man

It had been a year.

One year and the feelings were still there. He had been traded, gotten married, made a new life. But the feelings for her still lingered.

Now, his first game back in Pittsburgh, they came on stronger than ever. He knew from casual conversations that she was happy, in love. He knew that she was loved and cared for, something he had never done right. As the team bus pulled up to the arena, he pulled his headphones off, their familiar song cut short. He stuffed his things into his bag and followed his teammates inside.

Heading to the visitors locker room at Consol was weird, weirder than he had thought it would be. He waved and greeted some of the staff as they went. After practice, he met up with some of his old teammates. James greeted him with a quick tilt of his head, no words exchanged. He walked out of the room and Jordan followed a beat later. That was when he saw her.

She was smiling, radiating happiness and hugging James like he was the last life raft off the Titanic. They didn’t see him as he ducked back to spy on them. They were happy, in love. James had gotten the memo about Bonnie. He was doing it right. Jordan could kick himself for not doing the same.

He loved his wife, sure. But she was no Bonnie. Bonnie made life easy and carefree. Bonnie was the girl you could take home to mom but impress all your friends with too. He had her, ruined it, and now he really wanted to apologize for it.

Jordan sighed heavily and turned, walking quickly in the opposite direction. He had no idea what to say to her, where to begin. I’m sorry didn’t seem like enough even though it was the only place he knew to start. He tried to remember the last time they had spoken to each other as he made his way back to the visitors room.

It had been over a year, the day after his fiance had surprised him in Pittsburgh. He cornered her in the offices with his sly, predatory smile. He pulled Bonnie into a deserted conference room with him and advanced on her until her back was against the wall. She held her hand up, stopping him as he dipped his face towards hers.

“What the fuck, Bonnie?” Jordan asked. He grabbed her hand and pinned it to her side. She turned her face as he went in again for a kiss. “Come on, Bonnie. You know I need my kiss for good luck.”

“You should seek out your fiance for that,” she told him. He pulled back. “Thought I’d ignore that detail from last night, did you?”

“Come on, Bon-Bon. You know you’re my girl.”

“I am? That’s funny because I don’t see a ring on my finger. I think you’re a little confused about what’s going on here, Jordan.”

“What? We never had fun?”

“Oh, we had fun; I’m not disputing that. What I’m not though is the other woman. And if I had known that was what I was, this never would have gone on as long as it did.”

Her phone chirped then and she checked it, smiling at the screen. “Who is that?” he questioned.

“Not your business. If you’ll excuse me,” Bonnie said, stepping around him. Jordan caught her arm and pulled her to him.

“Is it someone else? Did you replace me already? Find another one of us to latch onto? Who is it?” he demanded. “Who's dirty little secret will you be now?”

“She’s not a secret,” James voice filled the room. “Not mine. I’ll tell the whole world, because she’s worth it.” He stepped further inside and Bonnie moved away from Jordan. James took her hand in his and smiled at her. “Come on; I have something to tell Mario and I think you should be there.”



Bonnie avoided him after that and he could honestly say he did the same. She was of course professional and cordial at work but outside of that, she was James’ girl. There was no denying the spark between them, the connection that came quickly. James was proud to show her off as his, little touches and looks when they were out that laid bare where his heart was, his intentions clear. As the season rolled to its end, it became clear to Jordan what he had had, what he had lost, and he wrestled with his own thoughts as the regular season concluded. Their post season was even shorter, out in the first round for the second straight year.

Jordan left Pittsburgh within days of the end of their series against Philadelphia. He turned down a contract extension a month later and then, on the day he got married, he was traded. Back now where it all started for the first time, the last game of the lockout shortened season, he had been both dreading and looking forward to this game, circled on his calendar for months.

The game had ended up being a loss and the Hurricanes, already eliminated from the playoffs, had played their last game of the season. The Penguins had a few days before their playoffs would begin and Jordan opted to stay an extra day to visit with some of the guys. That was how he found himself now, at a diner near Consol the guys all loved for lunch, Bonnie and James already seated at the table. Jordan smiled at them and took his seat across from her.

Towards the end of the meal, his eye caught a flash of light and he looked at her left hand, the diamond glittering on her finger. His jaw dropped and without thinking, he reached across the table for Bonnie’s hand, grasping it in his own. He felt the air change at the table and he looked around the table at his friends, no one meeting his eye before he looked back at Bonnie who met his stare.

“That’s all you could get for thirty million dollars?” Jordan asked, looking over at James with a smile.

James shrugged as Jordan let go of her hand and immediately everything felt lighter. “She wouldn’t let me spend a penny over one million.” Bonnie laughed, swatting him across the chest.

“Congratulations,” Jordan said earnestly. “Seriously, Bon-Bon. You got one of the good ones.”

“I know,” she grinned, kissing James’ cheek.

“Could we, um, could I talk to you, in private?” He knew everyone was watching him as he asked, he felt all their eyes on him and his palms sweated. She nodded and stood and Jordan followed her outside.

“Can I hug you? Is that allowed?” he asked.

“Of course,” she smiled.

“I really mean it too. I wasn’t just saying it back at the table. Congrats. I’m happy for you, for both of you.”

“Thank you, Jordan.”

“I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. I know I was a dick to you and that I strung you along for a really long time and that you never deserved that. I missed you those first few months and I took you for granted, but more importantly, I took your friendship for granted. And I want you to know that everything that happened, the good, the bad, and the ugly, it made me become a better person. I’m sorry for what I did but I’m not sorry to have gone through it. It’s made me cherish the things I do have and it made me put my best foot forward in my marriage. I hope that you and James are always happy, I really do.”

“Wow....Jordan, I don’t know what to say. You grew up.”

“I outgrew my Peter Pan stage,” he chuckled.

“It sounds like it. I accept your apology but I want you to know I forgave you along time ago. Truth is, I was selling myself short by letting things go on between us the way they did. James made me see that and he made me see what love can really be. And I wouldn't have that if it weren't for you.”

“I was kind of dreading coming back.”

“Why?”

“I was scared to see you. I wanted to make things right and I wasn’t sure if you would even talk to me.”

She smiled softly and reached out to ruffle his hair. “You always were more sensitive than you let on. I bet you’ve been stewing on this, haven’t you?”

“You know me too well.”

“We were friends for a long time.”

“Are we still friends?”

“Only when you aren't playing the Pens.”

“I’ll take that,” Jordan grinned. “Now, tell me how long you've been engaged.”

“Since New Years. No one told you?”

“Nope.”

“Huh; I’m kind of surprised those boys can keep a secret.”

“I’m the enemy now.”

“You’ll always be a Penguin, Jordy. No matter where you play, you’ll always be one of us.”

“That’s good to know cuz I think they might hate me in Carolina. I was terrible this season.”

“They don’t hate you and you weren’t that terrible.”

“Okay, awful then.”

“You might have been awful,” she agreed with a teasing smile. “You’re Jordan Staal, playing with your brother and I am positive they love you down there as much as the fans loved you here, still love you if that ovation last night was any indication. You’ll find what you had here there eventually.”

“You sound like my mom.”

“Probably because I'm going to be one of those in six months.”

“You're what?! You’re joking, right?”

She shook her head with a sly smile and Jordan looked in the window of the diner. Everyone quickly looked away, pretending to look busy except James who watched them with interest.

“You knocked her up?” Jordan asked aloud, staring back at James. James laughed as James pointed to his stomach and then Bonnie and nodded his head. Jordan hurried back inside and James stood as he walked up the table. “For real?”

“Yeah, for real, Staal,” James answered.

“Way to blow the dumb blonde's mind, Bonnie,” Marc Andre Fleury spoke up. “He finds out you’re engaged and pregnant all in one sitting. I told you to spread that shit out on him.”

“You all knew?” Jordan asked.

“Of course they knew,” James answered. “It’s our family.”

“We just didn’t know how you’d take it,” Marc Andre added.

Jordan frowned. “I’m happy for them.”

“And we believe you. It was Sid’s idea anyway.”

“Hey! Since when am I the fall guy?” Sidney exclaimed. “This was all Geno’s plan.”

Geno shrugged. “She Lazy’s girl. It his place to share good news, not ours.”

“Anyway,” Bonnie spoke up loudly. “Now that we’ve all enjoyed show and tell, how about we get out of here? I’m tired.” James was at her side in an instant, wrapping an arm around her waist, allowing her to lean into him. He tossed some cash at Geno to cover his part of the bill and turned to Jordan.

“It was good to see you man,” James told him.

“You hated me before, didn’t you?”

“Yep. Not so much anymore though.”

“I would’ve hated me too,” Jordan admitted. “Still do sometimes. Be good to her?”

“Always.” Jordan nodded and the two men shook hands before Bonnie hugged him quickly.

“See you next season!” she called out as James escorted her from the diner.

Jordan smiled to himself.

Next season. Next season he’d be even better.

FIN