Cheshire

I need to get this off my chest. I need to tell people - to make them understand - why I'm the way I am. That's what Mrs. Jessome says at least. She says I need to tell my story. I guess I should start at the beginning.

So here it is...the beginning.

I had everything I could ever want at my disposal and enough happiness for ten more people. I was pretty, talented, wealthy, and I had my best friends and boyfriend beside me at all times. I've never been popular exactly, but I still had my fair share of friends and a decent reputation. But all that had to change, just from one phone call that spiraled out of control.

I was sitting in English class, next to my best friend Rachelle. I was quietly working, scribbling down some random words for my essay. The teacher had left the room when my phone had started ringing. It started playing "What Makes You Beautiful" by One Direction and immediately, everybody started laughing.

"Hello?" I answered, a blush still on my face and quiet snickers in the background. I could hear someone breathing but they didn't say anything. "Is anyone there?"

"Ellie..." The voice was hoarse and quiet. It took me a moment to realize that is was Mrs. Caldwell, my boyfriend's mother. Brandon was the perfect boyfriend; he bought me flowers, chocolates, and jewellery. His only flaw was that he went to a different school.

"Uh, Mrs. Caldwell, right now might not be a good time. I'm in the middle of class." Any second my teacher would walk in and start screaming at me for being on the phone.

"Ellie. He's..." A choked sob. "Ellie, honey, I'm so sorry!" All I could hear was the phone clattering to the floor and the sound of Mrs. Caldwell breaking down completely. My mouth filled with sand and I felt my stomach drop.

Please don't let it be what I think it is.

"What happened?" I whispered. By now, the people in my class could tell that something wasn't quite right.

More crying before finally, Mrs. Caldwell said the words that I had been praying I would never hear. Those two simple words sent my entire world crashing down on me and would ruin the rest of my life. "He's gone."

She kept on talking but I was numb. She told me how Brandon had wanted to surprise me. How he was driving to my school to give me roses when a drunk driver ran a red light. Brandon swerved to miss but he drove right into a tree and died on impact. I could hear what she was saying but none of it registered. None of it meant anything to me.

I didn't need to know his brother was in the car with him. That his last words were talking about how my smile could light up a room. I didn't need to know that the drunk driver made it out without so much as a scratch.

All I knew was Brandon was gone and he was never coming back.

I set the phone on my desk just as Mr. Bennet re-entered the room. I grabbed Rachelle's arm and started pulling on her to follow me. I had to make it out of that room as fast as I could or else that numbness would fade away and all I would feel was full on misery.

"Where do you two think you're going?" Mr. Bennet snapped but I ignored him and kept on walking until we had reached the doors on the side of the school. I pushed open the doors and kept walking until we were standing in the middle of the parking lot. The numbness had faded and by now I had fallen down in the middle of the parking lot, in a heap of sobs.

"...Ellie?" Rachelle didn't know what to say. I didn't either, I just covered my face with my hands and let out loud, long wails.

"No, no, no, no" I cried, shaking my head back and forth. Rachelle placed a hand on my back as she knelt beside me.

"Honey...what happened?" Rachelle whispered and I shook my head, wrapping my arms around my knees and trying to stop myself from shaking. "You have to tell me what happened."

"He's not gone. He's not gone. He's not gone." I chanted the mantra to myself as I clutched my ears, blocking out Rachelle's worried voice. I felt her hand touch my back and I ripped away from her. "Don't you dare touch me!" I snarled.

"El, babe, is he... Is Brandon...?" I simply covered my ears again and repeated those three words, over and over.

I don't know how long I stayed there, but it must have been long because the next thing I know, five people are crowded around me, trying to calm me down. Rachelle, Sam, Theresa, Isabelle, and Alicia. My best friends.

Alicia carefully pried my hands away from my ears and looked at me. She didn't say anything for a long time but finally said, "I know it hurts now. I know. Just don't let pain stay."

I didn't understand what she meant until a long time after that.

I buried my face in her jacket and sobbed as the girl rubbed circles on my back while my four other friends watched. They had looks of understanding and pain on their faces; pain for me.

It took hours for them to coax me away from that spot in the parking lot and we all walked to Isabelle's house, which was only a few blocks away from the school. Her parents weren't home and we went straight up to Isabelle's room and I collapsed on her pink bedspread, sobbing my eyes out.

Rachelle called my parents and explained to them what had happened. They said they would come in later to pick me up. My friends were trying to cheer me up; Sam brought me ice cream, Alicia showed me scenes from Whose Line is it Anyway? and Isabelle kept on telling me that the worst was over. That I just had to hold on until that night was over and things would slowly start getting better. That this horrible thing I was feeling wouldn't last.

But let me just say that she was dead wrong. The worst hadn't even started yet.

[x]

Brandon's funeral was held a week later. By then, I had cried all my tears and all I was left with was bags under my eyes and a hollowed out chest. Brandon's father read the eulogy, or at least half of it, before breaking down and having a distant cousin finish it.

After the funeral, while everyone was paying their respects, I had snuck away. I just couldn't deal with...everything. I didn't want some friend from school to tell me that they were sorry or some great grandfather to come up and ask me if I was THAT Ellie. It was too overwhelming.

So I left. I walked until I reached a small bench surrounded by flowers. Flowers that would eventually die...

Brandon's death was a hard blow on everyone. At first, I thought that I was the one suffering the most from it (in the end, I did, but we'll get to that) but what I didn't know was that Brandon's brother was going through so much more than I was.

Justin's whole life revolved around Brandon. The two did everything together and I knew that he didn't like me when I started dating Brandon. He thought I was ruining their friendship that they had spent a lifetime building, but I had no idea how much that hate was growing, growing, growing, until he finally...

SNAP

My head whipped around at the noise of a breaking twig to see a man, around my age. He had shaggy black hair, hazel eyes, and tattoos covering nearly every inch of his skin, save for his face. I stared a him for a second, first questioning if he was an axe murderer and then not questioning at all because at that moment, I just didn't care.

He walked forward and sat down beside me on the bench, not saying anything at first and then finally turning to look at me. He placed something on the bench before staring straight into my blue eyes and saying, "Hope doesn't have a grave."

He left. I picked up the object he left and held it in my hand. It was a small, octagonal box. It was red, and decorated up the corners with rusted silver metal. When I opened it, it was empty, except for the letter P carved in the bottom of the inside.

I slipped the box into my pocket and stood up to walk back to the funeral. I looked in the direction that the man had left to see someone was standing there. Justin Caldwell. He didn't say anything, and just stared at me in pure rage.

It was only seconds but it felt like an eternity before his fist made contact with the side of the tree and he stormed off. I never thought I'd see him again. I thought we would mourn separately and never cross paths again.

But of course, I was wrong.