‹ Prequel: Love in Music

Love in Lights

My Walls Crumble Within

It seems our favourite Purity is back with a quite a large, public dispute type of bang. Purity member Annabelle Blake (20) decided to party it up last night with our fave boy band. However everything ended up in explosive angry fireworks right in front of the paparazzi in true Purity style. It seems a very drunk (more like smashed) Blake abused Liam Payne (22) outside of a nightclub last night. Zayn Malik (23) and Louis Tomlinson (24) watched in horror while Blake verbally tore Liam limb from limb. Eventually ex Tomlinson stepped forward and escorted Blake into a taxi where they both left together. Unfortunately no one could hear what the fight was properly about but we can assume Payne was advising his fellow band member not to jump back into bed with the fiery Australian after rumours that their last relationship ended in Tomlinson’s heartbreak more then Blake’s.

Whatever the reason, we’re just glad that juicy, attention grabbing Purity is back. Scroll below for the unflattering photos of the Australian singer as she screams her way towards a sore throat!”
May 2016

I stretched slowly and surely, the aches and cramps in my muscles working their way out while I snuggled further under the blankets, blinking my eyes open and staring in curiosity at the bedroom around me: Louis’ bedroom.

I groaned and rubbed my eyes remembering the events of last night, the almost fight and yelling at Liam. Basically abusing Liam in front every cameraman in the state. I was going to be in so much trouble.

I pushed myself out of bed, ignoring the urge to vomit and took a shower in Louis connected bathroom helping myself to whatever I needed. There was a scary possibility that Louis had more hair products then I did; more expensive ones as well.

I took warm clothes from Louis’ draw and let my body drown in them, tying the draw sting tightly around my hips to keep them up. Louis legs were longer then mine and covered my entire feet; they kept the cold floor from my toes so I didn’t mind.

After searching I found my phone on the bedside table hidden behind a large glass of water that I sculled quickly while looking in horror at the missed calls that littered my phone. There were calls from all four girls, Jen and plenty of unknown numbers. Furious texts alerted me to the fact that I was late for filming a video this morning. I cursed and grabbed my dress and shoes, hurrying out of the room and searching through the house for Louis.

He was still asleep in another bedroom across the hall, his face pressed against the pillow underneath, light snores filling the room. I didn’t want to wake him so I closed the door behind me quietly and made my way into the kitchen finding a pad of paper on the counter but no pen. I called a cab while looking through all his drawers for pen, finding one missing a lid and half chewed on, eventually I began writing a note for Louis.

I have to go, I’m supposed to be filming this morning and I’m already late so be prepared for my death to reach the news.

I am so sorry about last night and that I made you look after me. I guess I can’t handle myself as well as I could and I’m sorry if it was horrible or awkward for you. I never wanted to put you in a situation like that and I swear I’m going to apologise to Liam as well.

Please, if you still want to talk some times let me know. I know that I didn’t prove myself last night but I swear I’m better then that and I’m going to prove it to you. Just give me a chance. – Belle


I rushed to the set we had been filming in, we barely had a break between filming for Here Standing before Simon was insisting that we make our next video and try to take advantage at all the publicity we had received from the new album. The song Open Up was our next song being released and all of the filming was being kept inside a studio this time instead of being outside like our last film clip for Here Standing was.

The moment I entered the building people surrounded me and I was pushed into a room where Johnson and Mia were standing waiting, I smiled weakly and fell into the chair centered between them both. They didn’t talk, only kept their eyes fixed on my hair and face, pulling and poking. I winced at times knowing that they weren’t being as gentle as they could be, my stomach began squirming knowing that I was in for the same treatment from everyone else.

It wasn’t until Jen burst in that I realised how much trouble I was actually in. Her face was murderous as she slapped a magazine down on the table in front of me. I stared at in horror, I looked like a right mess splashed across the cover, my hair was wild, my make up smudged and I was screaming at Liam, pointing as Louis stood beside me a hand securely on my arm. A side note indicated that there were more pictures inside; I was too horrified to look.

“Would you care to explain?” I stayed silent under Jen’s fury. “No? Well then should I just assume that like always you girls pretend to get better then pull freaking crap like this and wreck everything I’ve been doing for you? I mean how stupid are you? Going out and drinking after all the shit that you girls have pulled over the last year! I cannot believe that you would do this.” I couldn’t meet Jen’s eyes. Mia and Johnson had stopped and stepped back from the chair letting Jen have her way with me.

“You know I really thought you girls had changed this time. After the album and the promise and rehab and all the other crap that you girls convinced the world of I thought maybe just maybe you weren’t spoilt little shits! But of course you just have to turn around and prove me wrong.” Jen was breathing heavily but I kept my eyes glued to the magazine in front of me, it seemed to grow worse every second. “I suggest flipping to page four for more photos there’s a nice little article about how you and Louis fucked last night.” I winced at Jen’s words before she stormed out of the room slamming the door shut behind her.

It was unbearably silent in the room and I could feel the tightness around my throat when Mia and Johnson stepped forward and began to paint my face once again. My eyes stayed glued to the magazine cover, the picture beginning to blur until Mia picked it up and moved it out of my vision, her face sympathetic as she began reapplying the mascara I had ruined. I sniffled before taking a breath and keeping it all in. I’d been keeping it in for a whole year now and I could do it longer. I fucked up and Jen was furious but she’d yelled before and I’d survived the others just like I would this one.

It just- it wasn’t fair because I had actually tried this time, I actually tried to be good but I kept failing; no matter what I did I kept ruining everything. I just wanted to have fun for a few hours not ruin everything we had tried to fix.

“All finished, your clothes are on the couch.” I barely looked into the mirror, moving on autopilot to the clothes and stepping into the bathroom that was connected to the make up room. The jeans were stark white, with rips along the sides of the thighs and over one knee. The top I pulled on was tight and didn’t cover my stomach. Instead, sitting just under my ribs and it was striped black and white. Usually I admired the outfits we wore but I was uncaring with what it was today; willingly following whoever wanted to direct me to the set we were need at today.


It was quiet in the car ride home, none of the girls saying anything to me unless necessary. I sat there staring out the window trying to find air in the tight compartment surrounded by hostility. I practically burst out the door once the car stopped; breathing in much needed fresh air and followed the other into the building but opted for the stairs. I was not going to be able to handle an elevator ride when I was already feeling claustrophobic from the car.

I pulled out my phone and tried to call Annalisa on my way up but she wasn’t answering, my heart thumped loudly while I waited impatiently through every ring. Giving up I opted for my parents; they didn’t answer either.

My breathing was harsh and I had a cramp in my lower stomach. My steps faltered but I pushed myself further up towards the room. I automatically searched for Louis’ name and dialed. I squeezed my eyes shut when the automatic voice informed me his phone was turned off.

My throat was sore and I wasn’t sure if I was at the right floor but I stumbled through the door into the hallway anyway. I just needed a break, a breather and ten minutes to clear my head and feel okay.

Before I could sit down there were arms around me. I was too weak to fight them so I let go and let them drag me wherever.

It was Lucinda’s voice that broke through my daze first, her voice firm and angry but there were gentle hands running through my hair and I lent against them.

“I am so angry at you right now. We are all so fucking angry but God you need to let us know when you’re going to have an attack. You can’t just wander off, what if you fell down those stairs? You’re an idiot.” I let her words wash over my skin, sinking down into the softness below me.

My breathing was calmer now, the worst of it gone and finished; my limbs shaking slightly but otherwise I was feeling less in a haze and more alert. Lucinda wasn’t the only one here with me, Gracie was lying down beside me, my head pillowed on her chest and I curled in closer, burying myself into her warmth, holding onto something real. I was exhausted, my eyes drooping heavily until I finally let myself fall to sleep.

I woke up disorientated; a body was under me again but this one felt different, smelt different. The hands were larger, calloused and warm. My head wasn’t pressed against breasts but instead firm pecks. I blinked dazedly down at the body before glancing up to Louis’ face, his eyes already focused on me, his free hand tracing marks up and down my shoulder, the other tucked securely against my hip. I blinked around the room confused, wondering about a dream when I noticed how dark it was outside.

“You slept all afternoon. It’s seven p.m.” My brain felt fuzzy, a bad taste in my mouth, I looked down in disdain at the drool patch on Louis’ shirt. His chest shook with his chuckles.

“Don’t worry, you’ve drooled on me worse then that.” I watched him in surprise at how easily he mentioned that fact. He seemed to have trouble talking about our relationship at all. “Do you want some water.” Louis wasn’t asking, he was pushing a water bottle in front of my nose and I accepted it. Sitting up and taking a sip letting the world slow to a dizzying stop in front of me.

“Why are you here?” I asked, my voice raspy from the rapid breathing I had endured before falling asleep.

“I had a missed call on my phone so I called back and Gracie answered. She told me everything.” I nodded distractedly and leant back against the pillow beside Louis, continuing to drink the water. It felt refreshing in a way that I hadn’t noticed before. “I better let the girls know.” Louis’ hand swept quickly through my hair before he was up and walking out of the room.

Time seemed to slow for a moment while I stared at the place he had been occupying, next to me. His smell lingering and I knew if I moved over I would be encompassed in his warmth.

The door opened again and Louis walked back in, a sandwich in hand with Kate and Liam following. I sat up straighter, ignoring the spots in my vision and frowned at the two extra additions to my room, not paying attention to the plate Louis stuck in front of me.

“How are you doing?” Kate sat down at the end of the bed, facing me, her eyes soft and worried with Liam behind her, his eyes a mirror of hers. I sighed and leant back against the pillow.

“You want to talk about it don’t you?” My voice was quiet, small. I didn’t have the energy to fill it with emotion. Kate just nodded, Louis’ warmth joining my side again.

“Liam told me what you said last night ab-about that…” Kate trailed off and swallowed, her eyes falling down to her hands as they pulled on the blanket.

“We don’t have to.” I said quickly, not wanting to harm Kate in anyway.

“Yes we do.” She looked at me with tears in her eyes. “You do. I’ve talked about this a hundred times to psychologists who listened and helped and I got better and Liam was fine and I forgot that you saw it all. I forgot that you needed to talk about it too.” I hated that Kate was crying, that I was hurting her and that Liam was the one stepping forward to comfort her. “Please don’t hate Liam for this, just don’t hate him.”

“I can’t help it.” I forced back, my eyes hard as I eyed Liam’s hand that rested on Kate’s shoulder. “I hate him because he saved you and I couldn’t. I’m supposed to be your sister and I couldn’t stop you. You had a freaking suicide note at your bedside and I didn’t notice. I yelled at you! Screamed. Threw shit and stormed out. And Liam… Liam went in there and he saw it all. The blood and everything and you cut yourself. You were having trouble and I yelled at you and you cut yourself. So I’m angry and I hate that he could save you and I couldn’t.”

“I don’t blame you.” Kate choked out, her eyes held firmly with mine, tears rolling down her cheek and under her chin. I never wanted to lose her.

“But I do. You almost died and I can’t even remember what I said to you, only that in those moment I hated you. I hated you so much for sitting there and not being my Kate. And I’m sorry.” My breaths were short again and my head pounded, my eyes blurring.

“Oh God Belle, why didn’t you say something.” Kate burst out, crawling up the bed until she was in my arms, her tears wetting my neck, her limbs sprawled in all direction over me but I held on tightly, I held onto whatever I could not wanting to let go. “This is not on you. None of this is on you. This is on me and this is my fault. And I’m sorry that I did that to you. I’m sorry that I hurt you and made you hate me and Liam and I’m sorry for everything okay. I’m sorry.” Her words were said into my neck, her fingers clutching tightly against my arms leaving bruises in their wake.

“I was so scared.” I mumbled into her neck remembering her lying there, Liam holding onto her, his screams and the red stains on the sheets. Lucinda had pulled them off and ripped them with a quiet fury the first night we finally stopped sleeping at the hospital.

“I promise you, I swear to everything and anything that exists that I will never ever do that to you again. I swear to you that you will never have to go through that again. I love you okay, I love you and I’m not leaving you. Not anymore.” I nodded pushing myself closer to her: inhaling and melting into everything that she was.

It wasn’t long later after Kate had fallen asleep that I pulled away from her body, only slightly. Liam and Louis were leaning against the wall near the bed, both sets of eyes focused solely on us and not one part of me minded that they saw this.

“I’m sorry.” I spoke directly to Liam, wanting him to understand. “I never really hated you, and I am so thankful that you were there. So I’m sorry, but I couldn’t hate her,” I glanced down at Kate’s peaceful form, “and I couldn’t hate myself when I already did for every other reason under the sun so I chose you and that wasn’t fair and I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Liam shook his head and stood, sitting on the bed next to Kate’s body and pulled me forward into a hug.

“No apologies, nothing to forgive. You’re okay and I love you, both of you.” Liam pressed a kiss to my forehead and leant down to surround himself around Kate’s body. I watched them for a moment before looking over to Louis. His eyes looked tired and bloodshot like he had been crying. I gestured to the bed but he shook his head. Sighing I pressed a quick kiss to Kate’s cheek before extracting myself from the bed and took Liam’s spot next to Louis.

“I didn’t- I didn’t know.” Louis whispered, his voice soft in the quiet room and I reached over, wrapping my hand tightly around his, leaving it to rest in his lap.

“It’s okay Lou. We’re all types of fucked up right now but we’re working on it. We’re gonna be better.” The words weren’t so much for Louis but for me, for Kate and for the open promise to everyone. I didn’t want to be angry anymore.
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Argh proofreading this took longer then I expected. I'm horribly hungover from celebrating my birthday all weekend (it's tomorrow! I'm 20- argh!) but I hope that they weren't too many mistakes! This was also an emotionally draining chapter to write on my part so I'm very glad that it's finally posted.
Let me know what you think!
Title:- Best of Me by Christina Aguilera