Love in Lights

“It’s been announced that the girls form Purity are tackling the big hit Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen. The proceeds from the cover will all be donated to the domestic violence charity centered in London. The girls seem to be filled with charitable ideas and events these last couple of months. We’ve almost forgotten the party girls that rocked our headlines just last year. Almost forgotten, not completely forgotten though. We still hold out hope that at any moment one might break the mould and go and make our jobs that much easier.” October – 2016.

A bright flash flickered in the corner of my eye. Ignoring the click of the shutter, I grabbed the two coffees from the stunned girl at the counter and turned towards the opposite exit of the flash.

Rick was standing outside, his eyes staring unabashedly at the paparazzi on the other side of the coffee shop. I smirked and elbowed him in the ribs before handing over his drink. It was starting to get cold and I gladly wrapped both my hands around my own coffee, breathing in the warmth and smell of it all.

“How do you just ignore it all?” Rick asked curiously, allowing me to guide him away while the paparazzi followed at a safe distance. Probably didn’t want to ruin the type of pictures they were expecting. “Liam ignores them easily, as well.”

I smiled sadly and linked my free arm at the elbow with Rick. “You just do.” I shrugged.

Rick rolled his eyes dramatically. “Well gee, thanks for that wisdom. I’ll get right on that.”

I laughed and pulled him to face forward as he moved to look over our shoulders again.

“They aren’t anything to us. I don’t know them; they don’t know me as well as they think they do. I mean do you pay attention to anyone walking by you in the street? No, you don’t, because you don’t know them. So you ignore them.” I explained to him carefully.

His face turned thoughtful, casting a glance over his shoulder a couple more times before he seemed to relax and walk calmly next to me.

“I don’t think I’ve been with Liam when he’s had this many photographers following.” He mused.

I laughed humorlessly. “I’m more fucked up then Liam. More newsworthy, and on top of that they will probably think that you’re my new boyfriend.”

Rick’s eyes lit up. “Well let’s give them something to photograph then,” he said. Moving his face towards mine and puckering his lips out ridiculously.

I laughed and shoved his face away from mine. “Would you just walk normally?” I half-heartedly grumbled at him as we made our way back to the studio.

I lead Rick around the back and in through security, flashing a smile and pulling a stunned, stumbling Rick along. His eyes moved around the whole building, interested in every room that we passed. I kept tugging him along until we ended at the recording room that had been booked for us.

All the girls were there when we piled in the door, Kate and Liam were standing closer to the recording booth seeming to discuss something on the sheet of music in front of her.

“Have a fun coffee date?” Lucinda grinned, Gracie giggling from next to her where she was playing candy crush on her phone. I rolled my eyes and fell into the spare seat next to Gracie, Rick sitting down beside me. It was adorable how interested he was in the room around us; it was grounding to remember what we took for granted.

“It was a fun date until Annabelle tried to jump me in the street. Had to tell her that I just wasn’t that type of guy.” Rick placed a hand against his heart and shook his head at me. I laughed and shoved his shoulder.

“You are such an idiot.” I groaned out, shoving him further away from me, before placing my head on Gracie’s shoulder and annoyingly pointing out what connections to make in her game.

Jen and Louis walked into the recording room a moment later as Kate moved to step back into the booth. My heart rate sped up at the stubble decorating Louis’ chin and the way his hair had obviously been raked through by his hands multiple times today. He had been using another room to play around with the harmonies for a new song that he hadn’t let anyone hear and Liam had refused to talk about it.

“Annabelle, why do I have paps outside wanting a statement about your new boyfriend?” Jen asked, narrowing her eyes on me. I flushed under her gaze and Louis’ confusion.

“Sorry baby, guess the cat is out of the bag.” Rick grinned, placing a hand on my knee and squeezing. I scoffed and shoved it off.

“You wish you could get me.” I joked back.

“It’s not a joke, you know?” Louis snapped across the room and everyone fell silent. The glare on Louis’ face, directed at Rick, enough to make anyone cower. Jen even took a small step back, her posture awkward and eyes darting back to the door.

“Sorry mate,” Rick said. He shifted in the seat next to me, obviously feeling pressure by Louis’ hard gaze.

I moved to say something but Louis cut across me.

“You do realise who we all are right? At every opportunity someone is willing to sell information on us for money or use us to become famous. It’s stupid and ignorant to joke about shit like that.” Louis seethed across the room, unfairly.

“Louis…” Liam stepped forward hesitantly, reaching a hand out to his band member.

“Thought you had better taste in friends Liam.” Louis snapped at him and turned to storm out of the room.

“What the fuck was that?” I yelled loudly, hoping that Louis could still hear me. “I am so sorry, that was rude and extremely uncalled for.” I turned to apologise to Rick.

“It’s okay Belle. I mean I shouldn’t have joked about you being in another relationship around him.” Rick said softly, his hand coming to rest on my shoulder.

I only glared harder. “He’s in another relationship. Who gives a shit how he feels. He’s moved on, so it shouldn’t even fucking matter if I’m in another relationship.” I was furious and I was embarrassed. Rick and I were friends, and he was funny and easy to hang out with and I didn’t want to lose that.

I looked to Liam, needing help on why his band mate decided to blow up, except he looked way too happy for this situation. He sighed when he caught me looking.

“You should go talk to him Belle. Tell him that I said he has to tell you the truth, okay?”

“The truth?” I asked perplexed, getting the feeling that there was more going on here then just Louis possibly being jealous.

“You need to talk to him.” Liam sighed, again. I grumbled and reached for my bag, storming out of the room and checking the room that Louis was supposed to be working in. I didn’t really expect him to be there anymore. He had probably gone home.

I went out back to where my car was parked next to Kate’s and headed straight for Louis’, trying to keep calm and under the speed limit no matter how much I wanted to rip through Louis.

By the time I reached his house, I hadn’t calmed down and his car was in the front yard. I pressed the intercom button through the car.

“Hello?” Anna’s voice came through the intercom.

“Anna, it’s Annabelle, can you let me in.”

There was a small pause and whispered words before the gate buzzed open. I shot up the driveway and parked directly in front of the steps leading up to the house.

Anna was at the door, holding it open. A nervous look on her face. Stan, Louis’ old friend, was standing beside her.

I paused for a moment to spare Stan a smile before moving past them both into the house. “Where is he?” I hissed towards them both, my eyes scouring the foyer before heading for the living room.

“If you’re going to yell at me, at least let me have a drink.”

I spun around as Louis came down the stairs. His face was blank and eyes not meeting mine. He walked straight past me and into the kitchen.

“Do you want to maybe get a breather outside?” Anna stepped forward, cautious, her eyes moving between me and the kitchen doorway.

“Sorry but I’m a little busy preparing to rip your boyfriend a new one.” I ignored her, heading towards the door before Stan stopped me.

“What do you mean boyfriend? Anna’s my girlfriend.”

I stopped where I was, unsure what exactly Stan was getting at. I turned to stare at them both. Stan look honestly lost, his hand coming up to twine with Anna’s. Anna looked caught between guilty and apologetic.

“Please tell you’re cheating on each other or you are in some weird relationship.” I said slowly, eyes on Anna. Everything felt like a crushing weight and whatever came out of Anna’s mouth wasn’t going to help.

“I’m sorry Annabelle, I refused to go along with it but Louis still pretended. I don’t know what he was thinking.” She said softly, defensively putting herself behind Stan.

I turned, ignoring them both and continued on my way through to the kitchen. Louis had a glass in his hand, a yellowish liquid inside. He was hunched in on himself like he was trying to protect who he was.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Was the first thing I had to say. “Before I get started on anything else, you will never talk to Rick like that again. Better yet, don’t talk to anyone like that again. I know you’re a douche Louis and a self-righteous one at that but God I’ve never been disgusted to know you until that second.”

Louis wouldn’t look at me. Swirling the liquid in his glass before taking another sip. He wouldn’t say anything more.

I stomped towards the counter and slammed my bag down up on it. “Let’s talk about Anna then. Your girlfriend who is also apparently Stan’s girlfriend.”

Louis finally looked at me. His eyes wide in shock, probably at being caught.
“What the hell is all that about Louis? And do not tell me that that is the kind of relationship that you and Stan have.”

“You – you just assumed and I just—.”

“You just what? Thought it would be easier to fake a whole relationship then telling me I was wrong. Really glad you decided to do that.” I glared at him, feeling nauseous from the anger and hurt that was swirling around inside me. I felt awful that Louis had to pretend to have a girlfriend.

“I didn’t realise I had become the type of ex where you have to pretend to have a girlfriend to keep me the fuck away.” I continued when Louis didn’t continue. My voice cracked and the hurt in my words were plain as day. Louis took a step forward as if to reach for me. I stayed out of his grasp.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” He murmured, eyes downcast. I could feel the warm tears collecting around my eyes. “I just needed to do this and see if I can stand you knowing that I was with someone else. I needed to know that you would be okay with it. And you were, everything was fine. We’ve been better then we have for a while.” Louis was getting happier, a small smile spreading across his features.

“I don’t need you to protect my feelings.” I closed my eyes, wanting this whole situation to go away. But, of course, when I opened my eyes Louis was still plain as day, all coloured and real. “You are the one who apparently can’t deal with me being with someone else.”

Louis sat down on a stool, his shoulders hunching again. “I thought I could do it, you know. I thought I could be around you and you could still be with other people. But I don’t know if I can be in your life if you’re going to see other people.”

This wasn’t fair. I had been there for him and I had went out of my way to be accepting of he and Anna. And he can’t tell me that he couldn’t do the same. Because I tried this time and it was working. It was actually working.

“I have to see other people, eventually. And this isn’t healthy for us. So if this is what you want and you don’t want me around anymore, just say it Louis. Say it to my face and I swear that I will never come around here again.”

Louis stayed annoyingly silent.

“I won’t try to contact you, I’ll even delete your number from my phone. Whatever you want, I’ll do it. You will only see me when it concerns work, that’s it. I’ll be gone. I promise.”

Not one part of me wanted to do this. I didn’t like Louis not being in my life before and now that I had him for a little bit, the thought of losing it all again was world shattering. But I was going to do this. For him.

“It’s too hard Annabelle.” Louis’ voice was watery, his eyes meeting mine. “I don’t want you around anymore.

I ignored the twist of the knife in my chest. How it grew harder to breathe and the bile in my throat threatened to come up.

“Okay,” I murmured, needing to get out of this place and away from Louis. “I’m gone, then.”

I grabbed my bag, passed Louis and rushed out of the house. My keys were still in the car and I was frantic to get it started, frantic to get out of the gate and around the corner. My breaths coming in small short gasps. The world was slightly darker and my lungs were starting to hurt.

I was panicking and I needed to breathe. My hands fumbled with my phone, trying to get a contact but it was all blurry. I pushed buttons but I couldn’t see whom I was pressing. The sounds of my harsh breath were the only things I could hear. I couldn’t breathe and I was going to die here.

“Annabelle? Annabelle? I need you to breathe okay, in and out, one and two. Breathe with me Annabelle. Are you listening?” Frankie’s voice came through the phone urgent but calm. Her voice firm and demanding and I tried to follow her the best I could.

“Can you tell me where you are?” She asked.

I gasped out Louis’ name through the deep breaths I was trying to take.

“Okay sweetie, I’m on my way there okay. Don’t leave the phone. Keep breathing, I need you to keep breathing.”

It felt like a whole day before Frankie turned up, in reality it would have only twenty minutes. She was at my car door though, opening it up and pulling me half out of the car so I could try to breathe in fresh air.

“Look at me.”

My eyes found hers in the darkness.

“Follow the way I breathe. In and out. Big breath in, little breath out. Keep going. You are doing so well. Just a little bit more.”

I rested my cheek against her shoulder, utterly spent and heartbroken.

“I need this to stop.” I cried into her shoulder, my hand thumping painfully at the ache in my heart. “Please just make it stop. It always hurts and I don’t want it to anymore. Please make it stop.”