Love in Lights

Louis

It was like someone cut the strings to the only resistance she had to gravity, and without anything pulling her up, she crumbled to the ground.

Annabelle’s eyes were hollow and her shoulders hunched as if the whole world decided in that moment to crush down on this one girl.

Annalisa tried to reach for her, her shaking hands only grabbing onto a strand of hair before her sister flinched away from her, her chest moving rapidly and her eyes growing wide.

Lucinda was able to gasp out, “Panic attack.” from beside me, before her own crying shook the room.

I rushed towards her, ignoring the hands that scrambled to stop me. I could help her; I knew how to do that.

“Annabelle,” her name fell from my lips automatically but I couldn’t reach her. Her head would be pounding by now, unable to hear anything of the people around her. “You need to breathe.”

I crouched down in front of her, she didn’t even see me, her eyes blank while her hands scrambled around her chest and down to her stomach, and they occasionally crawled up to her throat.

I reached for one hand, gently taking it and pulling it towards me. I ignored her resistance and stuck her hand under my shirt, on my stomach. The contact of heat seemed to distract her momentarily.

“Follow my breaths Belle, take a deep breath in.” I showed her the motion. “Then release it slowly, now do it again.” I held her hand there, constantly repeating the motions that she was desperately craving.

“Deeply Belle, come on. Breathe in, then out.” I said again, her eyes were more focused now, zeroed in on where her hand disappeared under my red sweater. Her fingers clenched against my bare skin and the tingles that spread across my stomach became secondary to the need I had for her to be okay.

I reached out with my other hand and gently ran it through her hair when I saw her finally take a breath, a deep rattling breath, before she let it out. Then she did again, in and then out. Slowly and surely her breathing was less gasping and more controlled.

“The hospital. Frankie.” She murmured after a moment, her eyes moving away from her hand on my stomach. She pulled it away, spared me only a glance before she shakily rose to her feet. I was by her side, reaching out to hold onto her elbow. She should be resting after having a panic attack; I read that it usually makes the person exhausted.

“Okay,” her voice was deceptively strong. “We have to go. Mum and Aaron can drive us.” She said firmly, her shoulders rolling up to their full height. Surprisingly everyone reacted around her. Her mum and Aaron moved instantly, grabbing keys and wallets. Lucinda picked herself up and tucked her phone away. Kate stepped away form Liam and grabbed Gracie, they marched out of the house.

Annalisa, like me, hesitated. Our eyes turning to Annabelle who did not waver, her face a blank canvas, her eyes dark and firm. This Annabelle wasn’t whom I expected.

She moved to follow the other girls but her steps paused near me, she turned her head only slightly as if taking her eyes away from the door would stop her from reaching her destination.

“Are you coming?” She asked.

I nodded. “Yes.”

She nodded and headed out the door, I grabbed onto Annalisa and tugged her with me, allowing her to rest her head against my chest as we walked. She still had tears rolling down her chubby cheeks, her little fingers clenching around my sweater.

“Come with us.” Annalisa began to pull me towards their car, away from the boys. Lucinda was piling into Aaron’s car with Gracie and Kate. The boys were heading into Harry’s. There was plenty of room with Annabelle and her Mum.

I followed them, Annalisa nudging me into the back while she climbed into the front. Annabelle was firm beside me, her eyes staring straight ahead but the hand resting on the seat between us still shook from her earlier panic attack.

Unsure of my welcome I reached out my hand and nudged hers, she didn’t react. I slowly turned her hand over and ran my fingers over the top of hers, before connecting them firmly. She closed her eyes, breathing in deeply before squeezing back.

The ride to the hospital was quick. Lucinda was rushing into the doors before we climbed out of the car. It unnerved me how calm Annabelle was acting in this moment. Her steps even, her eyes focused in front of her. If her hands weren’t still shaking I wouldn’t even think that this girl had recently had a panic attack.

I wanted to help her but I didn’t know how.

“It’s easier if she has a purpose. Something to do afterwards. If she just sits and lets it overwhelm her it’s like she is drowning.” Annabelle’s Mum appeared at my side. “She can’t move or breathe and everything crushes down on her. At least if we let her be, let her be strong and ready she has a reason to push the crushing water away.”

“What happens when she doesn’t need to be strong anymore, or she can’t, and it all comes crashing down?” I asked because it was inevitable. Annabelle might be able to prolong it but she can’t escape it.

“Then you hold her up. You be there for her and hold her head above the water.” She said as we walked through the hospital doors.

“You never even liked me.” I rolled my eyes. Annabelle’s parents had never wanted me around.

“I never said that. I just knew who my daughter was, and she wasn’t ready for you.” She stepped away; wrapping herself around Annalisa who seemed to grow more panicked the further into the hospital we got.

“All of you are family?” The nurse asked. Her eyes were doubtful.

“Yes.”

I spun around as Jen and Simon burst through the door. Jen marched through everyone, searching through her bags.

“While here I am classed as Francesca’s next of kin as her family is too far away. I say these people are family, now tell us what is going on.” Jen was scary when she needed to be.

The nurse sighed. “Francesca Lavarda was brought in three hours ago unconscious. Her breathing was minimal and heart rate slower then normal. We did blood tests and numerous scans and found a large dosage of different drugs within her system. Currently the Doctor is doing the best she can to identify the drugs in her system so we can in turn treat them necessarily.”

“How long will that take?” Jen demanded.

“We do not know. Francesca is in a coma and will stay that way until treated properly. Then we can only hope that no lasting damage is done.

“Lasting damage.” Lucinda murmured from beside me, her hand latched onto my arm, needing something to keep her up.

“You have to understand, the amount of drugs that she has ingested and her with her history of drug abuse, we have no idea how much damage has been permanently done to her body until she awakes.”

“Wait who brought her in?” Annabelle stepped forward. Her eyes seemed uncannily focused on the nurse.

“I believe a boyfriend. Come I can let you into the waiting room since I doubt you will leave and you will bring to much attention out here.” The nurse’s eyes roamed over all of us. Reminding us all that there was a large group of celebrities currently taking up the hospital foyer.

“You all go up. We’ll fill out the paperwork that needs to be done and sort out the press and security.” Simon stepped forward, the first time he had spoken.

We all acted on what he said, following the nurse through the hospital to the waiting room.

“Frankie isn’t seeing anyone.” Gracie said to me softly, she looked confused and scared.

“Then who would be here?” I asked confused as the nurse let us into the waiting room.

I rushed forward on instinct when Annabelle gasped, Her voice rose high as a sharp “Noah” fell from her mouth.

I had my arms around her stomach instantly, Harry grabbing onto a shoulder as we both restrained her from attacking the tired man sitting on the opposite side of the waiting room. He looked like a dear caught in headlights, his hair a mess and eyes red. I barely recognised Frankie’s ex-boyfriend. It had been a long time since I had last seen him.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Annabelle squirmed in my arms, her eyes ablaze in anger. “And why the fuck is Frankie in a coma right now?”

Her hands were shaking again and I was prepared to carry her out of the room if that’s what she needed to calm down.

“I just wanted her to calm down. I swear. She was so worked up and worried and I thought if she just had a bit then she would calm down and be the old Frankie again. But she wouldn’t have any so I thought just a little bit, a little bit wouldn’t hurt.” Noah was standing, his hands wringing together and his eyes kept skittering around the room, he wouldn’t meet anyone’s gaze.

Anger ripped through me at his words. He drugged Frankie without her knowing.

“You fucking idiot.” Annabelle said with meaning. She pushed out of my arms but seemed less likely to attack the pathetic boy in front of her. I still had a hand hovering behind her; ready to hold her back if I needed to. I wasn’t worried if she would get hurt, not by the anger that radiated through her. I was worried that she might kill Noah if given the chance.

“She can’t do drugs anymore. Didn’t she tell you? Literally her body can’t handle it? She got clean and you decided to what? Get her back on the good stuff after almost a year of nothing? Do you understand what that does to a person? It’s like a sober alcoholic drinking a whole bar’s worth of alcohol after not having one sip for a year. It’s fucking traumatic and a shock for the body.”

“I just thought…”

“No you didn’t think.” Annabelle cut above Noah. “You didn’t think Noah. You never did. That’s why she cut you out because she needed someone better. Someone who cared about their life and that wasn’t you. She deserves so much more then you can give her. You are so far beneath her and even though it took her awhile to realise that, we all knew. We could see how pathetic and unworthy of her that you are.”

The room was silent, not even a cough or a shuffle of a foot. I couldn’t even find myself feeling for the person breaking down in front of us.

Frankie, a person that we all loved was currently in a hospital bed and we didn’t even know if she was going to survive and it was all his fault.

“You don’t have the right to be her and to be in our life. You’re a disease Noah and every time you enter her life you infect her, you rip open old wounds and make them bleed so you can seep into her bones and break her slowly. You infect who she is and infections should never be left to fester.”

“I’m sorry.” Noah managed to get out.

“Get out of here. Leave and I swear to God, or whatever is out there, that if you ever come near her again, if you ever try to contact her I will rip you limb from limb, I will kill you and ensure no one will ever find you. Is that clear?”

I stepped forward; weary of the threats Annabelle was dealing as she took slow steps towards Noah.

“Leave.” She said firmly, her foot almost stomping on the ground. “Leave before I call the cops. Though you’re not even worth it.”

Noah ripped through the room, shoving Annabelle into me before he barged out the door. Annabelle, surprisingly, clung to my arm. Her fingers digging into my biceps but I let her, allowing her a moment of holding on to something.

“Shouldn’t we call the cops anyway?” I asked her softly. “He did drug her without her knowing.”

Annabelle shook her head as everyone began to find seats around us. Annabelle’s mum and sister seemed to not feel any different towards Annabelle after her fiery outburst.

“Frankie wouldn’t want that.” She replied, her hands were pressed to my chest now and her eyes were focused where they sat. I could see the way she tried to match her breathing with mine. I rubbed my hands up and down her arms trying to bring warmth to the cold skin that I could feel.

“Does she really get a say if you do or not?” I asked. Annabelle looked up to meet my eyes and a part of me still wanted to run and hide this girl away from all the horrible things in the world. But now, looking into her eyes, I realised it was already too late. The world had already attacked her with everything that it had.

“I learnt,” she began slowly, her eyes glued to mine, “that if you take choices away from desperate people they tend to make shitty and horrible decisions.”

I couldn’t help leaning forward and pressing a small kiss to her cold forehead. Her fingers tugged on my sweater and I wrapped my arms around her small body. This small girl that had fire in her veins and my heart pounded for her knowing the pain that was coursing through her body.

We looked up when Jen and Simon came through the door.

“No news.” Simon shook his head, guiding an exhausted Jen towards a chair beside Lucinda.

I sat Annabelle on a chair next to Annalisa. Annabelle’s hands stayed tightly entwined in my sweater so I joined her, allowing her to crawl into my lap and curl herself tightly around my body.

I stared around the room at the four girls. There were no tears, no prayers and no hope in their eyes. They sat there with an almost practiced ease, as if they had done this before, multiple times. They were trained professionals at waiting in hospital rooms and that only made me hold onto Annabelle harder.

I had no idea how long we had been there for. Annabelle had long ago crawled into Gracie’s lap, her head resting on Kate’s shoulder who was, in turn, asleep on Lucinda.

I stretched and headed to the restroom with Harry. Both of us looked like a mess, our eyes bloodshot skin pale and my sweater had been stretched and pulled in weird places from where Annabelle had held on.

“We can’t protect her from this.” Harry mumbled next to me, his own eyes staring numbly at my reflection. “You can’t protect her from this.

I shook my head at him. I felt weak, tired and so close to breaking. “They’re all so calm.” I said to him. “I can’t protect her from this because she’s been experiencing it when I wasn’t around. How are they sitting there, half asleep while waiting for news? I feel like I could crawl out of my own skin.”

“It’s horrible but this is what they’re used to. This is what they’ve been doing while we blocked them out. While you tried to hate her, they sat in rooms like we are now and waited for someone to tell them that it was time to start healing, time to start healing broken girls.” Harry said strongly, his eyes narrowing into mine. “She can handle this without you. The point is though, I don’t think she wants to.”

I let Harry guide me back to the waiting room. Annabelle was waiting in the chair that I had been sitting in. Her eyes focused on the door when we came in. Everyone still glanced over in expectation only to settle back down when they realised Harry and I were not the Doctors.

Annabelle stood up though, her hollow eyes staring at me, pulling me closer to her. I helplessly fell down into the seat and pulled her against my chest. I buried my face into her hair and held on tightly wishing that I could take her pain away. That I knew how to be useful. Harry’s words rang through my head.

Her hand gently ran across my arm and I shuddered at the way she tried to comfort me.

“How are you doing this? How are you so calm?” I murmured against her ear. I regretted asking when she pulled away, her head turning around to stare at me.

“Don’t you get it?” She questioned softly, one hand coming up to carefully run over my eyebrows and down across my cheekbones. “This is what we do. This is what we are used to. One of us has a freak out, we end up in hospital and the others sit here and we wait. We wait to find out if we need to start healing a broken girl or healing each other from the loss of a broken girl.”

Her voice was unnatural. Soft and sweet and slow. Her eyes bored into mine before she turned back around and rested the back of her head against my chest. Her hands now picked at the fingers on my right hand. My left hand sat squashed near her heart and I could feel the way it jumped through it’s pumping. Her hands shook as they played with mine.

She was strong, but she was breaking inside. I looked over to Annabelle’s mum. Annalisa was asleep on her lap but her Mum sat there was a straight back and a hard stare. If there was anyone that taught Annabelle strength, it was this woman.

The sun was rising when we were finally given news.

“She’s awake. We’ve pumped as many drugs from her body as we could and treated the ones we couldn’t. She’s weak and we will let her sleep again soon. She’s refusing painkillers though which is a good thing for her mentally but that does mean that she is going to be dealing with a lot of pain these next few days, as well as basically going cold turkey after an overdose like this. It’s not going to be an easy couple of days but your friend is strong.” The doctor offered us all a small smile. “So I have the highest hopes that she will pull through this.”

Relief swept through the room. Jen fell back against Simon. Her eyes falling closed, she looked like she was close to being sick. Annabelle moved from my arms, I reluctantly let her go; she and the other three girls followed the Doctor out of the room so they could see Frankie.

“This has been the most exhausting night.” Liam mumbled, sitting in the chair next to me. The other three boys soon joined. All of us stared blankly at the door that the girls had disappeared through.

“How do they do this? How can they be this strong?” Niall wondered his eyes were almost shut.

“Practice.” Zayn murmured his eyes were already shut. “Practice makes you perfect. It also makes you hard.”

Harry nudged my shoulder, pulling my attention to him.

“What are you thinking?” He asked slowly.

I paused, still able to feel the warmth that Annabelle had left on my body.

“I’m thinking that I never want to let Annabelle go, ever again.” I said truthfully before allowing my own eyes to fall shut.