Love in Lights

I sat on the porch out back, wrapped in a tight fluffy blanket with a hot chocolate warming my hands. I turned when the door behind me opened, expecting to find Louis but instead Jay stood there, smiling gently at me.

“Louis is talking to Felicite.” She explained, coming to sit down next to me.

I lifted the blanket up so she could wrap herself amongst it too but I didn’t say anything. I didn’t know what I was supposed to say. I felt so out of it all, like I was an observer.

“We don’t hate you, we never did.” Jay said softly.

I rolled my eyes and shot her a disbelieving look. “I hurt your son, Jay. I was a massive jerk. It’s okay to say you hate me.” I snorted into my cup before taking a warm sip.

“My son loves with everything he is. All my children love with their whole being and that’s my fault.” She smiled at me sadly. “I taught my kids to love people and I taught them to love wholly and freely but it’s not always a good thing. Loving people like that can get you hurt. It can also hurt the people you love.”

One of Jay’s arms came up to wrap around my shoulder and pulled me against her. I went willingly, missing the contact of a warm mother.

“When Louis told you he loved you, the first time, you were young and he hadn’t really known you that long. And yes, you definitely should not have run off. But at the same time, Louis was being selfish when he told you that. He hadn’t considered that maybe you weren’t ready or even felt the same way. He cornered you and you reacted badly.”

I felt like Jay was giving me an out to easily. “I should have stayed and handled that better.” I insisted.

One of her hands came up to stroke through my hair. “And you did, eventually. You came back and tried to make it right, after you put yourself in order.”

I closed my eyes and let myself enjoy the soothing words and the warm fingers through my hair.

“It’s not easy doing what you do. Louis has almost lost it many times, being who he is, being able to do what he can with money and power at his disposal. It changes a person; it’s always going to change a person. And you girls lost yourself for a while but you found your way back. And more importantly you found a way back to Louis. You found a way to love Louis.”

I flinched where I lay, opening my mouth to protest but Jay’s laugh cut through whatever excuse I had been searching for.

“It’s okay honey, it’s okay.” She said soothingly, pushing my head back onto her shoulder. “I’m his mother and he is my first child. I’ve been looking for the girl that looks at him with nothing but love. I’ve been searching for this girl since the day he was born, so you have to understand Annabelle, I understand more than anyone. You look at him like he’s worth living for, like he makes your life worth it.”

“He does.” I whispered hoarsely. “Don’t get me wrong, I could survive without Louis Tomlinson. I don’t need him to live. But, I don’t want to imagine living without him either.”

“Because you love him, not because you need him or because you’re dependent on him but because you just truly want him there in your life. It’s something so simple and yet so easily overlooked.” She pressed a cold kiss to my forehead and I couldn’t help but smile and snuggle further against her.

My own mother had never been as warm as this. But there were nights that I remembered where she would let us lay against her, the sounds of the waves crashing behind us.

“What are you two doing?”

I jolted in surprise when Louis’ voice floated over to us. I turned to see him leaning in the doorway of the house, a small, soft smile playing along his rosy lips. His arms were crossed tightly over his chest, his t-shirt not warm enough to fight the cold from outside.

“Having a mother-daughter moment is all.” I looked at Jay in surprise but she only nudged me up and off the chair, taking me empty cup off me. “Come on, it’s time to go inside. You’ll catch a cold out here.” I let her guide me inside, the blanket still tightly wrapped around my shoulder.

Louis shut the door behind us before worming his way into the blanket with me, my arms settled around his neck, his around my waist. I shivered at his cold hands as the slipped under my jumper to touch bare skin.

“How are you?” He whispered, nose bumping against mine.

“Fine.” I replied, dragging my nose against his cheek before pressing a light kiss to his lips.

“What Felicite said…”

I cut Louis off. “She has every right to say.” I said sternly. “I honestly don’t think I deserve your Mum’s forgiveness but she has and I earned yours but I haven’t earned your sisters. Felicite doesn’t have to like me. It doesn’t mean I’m going to run off. But I am going to hang around and make sure she knows that I regret ever hurting you and I plan to avoid doing that every again.”

-

I looked at myself in the mirror, adjusting the midriff white top, before smoothing down the puffy green skirt.

“You look great,” Louis appeared in the doorway to his bedroom, brushing his teeth.

“Thanks,” I said before reaching toward the long tan coat that had been lying on his bed. I pushed my arms into its toasty warmth before tying it up. I smiled at Louis cheekily, the coat moved down past my knees so you couldn’t see anything that I was wearing underneath.

“Well you did look great. Now it’s more like an Oompa Loompa.” He grinned around the toothpaste in his mouth before walking away. I glared after him but grabbed my scarf anyway and wound it around my neck twice. I slid my feet into white high heels and then I was all set. As rugged up as I could possibly be.

I don’t know why people would want to party in a winter as cold as this. I would rather sleep through the New Year in a nice warm bed.

“Won’t you get cold?” I asked Louis when he came back in. He shrugged and grabbed a black blazer from his wardrobe but otherwise stayed as he was. Black jeans and a white top with some comic on it.

“Love, it’s not even that cold outside.”

“It’s snowing.” I glared, burying my hands in my coast pockets and following him down the stairs.

We got pictures at Jay, insistence before she finally allowed us to leave. “Be good. And call a taxi to get home. Your car better not be here in the morning Louis.”

“I’ll drive, I promise.” I called over my shoulder to Jay, my breath becoming white in the cold air around us.

I could feel Louis practically buzzing with excitement as we made our way to Stan’s house. He hasn’t seen all his school friends in one place in a long time and I know he was looking forward to just being Louis the school mate instead of Louis Tomlinson one member of a famous boy band.

There were heaps of cars filling the street when Louis began to slow down. There were way more than I had anticipated and I started to grow nervous. I thought this was just like a small get together not a high school reunion.

The driveway was free and Louis easily pulled into it, the house was quite big for a suburban area and there were people half spilling out of the door when we climbed out of the car.

Stan was the first to rush down the stairs, him and Louis meeting in the middle, hand slapping happily at each other’s back.

“And the lovely Annabelle, I’m touched that you graced my party with your presence.” He mockingly bowed before pulling me into a hug. I laughed and hugged him back; he was already beginning to smell like a liquor store.

We pulled apart to see Louis hugging Anna, Stan’s girlfriend I had to remind myself. Awkward tension filling the air once she turned towards me.

“Louis always knew how to make things awkward.” I commented, glaring daggers at Louis for not even moving to lighten the situation.

“Maybe we could start again with the whole getting to know each other where you’re not dating my boyfriend?” I asked, smiling at then and causing Anna to laugh, loud and bright.

“I’m Anna, the girl dating your boyfriends mate.” She grinned, throwing a wink in my direction. I laughed, finding the difference between the girl I had irrationally hated from the beginning and this bright girl who wasn’t even wearing a jumper. It had stopped snowing but it was still freezing cold.

“Are you not cold.” I ignored the boys and joined her side, reaching out to touch her cool arm.

“Alcohol has kind of warmed me up. Come on there’s a fireplace inside that you can warm up at. I’ll introduce you to people.” She tugged me a long and neither of us spared a glance for our boyfriends that pulled up the rear.

It was much warmer inside. Anna took my coat, hanging it up in the doorway and directed me towards one room where there were crowds of people lounging around the fire. There were a loud chorus of greetings aimed in our direction that made me pause but Louis came up behind me, yelling back greetings and pulling person after person into hugs, a large smile splitting his face.

“Come on, let’s get you a drink.” Anna pulled on my hand but I hesitated. Biting my lip and frowning at the word drink.

“A non-alcoholic one,” she said quickly. “We’ve got hot chocolate for all the designated drivers.”

I smiled and followed after her, letting Louis catch up with whomever he needed to catch up with.

“Look I do want to apologise about everything. I feel terrible for going along with Louis.” Anna said, heating up milk.

“You don’t need to apologise Anna.” I smiled at her. “It’s us that should apologise, you were pulled into the mess that we were and that wasn’t fair.”

“Were a mess? Huh? That mean you two are all good now?” She waggled her eyebrows and heaped spoons of chocolate into the mug.

I laughed and shook my head. “I honestly have no idea if Louis and I will ever be okay. But we’re not as messy as we used to be.”

“But that’s the fun, isn’t it?” She handed me the mug and grabbed a bottle of vodka from the counter, pouring it into her own glass. It was more vodka than the lemonade she soon added. “Being messy is so much better than being boring.”

“Trust me, our messy is bad, boring sounds really nice.” I warmed my hands around the warm mug.

“You should have seen before Stan and I got together. Messy barely covers it. You might have had the world watching you and Louis but try having your grandparents somehow become a part of it all. Trust me, it ain’t messy until Grandma threatens hitting your boyfriends Granddad with a car.”

I looked at her for a moment, noting the serious gaze she fixed on me before I burst out laughing. “I think I really want to hear this story.”

Anna laughed and shook her head, taking a large sip of her mixed drink. I sipped my own mug.

“Anna, why don’t you introduce us to your new friend?”

I looked away from Anna happily downing the rest of her drink, to see a group of people standing near us, all looking equal parts threatening in the way they scanned my body.

“I hardly think she needs introducing, Lea, you were obsessed with her on Youtube for three years before she got famous.” Anna snorted.

Lea the girl who had first spoken, blushed a bright red to match the dyed red curls that framed her face.

“I’m Annabelle.” I offered anyway, feeling rude to just expect people to know my name. “Are you all friends of Louis?”

“Everyone is, he’s a social type of bloke.” Some girl piped behind her.

The whole group continued to stare and I shifted on the spot. I was beginning to think there was more here than just a causal meet and greet.

“So, no alcohol?” Lea asked, her hip jutting out to rest on the counter.

I hesitated before shaking my head. “I don’t drink.”

“Yeah probably a good idea for everyone.” A guy smirked at me from behind Lea, his hand coming up to rest on her waist.

I glanced between Anna and the group unsure if they were here to abuse me, defend Louis, or get to know me. I felt completely out of my death.

“C’mon guys don’t be idiots.” Anna mumbled, her shoulder knocking gently against mine and I felt calmer, knowing I had someone to back me up.

“Lea, Mikey.” Louis appeared by my side amongst loud cheers and cups of alcohol, he pulled Lea and the boy next to her into hugs before greeting the rest of the group. “I’ve see you’ve all met Belle here. This was my main group in school.”

Louis gestured out towards the group of people and my heart sank. These were Louis’ good friends and they already didn’t like me.

“What are you drinking, love?” Louis looked down in my mug, his own hand held a drink that looked like coke, but I assumed had some alcohol in there.

“Hot chocolate,” I murmured, leaning into Louis’ side when he wrapped his spare arm around my shoulder.

“Now I know what you are all doing here, we did the same thing to Mikey when he first started to court Lea.” Louis turned back to his group of friends, Mikey rolled his eyes and reached out to punch Louis’ arm.

“I didn’t court her.” He grumbled.

Louis raised an eyebrow. “I’m sorry, I believe you asked her father if you could ask her on a date. That, my good boy, is courting.” Louis spoke loudly and I could already tell his drinking was a lost cause for the night.

“Anyway, I am here to tell you all that Annabelle is perfectly okay, she has been vetted and accepted by my own family. Charlotte loves her.” He puffed his chest out and to my surprise; smiles began to split over everyone’s faces.

“Well if Lottie loves you, than you gotta be okay.” Lea laughed, turning away to grab a drink and just like that everyone began to clear out, slapping Louis on the shoulder or smiling at me warmly.

“What is that all about?” I asked Anna.

She grinned and poured herself another drink. “You are one extremely lucky girl for not knowing Charlotte Tomlinson’s’ wrath when it comes to protecting her brother. She is the most suspicious girl and does not accept anyone lightly. If Lottie likes you then you must be perfect.”

I looked at Anna in shock. She laughed and patted my cheek while beginning to sway on the spot. I had never had any trouble with Charlotte, never found her in anyway to dislike or mistrust me.

“Come on, love, Stan’s got karaoke in the other room. Let’s do a duet, High School Musical style.” Louis grabbed onto my hand and began dragging me through the house.

Louis lasted until the New Years kiss, than he began to downward spiral, swaying constantly, words barely made full sentences and his eyes were bloodshot and drooping. I waited until people began to file out of the house before I enlisted the help of a few people to get Louis back to the car. He was singing merrily and off key all the way to the car, while I tried to thank everyone and say goodbye.

“You gonna be okay getting him in the house?” Anna asked, growing slowly sober by the hour but her eyes looked tired. Stan hung off her, his mouth lolling open.

“If worse come to worse I’ll just leave him in the car.” I grinned before climbing into the driver’s side and found an already snoring Louis.

I was able to wake Louis up when we got home, half pulling him up the stairs and it wasn’t until we got to the top that he seemed to find energy enough to dash to the closest bathroom, retching immediately into the toilet bowl.

I sighed and grabbed water and a wet towel before joining Louis in the bathroom, where he crouched over the toilet. I tried to fight my own gag reflex and just repeatedly wiped the sweat and vomit from Louis’ face each break he had between vomiting.

“I love you.” He slurred around a mouthful of water before his head fell straight back to the toilet, his back moving forwards and backwards in heaving motions.

I sighed and shook my head wondering how I could still love him when he was vomiting.