‹ Prequel: Love in Music

Love in Lights

You're The Reason I'm Here

The single “Here Standing” from Purity’s latest album has officially hit Number 1 in the States with their album officially topping nearly all the charts worldwide. IT seems the girl-band hasn’t put one foot wrong with the release of their latest album. Fans and critics everywhere have been raving about the raw and vulnerable lyrics, rocking beats and amazing vocals that fill the album.

The number 1 single, “Here Standing,” has been quoted to be about: “Everyone that was ever there for us, that stood up and fought for us.” In the book accompanying the CD the girls state “We owe a lot of people for where we are today and we are extremely thankful but on top of that the song is about us being thankful to each other as well. How thankful and happy we are that we have each other. We have been there for each other through every bad and good thing that has happened and this song is about how we would never desert each other, that we’re always going to be here.” Rumours for the video have been floating around and we can’t wait to see how it turns out.
March 2016

The movement was constant and calm, backwards and forwards. Backwards and forwards. My hands skimmed the top and came back glistening with fresh drops.

If I closed my eyes I knew that I would be alone, that I would lose touch. Just be me, here, floating. But I was afraid, afraid of closing my eyes and losing myself in the oblivion of loneliness. Of sinking below and refusing to rise again.

So I kept my eyes open, the sun beating down against my water drenched skin. The faint smell of sunscreen still present in my nose, accompanied with the indescribable but utterly familiar smell of the ocean. There was noise from not that far away and parts of me were responding, slowly but surely I understood that the noises were for me. My hands moved in the water until my body and surfboard faced the shore where three figures stood, the shorter one waving wildly and calling out.

I smiled and waved back at Annalisa when I noticed how close she came to hitting someone with her energetic hand. I eyed the two people behind her before steeling myself and paddling back towards the shore. I hadn’t even been able to go for a good surf, too distracted by the endless possibilities of an endless space all alone.

The closer I got to the shore the easier the two unknown people were recognizable. Liam and Niall. A part of me, the part that stopped a hand and twitched a foot, wanting to turn back and keep going away from all this but total oblivion for forever wasn’t as enticing as I needed it to be, so I pushed myself further and climbed off when I reached the shore. Wading through the last few steps and jabbed my surfboard into the sand.

The sand clung uncomfortably to my feet and legs and I frowned down at them. I would never be comfortable with the way the sand clung on for dear life the moment you were a little bit wet.

“Hey, what’s up?” I greeted the boys with a faux coolness that I wasn’t aware I possessed anymore.

“We had a free day, thought we would come visit.” I hoped to God that the other boys weren’t inside my house waiting. I wasn’t ready for that type of pressure at the moment. But Liam continued, “we were going to see if you wanted to have lunch with us?”

“Annalisa can come too.” Niall added on, smiling welcomingly at my sister. She waved her hand at him in dismissal.

“Sorry boys, I have plans. I know it’s a let down but I guess you’ll have to stick with my less fun sister.” She smacked me on the back, painfully, and I jolted forwards, surprised at her strength. She just grinned and headed back towards the house, her presence an obvious hole missing from my side.

“So lunch?” Liam prompted and I looked between Niall and him for a moment before giving in. It’s not like I had planned to do anything else today.

“Yeah, let me pack my board away and go for a shower.” Liam and Niall grinned in sync and headed back towards my house, their movements freakishly similar as they laughed, argued and roughhoused with each other the whole way. I eyed them until they disappeared inside. I grabbed my board and packed it in the shed behind the house before heading in, trailing water up the stairs towards one of the bathrooms.

“You know you don’t have a maid right? And I am not cleaning that up.” Annalisa came out of the room she had been using, pointing at the water that followed me across the floor to the doorway of the bathroom that I stood in. I shrugged in carelessness.

“My house, my rules.” I teased her. I honestly didn’t care too much about the house since I was barely here. “Where are you going?” I asked her after she finished grumbling under her breath.

“Lunch and movie with some friends. I need a break from you and this depressing house. Hey, that’s an idea, while you’re out with the boys you should all stop at a store, any store that sells a picture and buy one! Shocking concept I know but pictures and decorations look cool in houses.” I shut the door on her rant, annoyed at the amount of sarcasm she insisted on squeezing throughout it. This was my house and it wasn’t my home so I was leaving it how it was. I honestly did not care.

I took the boys out to my favourite café that was barely a ten minute drive away, I used to come here all the time to study while in school, it hadn’t changed much and the nostalgia brightened my day.

We made a spectacle with both my bodyguards and the guards the boys were made to keep, following us around but I was relieved to not be stuck in the alternative.

“Congratulations on the album hitting Number 1.” Liam commented when we sat down around a table outside. I smiled thinking of the call that Lucinda had made early this morning, I could practically hear her jumping on Frankie.

“Thanks. We were honestly so surprised.”

“What you didn’t think it was good enough?” He questioned, a small smirk playing on his lips like he thought I was being humble. I shook my head.

“No it’s not that. It’s just it was so, so personal I guess and it made us worry about it.” I shifted in my seat and did a quick glance over the menu. Eyes were trained on me but I ignored them, deciding on the chicken grilled sandwich.

“How are you after the other day?” Niall’s eyes strayed to the scratch that was still noticeable going up my forearm; I consciously pulled the arm closer to myself and tried to smile at them both convincingly.

“Fine, perfectly fine.” My tone was airy and unbelievable. “So how is your tour of Oz going?” I asked trying to move the conversation on.

“Good, we have more breaks this time, last time we were here we hardly had any breaks.” Liam commented and Niall snorted starting to rave about how he and Harry both fell asleep while waiting to go on radio when they were here last. I sat back and let them talk me into a sort of numbness. They were easy to watch, laughing, smiling and getting along swimmingly. They pushed and shoved and Niall’s hands were a constant movement in front of him. Even when our food arrived he still waved his hand around, his chip almost flying towards the table next to us. With the way the occupants of said table were staring they would probably eat the chip from the ground as long as it had touched Niall’s hands first.

“We’re going to be in America when you girls are.” Niall beamed like he had personally planned this himself, he might of I didn’t know. “We should hang out, we haven’t all been together in ages. We could go out drinking like we used to.” Liam’s elbow to Niall’s rib was obvious and my eyes stayed trained on that spot for a moment before shooting Niall a smile.

“Yeah, we should totally do that. I’ll talk to the girls.”

“Annabelle-.” Liam started but I didn’t let him finish.

“I said we would be fine Liam.” I cut in more firmly, my eyes narrowing at his doubtful expression.

“You might be but have you even asked the others?” He snapped back, his posture defiant, arms crossing over his chest. His judgment was obvious in the way his eyebrows rose higher up his forehead. I resisted the urge to flip him off.

“I don’t need you to tell me if they are.” I was being childish but lately a part of me was always angry at Liam and when he became so self-righteous I couldn’t help but snap and try to hurt.

“Guys.” Niall cut in, his eyebrows drawn together in confusion. He didn’t understand why we were arguing and I wasn’t sure if Liam fully understood either.

“Have you listened to Track 14 recently Li?” I asked sweetly watching his eyes narrow before he stood up abruptly.

“I’m going to the bathroom.” He muttered before storming off. Niall sighed and leant his elbows against the table, his attention turning to me.

“Want to tell me what that was about?” Niall asked me, I feigned indifference and shrugged.

“Liam’s just being his usual overbearing self.” I could feel Niall’s disapproval but I ignored it, taking a bite off the sandwich that I had barely touched. The food didn’t taste as good as I remembered it to be.

“I think you’re more angry at yourself then at him.” Niall said gently, his hand reaching out for my elbow.

“Don’t presume to know me.” I pulled my elbow away and glared. Niall rolled his eyes in annoyance.

“Trust me, I haven’t presumed to know you in a long time.” His tone was biting and snapped through me, a sarcastic annoyed Niall always managed to break through to anyone. My shoulders hunched and I felt guilty for how I had been behaving. They didn’t understand and it wasn’t fair that I punish them.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that, I didn’t mean to hurt Liam.”

“Yeah you did. But don’t worry Liam will forgive you; it’s what he does. Always forgives you.” I hunched in defeat. Liam always forgave me. He was the first to start talking to me after I hurt Louis. None of the boys would speak to me for a long time after that incident but Liam did, he talked with me about everything I wanted and he didn’t judge me, not then, he let me do and say what I wanted. I wasn’t being fair to him anymore but every time I saw him I thought of Kate and what happened and I just couldn’t restrain myself.

“I really liked the album,” I was grateful at Niall’s change of topic, “so does Liam, you should have heard him carrying on about it the other day. Really annoying.” I snorted and shook my head fondly. “We all liked it, your best work so far.” I froze at Niall’s words and looked up at him.

“Has- has Louis listened to it?” I asked him tentatively, I wasn’t sure what answer I wanted. On one hand I hoped Louis had listened to it because he was a major influence for the songs I wrote but if he had and hadn’t responded to them then that was a slap to the face that I didn’t want. But on the other hand I didn’t want Louis to have listened to it because of the fact that he was my main influence. I put the songs out their to the world but I wasn’t sure if I could confront him about what I wrote.

“Not that I know of.” Niall said gently, his hand reaching out to take mine and I let him hold on this time. “I can’t be sure but he hasn’t mentioned anything to us and none of us lads mention it in front of him.” I nodded but no breath of relief washed through my body so I took that as the answer that I didn’t want. “I guess a few of those songs are about him huh?”

The whole world probably knew that I had written songs about Louis and put them in the album. Other then the fact that the song’s were obvious, we had made a booklet to go in the CD case with stories on each song, why we wrote the song, what it means, how it came to be and everything we thought was important. We never named name but with the way the world insisted on making my life public knowledge it would be obvious about who I was talking to.

“The last song is definitely about him right? “The Last Call”? And the other one “Wish I Didn’t Know”, both about him.” Niall barely needed my nod to get his confirmation.

“Do you think you could get him to listen to it?” I asked Niall keeping the hope out of my voice. The pitied look that Niall sent me told me that I had failed at it.

“Louis’ me mate Belle and you crushed him ruthlessly, like literally dragged him through the dirt.” I glared at Niall not needing the further explanation. “And he’s still hurt and angry at you, and I… You’re great Belle but he’s me mate first. I’m not going to go out of me way to hurt him more.” I conceded to Niall apologizing for even asking that of him.

“But he still cares.” I looked up at Liam’s voice, I hadn’t realised he had come back. “He wouldn’t have run through a crowd of screaming girls if he didn’t still care for you.” I looked between Niall and Liam, the former with his head down shaking it before looking up to nod at me. I didn’t know what to feel at their confession. Did he care enough to give me another chance?

“Be careful with him Annabelle.” Niall’s voice was harder this time, his eyes glaring down onto the table. I had a feeling that he didn’t agree with Liam telling me this. “Only go for him if you actually mean it this time. Don’t break him anymore then you already have.”

“And anyway, don’t expect forgiveness because of a couple of well written songs.” I tried not to preen at Liam’s praise of our songs, now wasn’t the time for that reaction.

“I don’t want to hurt him again. I didn’t want to hurt him the first time.” I admitted to them both. Hoping that they would believe me that I honestly never wanted to hurt Louis in anyway and right now I would rather throw myself in front of a train then hurt him again.

“Okay, now let’s all make a pact to never tell Louis we talked about this.” Niall held his hand in the middle of the table and looked between us both. I laughed with Liam until Niall’s hands stayed where it was, his eyes serious, he wasn’t joking. Sighing I wrapped my hand around Niall’s fingers and Liam wrapped his hand around Niall’s palm and wrist. Liam and I shared a quick look of exasperation before Niall was moving his hand up and down so we were sort of shaking on it.

I burst out laughing at the ridiculous picture this would make and I couldn’t stop. I pulled my hand back and touched my stomach, my eyes watering and my laugh loud. But I couldn’t stop, it felt too good, to free and I didn’t want to lose this feeling. Liam’s foot hooked around mine under the table and Niall joined in with my laughter, twisting his hands and stamping his feet, continuously making me laugh further. This was better then oblivion.


My phone was ringing when I entered the house. Rushing forward I searched through the living room trying to find where the house phone was. Cursing Annalisa and her mess that she left lying around I finally found it underneath the unit that held the TV.

“Hello.” I answered breathlessly, without looking at the caller I.D.

“Hey, did I interrupt something?” Gracie’s voice came through the phone and I relaxed, smiling and leaning back against the TV unit.

“Nah I just couldn’t find the phone. It was like Annalisa purposefully hid it.” I replied, grabbing onto a tassel of the throw rug that had been tossed to the floor.

“I’m glad you both are talking again.”

“Me too.” I smiled easily, and stood up, making my way through the house and up the stairs aiming for my bedroom.

“What have you been doing today?” Grace asked, I could hear loud noises in the back and I was curious as to what she was doing.

“I had lunch with Niall and Liam.” I told her walking into my room and staring around at the clothes piled on my suitcase in the corner, my walk-in-closet door was sitting next to the suitcase, completely empty. My eyes travelled from the closet to the large wall across from the door I was standing in. The whole wall was made out of wide French doors and large windows. The doors opened to a balcony that faced the ocean. I could see the view clearly from me bed which sat opposite the windows and next to the entry door.

“Really?” Grace sounded surprised. “And how did that go?” I moved and fell down on the bed, my eyes trained on the ceiling above.

“I had a fight with Liam again.” I confessed. She sighed through the phone before replying.

“Of course you did. When are you going to stop riling him up?” Her voice was reprimanding but there was sympathy in it too. I rolled over so I was lying on my stomach, my face smashed into the pillows at the top of my bed.

“I don’t know. When Kate’s around, I suppose.”

“Yet even then you seem to find a way to snipe at him. She might be less curious then she used to be but she’s not oblivious, I’m sure she can read the tension between you both.” I grumbled but didn’t reply. “You need to forgive yourself for that day. Being angry at Liam and being angry at yourself isn’t going to help you move on.”

“So what, I’m supposed to be angry at Kate?” I asked, rolling so my face wasn’t muffled into the pillows and I could speak clearer.

“No, you’re not supposed to be angry at anyone. It’s too exhausting if you are.” I sighed at Kate’s words and rubbed my eyes. I was tired, 90% of the time I felt like curling up in a corner and sleeping for a long uninterrupted time. But even when I slept things still bothered me.

“How’s Tony?” I asked her, not even trying to be subtle in the subject change.

“Good, fine, great. We’ve been having a good time.” Her tone was neutral and I rolled my eyes.

“Don’t lie.” I accused her. She sighed and I could hear her moving around wherever she was.

“He just keeps paying attention to me.” I laughed, surprised.

“Because that’s what people hate, when they’re loved ones pay attention to them.”

“Not like that. I mean he watches what I eat a lot.” Her tone was sour and I knew she hated that people would second-guess that she was better, that she could eat a whole meal now.

“He’s just worried love, you can’t be angry at him for that.” I told her softly, my hand coming up as if it planned to comfort her before realising that she was on the other side of the planet and I wouldn’t be able to hug her any time soon.

“I know. I just wish you would take your own advice too.” I ignored her and stood up, moving towards the large door across from me. The phone pressed to my ear but both of us were silent now. I had had many of these conversations with the girls, where the seconds ticked by but we were silent. It was a comfort to know that someone else was there even if they couldn’t physically be here.

“I miss you all.” I blurted out to Grace staring out at the ocean splayed out in front of me, like it was for me to see, for me to have and no one else.

“Trust me I know how you feel. Our dependency on each other has become unhealthy.” I smiled, not worried about being too dependent on them.

“If our relationships are unhealthy then I like it, way more then my normal relationships.” Gracie’s laugh was bright and open and I could almost picture her smile and the way her eyes light up. Her cheeks would still be sunken, still not recovered from the abrupt weight loss. But they were becoming livelier again and it was perfect.

“I should go. Tony and I are supposed to be going out to some gallery thing soon.” Gracie interrupted my thoughts and I smiled sadly at the ocean.

“Yeah. I’ll see you soon.” I hung up and pulled the phone away from my ear. The quiet settled in and I felt utterly alone in my too large, plain, white house.
♠ ♠ ♠
Song Title: Here Standing by The Saturdays

Sorry for the late post guys! Had an assignment to do then Easter has arrived so I've been on a small holiday!

​I hope you notice in this chapter there is a fair bit of foreshadowing going on! Many hints about Kate's problems and Liam's part in it! Also Gracie's secret revealed! Not in so many words but you go the idea of what's wrong with her! Also major foreshadowing for Louis and Annabelle (Louis will be in the next chapter by the way! Didn't realise he hasn't been in two in a row now! gasp!)​​

Hope you are all enjoying your Easter or if you don't celebrate it I hope you are enjoying your long weekend!