‹ Prequel: Love in Music

Love in Lights

I'm Giving Up On You

“Are you sure you guys don’t want to come?” I asked for the fifth time, grabbing my bag and dumping my wallet and phone inside it. “You know Niall won’t mind waiting for you to get ready.” I turned to smile at Lucinda who frowned at me from the bed.

“It’s more I don’t think any of us should be going at all Annabelle.” Lucinda tried to reason but I waved her off causing a scowl to settle on her face.

“Look I’m not going to over do it okay, I just need to let loose and have a little bit of fun okay? I feel too cooped up here.” I smiled at her reassuringly and bent down to kiss her cheek before heading out of the room we shared at Frankie’s. All three other girls were spread out in varying positions in the lounge room, a movie played on the TV but all eyes were on me. I bent down to strap my shoes on.

“If anything happens call us okay, we will come get you straight away.” Lucida said sitting down on the armchair where Frankie was staring expressionless at me.

“Nothing is going to happen.” I laughed. “I’ll be with the boys.” Kate sighed and Gracie shrunk further into her seat, her eyes focused on the movie. “You guys need to chill out.” I rolled my eyes and brightened up when a knock came from the door. “I’ll see you guys later. Don’t wait up.” I called, heading for the door and opened it up to see both a smiling Niall and a frowning Liam. The juxtaposition was oddly comical.

“For God’s sake Annabelle, just wait.” Lucinda was pissed off and stomping over to where the door was. I tried to slip out and shut the door but she grabbed it first. “I don’t think you should be going out tonight. Really, I’m being serious!” Niall’s smile fell from his face and he switched his eyes between the two of us. I was furious: Lucinda wasn’t my mother.

“And why shouldn’t I go out and have fun?” I hissed at her, my eyes narrowing.

“Because ever since that freaking airport incident you haven’t been the same. You’ve been deteriorating again and I’m worried.” I glared at her speechless for a moment before purposefully taking a step closer to Niall.

“I am not the one who stayed out late, partied all night and got consistently drunk. I was not the one who couldn’t handle going to a party without getting smashed. So don’t come to me worried that I’ll be like you, I know what I’m doing.” Lucinda look affronted, her face red and her hands clenched to her side. If I knew she was a fighting girl I would have been expecting a hit, but Lucinda despite her fight in words was a passive being when it came to physical violence.

I spun on my heel and marched towards the end of the hallway where the elevator sat waiting. I only had to wait a moment before a door was slammed shut and Niall and Liam were standing either side of me.

“Not a word.” I spoke firmly, stepping into the elevator and crossing my arms, both boys remained completely silent as the elevator moved downwards.


The club was loud and the people great and I hated how I felt so out of everything that was happening around me. My first drink I had barely swallowed, the alcohol not even affecting me.

“Do you want to leave?” Liam leant towards me and yelled in my ear. I sighed but shook my head at him. I came out to have fun, I wanted to have fun and let go just for one night. I needed a break, a breather and this felt like the right place to be to just relax and forget everything just for a little while.

“I’m going to go dance.” I yelled at Liam, he nodded to show he heard before I stood up making my way through the small crowd of people that had congregated around the boys. Most seemed like friends or at least people they had met recently. I had tried to talk with some of them but the energy for small talk wasn’t in me tonight. I made my way through the moving bodies closer to the middle of the dance-floor. It was packed and everyone was moving together, sweating and gyrating on the unknown people around them. I joined in letting the sounds and bodies around me move my arms and legs, swing my waist and I left full control to the crowd around me. I raised my hands when the DJ called for it, jumped when everyone else jumped; I joined the mindless crowd and let someone dictate the moves I needed to do. It felt more hypnotic then any drink I would ever have.

I knew that the main reason I wasn’t having fun tonight was because I was missing the girls, we had become so ridiculously co-dependent on each other that it was practically unhealthy. I barely had any other friends apart from the girls; it was too hard to keep old friend and too risky trying to make new ones. It was easy just us five but some days I wondered if it was making us mental, if we were actually infecting each other.

I decided another drink was in need and began moving my way back through the crowd. There was a private bar set up in the V.I.P area and I headed straight for it, not wanting to fight my way to the front of the public bar. I didn’t expect resistance as I headed that way so I was surprised when someone shoved into me roughly, my feet didn’t regain balance on my heels and I slammed into someone on the other side of me.

Apologising quickly I straightened myself out and turned to the source of my stumble.

“You should watch where you’re going.” A girl snarked at me, her hands crossed over her chest, her stance wide. I could see a few of her friends staring from not far away, all seemed to have pinched looks on their faces. I moved to step around the girl but her hand came down hard on my bicep, pinching her nails in and pulling me back in front of her, I stumbled in my heels again – Lucinda would be disappointed.

“Did you hear me?” She hissed, her breath smelled like alcohol and her eyes were blown wide open and blood shot. If she wasn’t drunk she was most definitely stoned. “You think you’re all great and shit sitting up there but you’re just a fucked up nobody like the rest of us. You and your little girls can’t sing for shit and you went and fucked yourselves up.” I glared at the girl, a lump forming in my throat. I yanked my arm out of her grip and took a step closer, our faces inches apart.

“Back off.” I hissed at her, my eyes narrowing. She was swaying on the spot; I could take her if it came down to it.

“Or what?” She smirked at me. “You’re nothing but a prissy bitch, you’re weak and pathetic, I cannot believe that you haven’t gone and killed yourself already. It would do the whole world a favour.” Her words were slightly slurred but I still received the message, loud and clear.

I took a step back, her face lighting up with what she assumed was my retreat. Instead I pulled my fist together tight going through the motions that Frankie had taught me in my head. Fist tight, thumb on the outside around your curled fingers. While swinging forward aim slightly down so middle and index finger will hit first – don’t want to break the pinky. Her voice relayed in my head as I swung forward, my feet effortlessly dancing with my weight shift until I was grabbed, my hand stopped in mid air and an arm was around the middle of my waist, lifting and spinning me away from the girl.

“What are you doing?” I kicked out at the person, recognizing Zayn’s hair from the corner of my eyes, I grew angrier he hadn’t talked or paid any attention to my existence all night and now he just decided that he could come along and stop me, force me to leave. “Let go of me Zayn.” I grumbled once he had successfully pushed me into the V.I.P section.

“What was I doing Annabelle? I was fucking stopping you from committing assault. How stupid can you be! One punch can kill – have you not heard of the slogan? Seriously you could have gotten into so much trouble if that turned into a fight.” Zayn was furious, his hands waving wildly – the only way you could tell if he was actually pissed was when he wasn’t as composed as usual.

“You tried to start a fight?” Louis interrupted the glare competition Zayn and I had started and I hated the disappointed look on his face, like I had just gone and attacked someone, like he didn’t know me at all.

“She was talking shit okay. She told me I was weak and pathetic and that I should fucking die so what else was I going to do huh?” I growled at them both, Zayn’s face seemed to soften a bit but I didn’t care, instead of listening in the first place he yelled and abused and got disappointed before hearing the proper story just like everybody else had. “Would you have just stood there and let some guy tell you that killing yourself would do the whole fucking world a favour?” I threw my hands up in the air waiting for their response. They were both predictably silent. I rolled my eyes and turned marching straight for the bar.

“Annabelle. Annabelle! What are you doing?” Louis caught up to me as I ordered two shots and a drink.

“I’m finally going to have fun.” I forced a grin and grabbed the first shot, downing it and moving on to the next.

“Don’t do this Annabelle.” He warned when I downed the next shot. I ordered another two and eyed him out of the corner of my eye.

“I’m not your responsibility Louis, you don’t have to look after me.” I wasn’t being rude to Louis but I was telling the truth, he and I weren’t anything anymore, he didn’t have to stand around and make sure I was okay.

“That doesn’t mean I…” He trailed off when I downed another shot, my throat burning with the fourth.

“Doesn’t mean what?” I asked reaching for my drink again and taking a sip of the fruity taste. He shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair.

“Nothing, whatever Belle, do what you want or whatever you need to do. You’ve always been good at taking care of yourself, never letting anyone else do anything.” He left, his tone depleted and shoulders hunched but all I could focus on was that he used my nickname. He hadn’t called me Belle so easily since he told me he loved me. I watched him walk away towards the crowd of people before my eyes scanned the dance crowd. Louis was right, I was good at taking care of myself and I didn’t need someone always watching out for me.


“I can’t believe how drunk you are? How the hell did you drink this much? You weren’t this drunk like an hour ago.” I giggled helplessly in Liam’s arms, my body felt weightless and my mind free, slipping from the moving lights and the blurred faces around me. “Can you even walk?” I pulled a face and tried to force a foot in front of the other but by the sound of Liam’s curse, I failed.

There were blinding lights when the cool air hit my skin and I was disorientated for so long but there were warm arms around me, guiding me and I let them.

“I’ll take her home.” I tried to focus on Liam’s voice, turning my head to see him talking to Louis and Zayn, both their faces were unreadable, well in my drunken state they were. I started to giggle uncontrollably earning an eye roll from Zayn. I chose to poke my tongue in retaliation. “Geez, I can’t believe I let her drink this much.”

I narrowed my eyes at Liam. No one let me drink this much. No one had to let me, this was my decision to drink and I had fucking fun while I did it.

“I don’t want to go home with you.” I slurred out to Liam, my feet as sure as they could be as I tried to balance myself towards Louis and away from Liam. I frowned when I noticed how bare my feet were. I must have lost my shoes. “Oh My God, was I robbed?” All three boys frowned as I pointed down at my feet, worried. Liam lifted his hand that held my heels. I gasped in surprise. “You robbed me? I do not want to go home with you at all! Louis what if he robs me again?” I pouted at the other brown haired boy but he didn’t laugh. I sighed at how serious they all were.

“Annabelle I’m taking you home now.” Liam’s grip was tight around my arm and I didn’t like it’s restriction and it’s forcefulness.

“I don’t need a handler Liam!” I screamed at him, aware now that the flashing lights were the paparazzi and although security was surrounding us our words were possible carrying towards them. “The whole fucking world is trying to control my miserable fucking life so I don’t need you to be doing it as well.” I waved wildly at the cameras surrounding us and Louis reached over pushing my arms down.

“I’m not trying to control you.” Liam was pissed, his shoulders stiff, arms tense and his eyes were scarily boring into mine.

“I hate you.” I replied petulantly, swaying into Louis’ side and letting him hold me, his hand on my waist was comforting and I guiltlessly moved closer to him.

“Why, Annabelle, why do you hate me?” This came out resigned, like Liam was over this, over me and it made me so angry that he could just think of getting sick of me, of this, of everyone when I couldn’t be here without him and I hated him because of that but that’s not what I said.

“Because– because you saved her! You saved her and I couldn’t.” Louis tensed beside me, Zayn took a step back like he wanted to leave the space around us, Liam – Liam just looked understanding but I didn’t want that. I didn’t want someone to understand me. “You fucking saved her and I couldn’t so congrat-fucking-lations okay, I hate you because you saved her. I hate you!” I put as much effort as I could into the words, trying to convey with every ounce of my being that I hated Liam Payne, I hated what he was and I wanted him to yell at me, scream at me, tell me I was horrible and stupid and pathetic but he did nothing. He stood there helplessly his eyes staring into mine but they weren’t finding anything and I think I broke Liam. My hands shook and a whimper fell from my mouth. This wasn’t what I wanted.

“Come on, I’ll take her back with me.” Louis voice was soft and welcoming next to me and I almost shrunk straight into his body. He reached out gently to Liam and took the shoes before gently guiding me, a hand on my back, towards the nearest cab. I tried to turn back and find Liam in the closing crowd of paparazzi but every time I tried I stumbled over nothing. So I stopped trying and instead focused on getting safely to the car without making an even bigger scene.

Louis helped me inside the car first before security shut the door firmly beside him. I sat there, exhaustion hitting me faster then the five shots of tequila I had had and I slumped back into the seats. Louis reaching over and buckled me in, lifting my arms and shifting my body like a toddler until I was safely buckled then he let me curl against his side and tucked my head beneath his chin. His long fingers sweeping through my sweaty tangled hair while he whispered things to me that I couldn’t hear, but the movement of his jaw and the vibrations of his chest was calming.

So I held on tightly, tightening my fists into his shirt, burying my nose closer to his collarbone and letting the tears soak his skin. I hadn’t had Louis in so long and everything was overwhelming in so many ways but I need this, his warmth and presence and him just him. I needed Louis and I wasn’t even surprised or frightened by this very idea.

I didn’t feel any more sober when the car pulled up and I stared disorientated at the house in front of me. A full proper house, I turned back to the cab thinking he had dropped us off wrong.

“Come on.” Louis turned me back around to the house and nudged me forward. The front gate had a pin lock and I glanced around the street curiously while Louis entered the pin.

“Who lives here?” I tried to whisper to Louis but I think I failed. He ushered me through the gates and towards the door.

“I do.” I looked at him in surprise. “Well I wasn’t going to live in a small apartment for the rest of my life.” I nodded along with him trying to understand.

“You need house, for kids and family and shit like that.” I nodded, patting his shoulder.

“Yeah, shit like that.” He mumbled, pushing me through the door heading straight for the stairs. I widened my eyes in horror; I wasn’t going to make it up that far. Louis sighed before bending down, wrapping an arm around my knees and swinging forward, pulling me legs out from underneath me so I landed completely in his arms, much flailing and no elegance needed. I was too tired to protest. Just let my head lull backwards over his arm while he moved down the hallway, everything was upside down and confusing, the pictures on the walls I couldn’t make out but his place was decorated. He had a home.

I sighed when my head reached something soft, the rest of my body gently splayed across the mattress. I reached out and grabbed a pillow automatically pushing my face into it. It smelt like shampoo and men’s body cologne, obviously Louis’.

Louis had disappeared and come back with a glass of water before I had even realised, I obediently sat up and swallowed the whole glass before flopping down on the bed, smiling up at the ceiling allowing Louis to peel the blankets down around me and arrange me underneath the covers, warmth seeping into my bones and I breathed blissfully.

“I’ll just be in the room next door if you need me.” His face was so close to mine and I wanted to reach out and touch but he was already moving away.

“Did he tell you?” He paused before he reached the door and turned towards me cautiously. “Liam, did he tell you what happened?” I was curious how much the other boys knew.

“With Kate?” I nodded. “I was at the hospital. I didn’t want to intrude but I was there, all us boys were.” He added on when I furrowed my eyebrows. “I didn’t know whether you would even want me there.”

“I always want you here.” I whispered clinging onto the pillows tightly that it turned my knuckles white. Tears pricked my eyes and I could feel my lip tremble.

“Annabelle.” Louis sighed and I hated that he used my whole name, he always called me Belle and I hated Annabelle coming from his mouth.

“I’m sorry okay. I’m sorry I stuffed up and I’m sorry that I hurt Liam.” I mumbled, not meeting his eyes until I felt a hand run through my hair, his eyes finding mine when he crouched down next to the bed.

“Liam will forgive you, he always does.” He said softly, reassuringly.

“What about you?” I asked quietly. He closed his eyes and I thought for a moment that that was all the answer I would get. I could almost feel my heart breaking but it hadn’t really fully healed over the years to break again anyway.

“I’m trying, okay. I’m trying.” His smile was weak and fake but I appreciated it was there. He pushed his fingers through my hair once more before standing and leaving the room, turning off the light and shutting the door behind him. Huffing, I turned on to my stomach and promptly fell asleep.
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Song Title: Say Something - A Great Big World

Okay so much drama in this chapter guys but I promise you next chapter you will have your answers about Kate, well I think all of them, unless you have one's that I don't know about then comment and ask away before I write the chapter ;P

​Also I'm planning to add more lighthearted stuff into this real soon! This had caring Louis in it but I'm hoping to bring more happiness, we're 8 chapters in and I feel like you guys understand how shit their lives are right now :P so happiness on its way!
​Please comment! I love talking to you all!​​