Saving Grace

One of the sadder moments in my life was definitely Christmas spent in Aspen. I know that Christmas is supposed to be like this happy holiday where you spend time with family or friends. It’s supposed to be this amazing holiday that brings cheer to everyone around. And when I paint a picture of a perfect Christmas in my head it doesn’t go anything like that one did. A perfect Christmas would’ve involved my whole family, which well is a lot of people because I have a big family. I would’ve still been in Europe rather than the states, I would’ve liked for Zayn to be there and there’d be this huge Christmas tree that was just so pretty you couldn’t help but stare at it when you first walked in. We’d have mistletoe hanging, everyone would be happy and just it would feel like Christmas. That however so far from how my actual Christmas went that if I could’ve I would’ve just slept through the entire day and let myself believe that that’s what’d happened. In reality though it was probably the worst Christmas I’ve ever had. I mean when it started it wasn’t that bad, but well it ended bad, and it was just bad all around when I think about it.

I’d woken up relatively early, mostly thanks to Liam who thought it’d be fun to sit in the lobby and drink hot cocoa while we opened each others gifts. Because well we’d been there long enough and there was enough around us, even if we had to call a cab to get to some of the places, that we’d decided to get each other gifts. Which were supposed to make up for the fact that we were there with our parents who’d totally forgotten we existed apparently. And they did. I mean Liams gift was thoughtful and amazing, and I don’t think I could’ve asked for something better. Honestly Liam was the only good thing that day.

It wasn’t really until after we’d opened our gifts that things went bad. We’d opened our gifts and everything was fine, until I just had to run back to my room and grab my phone. I mean it was Christmas morning for me and I was sure I’d have like a text or a missed call by now or something. There were two missed calls on my phone, both with a voicemail. And of course I listened to them, I mean they were both from Zayn and for all I really knew before I listened to them they could be important. Yes the first one was more than likely him calling to wish me a happy Christmas but then realizing it wasn’t Christmas where I was yet, and the second one was probably him calling again to wish me a happy Christmas for real, and probably telling me to call him back or something simple like that, but still I listened to them just in case there was something else.

And there was.

I guess in a way I was kind of naive when it came to Zayn. I trusted him way too easily, I was too quick to believe him when he said I love you for the first time, and I was too stupid to realize that of course we’d had a fight then went on break so that meant we were on a break. Either way though it hurt. Even if I wouldn’t have been so misled by him it still would’ve hurt. Because well getting a voicemail of your boyfriend with another girl hurts, it hurts a lot. And at first I was so in shock I guess that I didn’t even register what was happening, it wasn’t until I replayed it that I broke down. I literally stood in my room with my phone against my ear, shaking, and crying for who knew how long before Liam came in and saw me.

“It’ll be okay.” Liam whispered while he rubbed my back, and I wanted so badly to believe him.

“I- I- and- and- he- uh-” I was so upset I couldn’t even make a correct sentence.

“Shh, don’t try and talk. I get it. What you need is the bed, and a nice warm cup of tea, maybe some ice cream. And you can cry all you want. Okay.”

All I could do really was agree, I mean I wasn’t in much of a state to disagree with him. I technically didn’t even agree with him since all I could get out at that point were sounds that could’ve been words if you knew how to tell what they were. But either way I let Liam take care of me because I wasn’t really in the mind set to pass it up.

And he did take care of me. It was probably the nicest thing a guy’s ever done for me. But Liam’s just a nice guy. He was so much different from Zayn.

While I was so upset over Zayn and Liam took care of me I kind of observed a few things. Like that Zayn was a bad guy. Not a bad boy, but a bad guy. He was so much more than just that jealous boyfriend who didn’t like me having guy friends. He was that guy who treated women like property. He was that guy who would sleep with other women and not care because what his girlfriend didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her. He was that guy that I didn’t want to end up with. Sure I’d known our relationship wasn’t the best, and there were plenty of things about him that I would’ve changed up to this point but didn’t actually say anything about. This though took everything to a new level.

And well Liam wasn’t a bad guy. He was a good guy. He was that guy who made you feel loved and special. He was that guy who brought you home to his parents because he wanted his family to get to know you and love you like he did. He was that guy who never let a girl not know her worth. He didn’t tear girls down or use them for sex, he didn’t treat women like they were property or prizes you could win at a fair. Liam wasn’t that guy you dated and worried about when he was running late because maybe he was with someone else. No Liam was the guy who was running late because he’d stopped to buy flowers on his way over, he was that guy who made sure that the girl he was with knew she was loved and that they could trust him.

And it sucks so much that I couldn’t have met him first.



“You feeling better?” Liam asked as he took a seat on my bed and handed me a nice warm cup of tea.

“I told you like two days ago that I was feeling better.” I told him laughing a little and taking the tea, it’d almost a whole week since I’d well figured out what was going on with Zayn and well the first few days were rough. I’d honestly had no idea how I hadn’t seen this. I hadn’t known what to do either because every time I’d try and call him or text him I’d just start crying again because it hurt so much. I honestly hated it. I hated being this weak girl who cried over some boy because he broke her heart so I just didn’t call or text him. Then I came to terms with it. I just accepted that Zayn didn’t love me, it hurt to admit that to myself but it had to be done. And then I was okay. Not like okay and totally ready to get back into the game and date someone new, and not okay enough to want to talk about it but okay enough to start letting go.

“I know ya did I was just double checking. Plus well it’s new years eve and I mean we’re headed back tomorrow, and I bought some champagne I thought we could share if you were up for it.”

I couldn’t not smile at how amazing Liam. Not only for the whole checking up on me again, but just for the fact that he was here in my room with champagne, plus the fact that he’d been here this whole week helping me feel better. And I know that couldn’t have been how he’d wanted to spend his holiday. He could’ve very easily hit on some girl and spent the time with her but he didn’t. Instead he chose to take care of me and it was just really sweet of him.

“I’m all for some champagne to ring in our new year.”



“I don’t usually do these,” I started as we stood outside in the cold on my balcony looking out at the mountain covered in snow. “Because I’m just really bad at actually sticking to them, and I just hate making a resolution I’m not gonna stick to but I have one this year. This year my resolution is to get rid of the negativity in my life that’s dragging me down and holding me back.”

“And well I kind of have a lot of things but I think the biggest one I guess is to not the world or anything in the world bring me down. I want this year too be a good year filled with good things and I wanna do good things with my life, and I just have to remind myself why I’m doing what I’m doing and not let anything stop me.” He said and then we were clinking glasses and ringing the new year.