Misguided Ghosts

Red.
Warm.

Self destruction is such a beautiful thing, right? All we are is bullets; we're set out to destroy the would.

The feels just got too strong. Too strong for me to handle. I can't make it anymore. The metal blade slices at the skin on my wrist, marking its territory of depression and sadness. Pills weren't helping anymore, neither was alcohol.

Now I was just plain out, fucking doomed. We're all doomed from the start though. So I guess it's okay to give up.

I was always told from the beginning, if there's something so strong that you can't do, give up. I just happen to do it earlier than others. We're just misguided ghosts.

Seventeen is early to commit suicide right? The note's written. All I need now is determination and a weapon against myself; that, I've found also.

It fucking sucks when the one's you loved the most, pushed you far away. Mikey won't act like a friend anymore, I'm too depressed for him. He is always sneering rude comments at anything I say. Mom won't acknowledge me when I'm in the room now because my grades are failing. I don't even think Dad knows I'm still alive, to be honest.

The monsters in my head, they're getting stronger and I'm growing weaker. As the blood runs down my arms, I make a very strong decision.

I grab my jacket. Maybe it will be able to weigh me down. Pulling it on, I leave my room, for the first time in a week. My door creaks as I slam it shut and walk through the Family Room, making everyone stare at me in disbelief.

"So Emo-Boy leaves it's room? Shocker," I hear Mikey mumble.

"I'm going out," I growl at him, making him snicker.

"Don't die," He chuckles darkly.

"No promises," I whisper before I exit the house.

The cold air is nipping at my face. I don't even care. It will be the last time I ever feel the Jersey, smog filled air, I might wanna enjoy it just one last time. The trees rustled in the air, making sounds of screaming. Imagine if it were all the lost souls screaming for their long lost loves. That hurts deep inside.

The river was just a ten feet drop from here. Enough to kill right? I remembered all the wrong times in school, all the sniggers and laughs; all the comments and bring-downs. They all meant something to me, even though they should mean nothing.

I held my breath and fell forwards. My eyes wide the entire time, watching as the water grew closer, the rushing waters almost covering the screaming of someone above. They must of saw what just happened. I probably just ruined another person's life.

The water hit me life a sheet of metal, as I slowly sinked. Sucking in two-lungfuls of water. It burned for a few minutes before everything started to get dark. The smile grew upon my face. The smile that hasn't seen my face in over two years. Saddening, I know. Don't pity me. I don't need it.

I watched as the deep blue water turn shades darker and darker. Suddenly, I felt the bottom of the river. Grabbing into the mud, letting it squeeze throughout my fingers, I realized that I was going to die.

But something was swimming towards me, but I couldn't swim back anymore. All there was was mud from the ground. I wanted to die! Couldn't I just do that! I guess not.

I felt someone's hands reach and grab onto my shirt and pull me up. But I was already too deep in the darkness to react.

I breathed in deeply. Am I still alive? I heard the beeping in the background of my thoughts. I guess I was alive.

Slowly, I made my eyelids open, and I was greeted by the sight of a worried boy next to me. I reached out a hand to feel him, maybe he was an image of my imagination?

His head shot up when I touched him. Nope, he's real. His worried hazel eyes were scanning me, as if in disbelief.

"Y-You weren't supposed to live..." He breathed out and looked me straight in the eyes.

I licked my lips. They felt a little dry. Suddenly, I was being wrapped in a hug. It was the boy.

"I'm so glad you made it," he spoke genuinely.

"W-Where are m-my family?" I asked into the crook of the boy's shoulder.

"You just missed it..." He whispered out, pulling out of the hug. "Your little brother was weeping and saying how much he was sorry for everything. Your mother was also crying, but she looked like she was trying to stay strong. Your heart beat was too slow, they thought you were going to die. They were positive..." he whispered. "But I had hope," He smiled at me.

"Thank you," I choked out, crying. Pulling him into a hug, I realized that maybe it isn't so bad. "What's your name, if I might ask?" I asked him, sitting up.

"Frank," He said, giving me a heart-melting smile.

"Gerard," I said.

"I already knew," he said. I cocked my head at him. "I saw papers." He blushed at that thought. This caused me to blush too. His grin only grew stronger as he noticed me repeating his action. He let out a giggle and we stayed silent for the night.

~~~~~6 MONTHS LATER~~~~~

Six months after my incident Frank would never leave my side. But I enjoyed it. I had never had to company around, but because of this, feelings emerged. After many days of thinking, and cups of coffee, I realized that I wanted to ask him out. Even though I'm eighteen, and he's still seventeen, I wanna take the chance with him.

I walked to his house, my feet hitting the concrete as the same pace as my racing heart. All the thoughts and doubts were running through my head, but I wasn't turning back now. The May air was warm and filling.

Knocking on his cream door, I waited for someone to come to the door. Slowly, the top latch unlatched and revealed a tired-looking Frank.

"You okay?" I asked, backing up a little bit. I truly didn't think I would get this far in this, but lookie, here I am.

"Yeah, just bad night sleeping. You wanna hang?" He asked, gesturing towards me, wanting me to come inside.

"Sure," I said with a smile and walked in.

"Wanna go to my room?"

I nodded and we walked up the stairs as I said my greeting to Ms. Iero.

My pace was slow whenever I sat down on his bed, making it sing down, pulling him closer.

"Well... um... I-I..." I studdered out, blushing at my failed attempts. I facepalmed myself. Frank took my hand away from my face, and held it in his.

"Nervous?" he asked. I nodded and stared at my feet. The blush never left my face as I continued to study my shoes harshly. "It's okay," he said and leaned up to kiss my cheek, making my eyes go wide. "I like you too." He blushed and stared at his shoes also. My blush only grew more and more.

"I like you... Like, I mean like-like, as in-" I tried to say.

"Boyfriends?" he questioned, slowly moving his gaze from below to my eyes. I swallowed hard and nodded.

"C-Can I t-try s-something?" I asked. He nodded quickly.

I made a move. Slowly, I moved my face towards his and captured his lips in mine. This was my first kiss, so I just sat still, afraid that I would ruin everything. Frank opened his eyes to stare into my scared ones. He slowly stared to move his lips against mine. It was slow but eager. I felt him put his hand on my cheek and I mimicked his action, cupping his face. I stared to move my lips, but he pulled apart, his lips red and plump. Quickly, I caught him in a little kiss, but pulled away.

He slowly moved closer to me and wrapped his arms around me in a side-hug, intertwining his fingers with mine.

Everything felt so perfect.

~~~~ 7 YEARS FROM NOW ~~~~

Frank was sitting, drinking a cup of coffee at our dinner table in our little apartment we had bought a few months ago. Everything was going perfect to plan and I was ready. My paintings sold quickly and I was growing on money, something I wasn't used to. Without him knowing, I went out to buy an engagement ring. Already having his mother's blessing, I was ready. We spoke about it over a coffee break. I only told Frank that I was going to talk to Mikey, but truly, I haven't talked to Mikey in a few months.

"Frank!" I sing-songed to him, making him face me.

"Yeah, babe?" he questioned, making my heart flutter when he used the word babe.

"You know how much I love you right?" I asked, winking at him.

He smirked at me, standing up, grabbing me into a sweet kiss. He nodded.

"Well, You're my first love. The first person whom I've actually accepted in my life. You've made everything worth living and breathing. Everything you've ever done for me was to help me and make me become a better person. And I'm sure I'm better person because of you." I noticed how he was crying by now. "You were the first person for me to make love to. We make love. We were always meant to be together," I said.

Everything slowed down as I knelled down in front of him. I pulled the velvet box out of my pocket and opened it in my hand. "Franklin Anthony Iero, Jr, Will you marry me?" I asked, tears streaming from both of our eyes. He nodded quickly and pulled me into a heart-melting kiss.

"So is that a Yes?" I asked, breaking away from the kiss, staring him straight in the eyes.

"Of course!" He screamed out, pulling me in for a kiss that seemed to never end.