That's How It Is When You're in Love
eighty nine days
It's ironic I should feel this happy when we're nearing such a date that no longer brings me the joy it used to. Two days from now, the date is insignificant to you and nearly everyone else, but for me, it marks the beginning of a life altering event. "Life altering event." I feel like scoffing. Even that phrase is cold.
Before I met Kevin, I met Aaron and that date meant something good and wholesome for nearly six years. The first date to ever mean something so strong. I thought the relationship was past me, but people can't just recover from something built over years in just a few months. I can't. Not the first time around at least. So I can't help but feel dirty being so happy.
Why am I this guiltily happy?
Because across from me at the dinner table sits this handsome, handsome man. He's made up of words I've yet to learn and filled with sweetness unlike any other. Before him, I understood why women wanted a dark, mysterious, brooding guy to call their own. The allure alone is heart maddening. But I've had that before. If I ever want that cold warmth again, I'll be surprised. Kevin is the definition of a truly good guy and that is one of the many reasons why I gravitated toward him.
Around us sits his mother, father, sister, and her boyfriend. As we eat away at our homemade Mexican taquitos and cheesy enchiladas, I noticed I felt genuinely happy. If you're ever so lucky, reader, you'll stumble upon those moments you wish never ended. This here, sitting across from him, bad lighting and all, is one of those moments. Here was someone that actually liked me. Someone I could hold and share my affections with, share my life with. Even with the thought somewhere in the back of my head that I was treating my ex wrongly, I felt happy. The past didn't matter and nothing was going to ruin this moment. Not even the weird, squishy taquitos.
You know, I haven't even been happy in over three years.
Before I met Kevin, I met Aaron and that date meant something good and wholesome for nearly six years. The first date to ever mean something so strong. I thought the relationship was past me, but people can't just recover from something built over years in just a few months. I can't. Not the first time around at least. So I can't help but feel dirty being so happy.
Why am I this guiltily happy?
Because across from me at the dinner table sits this handsome, handsome man. He's made up of words I've yet to learn and filled with sweetness unlike any other. Before him, I understood why women wanted a dark, mysterious, brooding guy to call their own. The allure alone is heart maddening. But I've had that before. If I ever want that cold warmth again, I'll be surprised. Kevin is the definition of a truly good guy and that is one of the many reasons why I gravitated toward him.
Around us sits his mother, father, sister, and her boyfriend. As we eat away at our homemade Mexican taquitos and cheesy enchiladas, I noticed I felt genuinely happy. If you're ever so lucky, reader, you'll stumble upon those moments you wish never ended. This here, sitting across from him, bad lighting and all, is one of those moments. Here was someone that actually liked me. Someone I could hold and share my affections with, share my life with. Even with the thought somewhere in the back of my head that I was treating my ex wrongly, I felt happy. The past didn't matter and nothing was going to ruin this moment. Not even the weird, squishy taquitos.
You know, I haven't even been happy in over three years.