Hard to Breathe

You know how people are always saying that things will get better? I guess it does, but you may not always notice those changes considering that the bad things are always evolving. Some of the things that you used to be so hung up on become obsolete when you look back at them later.

"Brynn! Can you come down here?" I heard my mother's voice sound from where I assume to be the living room. I don't say anything as I get up and start to make my way towards her voice.

Our house was anything but normal. I was what all the kids in high school would call a rich kid. My mom and dad both had very well paying jobs and because of that my brother, Mason and I got treated a bit differently than the others. But that's just another thing that will get better I guess.

"Yeah mom?" I sighed as I entered the living room. My mom and dad were curled up on the love seat watching whatever movie that was on the television.

"How's your essay going, honey?" she boasted

"I'd still be doing it if you hadn't called me down here." I replied with a smile.

"Don't sass your mother." I heard my brother say in the tone of voice that he only uses whenever he playfully mocks our father.

I saw my mother roll her eyes with a smile placed on her face, while my dad sent a light hearted glare to my brother. I gazed back over to the television; my parents were watching one of those romantic comedies. Normally I'd stay and watch, but the "essay" I'm writing really needs to get finished. The essay in question isn't an essay at all, just an excuse to I can be alone for a while.

I recently went through a bad break up. Boohoo I know, right. But I haven't told my parents or my brother. Only because Elliot, my ex, is one of my brother's best friends and he is loved by my parents. My parents had always somewhat pushed me and Elliot together especially after I had admitted I like him when I was 12 years old when he and my brother were 17. Which looking back was a little weird for my parents to be pushing a romantic relationship with such a big age gap. But eventually their pushing had worked and Elliot asked me to be his girlfriend when I was 16.

I was just about to leave when I heard the front door open. "Anybody home?" I groaned internally and walked fast toward the stairs and pretended that I didn't hear his voice.

"Living room." I heard my brother's voice shout back to Elliot. I made out Elliot saying hello to my parents and some inaudible words coming from Mason and Elliot soon after. Their voices got louder soon and I heard them go into my brother's room.

I flopped down onto my bed and grabbed my phone. I had several texts from Elliot; mostly along the lines of we need to talk. He has continued to text the same thing to me daily since we broke up over a month ago. I read somewhere that the best way to get an ex to stop contact is to not reply and they'll eventually stop also. I don't think it's supposed to take this long.

I caught a knock at my door and the sound of it opening. "Brynn." Elliot whispered as he slowly walked into my room.

"Get out Elliot." I responded without looking towards him. I felt him sit at the end of my bed then eventually lie down next to me. I could feel him looking at me but he didn't say a word.

"Aren't you supposed to be hanging out with my brother?" I commented while finally looking at him. He bit his lip and slowly nodded his head as he looked around my room. "Yeah," he stated "but we need to talk and you seem to refuse to answer my texts." He says while raising his eyebrows and looking at me again.

I knew there was no getting around this with how often he's at my house. I had managed to get away the first couple of times. But the last time was close, the only way I got away was saying Clair, my best friend, had gotten in some trouble with the mall cops and she needed some money. Which, looking back doesn't seem that far from what could actually happen.

"Maybe I don't want to talk to you." I said sitting up and looking down at him. I saw his eyes become cold as he sat up and grabbed my arm. "Why are you being so stubborn?" he nearly growled. I snatched away my arm and got off the bed.

"Get out of my room!" I said sternly. His eyes lost their cold look; he sighed and got off my bed. He was standing in the door frame when he turned to say "We need to talk about this whether you like it or not." I walked over to the door, got close to him and looked at him. I looked towards his lips then back to his eyes. I could see him move slowly down to place his lips to mine when I stepped abruptly back and slammed my door in his face.

"God dammit Brynn!" he yelled and banged a fist into my door. I rolled my eyes and turned away from the door. I did want to kiss him. Shocker, that you still have feelings for someone you had relations with for about three years.

I rack my fingers through my long hair and pull it up into a bun. "Maybe I shouldn't have broken up with him." I whisper to myself. I roll my eyes and sit back down onto my bed. Why am I questioning myself? I'm glad I broke up with him. The relationship was not healthy.

He was the jealous type. Not the cute flattering jealous type, but the-never-let-you-go-out-with-your-friends-because-some-guy-might-look-at-you type of jealous. I often had to lie to him, Mason, and my parents about where I was going so I could actually go somewhere. The lies got bad because Elliot didn't even want me to go some places with Clair.

Speaking of Clair, I've been meaning to talk to her. She's been away and is going to come home in the next couple of days. Oh and I also have not told her that I broke up with Elliot. Although she would be happy, I want to see her face when I tell her.

It's nearing 11 at night, and Elliot has not left yet. There are only so many things you can do before you get bored. I opened my window and looked to the tree that is relatively close. I've done this before when Elliot would never let me go anywhere. I turn out my light a put my TV on just loud enough to distract from the sound of me leaving but low enough so it won't make my mom come ask me to turn it down.

I'm not going anywhere special, or well not anywhere that involves socialization. I only go out to socialize when Clair is home. I struggled to get onto the tree without falling, which would be very bad. I felt my foot slip a bit and I grabbed a bigger branch to regain my balance.

"Shit." I whisper to myself and I try to calm my heartbeat and my unsteady breathing. I close my eyes and breathe deeply for what seems like forever. I eventually turn towards to bulk of the tree and slowly started to make my way to the lower branches. I got to the lower branches and jumped down.

I look back towards my window and mentally smack myself. I left the window wide open. Oh well. I turn and start walking around to the back of my house. My house backs up to a patch of woods that connects to a larger forest. I soon get to the fence that separates my house from the woods behind it. I'm quickly over the fence and into the woods.

I like coming out here. Mason, Elliot and I used to come out here when we were young.

There probably isn't a place in this town that I haven't been to without Elliot. Both of us have lived in Silverthorne our entire lives. Silverthorne is a very small town in Colorado. Maybe about 4,000 people at most, so not many people and not many places. I could leave anytime I want. I'm 19 now and could have gone away for college, but I was still, at that time, blinded by Elliot and never wanting to leave and be without him. Hindsight is always 20/20.

I remember when Elliot and I had started dating. An older lady had come up to me and told me "I had found my other half". I never liked that. I am a complete person with or without him. Nobody needs someone to make them whole no matter how much it may seem like they do.

I got lost in my thoughts and I trip over a sudden drop in the ground. I fell and cut my leg over a rock. "Shit shit shit shit shit shit." I curse to myself as I look at my leg. There is a gash as long as a pencil on my calf and spewing blood. I can feel myself become nauseous at the sight of the blood.

I leaned back on to my hands and look at the sky debating on whether to call Mason to come and get me or to try to walk back myself. I hadn't realized how cold it was until now. Its maybe 37 degrees when I left my room. That temperature isn't that odd for October I guess, but maybe I shouldn't have worn shorts. The cut also probably wouldn't have happened either.

I groan as I force myself up and I stumble as I begin to walk back towards my house. I heard other branches snap that wasn't because of my own accord. I could feel my pulse get faster and I walked faster to get to my house. I saw something move out of the corner of my eyes and I saw a flash of yellow. I can see some light coming through the trees as I get closer to my house. I walk slower as I approach the side of the house where my room and the tree is on. I can feel blood dripping down my leg but I don't look because I know I could faint and that definitely would not be good.

I go to the tree and slowly make my way up. By slowly, I mean really slow. I eventually get into my room again with only a few feelings that I was going to pass out. I lean against the windowsill and close my eyes. I breathe deeply and walk to my bathroom. Now that I'm into light I can see just how bad the cut really it.

My mother is a doctor so we always have an abundance of medical supplies which I have also been taught how to use considering I am also very clumsy. I get the supplies that I know I need and I clean, bandage, and wrap the cut.

I can't let my parents or Elliot know about the cut, Elliot will get mad that I left without anybody knowing and my parents will.... well do the same and also be mad that I didn't get something as bad as the cut get professionally treated.

I dispose of all the now blood tarnished napkins and wipes. I glance at the clock that is by my bed. 1:27. I wonder if Elliot and Mason ever left to go do something.

I need to stop thinking about him.

I take my clothes off on drop down on to the bed and lazily throw the blanket over me. I grab my phone and start to look at whatever messages I had gotten from Clair. Because she is the type that will continue to text you even after you don't respond. Sounds like somebody else.

Dammit.