Forgetting You, But Not the Time

Reese wasn't home when Billie dropped me off that night. Once I found the note she had so carelessly scribbled and stuck to the refrigerator, I felt like I could do a jig down the street. There had been, however, a voicemail left for my father for the school in which I immediately deleted from the small machine. When my father and Reese managed to stumble through the door late that night, they were bickering; both shouting obscenities at each other, red in the face.

I slowly descended the staircase, my hand gliding delicately along the railing as I tried to keep my presence hidden from the two angry adults. Reese first would accuse my father of something, then he would scoff and brush the matter aside, telling her that it wasn't true. Of all the years these two had been together, never had I seen them fight. And now that I did, I began to second guess my hopes of ever getting married if this was what happened as a result of virtually 11 years of marriage.

Reese pointed a scrawny finger at my father in rage, her blue irises darkening, and for once, I was actually quite frightened of her. She continued snapping for a good 5 minutes before breathing heavily, taking in long, shaky breaths as my dad gave her a look of death, giving the impression that he would enjoy ripping her tongue out at the seam to keep her from talking.

Trembling slightly, I made my way back up to my room; unable to continue listening to them bicker any longer. Once I closed my door and curled up under the duvet, I sighed heavily. The echoes of their high pitched voices from downstairs flooded into the upper level of the home, bouncing off my walls as if haunting me.

And for the first time in my life, I fell asleep to the sound of my father walking out of the house in fury, slamming the door behind him.

* * * *

The next morning, I found myself waking up a little earlier than usual. I quickly turned my alarm off since it would be going off in another 30 minutes and jumped in the shower, not having a very good feeling about the day's coming events. I wasn't sure what was giving me such an uneasy feeling, but whatever it was seemed determined to keep me on my toes.

My thoughts wandered back to the fight I had witnessed the night before; how livid my father was and how strictly terrifying Reese appeared to look. I couldn't come to figure out why they would be so mad at each other. And after watching their brawl downstairs, it seemed only obvious that they had numerous fights before then, just not while I was around. This thought concerned me and I felt myself begin to worry while stepping gracefully out of the shower, in the meantime grabbing a towel on the rack beside the sink and proceeding to dry myself off.

It didn't take long for me to throw on a pair of ripped low rider faded jeans, a black t-shirt, blow dry my hair and add a touch of make-up before I could grab my red jacket and make my way downstairs. After all that had happened recently, I didn't feel very hungry and made a mental note to buy something once I got to school incase I did manage to get a little hungry in between classes.

I noticed my dad sitting at the kitchen table like he did every other morning, reading the newspaper with a cup of coffee sitting to his right with toast lying almost unnoticed by my father on a plate in front of him behind his spread out newspaper. I hesitantly walked over to him and took a seat beside him.

"Morning, dad," I said warily, not sure if he was in a good mood or not according to last night's measures. He raised his head from his newspaper and a bright smile spread across his face.

"Good morning, honey!" he said with a little too much enthusiasm. I grinned half heartedly and twiddled my thumbs in my lap.

"So, um, I woke up last night and... well, you two were really going at it," I wasn't quite sure how to bring up the subject of him almost fighting to the death with his wife. That and the fact that I wasn't positive of how he would react to me bringing up the sensitive subject.

"Oh, that little thing?" He brushed it off, waving a dismissive hand. "Don't worry about it, just a small disagreement. Nothing you need to be concerned of."

I gaped at the man who helped give me life almost disbelievingly. How did he expect me to just forget about something like that? Like hell I wasn't going to be curious! "But dad," I protested. "You nearly tore each other's heads off. I'm sure that isn't just nothing to be concerned of." I mocked, scoffing afterwards.

"Darling," my father sighed tiredly, rubbing his eyelids that were slightly swollen from his lack of sleep. "Really, you shouldn't worry yourself about something like that. Your step-mother and I just had a little argument over nothing;—" Apparently it wasn't nothing if he stormed out of the house and stayed somewhere else for the night. "—all marriages have them, it's perfectly natural. Things are cooling down now, so please don't worry about us. I suspect school starts soon, hm?" Reluctantly I nodded, still crestfallen at how he was trying to pass over the matter. "Mm, off you go. I'll see you after while." Hopefully after while meant once I got home and not the next morning.

Without another word, and me not bothering to ask where Reese was, I walked out of the house and onward to school.

The uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach continued to grow, twisting and squeezing my stomach in such a way that made me feel nauseous. I had the worst feeling that something bad was going to happen, something unexpected...

And it was scary how right I could be about some things.

* * * *

"Chase," I sighed for umpteenth time that afternoon. "I've told you 6 times and I'll tell you again: I. Don't. Know. I wasn't here yesterday to hear the lesson." Chase groaned and stuffed his face in his hands before running them through his dark hair.

"Because you were sick, right?" he asked with no tone of voice in particular, almost as if he was just curious. I nodded slowly, unsure of how to respond to that. He nodded to himself, avoiding eye contact. Did he know? Who would've told him? Surely not Mike, he was smarter than that.

"Come on, maybe we can work on tonight's homework instead of last night's that you failed to complete—" he slammed one of his textbooks on the desks, cutting me off and making me jump in my seat.

"You know, I think I'll just... go ask someone else to help me out." With that, he started packing his bag, most of the eyes in the library being directed to him as he threw his things hastily into his backpack, not bothering to be quiet.

Standing to where I was eye level with him, I hissed, "What's gotten into you? I try to help you and this is what I get in return?"

Chase forced a laugh, sending uncomfortable chills down my spine. "I'll pass on answering that." And he stalked away, disappearing behind a shelf of books. I exhaled sharply, frustrated with Chase... and myself... how did things manage to get so rough in just a couple of days? Just last week Chase and I were better than ever, and now Chase is trying to avoid me at all costs, his girlfriend. I saw no reason for him to be acting in such a way unless he found out about Billie and myself, which was horrible all on its own.

I sat there with my head in my hands for what felt hours, when in reality it was only a couple of minutes. Almost ready to leave, I looked up, but the once empty chair where Chase used to sit was now occupied by Billie who sat his books on the table, smiling over at me.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, knowing that he wasn't a regular in the school library.

"Carly," he said, jabbing his thumb towards the entrance. "She told me you'd be here." I nodded and glanced down at my hands, picking at the sleeves of my hoodie. Noticing this, Billie nudged me. "What's wrong?" I hated how he could read me like an open book, it was very unnerving.

I shrugged, not knowing any other appropriate gesture. "I don't know." It was the truth. I really didn't know what the hell was going on around me... first, my father gets in a fight with Reese, which was bizarre because that never happens, and then Chase is giving me the cold shoulder for reasons unknown to me, which also never happens. Billie's gaze penetrated the side of my head, and I knew he was expecting more of an answer than that. "Things are just... so screwed up right now."

I felt his hand rub my back, caressing my spine with his finger tips to comfort me. "Life is always going to be screwed up, Spence. And I'm sure that whatever it is isn't your fault." I couldn't understand how he could be so sure of himself at times.

"I feel like it is though... I mean, not my dad and step-mom, they have their own problems, but I think it is my fault... with Chase and me..." I trailed off, finding my nails very interesting again. Billie leaned in closer to me, titling his head downward to make eye contact.

"You and Chase had a fight?" I nodded, even though it wasn't as much of a fight, more so it was a lot of avoiding and making excuses to leave. "What happened?" I shrugged again.

"I don't even know. He's giving me the cold shoulder all of the sudden... I think—" I returned my gaze to Billie, who looked very concerned and giving his best attempts at comforting me with his hand on my back. "—he may know about me and you." I finished in just barely above a whisper, wondering if Billie had even heard me.

Billie paled slightly. "You do? But—but how would he know? You told him you were sick, right—"

"Yes, but I don't think he believes me!" I cut him off rudely, immediately regretting it and softening my voice, "Either that or someone told him where we were yesterday."

"But who would tell him? No one but Mike knows... right?" I nodded.

"Of course, I only told Mike. You saw me tell him on the phone." Billie, as well, nodded. The two of us sat in silence, both confused and running the situation through our minds over and over again to see if we could come up with some obvious explanation, but to no avail.

Billie then lifted his head and asked, "Your dad and step-mom got in a fight?"

"Yeah, I heard them going at it last night. They came home really late, which was unusual. Both were shouting names and throwing rude comments at each other," I sighed again, running a head through my red hair. "I don't even know why. My dad ended up just walking out after Reese said some shit that apparently hit a nerve... I don't think he came back until early this morning before I woke up."

Billie wrapped his arms around my small waist while pulling my chair closer to his and kissed me on the forehead, murmuring, "I'm sorry, babe." in my ear; I shivered unintentionally.

"What the fuck is this?" An angry voice said from off to the side. I snapped my head up off of Billie shoulder that I had just laid there and gasped upon noticing Chase, red-faced, glaring at the two of us. He glowered at me, and I winced beneath his gaze, but his glare on me was nothing like the dirty look he gave Billie who would've quivered beside me if he wasn't... well, him. "Why the fuck did you just kiss my girlfriend?"

Billie looked like he had received a hard blow to the face. "Excuse me? It was just a kiss on the fucking forehead, no need to make a big ass deal about it." Billie scoffed. Rage flickered through Chase's eyes and I couldn't stand seeing these two fighting as well, especially the looks of disgust Chase was shooting my way, and I grabbed my stuff to leave.

"Where do you think you're fucking going?" hissed Chase, walking a bit closer to us. The librarian scolded him for being so loud. Billie stood as well.

"Don't talk shit like that to her; she can leave if she wants to!"

"Keep. Your voices. Down." Said the woman harshly, putting a finger to her lips with a stern expression. I left without hearing another word, only to be followed by Chase with Billie hot on his heels. Once we were outside near the parking lot that was vacant of any other people, Chase pulled my arm, but not to the point of where he hurt me, and turned me around.

"I can't handle this right now, Chase. Please, just let me go." My voice was small with my eyes looking anywhere but towards Chase.

"No, I think we should talk. Like maybe how you were getting a bit cozy with Armstrong back there, hm?"

"Chase, please—"

"No. I'm sick of all these excuses, Spencer. I want to know what the fuck is going on and I want to know right now." I was silent for a moment, almost too afraid to breathe. Billie placed himself at my side, keeping close to me incase Chase decided to do something, eh, not smart.

After a moment, I muttered, "I don't know what you're talking about." I could hardly speak with the way he was looking at me. He looked an awful lot like my father looked the night before, and I did not want to be reminded of that. As a result of that, I felt weak beneath his gaze. He made me feel like I was the scum of the earth, that I was lower than him... and maybe I was, I didn't know, but on the inside I was both terrified and speechless.

"Oh, don't give me that shit, Spencer! I know you were with him yesterday! You lied about being sick, Spencer. You lied to me!" An unamused chuckle escaped through is dry lips. "I overheard Mike talking to you—yeah, he has a loud ass phone! I heard you tell him that you were somewhere with him—" he pointed at Billie, acting as though his name was poisonous, therefore not bothering to say it. "—so don't try to deny it, because I already know! Maybe I fucked up in listening to your private conversation with him, but at least I know the truth now!" I winced, his voice having a serious bite to it now that he had gotten started. Billie grabbed my hand, giving it a soft squeeze while he glared daggers at the boy before us. Chase noticed Billie sneak his hand into mine and yelled, "Don't you touch her!"

"Chase!" I gasped, not sounding the least bit confident, but still managing to scold him anyways. I knew something bad was going to happen today, I just knew it...

Chase looked almost offended that I had talked to him in such a way. That or he figured I was siding with Billie on this one, still not slipping my hand out of his, it sickening Chase. "What? You mean you're going to let him hold your hand? Well," he smiled to keep himself from yelling a bit louder. "He was holding you in the library and you didn't seem to be having a problem with it. I don't even know why I bother."

"Chase," I began, my bottom lip quivering. "Please, just let me—"

"Let you explain?" He was back to shouting again, while finishing my sentence and I, of course, flinched. "What do you have to explain to me?! I hear you've been off doing things with Billie—" Oh, so now he says his name, does he? "—and you want me to give you the chance to explain?"

"Didn't you want to know what was going on not a moment ago?!" I shrieked, completely fed up. "You said you wanted to know what was going on... and now you're not going to let me explain?! Well then, making up your fucking mind!"

He chuckled sarcastically again. "Haha. God, I can't believe this..." his smile was causing my stomach to churn. Then, all of the sudden, he took multiple quick steps forward and began rounding on me while pointing an accusing finger at my chest, pressing it into the material of my hoodie, "We're together, Spencer! Fucking together! I see this boy," I took a wild guess in saying that he was talking about Billie. I just wanted to pick up one of the rocks near the side of the road and throw it at his head. "Looking at you all the fucking time and making sweet talk and you know what?! I can't stand it! Whatever he says, it makes you giggle. Whatever he does, it makes you blush. I thought I was the one who made you do that?" Now he was trying to make me feel guilty. And damnit, it was working.

Billie shoved him away, his jaw clenched and his knuckles white. "Fucking touch her again, I dare you." He seethed, standing before me. Chase ignored him and shook his head at me, looking very tired.

"I'm at a loss, Spencer. I really am. After you lied to me—"

"But it was only one lie!" I stepped in, outraged. Chase had that "oh no you didn't" look on his face again.

"YES! It may have been one lie, but it only takes one fucking lie for me to completely lose my trust in you! ONLY ONE." Tears were now stinging my eyes, half because Chase didn't trust me any longer—and I didn't deny the fact that it was all my fault; that I had screwed up—and half because he was terrifying me with the way he was screaming. "How do I know that was the only time you—you did stuff with him? Hm? How do I know you haven't been sneaking around with him ever since we've been together?!"

"Chase!" Tears were now falling freely from my eyes. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Well?! Do you not understand why I can no longer believe you? How do I know that you haven't already fucked him yet?!" I was horrified.

"You know what, Chase? Fuck you!" said Billie, also red-faced.

"Stay out of this, Armstrong," Chase pushed him aside, stepping so close to me that our noses were nearly touching. "Did you like it? I bet you did. Enjoyed every minute of it, right? Tell me: was he any good? Like all the girls say he is?" By now I was sobbing. My knees almost gave out, but Chase placed his hands roughly on my hips, pulling me hard against him. "I thought we were something special, you know? I thought you actually liked me. Well," he let out another bark of sarcastic laughter. "I can see how wrong I was about that, right?" He laughed again and I cried harder.

I felt him being pulled away from me and I stumbled to the ground from the force of the pull. I glanced up through my blurred vision to see Billie shoving Chase into a car, pointing a finger at him and throwing every filthy name he could think of at him. I couldn't understand what they were saying, I was crying too hard. I didn't mean for any of this to happen! Oh god, look what I've done! Chase hates me! I've cheated on him and completely destroyed our relationship! Unable to form words, I just thought about what I wanted to tell him so badly, I'm so sorry Chase... I'm sorry I screwed everything up... I'm sorry for lying to you... I'm sorry for everything... so, so fucking sorry...

One thing led to another and before I knew it, punches were being thrown and groans were heard from the two teenagers trying to wrestle each other to the ground. I gasped and quickly stood from the ground, trying to control my tears as I grabbed a hold of the two, trying to pry them apart.

"STOP! STOP IT, PLEASE! PLEASE, JUST STOP!" They weren't listening. Billie had to push me out of the way so I wouldn't get hit as Chase swung, aiming for Billie's head, yet missing since he ducked and took his position to his advantage and punched Chase in the gut. I continued to scream at the two, begging them to stop hurting each other, but they also continued to ignore me. Chase gripped Billie in a headlock and kneed him in the groin. "CHASE, STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW!" Billie groaned and fell to the concrete, coughing and gripping his lower stomach. I ran over to him and rubbed his back, trying to keep the two away from each other. "BACK AWAY, CHASE!" I screamed upon noticing him trying to get around me to Billie.

Chase scowled, rubbing his jaw and his busted lip, giving me a "fuck you" look before walking away. And I knew right there that we were over; that one last look being his way of saying "have a nice life, bitch". My tears continued to fall while I pulled Billie to his feet, apologizing profusely for everything that had happened.

"No—no, it's fine, stop apologizing..." said Billie, who was currently out of breath and resting in the passenger seat of his car with the door open while I stood before him, nursing his bruises with my fingers, caressing his skin gently.

"This is all my fault, Billie... I can't believe... God, I'm so sorry." I looked at all the cuts and felt a surge of guilt rush through me, causing more tears to fall. I scolded myself for even crying in the first place; I knew something like this was going to happen eventually, and yet here I was, shocked and almost rendered speechless at Chase's reaction.

"No more tears, shh, it's okay... I'm okay, see? Come on, Spence, don't cry over this..." he pulled me into his warm embrace, and I felt safe. I had never felt so safe in someone's arms before. Billie was the kind of guy that gave off that "bad boy" vibe when you first met him, but once you got to know him, he ended up being a sweetheart that, I came to find out, really did care. Of course, Chase had a similar vibe, except when I first met him; he was just a funny and sweet guy. Not much had changed once we were in a relationship except for the constant hugging and kissing. I had never seen the side of Chase before that I saw that very day, and I honestly didn't want to experience it again. Never had I been so scared of someone before in my entire life. And there Billie was... he had tried to protect me and punished Chase for treating me in such a foul way.

I couldn't ever thank him enough for it, I knew I couldn't.

"Sweetie, you've got to stop crying," Billie kissed away my tears, running his fingers through my slightly frizzed hair. I gripped his shirt tightly, creating wrinkles in the fabric. I smothered my face in his neck, mesmerized by his scent, his touch, his concern...

He rubbed my back soothingly, still hushing and whispering sweet words in my ear. "This isn't your fault, baby, don't think it is. Chase was being a dickhead; you didn't deserve any of the shit he gave you. Come on, please, I can't stand to see you cry," I sniffled and pulled away, rubbing my eyes and fixing my make-up the best I could that had been smeared across my cheeks. "All better?" he asked, smiling gently while brushing the hair out of my face. I nodded, smiling weakly.

"Thank you, Billie. Really, thank you. I... don't know what I'd do without you." Billie placed one of his hands on the back of my neck, gently tugging my hair and pulling my face closer to his, placing a sweet kiss on my trembling lips.

"Don't worry about it," he mumbled during the kiss, his lips moving as he spoke against mine. His teeth ran along my bottom lip and nipped it softly before trailing his tongue across it. We broke away only seconds later, him not forcing anything on me even though I had enjoyed every minute of it. I leaned back up against him, pressing a gentle kiss to his neck, that being the first thing I done on my own accord that showed my affection towards him.

I could feel him smiling against my temple. I trembled again out of instinct since I had just finished crying and he pulled me as close to his body as he possibly could.

"Everything's going to be alright, don't worry..."

I nodded and looked into those beautiful green eyes and smiled. I had taken the time to admit it to myself that day, now all I had to do was admit it to everyone else...

"I trust you."

And that simple line had more meanings than just one...

It was a confession.