Forgetting You, But Not the Time

Billie's attitude changed drastically ever since the confrontation between him and his mother. And ever since then, Ollie had been spending less and less time with everyone else. I was starting to get worried about the Armstrong family and how it was slowly breaking apart. Billie's brothers and sisters soon found out about his leave from school and while Anna, Holly and Marci were a bit wary of his judgment, Alan and David were proud of him for making his own decision, though they did say that they were surprised.

Luckily, his sisters didn't give him the cold shoulder and instead continued talking to him over the phone about his plans for the future. He gladly discussed the jest of his musical career with them and fortunately they gave him the benefit of the doubt and displayed their undivided attention. I was happy to hear that he at least had most of his family on his side. Now if only Ollie saw it the way everyone else did. But like I had said before, it was only a matter of time.

Mike's birthday rolled around and a little while after his mine was to come, then Carly's. I found the order of our birthday's ironic, but it didn't bother me any.

For the occasion we held it at my house since Mike's mom was too "busy" to bother with a small get together. We had been seeing even less of her as well; her personality had completely changed ever since the first time I had seen her and she also seemed a bit more... cranky than usual. But Mike always waved the matter aside, making up one excuse after another ranging from her being sick, to having an off day, to being stressed from work. Oh, and the amount of jobs she had been keeping up with was worth mentioning as well. She almost worked as many shifts as Ollie did, which was definitely saying something. But, for Mike, we said nothing more about it.

Carly, John, Tre, Larry, and Billie were all there for the Birthday Boy... well, most of them were. Billie had said he was running a bit late, but didn't tell us why. We said we'd wait, thinking it wouldn't have been a big deal. But when fifteen minutes turned into an hour, we all became slightly impatient.

John sat on the couch, flipping through the channels, though it didn't look as though he were really paying any attention to the television anyways. Larry was looking through Reese's magazines and according to him it was the God of killing time since most of her magazines involved women models of some sort. I knew she got most of her clothing from articles within those magazines, so quite obviously any male would enjoy looking through them. Mike was staring at his presents that sat uselessly on the island, almost mocking him with the fact that he couldn't open them until everyone was there—everyone meaning Billie. Carly took the time to sort through her homework for the following Monday since there had been a lot of it. It was part of the reason why it took me such a long time to find Mike a gift. Sometimes I wished I had enough guts like Billie to drop out.

Tre, on the other hand, was pigging out on some of the pie we had [Yes, we had a lot of pie] and in between bites he would look up and smirk over at Mike, subtly pushing the gifts closer to him; knowing it'd get a rise out of the eighteen-year-old.

This is ridiculous, I took out my cell phone, pushing the number two; Billie's speed dial. Just when I was about to hit the "talk" button, I heard a car door slam, followed by the front door flying open with Billie barging through it. Of course it surprised me, but the thing that actually caught my attention was Billie's ear-to-ear grin. Why in the world was he so happy?

"Sorry I'm late! But I've got excellent news!" he shouted all at once, kicking the door shut with his heel. I raised an eyebrow at the boy while the rest stared at him, waiting for his explanation as to why he was so goddamn thrilled. "My mom! She's okay! She's fine with everything! She doesn't hate me!"

We lost it. I ran towards my boyfriend, smiling brightly, glad to hear that him and his mother were back on speaking terms again. He opened his arms wide for me and I jumped into his embrace, hearing him laugh as I nearly knocked him over.

"That's wonderful, Billie!" I said while Mike, John and Tre clapped him on the back. Carly gave him a sideways hug after he let me go, but he kept one firm arm around my waist as usual. Larry was a bit confused, but smiled nonetheless and came to join our mini group hug.

"Present time!" Mike said after everyone calmed down. We all laughed at him but agreed and walked over to the table where he began tearing the wrapping paper off the gift closest to him like nobody's business. We laughed at that too.

Billie stood behind me with his arms wrapped around my middle, his chin lying on my right shoulder. I felt him kiss my neck and smiled, glad to know he was back to his usual self again.

"I'm glad you and your mom worked everything out, Billie. That's really good to hear." I said to him, leaning my head back so I didn't have to speak very loudly. Billie smiled his appreciation and gave me a kiss on the lips.

"I'm glad, too. I love her, y'know? I don't know what I'd do if she wasn't on my side in this." I continued to smile and nodded, showing that I understood. Him and his mother were fairly close compared to most mother's and son's; they had a strong relationship. And it was hard to watch them constantly ignore each other over a decision Billie had made. I knew he needed her more than anything else in the world, which was one of the reasons why I loved him so much—he wasn't ashamed to need or to want his mother. If anything, he was better than most men were.

Everyone made sure to give Mike his presents, and of course he loved them all. The cake was amazing, like most cake was. Seriously, was there such a thing as a bad cake? We were all laughing around the table, sitting in our chairs next to our significant others. Tre had no choice but to sit next to John and it was quite amusing to watch them glance at each other out of the corner of their eye when the other wasn't looking. I'd think they were attracted to each other, yet too shy to admit it, if I didn't know any better.

Once everyone was finished with their cake, John stood from his spot and offered to take the dirty plates over to the sink. We were all curious as to why he would volunteer to do such a thing, but when life hands you a person willing to clean your dirty dishes for you, you usually don't question and just go along with it.

But when he came back, I knew something was wrong. The look on his face suggested he was getting ready to tell us something; something big. Billie must've noticed this too because he held onto me tighter and pulled me further onto his lap to where my back was against his chest. John cleared his throat much like Billie had done and for a moment I thought the world was going to end and John was going to say he dropped out of high school as well. But what came out of his mouth was something I didn't expect to hear.

"I'm leaving the band." he went straight to the point, and for some reason I was hoping he hadn't have said it as quickly. Maybe if he had sugar coated his verdict, it would've lessened the blow everyone had just received. I felt Billie tense beneath me and I reached under the table to grab his hand, trying to calm him so he wouldn't do anything rash. Noticing the silence, John opened his mouth to speak again, but before he could do so, Billie interfered,

"What the fuck?" He seemed clueless and I realized the reality of John's statement probably hadn't exactly registered in his brain just yet. But now that John had the opportunity to speak, he chose not to. "What. The. Fuck?" Billie strained each syllable of the three words and I could tell he was slowly losing his temper. Apparently it finally clicked. "What the fuck?" I felt Billie begin to stand and for a quick second I wondered if he was going to throw me to the ground. But instead, he gently took me off of his lap, —appearing to realize that he could hurt me if he did anything else—and softly pushed me out of his way before going at John. "What the fuck is fucking wrong with you?! We just got signed to a record label and already recorded a few songs and now you're backing out on us?! Who the fuck do you think you are?"

John looked like he had been smacked very hard in the face and was at the point where he was nursing the blow he received. "Billie—"

"No! No, you're not going to fucking sweet talk your way through this, Kiffmeyer! I told you we were going to make it! I told you! And you promised you'd stay with us! Well how's that for going back on your fucking promise, hm?" Billie's eyes darkened and he took a few threatening steps towards John. And the thing that frightened me the most was that no one was stopping him. "You gonna be a good boy and go back to school? That what you're planning to do? Well here's a little bit of advice... go to hell."

I gasped, unsure if Billie actually meant what he said, or if it was just a spur of the moment that made him say it. Either way, I knew it was a horrible thing to say and immediately grabbed Billie's arm to pull him away from the male. But instead, Billie shrugged my hand off.

"I need to go to school, Billie. I plan to go to college and actually make a man of myself, not play worthless music for the rest of my life. It'll get me nowhere." Nothing else was said, but I could distinctly hear a sickening crack come from a few feet away and notice the room was in a frenzy to pull the two teenagers away from each other. When I realized what was going on, I grabbed Billie around the waist and pulled him into me, knowing it would relax him. And it did. I looked down at John lying in a pathetic mess on the floor, clutching his nose that was bleeding and most likely broken. Billie's face was hardened, and I knew that he didn't regret punching one of his best friends.

John looked up at Billie, a look of hurt flickering through his eyes that had nothing to do with the pain in his nose. He knew he had just lost a friend. He went to speak again, but for the second time it was the wrong moment.

"Fuck you." Billie spat. He turned to face me and backed us out of the room, allowing the rest of the people in the house to deal with Billie's and John's mess. Billie pressed me against the far wall in the living room, stuffing his face into the crook of my neck to calm himself down. I rubbed my hands up and down his back, feeling him shiver against my touch and I smiled despite the mood of the situation. "Fuck," he mumbled to himself every now and then, pushing himself even closer against me. "Oh fuck, I hate this." He meant the fact that he no longer had a drummer, not because he punched the former drummer.

"It's okay, hun," I repeated as well, trying to soothe him as best I could. He breathed heavily down my neck, and I knew how stressed the conversation had made him. But when I went to try and comfort him again, I thought of the exact way to make the situation better. Tre Cool, I officially love you. "Billie, I've got the perfect drummer for you." I said, the smile in my voice clearly showing through. Billie looked up at me, surprised by the abruptness of my statement. Surely it wasn't something he expected to hear.

"Who?" He sounded as though he didn't believe a word I was saying.

"Tre Cool." Billie eyed me suspiciously. "He's a damn good drummer, Billie! I've heard him play before. He's much better than that jackass," I referred to John. "Trust me Billie, you should give him a chance. He may surprise you."

Warning: Things are about to get heated from this point on. Nothing too graphic, mind you. But I felt it best to warn you ahead of time. Well, technically this isn't as "ahead of time" as it would've been if I had put this warning in the beginning of the chapter, but I figured it'd be best if you found out here instead so you didn't rush through the beginning of the chapter to find the "heated" sections. Trust me, the first half of the chapter is the most important. Alright, on with the chapter!

Billie guided me up to his bedroom the following night after having spoke to Tre about becoming apart of Sweet Children. I explained to Billie that Tre's band, The Lookouts, were currently on a permanent hiatus, so Tre shouldn't have a problem with it. And it amazed me how ecstatic Tre was to hear the offer. He, of course, accepted without a second thought and proceeded to give everyone hugs and kisses on their cheeks. I couldn't stop laughing. Yes, Tre Cool was my insane best friend.

Billie invited me over as well so we could spend some time together. He said that him, Mike and Tre were thinking up a new name for the band since "Sweet Children" didn't exactly fit them like it use to. I agreed, telling him that they were anything but "sweet", especially now that Tre was apart of the band.

"So what are you planning on renaming yourselves as?" I asked, leaning up against the door while Billie took a seat on the edge of the bed. He seemed a bit apprehensive, and I could only guess it had something to do with the new band member and the soon-to-be new title.

"Um, I don't know yet. We're still looking into it." he said, glancing around the room. I nodded, but he obviously couldn't see me since he was too busy staring at my reflection from the closed window.

"Billie?" He quickly snapped out of the trance he seemed to have put himself into and looked over at me, his eyes shining slightly.

"Hmm?" I actually didn't care what he said, as long as he was paying attention to me. I hated when he avoided looking at me, it always worried me. When I didn't respond, he grinned slightly and stood from his spot, making his way over to me. The way he was eyeing me made me feel more exposed then I should've been. "I like your jeans." he commented, tugging at the looseness of the top of them, his grin expanding at the thought of me wearing his jeans. And it was true, I stole them from him. But they were extremely comfortable.

"I really like when you wear my clothes." He leaned forward, his lips brushing against my own, but not allowing them to touch.

"You do?" I had heard him say it before, but I always humored him by asking it every time.

He nodded. "Mhm, sexy." I laughed and smacked his arm, quite shocked at how blunt his comment was. "What? Can't I bask in the sexiness of my girlfriend every once in a while?" I felt my cheeks flush, knowing that I looked quite ridiculous afterwards and Billie chuckled. "I love when I make you blush, too." That only caused my cheeks to deepen in color.

"Shut up." I muttered, smiling slightly while trying to control my continually blushing cheeks. Billie leaned forward again, wrapping his arms around me and smiled softly before giving me a kiss. I wasn't quite sure why the kiss felt so intense—or why it felt as though it meant much more than flattery. But whatever it was, it caused my blush to increase, yet allowing my instincts to take over and wrap my arms around his neck in return. His kisses were small and brief, hardly even there. It frustrated me, but I knew he was only doing it on purpose. Because when he deepened the last kiss, I felt desire within it, and I returned the strong emotion as he opened my mouth with his.

My breathing hitched when his calloused hands ran underneath my shirt and I shivered against him, knowing that the room was anything but cold. He turned me around, clumsily slamming the switch on the wall to turn the light off as he gently pushed me across the room, making sure to kick the door shut on his way. Butterflies erupted in the pit of my stomach, knowing that the reality of what we were contemplating whether or not to do had never crossed either of our minds before then.

I wasn't scared; Billie knew how to treat me and when to stop when things got out of hand. But was I going to be able to tell him when to stop this time? Did I want him to stop? Yes, I was nervous. All things considering, I was still an innocent seventeen-year-old girl who, quite frankly, still wasn't exactly legal to be in such an intimate position with him. But I knew I'd never use an excuse such as that to stop me. No, I made my own decisions, not the rules created for us. But was I actually old enough to make my own decision about something like this? In spite of everything, Billie was eighteen and I wasn't.

The backs of my knees collided with the foot of the bed, sending both of us tumbling backwards and onto the comforter of Billie's bed. It was a first for me to feel Billie laying completely on top of me, pushing his chest against my own while nearly devouring my mouth with those mind-blowing lips. I actually felt quite dizzy.

His hands roamed down my sides, gently massaging each inch of fabric-covered skin with his thumbs until he reached the hem of my shirt. I could tell he was considering what to do next; not wanting to do anything without my permission, but also wanting me and nothing else. But I wanted him too, there was no doubt in the back of my mind about that. But there was a hint of doubt somewhere deep down that kept shouting over and over again that this was a terrible idea.

When I did nothing to stop him, he eased the material upward and over my ribcage, giving me the time to protest if I wanted to. When again I said nothing, my shirt was completely discarded to the floor. I felt very self conscious at that point and pulled Billie's face down to mine again to keep him from staring. When at last I realized he wasn't going to pull away, I made for the bottom of his shirt, quickly pulling it above his head and tossing it carelessly to the ground beside the bed.

"Spence—" he mumbled against my lips, trying to break free but me not having any of it. I aimed for his belt next and once he realized this, he quickly pulled back. "Spencer—" I kissed his neck, trying to keep him from talking. Quite frankly, I was embarrassed to even speak at that point and didn't want him to try and talk about it. "Oh God—stop, don't—don't do that... I need to—I need to ask you s-something..." I could tell he was having a tough time trying to get everything out evenly. His eyes were squeezed shut as he relished the feel of my lips against his neck for a bit longer. I started unbuckling his belt and he immediately snapped out of it. "Spencer... Spencer, are you sure about this...?" I nodded absently and tore the belt from his belt loops, feeling pleased and excited at the same time.

He took my nod of the head as enough convincing and brought himself down, leaning enough against me to where my heart flutter with glee. He ran his fingers through my hair while pressing his lips against my neck as I worked on unbuttoning his jeans, my hands shaking slightly. He chuckled after noticing I was having a hard time and I blushed, but smiled back. He kicked his jeans off to the side, not noticing where they landed and proceeded to take my jeans off as well.

Billie smirked, apparently loving the fact that he was taking his jeans off of me. I giggled and squeaked when he pulled them off as fast as he could, throwing them halfway across the room. His smirk transformed into an irresistible smile as he took the time to look down at me, his eyes wandering over every bit of bare skin I had showing, which was quite a lot. For the third time he bent down, but this time wrapped his arms around me and flipped us over to where I was on top of him. Instinctively I wrapped my legs around his waste; Billie's breathing quickening at our newfound position.

I felt his arms slide up my sides and across my lower back, trailing up my spine until he reached those three hooks. Slowly, one by one, each was unfastened until the straps fell limply down my arms. The tension in the room seemed to build as I threw yet another article of clothing to join the rest on the floor at his bedside. Billie took a moment to look up at me, and even though all the lights in the room were off, we could still see each other perfectly. His green eyes drifted lower down my body, and my breathing became almost irregular.

But when he looked back up into my eyes, he smiled. And for some reason, all my worries just drifted away. I smiled back, almost drowning in his beautiful green irises as they looked back at me with awe, compassion and love. I knew what we were doing was right. Damn the world and everything else around us—it was only the two us, nothing else.

Something seemingly so wrong had never felt so right. And everything had finally fallen into place. It was the right moment, it was the right person and it was my choice. For once, I had made my own decision, and was proud of it. And something had formed that night, something new; it wasn't something I could grasp clearly, but it had created a new and indescribable feeling I held for Billie. And for some reason, I knew that it wasn't meant to be understood just yet. Maybe I was too young? I didn't know, but I did know that in time, things would seem more understandable.

It was all new to me, every last bit of it was a new experience. But it was wonderful—the way our bodies nearly melted together, clawing at each other's backs, moans and groans slipping so easily through our parted lips. It was such a raw passion, and it made me feeling extraordinary. And I liked the new feeling it provided me with. For once, I felt independent.

But I also felt empty when it was over. I had given up my innocence and it left me feeling as thought a part of me was missing; a part of me that I could never get back. As strange as it was, I knew it was worth it. Everything was worth it, and everything was just fine.