We Are Broken

It only took one trip to move the paint up to my room, with the help of Mikey. Ray and Bob found old sheets that Gerard used for when he painted and Frank helped me lay it out. The sheets weren't big enough to cover the entire floor, but I told them that it would be alright. I would take it one wall at time. I started with the biggest wall, the one that stretched the entire length of the room. Looking at the large blankness of it made me sigh. I had decided that I wanted to do a collage of all of my favorite pieces of art work and have it spread cross the wall. The choices of art went from Starry Night by Van Gogh to The Virtruvian Man by da Vinci to Campbell Soup by Warhol. I would substitute the colors they originally were for the ones that I had. I sketched out how I wanted it to look, then set about painting. I found my old CD player, the one that one of the wardens at the orphanage gave to me when I was five - it still had the sparkly stars on it - and plugged it in, putting in an Enya CD. It's lame I know, but it was soothing to paint to.

I set out, from one side of the wall, intent on getting as far as I could before sleep forced me to stop. I managed to finish The Vitruvian Man and part of Starry Night when a knock came at my door. I turned down the music and opened it to find Mikey - my uncle - on the other side. He was smiling and holding a pizza box.

"We um... didn't know what kind you wanted, so we got pepperoni. I hope you don't mind."

I smiled, "Yeah, thanks. Um... come on in."

Mikey walked into the room and immediately looked at the wall, "Wow. That's incredible."

I blushed, suddenly embarrassed, "Thank you."

"You definitely get your talent from Gerard."

I opened the box and saw a full pizza, "Um... would you like to have some of the pizza? I won't be able to eat it all."

"Sure."

We set the box down on my bed, and each picked up a slice. As we bit into them, Gerard came up, "Hey."

I chewed fast then swallowed, "Hi. What's up?"

"Just coming up to see how you were fairing."

"We're fine."

Gerard, looked at the wall and smiled, "Shit, that's fantastic."

I blushed, "Thank you."

"Do you mind if I join you two?"

"Sure," I nodded.

It wasn't until we were quiet did they notice the music, "Is this Enya?" Mikey looked around for the source of the music.

"It um... helps me paint."

"But... it's Enya."

I looked down at my pizza, "I can turn it off if you don't like it."

"No, it's okay. I'm just wondering why Enya?"

"Mikey, shut up," said Gerard.

"It's the only CD I own," I replied.

They both looked at me, "Really?" Mikey asked, looking down at his slice of pizza.

"We had a really small allowance, at the orphanage. It took me... a year, a month, and fourteen days to save up enough money to buy it."

"Wow, I'm really starting to hate the sound of this orphanage."

"No, it wasn't that bad.... Mr. Eric was really nice. Really. But the orphanage was poor, and they couldn't afford a high maintenance guy, so the older kids offered to work around the place for a small allowance."

"Wow, that's... kind of tragic."

"But it was okay.... So I chose Enya because I heard one of the songs on the radio and i really liked it. So I bought it."

Mikey and Gerard looked at each other, and then at me. I felt like they were judging my story, in what way I wasn't sure, but I knew they were. I took another bite of my pizza and chewed it. I hunched as I sat, something that I've always done. My long hair falling over my shoulder, shielding me from them. Gerard reached over and tucked my hair behind my ear. I looked up at him and smiled. Finishing the slice, I stood up and walked back over to the wall. Picking up a brush, I dipped it in the paint and applied it to the wall.

Gerard came over to me, and watched. He held another slice of pizza in his hand, taking a bite out of it as he watched my brush move back and forth along the skyline of Starry Night. A sound came from behind us and we turned to see Frank, Ray, Bob, and even Brian standing in my doorway; they carried with them another box of pizza. The gang was all here. They sat with Mikey and watched as I painted. I felt nervous, not wanting to mess up as they watched, studied, judged my art work.

I finished Starry Night and moved on to a scene from an Amy Brown painting, the last one before I would reach the Campbell Soup Label. I stood back, trying to decide how I wanted to go about this one, choosing the colors that would look best with the ones already on the wall. Gerard came up behind me, looking at the wall with me. "I think you should use the purple for her dress."

Looking at him, I nodded, "I was thinking that."

I picked up the purple brush, and painted a bass coat, intending on adding more as I went on. Gerard helped me mix the paint, I used my arm to compare the color it was as it dried. Whenever I painted my arm always ended up being a rainbow of whatever colors I used. We finished her dress, then I let out a massive yawn. I set the brushes down and put the lids back on the paint. Putting the brushes in water, I knelt down and cleaned them, Gerard helping me. When we were finished, we turned to find everyone still here. They were looking at the wall in amazement.

"That wall is insane," said Brian.

"Thanks."

"Did you come up with idea yourself?"

"Yeah."

"Wow. That's incredible. You're just like your father."

I smiled.

Gerard, Mikey, Frank, Ray, Bob, and Brian stayed up here, we finished the pizza's and we all just talked. The Enya CD stopped playing, and I didn't go to fix it. We were all having a great time, and it was still very surreal to know that this was my family. These were the people I was going to spend my time with. They were the ones that loved me... and I was the one who loved them back.

(Gerard's P.O.V)

Maura fell asleep, her head resting on my lap. I petted her hair letting the strands fall through my fingers. This is how it should have been. Always. I should have been there for her when she was little. Whenever she cried, it should have been me who held her. I cursed my child hood girlfriend for giving her up. Sure we were young, but our parents were more than willing to help take care of the child. More than willing. We should have raised her, take responsibility for our actions. But we didn't. We should have.

I picked Maura up and placed her in her bed, tucking her in. The boys picked up the mess quickly, waiting by the door as I made sure she was comfortable. Before I left, I gave her a kiss on her forehead, "I love you Maura."