Drunk

I woke up hot. Nearly sweating even. For a moment the thought crossed my mind I might have caught a fever from the rain but then I felt a slight movement and glanced .down to find strong tattooed arms secure around my waist.

Harry.

Hadn't I told him to get in the guest room last night? Or did I dream that in my half asleep state?

The heat coupled with the intimate grip he had on my waist caused a familiar suffocating panic to rise in my throat. My heart began pounding against my rib cage and breathing became difficult to do.

I had sex with a few guys a few times. There was never much talking involved and there was never any actual sleeping or cuddling involved. Yet Harry and I had done nothing last night and he's here clinging to me. My mind was getting jumbled and my thoughts were racing at a speed that was impossible to keep up with and I knew if I didn't get myself out soon I would implode or wake Harry hyperventilating. So as quietly and softly as possible I scooted over and lifted his arm off of me setting it gently next to him. He shifted a little and mumbled something incoherently but didn't wake.

I thanked god for being on my side for once and tip toed to the dresser rummaging around before pulling a cigarette and lighter out with shaky hands.

I crept out of the room and down stairs glancing at the clock. It was eight in the morning. The sun was up and last night's rain had ceased. I walked out on the back porch and lit my cigarette with hands still shaking. I took deep breaths trying to calm my nerves but it wasn't working. I knew it wouldn't help but it felt productive to at least be trying.

My solitude was short lived as Cammi poked her head through the door and asked if I wanted breakfast. I didn't even look at her when I said "No."

When I walked in Harry was awake and sitting at the kitchen table. I scratched at my wrist. It was something I did when I felt nervous or jumbled.

I walked straight to the cabinet and started rummaging for my hangover mug only to realize it was still in the sink dirty from yesterday. It was a silly and small thing but it set me much further on edge and I had to bite back the urge to wash every dish in the house just to have my thoughts trained on one thing.

I just sat there staring at it for a moment scratching my wrist and pulling my lip between my teeth.

I heard someone clear their throat and my eyes darted to Harry. "You alright?" he asked in that drawn out slow way he speaks and it irritated me to no end so I didn't bother answering reaching up into the cabinet for the flask I kept and abandoning the idea of coffee. I grabbed my bag off the counter and grabbed a pack of cigarettes and my car keys out.

I could still feel his eyes watching me and it made me uncomfortable. I snapped my head up to glare at him. "What?" I snapped.

His eyes widened a little bit and he leaned back in his chair blinking at me a few times. "I asked-"

"I heard you I'm fine and I'm leaving." I announced stalking towards the door.

I vaguely heard Cammi tell Harry "Don't worry, she just gets like that sometimes. It's nothing against you."

And it wasn't a lie I do get like this occasionally but I didn't appreciate her telling Harry but I couldn't be bothered to tell her off.

I went straight to my car and spent about ten minutes fighting with the useless piece of shit door before it finally opened for me and it was like a small relief to land in the driver's seat as if I could breathe a little better now that I wasn't trapped in the condo.

I slammed the door shut and took a few gulps from the flask and lit a cigarette before turning the key in the ignition.

I wasn't in a state for conversation nor was I in a state to be alone so I pulled away from the condo and went the only place I knew to go.



It was still early as hell and so it took me a good fifteen minutes of knocking to wake Ashton and he was by no means happy.

He answered his door in pajama bottoms with no shirt. His black hair disheveled and sticking up in all directions.

Ashton was a few years older than me seeing as he was Caleb's friend and that's how we met but he was the only person to put up with my mood swings quietly.

I dropped some money in his hand as I walked past him into his small dingy apartment. "Smoke with me." I demanded plopping on his couch and propping my feet on his coffee table.

I always come to Ashton when I can't keep up with my own thoughts because he doesn't care to ask and he doesn't push me for the conversations I'm not capable of. He just turns on Jerry Springer and walks to his room to retrieve the box.

When he sat down next to me I had already made myself comfortable and turned Jerry on. I took a long sip of whatever was in the flask I brought with me and offered Ashton some but he declined. He knew better than to mix liquor and pot but he was a little smarter than me and it was all that was keeping me from pulling my hair out. So I downed everything that was left.

He set the box down on the table and flipped the top off pulling out a large pipe and packing a bowl.

He brought it to his lips lighting the bowl and inhaling deeply still holding it in as he passed the pipe to me.

I took a breath just breathing in the familiar smell that was already filling the air before bringing the pipe to my face and mimicking his actions.

It only took two hits before the familiar calm set in my bones and the urge to pull at my clothes and fidget and scratch at my wrist disappeared as I sunk back into the couch watching a man admit to his wife that he had been cheating on her with both of her sisters.

We went on like this for about two more episodes passing the pipe back and forth before I felt like I was maybe a little too high and even a little too drunk but my thoughts weren't jumbled or racing because it was becoming hard to think at all. At this point I decided it was a good time to go home and sleep it all off.

I got off the couch stumbling and knocking my knee against the coffee table. My limbs weren't responding to my thoughts properly. I felt Ashton grab my wrist and pull me back to the couch.

"Caleb would slaughter me if I let you drive home like this, Kinny. You can take a nap here and when you wake up if you're in a better state you can go home." He said slowly like he was speaking to a child whom he knew was about to tantrum when he got done denying them what they wanted.

But I just shrugged. I didn't have arguments in me and I knew he'd be back asleep soon so I just turned my attention back to Jerry.

Within ten minutes Ashton was out and I felt a little better so I stood up grabbing my keys and cigarettes and making a go for the door.

I made it to the car and spent a good few minutes jabbing my keys at the steering wheel and missing the ignition repeatedly before finally getting it. I cheered and laughed at myself as the car finally roared to life.

How I made the short ten minute ride home was a complete blur but when I pulled up to the condo and parked I vaguely saw curly and Caleb walking out the front door talking animatedly to each other. They looked my way just as I opened the door emptying the contents of stomach into the grass.

Everything was black for a second before refocusing and all I wanted to do was sleep and I think I could've right there but I felt hands grabbing both my arms and Caleb cursing under his breath.

"You drove home like this? You reek of pot and booze. "Caleb asked and I ignored him because I think it was obvious and I lacked energy.

"I'm gonna fucking kill Ashton." He mumbled obviously seething.

"Don' be mad at em. He told me to stay. Ya know I hate to listen." I mumbled as he swung the front door open.

"She gonna be alright?" I heard Harry ask.

"Oh yeah," Caleb dismissed. "She just needs to sleep it off."

Caleb helped him get me up the stairs and reach my door before I heard Caleb speak again. "Get her in the bed on her side in case she barfs again. I'm going to get a bucket and some water."

Harry must've nodded because I felt Caleb let go of the weight he was holding and Harry scooped my legs from under me.

A few seconds later I felt the bed underneath my back.

"Can you roll over Kingsley?" At this I opened my eyes for the first time since we were outside to see Harry leaning over me.

"You have really pretty eyes but your voice is annoying me."

His laugh was the last thing I heard before I drifted off.