Double Crossed

I pulled up to the curb, squeezing her hand gently. When I looked over she was staring at me desperately. I lean over and push the hair out of her face.

“Tell me I can do this,” she whispers, staring at me wide eyed.

“You are going to be just fine,” I say, though I know she’s not convinced. “Listen, you have been writing since you were seven. I have read your work and it is possibly the best I’ve ever read, and I’m not just saying that because I’m in love with you. They are going to love you and everything you give them. I swear,” I say, cupping either side of her face. She was going in for an interview today for some writing job, which she refuses to tell me a lot about. She said it was because she didn’t want to get too excited in case she didn’t get it; I told her she was ridiculous.

“Okay,” she says, mostly to herself. She unbuckles her seat belt, staring out the front windshield. “Okay, I can do this.” With that she kisses my cheek and opens the door, stepping out before turning back to me.

“You’re going to be fine and when you get out I’ll be here. Okay?” I ask.

“Okay. I love you,” she says, waiting for my response before breaking eye contact.

“I love you too,” I say. I watch her walk into the building and, when I’m sure she’s not coming back out, pull off the curb. I don't want to drive too far away because I’m going to have to come back and pick her up when she’s done. Instead I opt for the nearest gas station where I buy a pack of Marlboros and a travel size bottle of mouth wash. I drive around until I find a small pond with a doc that holds no one. It was a Tuesday morning so I didn’t expect a whole lot of people to be out. As soon as the car is parked and turned off I grab my cigarettes, phone, headphones and began digging around in the glove box for my lighter. When that is found I get out of the car, sliding on to the hood. I sit criss cross, holding all of the stuff in my lap. I put my headphones in, playing some sad stuff that Tay insisted I needed to listen to. I open the pack, grabbing one and lighting it, which takes a few tries. I play with the ring Tay had only recently added to my left hand. It wasn’t much, just a silver band with an aquamarine stone in it; her birthstone. Her ring was exactly the same except it had a garnet in it; my birthstone. We weren’t married yet, but we would be. Soon.

I breath in a long drag, looking at the water. I hold it in my mouth for a second before letting the smoke out in puffs. I loved smoking, not necessarily for the nicotine kick it gave me, though that was a plus. I liked watching the smoke blow away and that I could watch the cigarette get smaller and smaller. It calmed me, always had. I’m about to take another hit when my phone starts ringing. Looking at the id I sigh, briefly considering rejecting the call.

“What?” I ask. I hear a huff on the other line.

“Well that’s not a very nice way to greet your best friend,” Alex replies.

“What did you expect? You ruined my serenity,” I say, pulling in a breathe of smoke before releasing it loudly. I can hear Alex sigh and practically see him scrunch his eyebrows.

“Are you smoking again Jen?” He asks. I can feel the sympathy rolling off his tongue, see the pity party he’s throwing for me in his head. I roll my eyes, shaking my annoyance off.

“Yup,” I say, breathing in and releasing extra loudly this time, “and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.”

“I wish you would though,” he says and I try to ignore it.

“Why? It’s not that big of a deal,” breathe, release, breathe, release.

“Um, yeah it is. First off, you could die. And second, you only start smoking again right before things get bad.”

“That is not true. I’ve always smoked, I just hide it from you most of the time,” I say without thinking, though the moment I hear him release a long breathe I regret it.

“That worries me even more,” he practically whispers, like if he speaks too loud he’ll scare me away. Which in a way is true, if he gets too motherly I’ll just hang up, “If you don’t stop I’m gonna tell Tay.”

“Yes, I am so scared of my girlfriend,” I smirk, he doesn’t seem to find it funny though.

“You remember what she did the last time she caught you smoking,” I do, she would do hourly check on me to make sure I wasn’t secretly doing it. That and she wouldn’t let me kiss her until I promised to stop. And I did. For a while.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Big scary Tay is going to make me stop,” I can’t help rolling my eyes.

“I just want you to be healthy, you know? If you need someone to talk to I’m always-”

“I got it Doctor Gaskarth. I love you and you love me, now what did you call to tell me?” I ask, cutting him off.

“Oh yeah. Tomorrow is Ashley’s birthday so we’re barbecuing at my place. She’s going to invite some of her friends and wanted me to invite you guys. I kind of forgot to tell you...” he trails off. I just laugh, it was like him to forget.

“Yeah, I’ll be there. I’ll ask Tay about it when she gets out,” I say, pausing before laughing, “So are you finally going to ask Ash out or are you going to continue lusting after her all alone in that bedroom of yours?”

“Shut up Jenna. I’ll ask her out when I’m ready,” he says, I know his cheeks are red.

“It’s been three years Alex, if you haven’t felt ready yet I suggest just doing it,” I say, “and all that lusting isn’t good for you. You could dehydrate and potentially die.”

“Jenna!”

“I just want you to be healthy Lexi! Besides, I’m like ninety-eight percent sure she likes you too,” Which is true, they’ve been hanging on each other for years but both of them refuse to make the first move.

“Okay, okay. So you’ll be there tomorrow at six, right?”

“On the dot,” I respond immediately, saluting the air.

“Alright, love you kangaroo.”

“Love you too, cheeburger,” I can hear him laugh a little, which is good. I don’t want him worrying about me.

“That’s not even an animal!” he all but whines.

“Yeah, but America is best known for it’s fatness. And the cheeseburger is obesity’s mascot,” I say. I can hear his response before he actually says it, a sure fire sign that I know him too well.

“I was born in the UK, actually,” he says.

“Yeah but you grew up here, embrace it,” he laughs and then says goodbye again, hanging up this time. For a while I just sit there, staring at the pond. I think about how when I was a kid I would have loved to jump in, just to swim around. Or even if Tay wanted to, I’d do it now. But it seems I can never pull that kind of stuff off when I’m alone, it never ends up being fun. Honestly, I don’t know how anyone puts up with me; if I could avoid myself I would. I’m jostled from my thoughts yet again when my phone rings.

“Hey I’m done,” shit, “Are you gonna come get me?” she asks, though she knows I will.

“Yeah, be there in like five minutes,” I say. As soon as I hang up I gather all of my things, dropping the burnt out cigarette on the ground and stepping on it. I stuff the pack in the back, under the seat. When that’s done I grab the bottle of mouthwash, pulling in a good amount before throwing the bottle in the trunk. I swish the too-minty liquid in my mouth while I drive back to Tay, swallowing it just before she comes into vision. Which I know is gross, but hey, desperate times call for desperate measures. She’s already on the curb, waiting for me, when I pull up.

“Hey,” She says, sitting down and placing a kiss on my cheek. She smiles a too big smile smile at me that I can’t help but return. “What’s got you so smiley?”

“You,” I say with a shrug, looking out the window as I pull out, “So how was the interview?”

“Oh my god, it went great! The girl that interviewed me was so cool! For a little while we just talked about things we both liked. Oh my god, I hope I get this job,” She says, patting her hands on her thighs excitedly.

“Was she our age?” I ask, glancing at her.

“Yeah, give or take a few years. And she had so sick tattoos. Like i expected her to be really strict and professional, but she was awesome!”

“Oh?” I ask, really just because I know how she is when she’s like this; my commentary isn’t really needed.

“Yeah, dude. I could talk to her for, like, hours,” she says, drumming her fingers on the arm rest.

“Really? Is she prettier than me?” I ask, a fake pout on my face. She slaps my shoulder gently, before leaning her head on it.

“Don’t be like that, you know I would never,” she says, “Besides, why would I want her when I have you?” then whispering under her breathe, “You’re mine.”

“And you’re mine,” I answer back, taking her hand in mine. We ride in silence while she fiddles with the radio. It’s then that I remember that I promised Alex I’d ask her about the party.

“So, tomorrow is Ash’s birthday. They’re having a barbecue at Alex’s, wanna go?” I ask, she just laughs.

“Have they done the dirty yet?”

“Nope,” I say, popping the p.

“Damn, how long has it been?” she asks, looking up at me.

“At least three years,” I respond.

“You’d think by now one of them would have gotten drunk and told the other.”

“Or one of them would just ask the other out,” I say, letting it roll off my tongue.

“Not everyone is as smooth as you, Jen,” she says, squeezing my thigh, making me jump.

“If I remember correctly you were the one that asked me out,” I say, laughing when she sloppily places a kiss on my neck.

“It was your dumb blonde hair and irresistibly attractive accent’s fault! They made me do it!” she shouts, her hand over her heart. I laugh and blow hair out of my face.

“That’s what all the girlies say.”

“I better be the only girly,” she says, though I know she’s only kidding.

“Of course, of course,” I respond, now pulling into our driveway. “Now come on and let me make you dinner.” I say, pulling her in the door. Today, life was great.