Double Crossed

A/N First off there’s smut in this chapter. Second, shout out to wine-drunk-lover for talking to me about this is a more critical way and giving me ideas without even trying and darknessrelents for being like the best fan ever. Third, the ending to this is weak as shit okay Fourth, I totally stole the whole sun and stars thing from Game of Thrones so credit for that goes to George RR Martin because he’s great and cruel.

One of the main reasons I like coming to the lake is that it’s peaceful. But it gets even better at night. All of the stars come out and they reflect on the lake; everything is quiet and calm. Which is why I’m here, at ten-thirty at night, sitting on the hood of my car. I haven’t seen Tay since the party last night. She didn’t come home and then I left for work before she had the chance to come in today. The rest of the day I’ve spent here, just thinking and looking at the stars. I can hear a car pull up, but I don’t bother looking up. It doesn’t matter to me.

“Hey,” Tay calls, stepping out of her car. She stands next to the drivers side of her car, just staring at me. I don’t acknowledge her though because it hurts just to look at her right now. She waits for me to respond running her fingers through her hair when I don’t, “Michael told me you’d probably be here.” Traitor.

“Jen?” Tay asks, standing on the opposite side of the car. I don’t look up at her, it’s easier just to continue staring at the sky.

“You know, I’ve always loved the stars,” I reply, ignoring her. I can hear her shuffling around, dropping her things on the ground and sliding on the car next to me.

“Jenna,” she says, but this time she’s not looking at me either, she’s stares at the sky. It relaxes me, staring at the sky. It reminds me that the universe is enormous and that whatever problem I’m dealing with, in the end it doesn’t really matter. Nothing I do in life will ever be that important so I don’t need to stress over it.

“I love it when they’re this bright,” I say, mostly because it’s the only thing that comes to mind; I don’t know what to say to her. When did everything become this hard? I don’t remember any of the fairy tales ever ending like this.

“Jenna,” Tay says, more firmly this time. She turns on her side, looking at me now.

“Some of them are cool enough for a human to touch, isn’t that amazing?” I say, ignoring her again. I know it’s pointless, she’s going to keep asking until I answer her for real.

“Jenna!” she yells, more demanding now. I sigh, glancing over at her and looking back up.

“Yeah?” I question, forcing myself to sound nonchalant. I know this is going to get serious, but I don’t want it to. I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to think. I just want to be.

“I’m not cheating on you,” she says, bluntly. She reaches over, touching my arm. I don’t stop her, mostly because I don’t know how many more chances I’m going to get with her like this.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” She asks and I know she wants me to say something else, something that will make this all better. I just don’t know what that is.

“What do you want me to say?” I ask. She groans aggravatedly, sitting up and pulling me with her.
“That you believe me? That you don’t? I just want to know what you’re thinking,” she pleads with me, like i have all of the answers locked up in my head. I shrug and shake my head a little bit.

“No you don’t. I don’t even want to know what I’m thinking,” because most of the things I think about are dark and sad and maybe she does want to know what I’m thinking, but I don’t want her to know. Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe we spend too much time locked inside ourselves that it’s impossible to be close to each other. Things were easier before we put up electric gates around our thoughts, ones that even we can’t touch.

“Stop that,” she snaps, glaring at me lightly.

“Stop what?” I ask, raising my eyebrows.

“Stop that cryptic bullshit. If I didn’t want to know what you were thinking, I wouldn’t have asked. I want you talk to me, really talk to me. Tell me why you thought I was cheating on you, tell me what you want me to do,” she growls. I look at her then, eyes wide.

“I don’t want you to do anything,” I say, still not really answering any of her questions. She doesn’t get angry this time, just scrunches her eyebrows together.

“Jenna, please,” she says, looking at me desperately. Somewhere in my head I can feel the electricity turn off.

“I don’t know what you want from me, Tay. It’s like you’re moving on with your life and, and I’m just not a part of it anymore,” I breath out, voice cracking in the middle, “And that’s okay, I just need you to tell me. I don’t want to play games anymore, I need you to tell me if you’re done.”

“Done with what?” she asks, cautiously, cocking her head to the side.

“Done with everything. Us,” I stop, pausing to breathe, “Me.”

“Jenna, do you really think that?” she asks, quietly like she’s afraid of my answer. I sigh, nodding my head slightly.

“I know that. I know that you don’t want to stay here anymore. I’ve watched the way you act around her. It’s the way you used to act with me. And I’ve notice the way you act around me ever since she came. You don’t want to talk to me, you don’t want to touch me, you don’t even want to look at me. Even when we’re alone in our room, in our bed, I feel like you’re just gone. You’re waking up to someone else in your head,” my nose burns and my eyes start to water but I ignore it because crying now would only make me seem weak.

“What are you talking about, Jen?” Tay whispers, I can hear the pleading in her voice. I know she wants me to look up at her, but I won’t. You see, her eyes have a way of selling her out too. I know I’ll see the truth in them, and I know I’ll never be able to finish if I look up.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about. But Tay our wedding is in less than two weeks and if you want to back, you need to back out now,” I snap, playing with my thumbs, restraining myself from fiddling with the ring on my left hand. She grabs my hands, stopping my movements.

“Oh Jenna,” she mumbles before pulling me into her. I now sit on her lap with my face buried in her shoulder. She rubs my back, attempting to calm me down. I grip her shoulders so tight I’m sure there will be bruises in the morning, but I can’t let her go. Not yet. I need just a little more time.

“I want to hate you for doing this to me. And I want to hate her for taking you away from me. But I can’t. I still love you so much, I just want you to be happy. If that means living without me, then...then...” And even though I mean it, I can’t manage to get the sentence out. The words get stuck in my throat, as if my body is physically rejecting the idea completely.

“Jenna look at me,” Tay says, before pulling my face from her shoulder. “Jenna, I want you listen very carefully. Never, under any circumstance could I ever stop loving you. I don’t even look at other people because I know that when I get home you’ll be there. You’re all I’ve ever wanted.” Her face is stern, but her eyes glisten with unshed tears. Less than an hour ago I was positive she was cheating on me and now I don’t know. Everything is just so muddy. “Ever and I are just friends. You mean more to me than she ever could. Honestly, just say the word and I’ll never speak to her again. But I want you to know that you can trust me. I would never, ever, ever leave you. I love you,” she whispers.

“That’s not the only problem,” I whisper as II re-burry my face into her shoulder.

“What else is there?” She asks smoothly, gently.

“You treat me like a little kid,” I say, pulling away from her to look her in the eyes.

“No I don-” she starts immediately.

“Yes you do. You treat me like I’m fragile and need to be taken care of. And that’s all fine until I start to feel like I can’t even take care myself. I’m not broken you know, you don’t need to act like I’m a baby,” I say sternly

“I have nev-”

“Yes you do. Everyday,” I say, looking her in the eye.

“I, I’m sorry. I’ll try to stop,” she says, looking down playing with her fingers.

“Will you?” she looks up at me, nodding.

“Yeah,” I rest my head on her shoulder while I ball her shirt into my fists. She rocks us back and forth, mumbling occasionally.

“Please don’t leave me,” I whimper into her shoulder. She shakes her head and begins to pet my hair.
“Never.” After I calm myself down, she pulls me up. Slowly, she pulls me into our bedroom and lays me down. Crawling on top of me, she never breaks eye contact.

“I love you,” she whispers, kissing up my neck and across my jaw. Pulling back she whispers, “Come on, let’s go home.”

After that she gets off of me, sliding off the car and grabbing her things. I push off the car, while she walks over to me. We kiss one more time before she shuffles back to her car, sliding in the front seat. She doesn’t leave until I’m buckled into my car, I follow her home. The car ride home gives me time to think, about everything. She waits for me in the driveway, grabbing my hand and leading me into the house.

“Follow me,” she says, pulling me into the house and leading me to our bedroom.

“Okay,” I reply, even though I know it wasn’t necessary. She pushes me down on our bed, climbing on top of me lightly. She kisses all over my face, before pecking me on the lips.

“I would never leave you for anyone,” she whispers, “Ever.”

“Okay,” I whisper back. She lazily kisses me, while I poke my tongue out, tracing to outline of her lips. She opens her mouth then while I gently lick into it. She pushes back against me with more force, pulling away and kissing down my neck.

“I love you,” she whispers into my skin. I shudder as her warm breath ghosts over my neck.

“I love you too,” I moan when she bites down, smoothing over the spot with her tongue.

“You are my stars,” she says, pulling back to look me in the eye, “You are my sun and stars, the light in the dark.”

“And you’re my moon,” I reply, tangling my fingers in her hair and pulling her back down to me. While her tongue finds it’s way into my mouth my hands wander down her body, pushing her shirt up. She pulls away long enough for me to pull it off her body. After that I keep my hands on her hip while she wiggles her body closer to mine. I unsnap her bra, gently tugging the straps off her. We move quickly then, removing each other’s clothes as fast as possible. Now I sit in a half upright position with Tay straddling my hips. She has her arms thrown around my shoulder while my hands grip tightly at her hips. I kiss down her chest, taking one of her nipples into my mouth and smoothing over it with my tongue. She throws her head back, nails digging into my skin. When she pushes her hips into mine one of my hands snake down to between her thighs. I use one finger to trace around her clit, while she wiggles her hips. Then I move my hand further down, pushing two fingers into her completely before stilling.

“Jen,” she groans, panting. I stay still until she starts grinding her hips down frantically, “Jenna please.”

“Please what?” I ask, kissing her neck while she pushes down on me, “Tell me what you want Tay.”
“Jen, I want you to...I want you to,” she stutters out but before she can finish her sentence I thrust my hand up, pushing further into her, “Shit.”

“You want me to move?” I ask, biting her neck. We don’t usually do this; usually Tay is the one to take control. But tonight is different, maybe because I told her exactly what I’ve been thinking about lately or maybe because I’m tired of a backseat in her life, “Tell me what you want, baby.”

“Jenna,” she whines and begins moving herself. She lifts her hips up before slamming back down on me hard, moaning when my fingers are all the way inside her. She repeats the action a few times, moving herself on my fingers, when I place the other hand on her hip to hold her in place.

“God, Jenna move please,” she groans. I pull my fingers almost all the way out and push them back in hard. She groans and arches her back, pushing further onto me. I push her body forward so she’s on her back with her head at the bottom of the bed. I climb on top of her, licking a line up her body until I reach her neck where I suck harshly, making sure to leave a mark. My fingers push back into her, searching.

“Jenna,” she moans when they reach the small bundle inside of her. I rub against it, pressing on it lightly. She arches her back off the bed, while I bite and suck at her neck, “Harder.”

I push into her with more force this time, adding a third finger. I make my way down her body, sucking hickies into her hips. I spread her legs further apart, leaning over to kiss the inside of one of her thighs. I move towards her clit then, licking it gently at first. I keep thrusting my fingers inside of her the whole time making sure to hit that certain spot. She moans loudly, reaching down to grip my hair tightly. I push my tongue harder against her while she squirms beneath me, moaning my name.

“Jen, I’m gonna...I’m gonna,” she says, voice strained as I continue. I move my hand faster, harder now that I know she’s close.

“Let go,” I whisper, pulling back long enough to say that before moving to her again. I suck at her clit, pushing my tongue at it hard. She grips my hair tightly, panting arching off the bed.

“Jenna, Jenna, I love you, Jenna,” she pants when she comes. I can feel her tighten around my fingers but I continue thrusting into her until she’s completely finished. She lays back on the bed, breathing heavily and letting go of my hair. I move up so that I’m face to face with her again. I kiss her lazily until she grips my arms and flips us over.

“Your turn.”

::

“Hello?” I answer blindly into the phone the next morning. I was still asleep when it went off so I didn’t bother looking at the caller id.

“Hey,” Alex says on the other end, while I groan and sit up, searching for my glasses without actually looking. When my hands find them I shove them on my face and blink a few times.

“What’s up?” I ask, yawning. I glance over at my alarm clock to see that it’s six thirty in the morning. Which even if either Tay or I were going to work today we wouldn’t be awake right now. Only Alex would call me this early.

“I just wanted to see if you were okay,” he says and even if he tries to sound nonchalant I know he’s really concerned. He’s always concerned, which is one of the things I love about him.

“Yeah, everything worked out great actually,” I say, glancing over at Tay who is still asleep next to me.

“Great!” Alex yells, sounding way too excited for the morning, “Jenna?”

“Hmm?” I reply. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to Alex, I love Alex, I just don’t want to talk to him this fucking early.

“Just...you know if anything ever happens or you ever need anywhere to stay, you’ve always got me alright?” he says, pausing to sigh, “No matter what we’re a team, alright?”

“Yes, Lexie, I know,” I say. Tay rolls over, wrapping her arm around my waist even though I’m sitting up.

“I love you. You’re like the sister I never had,” Alex says while I laugh loudly.

“Jennaaaa,” Tay whine behind me, face burried in the pillow, “Sleep.”

“Alex you have two sisters, or did you forget?” I ask while he laughs.

“Of course I remember, I’m just way closer to you,” he says, and it’s true. Alex may as well be my brother and has been since I first came to America. We were roommates before I moved in with Tay; he was my first friend here.

“Alright, alright. Love you too and I’ll call you back when I’m not sleeping,” I say, waiting for him to hang up the phone. Once he does I place mine on the table next to be and lay back down. Tay immediately wraps herself around me, placing both arms around my waist. I wiggle back, getting closer to her. She sighs, lacing small kisses on the nape of my neck.

“Mmm, I love you sun and stars,” she whispers into my back while I pull the blanket up around us. I smile and cover one of her hands with my own.

“Love you too,” I whisper back, “I love you too.”