Double Crossed

From where we were now, the world doesn’t matter. It’s like we’ve created our own world; soft and warm and lavender. Nothing else matters; we could hide in here forever and the earth would continue to spin and spin and we would be forgotten. Tay looks up at me and smiles, her teeth showing as she brushes her hands down, caressing my skin. Her hair is a mess, splayed black on the bed, knotted and and curling at the end.

“We should get up,” she whispers. I crinkle my nose and shake my head.

“Don’t want to.”

“We can’t just stay here forever, you know,” she says, smiling at me.

“Why not?” I whine, closing my eyes and resting my head on her chest.

“We have to face the world,” she says, running her fingers through my hair, tracing them along my scalp. I push closer to her, closing my eyes tighter; maybe if I fall asleep we can stay here evermore.

“I don’t like the world,” I mutter, my fingers finding her hip bones. My thumb pads over them again and again, memorizing where they curve. I want to store every part of her, to imprint the feel of her, the way she smells, the way she moves, to be able to recall everything whenever I want, “Can’t this be our world?”

“Wouldn’t you miss Alex? Or Michael?” she asks. Her fingers run all the way through my hair, letting go when they reach the end and finding my spine. One finger smooths over the bumps of my back, moving all the way down and riding up again. I shiver and grip her hips tighter.

“I could give them up,” I say, opening my eyes and staring at the skin covering her shoulder. She has one freckle on the curve of it, a light brown color that looks dark against her pale skin. A few more freckles litter the skin on her arms, all of them random and small, “I could handle just me and you.”

“I love you,” She replies, ignoring my last comment. I curl my toes and brush them against her feet, reminding myself that she’s still here.

“I love you too,” I say without hesitation. My fingers lighten their grip on her, tracing up her torso and resting on her ribs, feeling the bones underneath my palm.

“I know, but I feel like I don’t tell you enough,” she whispers so quietly, I almost don’t catch it.
“It’s not your fault,” I breath into her skin, whispering words into her veins. She shakes her head and brings her hand to my face, tilting my chin so that we’re face to face.

“Yeah it is. But I promise I’ll try harder Jenna, I promise, okay,” She’s wrong, I know she’s wrong. One person can’t destroy something the same way one person can’t make it. Everything that happens with us is a joint effort in some form or another. She continues before I can tell her that, “And if I do something that bothers you I want you to tell me right away, okay? I don’t want you to wait until you explode.”

“It’s hard,” I try to say it loud enough for her to hear it but it comes out as more of a whisper, too timid to sound confident. But I know she hears it because her hands stops tracing up and down my back for a second before continuing like there had never been a problem.

“What is?” she whispers back.

“Telling you stuff like that,” I say, shaking my head a little. Her eyes look over my face and I bite my lip, part of me still doesn’t like talking about this kind of stuff.

“Why?”

“It scares me,” I bite my tongue after I say it because I know she’ll only ask more questions.

“How?” she asks, furrowing her eyebrows and frowning at me.

“I...I feel like I’m being too demanding and then you’ll realize that I’m not really worth it,” just saying it makes me feel small, like a puppy that’s not one hundred percent pleased with the treats my owner is giving me. I don’t like the weird feeling I get in my gut whenever I have to discuss everything of this nature.

“Hey, listen to me. You are worth so much more than I can give, you deserve the stars and the moon and flowers and diamonds and fluffy clouds,” she says, bringing her hand up to pull through my hair.
“Oh how you make me blush,” I say, trying to lighten the mood. Mornings like this are not supposed to be filled with unhappy thoughts. It’s, like, against the laws of nature.

“Now come on,” Tay says, sitting up slowly so as not to disrupt me too much and throwing the blankets off of us. The sun streams in through the open window, ungodly bright. I squint my eyes and watch as she stands up quickly, throwing her arms above her head and stretching, “Let the world see you!”

“The world is too bright,” I say, throwing my head face down into a pillow. My hands reach blindly for the blankets, pulling them over me again. Before I can get comfortable Tay rips them off the bed and bounces at the bottom. She grabs my feet and drags me down, flipping me over.

“Get dressed!” She yells, jumping off the bed and walking towards the closet. Before my eyes can adjust to the brightness in the room a pair of jeans and a tee shirt are being thrown at me. Next a bra that I’m not sure is actually mine along with black panties are being thrown at my head. I put the bra on quickly and then stand up to step into the panties. When Tay walks out she’s in the middle of pulling on a sundress, a white one covered in little red flowers.

“Where are we going?” I ask, throwing the tee shirt over my head. She walks into the bathroom, grabbing the hair brush and pulling it through her hair.

“For a picnic!” she yells while I yank the jeans on. I raise my eyebrows and look down to button my pants.

“Why?” I ask, grabbing my socks from the bed where Tay had thrown them and yanking them on my feet. She throws herself behind me on the bed, sitting up and brushing my hair for me.

“Why not?” she asks, shrugging her shoulders.

~*-*~

Twenty minutes later we laid down on a blanket, under a tree. Tay’s fingers were wrapped around my hand, while my legs were kicked up over hers.

“What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?” Tay asks, still staring at the tree branches above us, squeezing my hand lightly.

“I don’t know, I don’t really do anything that bad,” I say nonchalantly. It was true; in high school I was pretty boring. I rarely went to parties and preferred staying by myself. Other people annoyed me; they were all loud and gossipy.

“Come on, you have to have done something,” Tay pushes, bumping her shoulder against mine.
“When I was little, my friend and I stole a watermelon from someone’s house and threw it in the gutter,” I say, remembering this from when I was around eight. Tay is stunned silent for a moment before she begins laughing.

“What? Why would you do that?” she nearly yells, turning to giggle in my shoulder.

“He was being mean! We needed to get him back and he really liked watermelon!” I reply dramatically. The kid was mean and he most definitely deserved to get his watermelon stolen from him.

“That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard,” Tay says, reaching over to flick my nose. I shake my head, moving so she can’t reach it.

“Well, what’s the worst thing you’ve done?” I ask, resting my head back down.

“I’m not telling,” she sings, kicking her feet slightly.

“Why? I told you mine!” I whine while she laughs.

“Yeah but your’s wasn’t even bad; it’ll make mine sound so much worse,” she reasons, grabbing my hand and playing with my fingers.

“What did you do?” I ask, clenching my fingers to hold onto her hand.

“Not telling,” she shakes her head, her bunny nose scrunching.

“Fine, tell me something you like,” I compromise.

“You,” she says without missing a beat. I roll my eyes and kick her feet.

“Something I don’t already know,” I say through a smile. She beams over at me, her fingers lightly tracing against mine.

“I like looking at the sky,” she says, glancing back up. I wait for her to continue, squeezing her palm when she doesn’t.

“Why?” I ask while she shrugs.

“Because it’s so open, you know? It just, it feels like it goes on forever. It’s free,” she whispers, like it’s a secret for just us to know,”And did I mention it reminds me of your eyes?”

“You’re so cheesy,” I say, reaching over to slap her arm, “You ruined it.”

“The truth can’t be cheesy Jenna,” she says seriously, holding that look for all of two seconds before she starts laughing again.

“Yes it can. Next thing you know you’re going to be writing poetry and songs about my eyes,” I say, shaking my head. She goes quiet for a second, lips curling up suddenly.

“Baby blue, were the color of her eyes. Baby blue-” she belts out, wailing the lyrics altogether too loudly. I reach up to clasp my hand over her mouth, trying to shut her up.

“Oh god, stop!” I whine, pulling away when she starts to lick my hand.

“What?” she giggles.

“That was the worst thing you’ve ever done,” I say seriously, glaring at her, while she just smirks at me.

“Hey! I just wanted to sing about your beautiful eyes!”

“Yeah well it was the most horrendously cheesy thing you’ve ever done,” because really, country songs about my eyes are not appreciated. Ever.

“I love you,” she responds, eyes glinting at mine. She squeezes my hand, pulling both of them closer to her heart.

“I love you too,” I reciprocate without even really thinking about it; telling her I love her has become second nature to me.

“Who are you texting?,” I ask, glancing over at her phone. It keeps beeping, has been since this morning. She pulls it away, hiding it on the other side of her.

“It’s nothing,” She says with a smile that looks too happy.

“Um, okay,” I say. staring back up at the sky. I let it go; she right, it’s nothing. I can hear her sigh on the other side of me, though I’m not sure why.

“I said it’s nothing,” she snaps. I turn to look at her, frowning. She doesn’t look at me, but I can tell she’s a little bit upset.

“And I said okay,” I reply lightly, trying to show her that I don’t want to pry.

“Can we just go back to the picnic?” she asks, finally looking back at me.

“Sure, yeah,” I say, smiling over at her. I want this to work and it’s not going to if I take every little thing she does as a hit. So I ignore that she’s acting weird and shuffle in closer to her.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, resting her head on my shoulder.

“You have nothing to be sorry about,” I say, shaking my head.

“I wish things didn’t have to be like this,” They don’t.

“It’s not that hard to change them,” I reply, moving my head so it’s touching hers.

“You don’t underst- Wait a second,” she answers her phone, sitting up, “Hello?...Really?...Yeah, yeah I can come in today...okay I’ll be there as soon as I can...okay, thank you. Really this is great. Bye,” she looks at me, a small frown on her lips.

“What was that?” I ask, even though I’m already pretty sure I know what it is.

“A work emergency. I know we were going to spend the day together but I just started there; I can’t really say no to them. And...,” she trails off, looking at the ground.

“Okay,” I say, sitting up and moving so that I’m in front of her. She looks up, biting her lip.

“And I swear it’s not an Ever thing, she’s probably not even going to be there,” she says quickly, defensively. I shrug, reaching out and her rubbing her shoulders.

“It’s fine, come on if you want to get there soon we should probably leave now,” I say, standing up and reaching my hand down to help her.

“Are you mad?” she asks while I pull her up. I shake my head.

“Of course not, I know this job is important to you,” I say reaching over to wind my arm around her waist. I try to pull her forward but she stops, turning to face me.

“But you’re important to me too,” she frowns, reaching a hand up to touch my face.

“Yeah but I’m always going to be here,” I say, squeezing her hip like I know she likes. She grins at me gently, turning to face forward again.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive,” I drag her forward, leading her to the car, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Hey,” I answer my phone quickly, not bothering to look at the caller ID. I grin when I hear Michael’s voice on the other end, because really who else should I have expected? I throw myself down on my couch, lounging my feet on one of the armrests. After Tay had gone to work I decided to just stay here and, well, do nothing.

“Hello Jennifer,” he says seriously into the phone.

“You know Jenna isn’t actually short for Jennifer, right?” I ask, frowning a little. He sighs on the other end, clearly not pleased with my response.

“Duh,” Michael snorts, “Just thought I’d spice things up a bit. What are you doing today?”

“Well I was,” I pause because I was going to spend the day with Tay, but I don’t want to have to explain what happened to Michael, “I don’t know. Probably talk to the wedding planner. You know, make sure everything is on track.”

“When was the last time you talked her?” he asks incredulously. It makes me feel nervous. I know that I should have spent more time with her, discussing the plans, but I wasn’t really needed for most of it.

“Well, um,” I start, nibbling on my lip slightly, “I think at the cake tasting thing?”

“Aren’t you supposed to talk to her, like, all the time?” Michael asks, laughing a little. I shrug before remembering that he can’t see me.

“Yeah, but, Tay did most of the work with her before she got a job,” the words sound pathetic even to me. I knew I should have helped with the planning while they were still planning but I just kept putting it off and now it’s a little too late.

“So? Didn’t you want to know how everything was coming along?” Michael urges.

“Of course! But I would just ask Tay. Plus that lady scares me,” I all but whine into the phone. To be fair; Marla was mean, like, all of the time. Even Tay thought so.

“But you were going to go see her by yourself today?”

“Well, I was planning on just calling her...” I trail off, now realizing that even this plan sounds incredibly lame. Michael snorts while I reach over the couch to grab the blanket, pulling it over me.

“You’re not great at this whole wedding thing are you?” he asks finally, sarcastically.

“No,” I respond, perfectly fine with that fact.

“Take me with you,” Michael says, surprising me. I don’t really see him as the wedding planning type. I don’t really see him as a wedding type at all.

“You want to come with me?”

“Well since I can’t come I think I should at least get to help with the planning,” he says, mock offended. It occurs to me then that I hadn’t really invited Michael even though I could’ve sworn I meant to.

“Do you want to come?” I ask

“Can you do that?”

“I mean we can ask her.”

~*-*~

“You want me to add in another place setting eight days before your wedding?” Marla says, staring at me like I’m crazy. Her glasses are slid down to the tip of her nose and thick concealer covers her face. Her dark eyebrows are knit together, her fingernails digging into her palm. I rub my thumbs together, trying to stay calm. I know I shouldn’t be afraid of her, but she just seemed so angry all the time.

Her office is a cold gray with a bookshelf in the corner and only two pictures. The air is cold and smells like lemons. The desk she sits at is mahogany with a computer in the corner and stacks of journals neatly placed in different piles.

“He can share my food and sit next to me,” I say, desperately. I understand that this is more work for her, but he’s just one more person. It’s not that big of a deal.

“The bride can’t just share her food with some random hooligan!” she almost yells, eyes widening like I’ve just suggested murdering someone so Michael can take their place.

“Fine, I’ll just take all of her food,” Michael says from his slouched position in the chair next to me. His hair is falling in his face and his eyebrows are drooped in boredom. His freshly dyed hair is bright red on his pale skin. Marla looks unimpressed with his entire being, though she seemed to dislike him from the moment he walked in. Now she bites her lip, her fingers shake and she digs the nail in harder. If I knew her better, I would grab her hand to relax her.

“How can you expect me to fit him in this close to your wedding day?” she finally snaps, turning away from Michael and glaring at me. I want to stand firm against her, but the furious glint in her eyes scares me off. I sit back a little, shoulders slouching in.

“Well I mean, if it’s not trouble...” I trail off. Michael turns towards me and glares. I know what he’s thinking; standing up for himself just comes naturally to him. I know he doesn’t understand how I can be this passive, sometimes even I don’t.

“No trouble? Of course it’s going to be trouble!” Marla nearly shrieks. I imagine her with talons and fangs and bat wings that fly her from place to place. It’s easy to picture the way she picks off timid people with her claws, rips them apart with her teeth.

“I-” I stammer out, only to be cut off by Marla.

“Between you and your fiance, should I expect to be making room for anyone else?” she groans, frustrated. I frown at her, confused.

“Well it’s just one person-” I try again, though now Marla seems to have no patience with me.

` “And the girl Miss Jardine invited,” she says, cutting me off in mid sentence. I furrow my eyebrows, looking between Michael and Marla, trying to gather whatever information I missed. Who did Tay invite?

“Who?”

“Your fiance,” she says condescendingly, looking at me like I’m completely brainless.

“Yeah I got that part, who did she invite?” I say, half sarcastically. Obviously I know who Miss Jardine is. I’m only marrying her for christ’s sake.

“One Miss...” Marla begins, reaching forward to shuffle through a stack of papers. When she finds whatever she was looking for, she pulls it out roughly, reading over it before looking back up at me, “Miss Ever.”

“Ever? As in Ever Clifford?” Michael pipes up, sitting up straight now. Marla smirks at him, clearly pleased with herself.

“Yes, I assumed she has talked to you about it?” she says raising her eyebrows, glare directed at me. I can feel my cheeks heat with embarrassment because no Tay did not talk to me about inviting Ever. I shrug my shoulders like it’s no big deal, suddenly not in the mood to put up with this bitchy woman.

“Yeah, of course she did. And they’re the only people we’ll be inviting last minute. Um, thank you,” I say, standing up and rushing out of the room. I can hear Michael scrambling behind me, slamming the door on the way out. He walks up to the side of me, grabbing my elbow to stop me. I turn to face him, biting my lip so hard it might start to bleed. At least then I’d have an excuse to cry.

“Did you know Tay invited my sister?” Michael asks, eyes searching my face. Annoyance rushes through my veins and even though I know it’s not Michael’s fault I still kinda want to punch him.

“No, did you?” I snap, glaring up at him.

“Don’t you think I would have told you?” he snaps back, crossing his arms over his chest defensively. I stare at him for a few moments before sighing, relaxing my stance.

“I’m sorry,” I say quietly. He lets his arms drop, stepping in closer to me.

“Don’t be,” he says, pulling me in for a hug. I wrap my arms around his waist for a moment, enjoying the heaviness of his arms on my shoulders. Pulling back, I dig in my pockets for my keys, handing them to him.

“Will you drive me home?” I ask as he grabs the keys from me, turning and leading me out of the building.

“Of course,” he shrugs.

“Also stay and watch sad movies with me?” I ask shyly, pouting at him. He laughs and throws his arms around my shoulders, pulling me in.

“What are friends for?” After that we stay quiet. My mood is so sour I can taste it; it burns my tongue. Michael quietly hums to whatever songs play on the radio, turning it down occasionally to glance over at me.

“Are you okay?” Michael asks once we pull into my driveway. I shrug and glance up at him, smiling like nothing happened.

“Perfectly fine,” I say, getting out of the car and stalking into the house.