Double Crossed

A/N Towards the end of this chapter Jenna and Michael (New character) talk sort of negatively about mental illness(specifically the ones they have) I just want you to know that that is in no way how I feel, but you have to remember that they are both in a very bad place right now and can't see that people are just trying to help them. I don't mean to offend anyone. Having a mental illness does not mean you're crazy.

I end up wearing the stupid black dress Alex and Jack picked out for me. Even though it’s super uncomfortable. I didn’t call Alex to let him know that I was okay and by the time I got back to my house they were gone. I hope he’s not mad at me. All of my friends have been acting weird lately. Or maybe it was just me. Maybe I’ve just been acting weird.

When Tay gets home she rushes to get ready, throwing on a dress and touching up her make up. She looks me up and down while she sits on the countertop , adjusting her eye shadow.

“You know you should try some eye liner sometime,” she says, without looking up from what she’s doing. I’m slightly taken aback; we’d been together for three years and not once has she told me i should put on more make up. In fact she used to tell me that was one of the things she loved about me; that I didn’t need makeup to feel confident.

I don’t feel so confident now.

“Why?” I ask without really thinking about it. But after I say it I regret it; I don’t want to know why she thinks I suddenly need makeup.

“I don’t know. Angela does her eyeliner really well, it looks so pretty. Like seriously perfect. It would look good on you too, I think,” she says. I don’t think she realizes that her words feel like acid in my ears. I swallow hard.

“You’ve never thought I needed makeup before,” I point out, looking down.

“Yeah I know. Just thinking about a change, you know?” she says like it’s nothing. Like she’s not telling me to dress more like someone else. Someone better than me.

“Maybe I don’t want to change,” I mumble before walking out of the room. My throat burns and my chest feels heavy. It shouldn’t hurt that she’s mentally comparing us. It shouldn’t hurt that it seems like Angela is winning. I mean we’re engaged. So I won right? I twist the ring on my left hand, spinning it around my finger. I wonder how it would feel if I had to take it off. Tay comes out of the bathroom before I can do anything with it, smiling at me.

“You ready to go?” She asks, walking towards the front door. I follow her out to the car, where she holds my door open for me. I step into the car, laughing at her.

“So where exactly are we going?” I ask, looking over at her. She shrugs, turning around and pulling out of the driveway.

“Some italian restaurant,” she says and then turns on the radio. It’s on a pop chanel, one that I didn’t know Tay listened to. She starts singing along to whatever is playing.

“Isn’t this song great?” she says, bobbing her head to the beat of the song. To me it doesn’t sound like anything special; just a generic song about partying. As far as I knew Tay didn’t even like pop, it didn’t have enough “meaning” for her. Usually if I tried to play anything like this she’d change it.

“I thought you didn’t like this kind of music?” I ask, raising an eyebrow and looking at her. She shrugs her shoulders again.

“Eh, I don’t normally. But at that party we went to Angela suggested I listen to them. They’re pretty good,” she says. I frown. When I recommend music to Tay she doesn’t listen to it but when Angela recommends something she looks it up immediately?

“Oh,” I say, “It just doesn’t seem like your kind of thing.”

“Maybe I’m just changing,” she snaps at me, like I’ve said something wrong. normally I would call her out on that, but I don’t want to fight tonight. I want everything to go smoothly. So I just nod and look out the window, but Tay still seems slightly peeved.

“It’s a good song,” I say, tapping my hand on my leg to further prove that I like it. In truth there’s nothing special about it. It’s generic, the lyrics are overly simple and the beat is expected. There is nothing special about this song. But I guess Tay just likes generic things.

“Well I’m glad you like it,” Tay says, as she pulls into the parking lot. She gets out of the car and waits for me at the front of it. When I reach her, she doesn't grab my hand like she normally would. But she doesn’t seem to do it on purpose; it’s not like she was doing it to hurt me. More like she just didn’t even think about it. I’m not sure which is worse.

We get to our table quickly; Tay had already made a reservation for us. She’s quiet while she looks over the menu, though I don’t know why she even bothers; she’s going to get the lasagna. She always gets the lasagna. We both end up ordering a glass of wine, Tay gets the lasagna while I get linguine.

“So have you looked at any plans for the wedding?” Tay asks, grabbing her glass of wine and taking a sip. I hate the way she says it. It sounds so formal; like she’s a distant relative that I only see every once in a while instead of my fiance. And she would know what some of the plans were if she would actually help me with them. It’s not like it’s just my wedding.

“Mostly just looking for a dress right now. Our wedding is in two months, don’t you think I should have one by now?” I ask, smiling at her. She was lucky. Her body looked great in every dress she tried on. She found one the first day she went out looking. It was great, not too much not too little. It was strapless and form fitting until it got to about mid thigh, then it fell. It looked beautiful on her. Me on the other hand...it was a lot harder to find something that looked good on me.

While Tay’s hips were curvy mine were too thin, just barely protruding from my sides. My legs were long and thin, and too awkward for any nice dresses and skirts. While Tay’s arms were toned mine were scrawny. Her stomach was thin while I had a slight belly. Finding a dress that accentuated the good things about me was a lot harder than I would’ve liked.

“I still really liked the one with the black on it,” Tay says. I had tried one on earlier that was strapless. It was tight around my torso until it got to my hips, then it flowed out sideways. It had black zigzag designs on the top two thirds of it. The top half had gray silk on it. Tay said it looked good because it was darker and my skin was so pale.

“I don’t know...” Honestly I thought it looked good on me, but it was out there. I didn’t usually wear something so...different.

“I think it made you look sexy,” Tay says, circling her finger on her wine glass. I blush and nod, looking down.

“I think I’m going to try it on again,” I say, “Maybe I’ll take Jack and Alex with me.”

“Jack and Alex?” she said, raising her eyebrows.

“They picked out my outfit for the night,” I say, laughing and shaking my head. She laughs too as our food gets placed on our table.

“Tay?” An all too familiar voice says. I clench my fists under the table, looking up and forcing a smile. Tay however looks overjoyed.

“Angela?” She stands up to give her a hug while I sit awkwardly waiting for her to leave. That’s when I notice another person, a boy that looks younger than us standing behind her. he holds his hands together in front of him, looking down. He shuffles his feet, looking uncomfortable. His hair is dyed a purple blue, and it went everywhere. I already liked him.

“Hey! I didn’t know you were going to be here!” She says. They hold onto each other for slightly longer than I would’ve liked.

“I could say the same. Hey! You guys should sit with us. You wouldn’t mind, right Jen?” Tay asks, looking over at me. I want to say yes, yes I would mind. I only hate her. Instead I nod my head and force an even bigger smile.

“No, not at all,” I say, scooting my chair over so they can sit down.

“I mean if it’s alright with you,” Angela says, but you can tell it’s all for show. She’s already decided that she’s going to eat with us.

“Of course, both of you sit down!” Tay says. She sits back in her spot. Angela sits in the chair next to Tay while the boy sits down next to me.

“So is this your boyfriend?” Tay asks, looking between Angela and the boy next to me. They both laugh like that was the most ridiculous thing anyone could have said.

“No, no. This is my younger brother Michael. I haven’t had a girlfriend in a while, actually,” she says, glancing over at me, “Michael this is Tay and Jennifer.”

“Jenna,” I correct, but she waves it off like I hadn’t said anything. Tay doesn’t notice it either, she’s too busy hanging off every word Angela is saying. Michael sighs next to me, turning to look at me.

“I’m sorry,” he says. I raise my eyebrows at him.

“For what?” The waiter stops, taking Michael and Angela’s orders and refilling my wine.

“My sister. She thinks she’s charismatic and outgoing, which don’t get me wrong sometimes she is. Most of the time she’s just rude. Especially to people like us,” he shrugs. I realize he has an accent, one quite similar to mine.

“People like us?” I question.

“Quiet, calm,” he shrugs, “Someone that let’s you ignore them.”

“I don’t let people ignore me,” I say. I’m not offended, though, so I let out a small laugh.

“Maybe not intentionally,” he says laughing with me, “But you do. It’s okay, I do too. And Angela is the kind of person to take advantage of that.”

“Hm.”

“They’re not even listening to us right now,” he says. I look over at Tay and Angela and realize they’re not; they probably haven’t heard a word we said. “We’re talking specifically about one of them, they’re like a foot away from us and they don’t even notice. We’re different types of people. For example, I’m only nineteen and I bet you if I were to take a drink of our wine neither of them would even notice.” I shrug, pushing the glass towards him. He grabs it and drinks like half. I look over at Angela, who is still paying zero attention to her younger brother.

“Thanks for that, by the way. I haven’t gotten ahold of good alcohol in a while,” he says. I push the glass back to him, shrugging.

“You can have the rest of it,” he laughs and swallows the rest of my wine. He hands me his root beer and I take a sip.

“Where are you from, by the way?” I ask.

“Sydney, you?”

“Sydney. Why do you and Angela have different accents?” I ask, drinking more of his soda.

“Our parents got divorced when we were little. Our mum moved to America with Angela, I stayed in Australia with our dad. I guess she sort of lost hers,” he shrugs, “She convinced me to move out here with her, so I moved in with her like a month ago. Haven’t really gotten around to making friends. So she “takes me out” with her,” he says, using his fingers to make air quotes, “Really she’s just babysitting me.”

“Well you’ve made one friend,” I say. he rolls his eyes.

“Way to make this cheesy,” he says. I laugh at him. The waiter brings their food around and fills my wine glass again though I just push it towards Michael once he leaves.

“Hey if you don’t want to hang out with me...”

“No! No, don’t get me wrong, I love my sister to death but I’m getting really tired of just hanging out with her,” he says.

“So, Jenny, where do you work?” Angela asks, when her and Tay finally leave their own little world. I frown.

“It’s Jenna, Angela,” Michael says, elbowing me softly. I don’t think any of them realize how much it annoys me that Tay doesn’t seem to care at all.

“Jenna, Jenny, same thing,” Angela waves it off while Michael mutters not the same thing under his breathe.

“I’m a nurse,” I say. She smiles at me. I hate her.

“Oh I so would have loved to do that, but it seems so gross. I mean you have to clean them up when they, like, can’t make it to the bathroom,” she says. I almost laugh at how ignorant she sounds. i contain myself, but Michael laughs out loud, shaking his head at his sister.

“That’s not what they do.”

“Yeah, actually. That is a job for a CNA. I administer medication and clean wounds. Stuff like that,” I say.

“I still don’t think I could do that part,” Angela says, laughing to herself.

“You can’t do the caring for another person part,” Michael says. It’s quiet and awkward for a minute until Tay pipes in.

“What are you guys doing after this?” She asks, glancing from Michael to Angela.

“Oh nothing.”

“You should come to our house,” she says, glancing at me and nodding. I shrug back. I don’t want them to come, well not Angela, but I know if I say no Tay will just get mad.

“I don’t want to impose,” she says, but Tay waves her off, “Michael do you want to go to their house?” he just shrugs. After that Tay and Angela ask for the bill, while Michael downs my drink. We play mercy until Tay and Angela are ready to leave.

“Tay stop bothering Jenna,” she says, stressing that she got my name right. Wow, I should give her a gold star.

“It’s not a bother,” I say as I squeeze Michael’s hand harder.

“It’s a little immature, don’t you think Jen?” Tay asks, grabbing her purse and standing up.

“Maybe I’m just immature,” I snap, because I’m tired of her stupid fucking passive aggressive comments. We walk out to the parking lot.

“I don’t know where you live,” Angela says and I want to say duh because why would she know where we live?

“Why don’t I drive you and then Jen can drive Michael in your car,” Tay says while I glare at her.

“Yeah okay,” she hands me her keys and if Michael weren’t going to be in the car with me I would probably try to crash it. We walk to their car and drive home. I’m quiet and angry. This was supposed to be our night. Our night.

“So that’s your fiance?” Michael asks. I shrug. “She seems kind of bitchy.” I want to be angry at him, but from what he’s seen of her she does seem like a bitch.

“She’s not...She’s not usually like that. It’s only been lately,” I say.

“You don’t have to defend her to me. I’m sure she’s great,” he says, but he doesn’t sound like he believes it. I don’t blame him. When we get to our house, Tay and Angela are already inside. They’re going through our closet looking at clothes. We both roll our eyes. I grab a big bag and look at Michael, putting a finger to my lips to keep him quiet. We creep to the kitchen, where I pull out some beers from our fridge and hide them in the bag.

“Do you wanna go hang out somewhere else?” I ask.

“Where?”

“This lake that I go to,” he shrugs and walks over to them.

“Ang, I’m going to the lake, okay?” she doesn’t even look up, “Okay?”

“Yes Michael, okay!” she says, though I’m not sure she even heard what he said. Either way we go out to the car and drive away. When we get to the lake I grab the beers from the back and my cigarettes from the gloves compartment. We get out and sit on the hood of the car, where I offer him a beer and light a cigarette for myself.

“Can I bum one?” he asks, holding his hand out like he already knows I’ll say yes.

“I feel like I’m a bad influence on you,” I say, looking at him guiltily, He shrugs.

“Not like I wasn’t doing it anyways,” I shrug them and hand it to him. He takes two long drags before handing it back.

“Why do you need a babysitter?” I blurt out, cracking open my beer and taking a sip.

“Huh?” he says.

“You said Angela just babysits you,” I say. He laughs then and reaches his hand out to shake mine.

“I’m bipolar disorder, what’s your name?” he laughs. I grab his hand and shake it.

“I’m severe depressive disorder, how are you?” I ask. He pulls the cigarettes and takes a drag.

“Now we can babysit each other,” he says.

“Did you take your pills today?” I ask in the best mom voice I can muster.

“On a scale of one to ten, how are you feeling today?” he replies, in a stern voice.

“You know you can tell me if you’re feeling down,” I reply and he laughs.

“I’m so tired of hearing that,” he says, “I don’t need to constantly be reminded that there’s something wrong with me.”

“Dude if I have to take one more pill, I’ll go crazy,” I say. He just laughs and then looks at me seriously.

“But don’t you know? You’re already crazy,” I laugh with him, until we get cut off by his phone ringing
.
“Hello...No...No, Ang, we’re at the lake....Well I told you where we were going...You were too busy ignoring us...alright, alright! Jesus Christ we’re coming...Fuck okay,” he says into the phone, before looking at me sheepishly.

“We should go back. I think Angela is mad at me,” he says. I nod and hop off the car, stepping on our cigarette and throwing away our beer bottles. Then I pull out the mouthwash, taking a gulp before offering it to Michael. He takes a gulp too. I spray us both with perfume, to which Michael scrunches his nose to. When we get to the house Angela is already waiting outside. She doesn’t say anything to me as I get out of the car, just gets in after me and starts backing out of the driveway. Michael waves at me and I slowly wave back. When I walk inside the house Tay is in our room, getting ready for bed. I unzip my dress and drop it to the floor, throwing my heels to the other side of the room. I climb into the bed in nothing but my bra and underwear. Tay slides in next to me, wrapping her arms around my waist and pulling her into my chest.

“I love you, baby,” She says, closing her eyes.

“I love you too,” I reply and stare at the ceiling. I try to sleep that night, but sleeping in the arms of a stranger is a lot harder than you’d think.