Double Crossed

When I wake up Tay is curved around me, her arm thrown tightly around my waist. Her lips are smoothly tracing along the skin on my shoulder, repeating the same line over and over. I push back against her, meshing our bodies closer together. She reaches her hand up, brushing the hair out of my face and tucking it behind my ear. She kisses my shoulder once more, leaning her forehead on my back.

“Are you awake?” She whispers. Half of me wants to stay quiet, to pretend to sleep and continue this soft moment. Instead I turn over, facing her. She continues to pet my hair, smiling softly.

“What are you going to do today?” I ask her, while she closes her eyes.

“Well,” she breathes out, opening her eyes and gazing at me, “Today is Kellin’s party. Remember?” The thought of going to an actual party almost makes me want to smile but then my eyes trail down her neck and that thing makes my stomach churn. Now that I’m getting a good look at it though, it doesn’t necessarily have to be a hickey.It’s dark but definitely not the same purple color that love bites consist of. It’s less spotty than one usually is, it looks more like an actual bruise than anything.

“Oh yeah,” I whisper back while she continues with her lazy hand movements, “I probably should have remembered that on my own”

“And what about Michael?” she asks, frowning now.

“What about him?” I ask, raising my eyebrows at her. I know we haven’t known each other for that long, but it does feel like he’s something of a little brother to me. Like I have to protect him, even if that means standing up to my fiance.

“Are you going to take him home?”

“Yeah?” I reply, though it sounds more like a question, even to me. I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do with him. He seemed fine last night, but that was when he was with me. If he has another episode I want to be there for him, and if that means bringing him to some stupid party than so be it.
“Are you sure he’s good for you?” she asks, restarting her hand movements while I raise my eyebrows at her.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“I just...I just don’t want him to be a bad influence on you,” she whispers like she’s afraid of my reaction.

“I’m not a child,” I mutter, frustrated because sometimes she makes me feel like a little girl clinging to her mother’s leg.

“I know that! I just...” she trails off but I don’t need her to finish to understand what she means. She thinks I can’t handle myself, that she’ll need to come in and take care of me eventually.

“Yeah, I know,” I don’t mean for it to come out snappy but I don’t try to take it back once it does. She just frowns at me though and doesn’t try to stop me when I get up from the bed. I shuffle into the closet, gathering my hair in a messy ponytail on the way there. I can feel her eyes watching me, like claws running down my back. But I don’t bother turning around, just continue on with what I need to do.

“What are you wearing tonight?” I ask looking at my side of the closet. We probably could share clothes if we wanted to, we’re about the same size, but our style sense is so different that it’s much easier to keep our clothes separated.

“Uh I was going to wear that one black dress, you know the one with the low cut back?” she calls from our bed, while my eyes trace over her clothes to find the one she means. I grab one of her dresses and hold it out.

“This one?”

“Yeah,” It’s a short, skin tight black dress with basically no back and long sleeves. While Tay will probably look sexy in it, you could never convince me to wear something like that in a million years. Sighing, I look for something I can wear that will look good with that. I pull out a pair of tight black jeans, a nice black shirt and a black leather jacket. That’s good enough, right?

“What time should we leave?” I ask Tay, walking out of the closet with my outfit and placing it on the dresser. She’s sitting up now, but still just watching me.

“Probably around six. That is if we want to make it there before Kellin gets drunk,” she says while I laugh.

“I don’t know. Drunk Kellin is pretty cool,” I reply, looking at her one last time before walking out of our room and into the kitchen. I turn on the coffee machine and promptly make three cups. Michael stumbles down the stairs before I even have his cup ready.

“Hey Jenna,” he mumbles, yawning and rubbing his eyes. His hair is messier than usual and his face is slightly blushed.

“Hey Mikey,” I say quietly, handing him his cup of coffee and taking a drink of my own. He mumbles a thanks before taking a huge gulp of his, which I wouldn’t have done considering it’s still pretty hot. He doesn’t seem too bothered with it. Tay makes her way out of our bedroom, now wearing one of my tee shirts and a pair of leggings. I hand her her cup and push myself up onto the counter. For a second we all kind of stand there awkwardly before Michael clears his throat and looks at the table.

“So what are you going to do today, Michael?” I ask, trying to lighten the mood slightly. Tay seems like she’s trying not to look at Michael while he flat out glares at her. I have to punch him in the arm to make him stop.

“I have nothing planned,” he says, shrugging his shoulders and glancing up at me.

“Do you want to go to a party?” I ask. Tay shoots me a glare while Michael looks at me questioningly.
“Who’s party?” he asks.

“Our friend Kellin’s,” Tay says before I get the chance to. She’s still glaring at me, trying to get me to meet her eyes, “And it’s his birthday party. Do you really think it’s a good idea to invite strangers?” she asks and normally I would agree with her but I can’t get the image of Tay letting Ever crash our date. So really Tay shouldn’t have a problem with this at all.

“Honestly, Kellin won’t even remember it by tomorrow and you know it,” I reply, turning back to Michael, “So what do you say?”

“Yeah,” he says, “A party sounds great.” He doesn’t sound too excited, instead he continuously glances between Tay and me as if trying to figure out if something is still wrong. I wanted to be excited for the party, I really did, but with everything going on and the fact that I’m not actually completely prepared for my wedding, I just couldn’t bring myself to be. I kind of just want to stay in bed with the blankets over my head for the rest of my life.

Things with Tay were still awkward. For the rest of the day we move awkwardly together, though I’m not sure if it’s because I’m mad at her or because she wants Michael gone. Either way things are definitely different than they used to be. Not good different. At around three Michael and I decide to go back to his house so he can get ready and then come back for me to get ready. I walk into our bedroom, intending to grab my keys and some shoes when a pair of arms wrap around me from behind.

“I love you,” she whispers, nuzzling her nose into my neck.

“I love you too” I reply and I wonder if she hears how forced it was.

“I’m sorry if I was rude to Michael earlier,” she begins, her face still pressed into me, “I just miss you a lot.”

“I miss you too,” I say, keeping my voice firm. She doesn’t have to know how deep those words run.

“We should run away,” she says, unwrapping her arms only so she can turn me around, “Just leave everything behind.”

“And go where?” I ask her. She shrugs, smiling at me.

“Anywhere,” she says, “We could pack a suitcase and get on the next flight to Australia or England or Japan. We could go anywhere.”

“But our life is here,” I say, “Our house, our friends, our memories. I can’t just leave that behind.”

“You wouldn’t leave it behind for me?” She asks, fake pouting. I laugh, leaning forward to peck her on the lips.

“Not when I can have both,” I reply, she nods and sits on the bed while I grab my stuff. Right when I’m about to walk out the door she calls to me again, “I would, you know.”

“You would what?” I ask, turning around to look at her.

“Run away with you.”

“Good,” I say, smiling at her before walking out. I drag Michael back to his house, which is thankfully Ever-free, and lay on his bed while he gets ready. His room isn’t at all what I expected it to be; the walls are a simple beige color with a few posters hanging here and there. There’s a plain dresser and an almost bookless bookshelf. Everything is put away perfectly; nothing is left laying on the floor. I guess I expected it to be messier. He takes a shower while I play with my phone. When he finally returns he’s wearing a pair of tight black jeans and a baggy blue flannel with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. It’s not until I’m following him out the door that I realize it has ‘IDIOT’ painted on the back. Very Michael.

“I should dye my hair,” he says once we get in the car, combing his fingers through it.

“Oh yeah?” I ask, glancing at him for a second before turning back to the road, “What color?”

“I was thinking green,” he says, “Or maybe white.”

“I think green would be better,” I reply, “You’re already so pale, if you die your hair white you’ll look like a ghost.”

“Haha, you’re so funny,” he says, unamused, “So, uh, you and Tay...you guys are alright, right?”
“I...I guess,” I hesitate before answering because honestly I don’t know if we’re alright. Lately with her up is down and down is sideways. It’s like I have no ground to stand on when I’m with her.
“You guess?” he asks.

“Yes. We are alright,” I push out, gripping the steering wheel so hard my knuckles turn white. Michael softly places his hand on mine, coaxing my grip to loosen.

“I just want to make sure you’re alright,” he says quietly. I nod and bite my lip. “I think you should stop worrying about it. If she makes you happy then you should stay with her, if she doesn’t then you’re better off without her. It’s as simple as that.”

“I’m not worried about her making me happy,” I say, “I’m more worried about me making her happy.”
“Yeah?” he says, barking out a laugh, “And who do you think is going to make her happy if not you? My sister? trust me when I say you have nothing to worry about there.”

“I just feel like I’m a phase for Tay. One that she’s growing out of,” I respond, staring at the road in front of me. Michael rubs my shoulder lightly.

“If she thinks you’re just a phase then she’s insane. How could she give you up?” Michael asks as I pull into my driveway. I shrug my shoulders and mutter easily as I get out of the car, hoping he doesn’t hear it. I begin walking to the house without him when he calls me, “Jen! Come here.” I turn around and walk back to him. He throws his big arms around me and hugs me into him. It feels good, being wrapped up like this. Safe.

“What was that for?” I ask when he lets go.

“Everyone needs a hug sometimes,” he says, shrugging his shoulders. I smile warmly at him, walking back into the house. When I get to my room, Tay is already dressed and ready to go. I slip my outfit on quickly and apply light makeup. No eyeliner. We all climb into my car, Tay in the passenger seat and Michael in the back, and I drive us to Kellin and Vic’s.

The street they live on is already packed with cars and music is loudly playing from the inside. I’m sure their neighbors would be upset except that Vic probably invited them. I park a few houses down, getting out and waiting for Tay and Michael. Tay slides her hand into mine while Michael walks calmly on the other side of me. We approach the house quietly and even though tonight is supposed to be fun I already want to go home. We walk inside only to find Vic and a very drunk Kellin standing in the front room.

“Jenna! Tay!” He yells when he sees me, jumping up and lunging at me. I let go of Tay’s hand to hug him back, rubbing his back lightly.

“Hey Kell!” I pull back to look at him, “Happy Birthday!”

“Why thank you, Ms. Kangaroo!” he says, and though it’s pretty early on in the night I can tell he’s had quite a bit to drink, “And who is this cutie?” Kellin asks, reaching out to touch Michael’s chest. Vic reigns his arms in, shooting an apologetic look at Michael though he didn’t seem to mind Kellin’s drunk advances.

“I’m Michael,” he says, laughing when Kellin raises one eyebrow, winking at Vic
.
“Ooh another Aussie!” Kellin shouts, giggling when he slurs the words. He looks around, forgetting about us and turning to Vic, “Dance with me Vicky!” Vic sighs and says goodbye as Kellin drags him off.

“Come on,” Tay says, grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the family room. I grab Michael’s hand and drag him with us, stumbling behind. We search for people we know and finding none of them, we continue our search in the backyard. Alex and Jack are sitting in the grass, both with a beer in hand. I drop Michael’s hand as we all make our way over there. Tay plops down next to Alex, pulling me on top of her. She winds her arms around my waist and rests her head on my shoulder. Michael sits on the other side of us, watching Tay and I carefully.

“Jenna!” Alex calls out, words already slightly slurred. I laugh at him, reaching over and hugging him tightly. When I reach back Michael and Jack are staring at each other, Jack squinting and Michael smiling lightly.

“Who is this?” Jack asks, never taking his eyes off Michael. I reach over and push Michael’s shoulder lightly.

“This is Michael,” I say, turning to Jack, “And you should like him; he’s almost as obsessed with Taco Bell as you are.”

“Really?” Jack’s eyes light up, “Have you tried the Quesaritos?”

“No!” Michael replies, animated, ‘I haven’t had the chance to go!”

“Oh my god, Jenna you have to drive us to Taco Bell right now!” Jack exclaims, moving across to sit in front of me, grabbing my face, “The boy hasn’t lived yet. We have to help him.”

“Why do I have to drive him?” I ask, laughing at Jack. He raises his eyebrows, gesturing hugely to Alex and Tay.

“I’m drunk and Tay and Alex are terrible drivers!”

“Hey!” Tay says, smacking Jack’s hand while Alex doesn’t even bother to protest just nods along, “Is Taco Bell even open?”

“Yes! No...I forgot,” Jack says, while Michael laughs.

“I think the lobby might be closed but I’m not sure,” Michael interjects, biting his lip and looking up. I feel around my pockets only to discover mine is gone. I must have left it at home, so I shrug and grab Tay’s phone. She doesn’t notice, but I do this all the time so I figure she won’t care if I use it. When I try to unlock it though, there’s a passcode set. She’s never had a password before.

“Hey Tay, what’s your password?” I ask, turning around to look at her. Her eyes widen and she snatches the phone out of my hands. It’s quick and harsh and I’m not expecting it, so I don’t have time to grip the phone tighter.

“Jeez Jenna you can’t just use my phone without asking!” and it’s such an overreaction that I’m not even sure how to respond. Did I do something wrong?

“I was just...I mean...”

“And you don’t need to know my password, it’s a secret for a reason,” she snaps and I can’t help but think that reason is me. I can feel my cheeks burning, as embarrassment flushes through me. I feel like a little kid again being reprimanded by my mother.

“I just wanted to look something up...” I trail off quietly, looking at the ground. I can feel Alex and Jack staring at us. Probably because they’ve seen us together for the past few years and we’ve never acted like this. Ever.

“Well you don’t need to know every little thing about my life. Why don’t you just use your own phone?” she asks, this time not as angrily. I push my hair so it covers more of my face, mumbling something about forgetting my phone at home.

“Um, I’m just gonna, uh, get a drink,” I stutter out, quickly getting up and walking away. I don’t turn around to see any of their faces, though I can hear Michael standing up to follow me. He places a hand on my shoulder but i keep walking, at least until we are out of sight. I bring Michael into the kitchen with me, where all of the alcohol is being stored. I grab the nearest bottle of tequila and search the cabinets for shot glasses I know they have. I place two on the counter in front of me, filling them with the clear liquid. I pick them both up and hand one to Michael. Without questioning it he downs the shot, coughing lightly. I do the same, nose scrunching as it burns down my throat.

“Jenna are you okay?” he asks and I’m so tired of people asking me if I’m okay. If I wasn’t fucking okay I would have told one of them. Jesus.

“Peachy,” I respond, pouring another for myself, “Do you want more?” He looks around before sighing and handing me his glass.

“Do you want to talk about it? I mean I think that would be better than drink-”

“Here,” I cut him off, handing him his glass. Again he downs it, coughing a little more this time. I take mine, swallowing hard.

“Jen, do you maybe wanna-”

“Want another?” I cut him off again.

“No,” he shakes his head, grabbing a red wine cooler instead. I shrug and our three more for myself. By the time I’ve done that my head feels foggy and my tongue heavy. I try my hardest to pronounce words properly but even in my ears they sound weird. And is it just me or did the ground get a whole lot shakier? Maybe we’re having and earthquake and the house is going to fall down and we’re all going to-

“Do you want to talk about it now?” Michael asks, and even though he opened his wine cooler fifteen minutes ago it looks like he hasn’t drank any of it. I look at him, scrunching my eyebrows and trying to figure out what on earth he could be talking about.

“What?” I ask, slightly dazed. He sighs, and why is everyone sighing around me lately? It’s so annoying.

“Do you want to talk about what happened with you and Tay?” he asks, scooting closer to me. I think back, wracking my brain for what happened earlier tonight.

“She’s cheating on me,” I say and my tongue still feels heavy, like a lump in my mouth. It makes me laugh.

“How do you know that?” Michael asks, throwing one of his arms around my shoulders. I shrug, leaning my head on him.

“She shows all of the signs. I looked them up!” I shout, jumping out in front of Michael, “She’s distant and moody and snappy and had one may-or-may-not be a hickey and she wouldn’t tell me the password to her phone! I just wanted to see if Taco Bell was open!”

“You don’t know that she’s cheating on you though. What if she’s just been, I don’t know, moody lately?” Michael asks.

“I don’t know,” I say, shrugging my shoulders, “Either way it just doesn’t seem to be working out.” It makes me feel sad, talking like this, so so sad. Like my heart is full of rocks and tay is the only one that can get them out and she just won’t. She doesn’t care about my heart rocks.

“You have to talk to her about this,” Michael says. My eyes widen and I jump again.

“That’s exactly what I’ve got to do!” I turn around, wobbly slightly, “That’s exactly what I’m going to do!”

“I didn’t mean right now, Jenna!” Michael calls, walking after me, “Jenna, wait!” I ignore him though and quickly walk-skip to backyard. Alex, Tay and jack are still in the same spot, though by the looks of it Alex has sobered up quite a bit. I approach as quietly as possible, catching the tail end of what Tay was saying.

“...don’t know if I can do this anymore,” Tay sighs, turning around when Alex gestures to me. She looks me over once, sighing, “Jenna?”

“Tay!” I respond, half angry. She scrunches her eyebrows, pacing her hands on her hips, “TayIhavetotellyouthings,” I blurt out.

“What?” she asks, stepping closer, “Oh my god, Jenna you’re wasted!”

“Yes, I am wasted! Very wasted, but it’s better than what you did!” I shout back, pointing at her. She frowns then, looking from side to side.

“What I did?” she asks.

“Jen I think you need to calm-”

“I will not calm down, Alexander William Gaskarth! You calm down!” I say, swerving to look at Alex. He puts his hands up, stepping back, “How am I supposed to calm down when she’s...when she’s...”

“When I’m what Jenna?” Tay asks, when I trail off and it makes me mad, so mad that she gets to play dumb in front of our friends.

“When Tay’s cheating on me! She’s cheating on me!” I shout, stepping forward with glossy eyes. Tay looks at me like I’m crazy while Alex just widens his eyes. i can hear Michael coming up behind us, he places a hand on my shoulder.

“Jenna don’t you think you should wait-”

“You’re the one that told me to tell her!” I shout accusingly at Michael.He just raises his eyebrows at me.

“I told you to tell her how you feel, not drunkenly accuse her of things!” he shouts back. I just scoff, because like, doesn’t he get it?

“If I wait until I’m sober I’ll never get it out,” I spin back to Tay, who is opening and closing her mouth like she can’t find the words to say, “How could you do that to me?” I whimper.

“Jenna...I’m not, I would never...” she trails off, looking at the ground. My heart beats loudly and it feels like there’s spikes running through my veins.

“I hate when you lie to me,” I slur out, “And I hate when you treat me like a child and I hate that everything is so up and down with you. One minute you’re saying you want to run away together and the next you yell at me because of your stupid phone. What are you hiding? What is on there that is so bad you can’t show me?” She doesn’t respond, instead just intently stares at her feet. Alex and Jack look like they’re in shock, standing behind her. I shake my head, “Thought so. Michael, I want you to drive me home.”

“But we all came here together,” he protests. i turn around to face him, glaring.

“Michael, I want you to drive me home,” I say, firmer this time. With one last look over my shoulder I leave, walking with Michael to the car. I don’t cry while he drives, I don’t cry when he pulls into my driveway and I don’t cry when I walk inside the house. It isn’t until he pulls me down on the couch with him, holding me against his chest in his lap that I can feel a sob rip through my throat.

“Shh, shh, it’s going to be okay,” Michael whispers, petting my hair lightly. I shake my head but don’t say anything back.

“It’s okay. It’s all okay.”