The Only Exception.
Six.
Marianna's POV
When Callie walked in, her make up was in streaks down her cheeks and Ashton and I both stood up at the same time.
"Callie are you okay?" he asked her, but she continued to look at the ground and walk upstairs to her bedroom.
I heard the door lock behind her and I sat back down and put my face in my heads.
"Going to see our grandpa was a horrible idea," I said, "All it did was make her more upset."
"Is she going to be okay?" Calum asked.
"When Callie is angry and hurt, she's a different person. She's not a sister, she's not a friend, she's not a girlfriend, or a daughter. She's just... Not the 19 year old Callie Luther who figured her shit out. She's... She's 17 year old Callie Luther, who sleeps with a different guy every week and harms herself so she can feel anything other than the numbness that's growing inside of her. She doesn't talk to people, she doesn't laugh, or interact. She hardly spoke more than 5 words to our grandpa at all the whole time we were there. She doesn't even yell when she speaks when she's like this. The Callie that doesn't yell when she's angry is a Callie that isn't just angry, but seriously hurting."
"How do we fix it?" Michael asked.
"You don't," I said, "Callie figures out Callie's way out of situations that she's in. Callie's most annoying trait is she doesn't want help, she doesn't want it, she won't ask for it, and she won't take it. She created these walls around herself to protect her from letting people see who she really is when she was about 16 years old, when all of the shit started to happen. She knew that what she was going with her life, meant she was going to be hurt by men, so she protected herself, in her own way, from letting it seriously ruin her. She never got attached, she never dated any guy, honestly I don't even think she ever kissed any of them. She knew exactly what she needed to feel something and it wasn't cuddling or kissing or having a boyfriend. She wanted the instant gratification and she found it."
"So she's never had a boyfriend or kissed anyone before?" Luke asked.
"No she hasn't," Mum said, coming into the room, "After Callie turned 18, I asked her to tell me the truth about everything. Tell me what she did, how many people she did it with, if she ever really cared of any of them and why she thought that was her only option."
"What did she say?" Calum asked.
"Did you record it?" I asked.
"Why would you record it?" Ashton asked.
"She's a therapist, a lot of her sessions are recorded, if Callie was going to be venting, she would've wanted it recorded so she would be able to remember all of it."
"I did," she said, moving towards her bookcase and pulling out a DVD and putting it into the DVD player.
We heard music start playing upstairs and Mum pressed play on the DVD player.
Callie popped up on the screen.
"Uh," she said, biting on her lower lip, "I did bad things with those men. Things that I would never want my child to do with a random person the way I did, especially not multiple random people. I never gave them the thing I was taught was the most special while growing up. I was taught that, people can steal your innocence, they can steal your first time. But no one usually thinks to steal your first kiss in a harmful way. So I never gave them that part of myself. The number... Is too many. I'm not sure really when it became too many, if it was at 2, or 5, or 10, or 15, I'm not sure. But the number is... shameful at this point while I'm still so young and, it makes me feel truly worthless. I cared about one of them for a little while. He was a few years older than me, he had pitch black hair and eyes that were even darker. And something about him scared me, I don't know if it was the darkness, or how he was able to make me smile when we talked. But it was probably because he was the first one to question why I was doing all of those things to myself. Why I was ruining my life when it had barely begun. He cared, the way I thought a boy should. But he didn't care. He got bored of me quickly and moved on. Leaving me, feeling more hopeless and more pathetic than I had before. It was at that point, that I knew I couldn't let it happen again. I grew up in a house where, I had two parents, but my two parents didn't love each other any more. And I could see that from when I was very little. And I don't ever want to feel like that. I don't ever want to feel myself love someone so much, then in the end, not love them any more, and have them not love me. I feel like... That saying, it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, is completely shit. I don't ever want to love anyone. Because I know, as soon as I let myself have any feelings for anyone, they'll hurt me. And I'm not sure if I'll ever find someone who's worth that risk of putting myself out there, of breaking down the walls I've built so high around myself. The reason I thought it was my only option... Was because, I didn't see any other options. I couldn't talk to anyone, I had no one to talk to that would understand. I watched my parent's marriage fall apart over my life, I watched my little sister grow up in a family where there was no love from our father, no true love at least. He treated her like a princess because she hadn't done anything wrong yet. But I knew, as soon as she did it would all stop. And it did. I think, that the most painful part of all of what I did, isn't that I hurt myself, or even my parent's and my sister. It's that, if I ever do let myself love someone, and they love me back the way they're meant to, they have to deal with all of it too. They have to deal with how I handle things and they have to deal with my past. And I think that's the biggest reason I'll never love anyone. It would be unfair to make anyone put up with me at this point."
The video ended and it went to the blue screen.
"Callie has... such a huge ability to love harder than anyone I've ever met before," Mum said, "But she's convinced that she's doing the world a favor by keeping it all locked away. She's convinced that she's doing the world a favor by being alone for the rest of her life. And no one's shown her that she's wrong, so she keeps thinking she's right."
"Do you have a way to open her door?" Ashton asked, standing up.
My mum grabbed a small metal object and handed it to him. He jumped up the stairs and we heard him messing with the door lock above the music from Callie's room.
When Callie walked in, her make up was in streaks down her cheeks and Ashton and I both stood up at the same time.
"Callie are you okay?" he asked her, but she continued to look at the ground and walk upstairs to her bedroom.
I heard the door lock behind her and I sat back down and put my face in my heads.
"Going to see our grandpa was a horrible idea," I said, "All it did was make her more upset."
"Is she going to be okay?" Calum asked.
"When Callie is angry and hurt, she's a different person. She's not a sister, she's not a friend, she's not a girlfriend, or a daughter. She's just... Not the 19 year old Callie Luther who figured her shit out. She's... She's 17 year old Callie Luther, who sleeps with a different guy every week and harms herself so she can feel anything other than the numbness that's growing inside of her. She doesn't talk to people, she doesn't laugh, or interact. She hardly spoke more than 5 words to our grandpa at all the whole time we were there. She doesn't even yell when she speaks when she's like this. The Callie that doesn't yell when she's angry is a Callie that isn't just angry, but seriously hurting."
"How do we fix it?" Michael asked.
"You don't," I said, "Callie figures out Callie's way out of situations that she's in. Callie's most annoying trait is she doesn't want help, she doesn't want it, she won't ask for it, and she won't take it. She created these walls around herself to protect her from letting people see who she really is when she was about 16 years old, when all of the shit started to happen. She knew that what she was going with her life, meant she was going to be hurt by men, so she protected herself, in her own way, from letting it seriously ruin her. She never got attached, she never dated any guy, honestly I don't even think she ever kissed any of them. She knew exactly what she needed to feel something and it wasn't cuddling or kissing or having a boyfriend. She wanted the instant gratification and she found it."
"So she's never had a boyfriend or kissed anyone before?" Luke asked.
"No she hasn't," Mum said, coming into the room, "After Callie turned 18, I asked her to tell me the truth about everything. Tell me what she did, how many people she did it with, if she ever really cared of any of them and why she thought that was her only option."
"What did she say?" Calum asked.
"Did you record it?" I asked.
"Why would you record it?" Ashton asked.
"She's a therapist, a lot of her sessions are recorded, if Callie was going to be venting, she would've wanted it recorded so she would be able to remember all of it."
"I did," she said, moving towards her bookcase and pulling out a DVD and putting it into the DVD player.
We heard music start playing upstairs and Mum pressed play on the DVD player.
Callie popped up on the screen.
"Uh," she said, biting on her lower lip, "I did bad things with those men. Things that I would never want my child to do with a random person the way I did, especially not multiple random people. I never gave them the thing I was taught was the most special while growing up. I was taught that, people can steal your innocence, they can steal your first time. But no one usually thinks to steal your first kiss in a harmful way. So I never gave them that part of myself. The number... Is too many. I'm not sure really when it became too many, if it was at 2, or 5, or 10, or 15, I'm not sure. But the number is... shameful at this point while I'm still so young and, it makes me feel truly worthless. I cared about one of them for a little while. He was a few years older than me, he had pitch black hair and eyes that were even darker. And something about him scared me, I don't know if it was the darkness, or how he was able to make me smile when we talked. But it was probably because he was the first one to question why I was doing all of those things to myself. Why I was ruining my life when it had barely begun. He cared, the way I thought a boy should. But he didn't care. He got bored of me quickly and moved on. Leaving me, feeling more hopeless and more pathetic than I had before. It was at that point, that I knew I couldn't let it happen again. I grew up in a house where, I had two parents, but my two parents didn't love each other any more. And I could see that from when I was very little. And I don't ever want to feel like that. I don't ever want to feel myself love someone so much, then in the end, not love them any more, and have them not love me. I feel like... That saying, it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, is completely shit. I don't ever want to love anyone. Because I know, as soon as I let myself have any feelings for anyone, they'll hurt me. And I'm not sure if I'll ever find someone who's worth that risk of putting myself out there, of breaking down the walls I've built so high around myself. The reason I thought it was my only option... Was because, I didn't see any other options. I couldn't talk to anyone, I had no one to talk to that would understand. I watched my parent's marriage fall apart over my life, I watched my little sister grow up in a family where there was no love from our father, no true love at least. He treated her like a princess because she hadn't done anything wrong yet. But I knew, as soon as she did it would all stop. And it did. I think, that the most painful part of all of what I did, isn't that I hurt myself, or even my parent's and my sister. It's that, if I ever do let myself love someone, and they love me back the way they're meant to, they have to deal with all of it too. They have to deal with how I handle things and they have to deal with my past. And I think that's the biggest reason I'll never love anyone. It would be unfair to make anyone put up with me at this point."
The video ended and it went to the blue screen.
"Callie has... such a huge ability to love harder than anyone I've ever met before," Mum said, "But she's convinced that she's doing the world a favor by keeping it all locked away. She's convinced that she's doing the world a favor by being alone for the rest of her life. And no one's shown her that she's wrong, so she keeps thinking she's right."
"Do you have a way to open her door?" Ashton asked, standing up.
My mum grabbed a small metal object and handed it to him. He jumped up the stairs and we heard him messing with the door lock above the music from Callie's room.
♠ ♠ ♠
rec, comment, subscribe??xoxoxo