Manage Me, I'm a Mess
How could you do this to us, you were a product of lust
(a few weeks later)
I smile sadly when Jack walks into our room,
'You look nice.' I say softly,
'Thank you. So do you baby. You scrub up well.' he chuckles, walking over and playing with the collar of my shirt,
'Alexander, it's gonna be okay, I promise.' he whispers and kisses me softly.
Today is the court trial and I'm so, so terrified.
(later on)
'defence may call first witness to the stand.' the judge says and I glance at Jack, he squeezes me knee gently,
'Defence calls Alexander Gaskarth, son of plaintiff to the stand.' someone says and I stand up and walk over to the front of the court room,
'Please stand. Raise your right hand. Do you promise that the testimony you shall give in the case before this court shall be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?' the clerk says,
'I do.' I nod,
'Please state your first and last name.' he instructs,
'Alexander Gaskarth.' I say calmly,
'You may be seated.' the clerk mutters and I sit down quickly,
'Alexander, how old are you?' the attorney asks,
'17.' I state,
'And for how many years have you been a foster child?' he asks,
'Since I was 9, so 8 years.' I say,
'And with whom do you live at the moment?' he queries,
'Bassam, Joyce and Jack Barakat.' I tell them,
'How and when did your mother decease Alexander?' he asks and my eyes fill with tears,
'8 years ago, she- she-' but I'm cut off by my lawyer,
'Objection, your honour, may we leave the death of Isobel Gaskarth out of the subject, it is not of importance.' my lawyer announces,
'Objection approved, I advise the death of the Ms Gaskarth is kept out of the room.' the judge says and I breathe out in relief,
'Alexander, who is your father?' the attorney continues,
'Peter Gaskarth.' I state,
'And when was the last time you saw Peter other than today?' he asks,
'When I was 3 years old. He walked out on me and my mother.' I say effortlessly,
'Do you wish to live with Peter Gaskarth?' he asks,
'No I do not.' I say and the attorney nods,
'You may return to your seat Alexander.' he says and I quickly go and sit back down with Jack,
'Well done.' he whispers and I smile sadly, glancing over at my dad, who is watching us with an awful glare.
'The court case with continue tomorrow at 1pm. Thank you all for your time, you may leave with your residing sides.' the judge says and Jack hugs me,
'You did so well today. I'm proud of you.' he whispers,
'I just wanna go home, can we go home?' I whisper shakily and he nods,
'Of course baby, come on.' he sighs.
(later on)
I walk downstairs quietly to hear Bassam, Joyce and Jack talking in hushed voices in the kitchen,
'And do you want to tell him?!' Joyce whispers harshly,
'No! But it could help the case so much Mum.' Jack whines,
'How!? Alex is 17, his dad is the only relation he has. We're gonna lose custody Jack.' Joyce sighs,
'No! Don't say that! Peter raped Isobel. That changes everything! Alex is a rape product. She didn't even want him! All three of us know this, it's in his files for god sake. The court needs to know, it will win us the case!' Jack says and my heart drops. I'm a rape product. My mum didn't even want me. Of course, it all makes sense. I genuinely am not meant to be alive. I sit on the bottom of the stairs and start crying silently.
'Look, whatever. All I'm trying to do is keep my boyfriend here. I'm going upstairs, if you won't tell them, I don't have much time with Alex left.' Jack says and walls out te kitchen, shutting the door behind him, i squint at him in the dark as he sighs and runs a hand through his hair, he walks towards the stairs and jumps when he walks straight into me,
'Alex?!' he gasps and kneels down in front of me,
'You knew. You fucking knew.' I whisper and he hugs me,
'Im so, so, so sorry baby, don't cry, your mum loved you so, so much.' he whispers,
'Clearly not. I'm a rape product Jack. I'm a fucking rape product.' I snap,
'Mum?!' Jack calls and she rushes into the hall, flicking the light on,
'What?' she asks,
'He heard.' Jack whimpers and she gasps,
'Oh Lex, baby.' she whispers and rushes over to us,
'Tell them. Please fucking tell them, I want to stay here.' I whisper, clutching onto Jack,
'Okay baby, okay.' she nods,
'I want to go to bed.' i whisper and Jack nods,
'Come on.' he whispers.
'I love you. I really am sorry babe.' Jack whispers, holding me tightly in bed,
'I love you too... It's fine. It's funny though, because when I thought I shouldn't be alive, I really shouldn't have been.' I sigh,
'But I'm so, so glad you are.' he whispers.
I smile sadly when Jack walks into our room,
'You look nice.' I say softly,
'Thank you. So do you baby. You scrub up well.' he chuckles, walking over and playing with the collar of my shirt,
'Alexander, it's gonna be okay, I promise.' he whispers and kisses me softly.
Today is the court trial and I'm so, so terrified.
(later on)
'defence may call first witness to the stand.' the judge says and I glance at Jack, he squeezes me knee gently,
'Defence calls Alexander Gaskarth, son of plaintiff to the stand.' someone says and I stand up and walk over to the front of the court room,
'Please stand. Raise your right hand. Do you promise that the testimony you shall give in the case before this court shall be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?' the clerk says,
'I do.' I nod,
'Please state your first and last name.' he instructs,
'Alexander Gaskarth.' I say calmly,
'You may be seated.' the clerk mutters and I sit down quickly,
'Alexander, how old are you?' the attorney asks,
'17.' I state,
'And for how many years have you been a foster child?' he asks,
'Since I was 9, so 8 years.' I say,
'And with whom do you live at the moment?' he queries,
'Bassam, Joyce and Jack Barakat.' I tell them,
'How and when did your mother decease Alexander?' he asks and my eyes fill with tears,
'8 years ago, she- she-' but I'm cut off by my lawyer,
'Objection, your honour, may we leave the death of Isobel Gaskarth out of the subject, it is not of importance.' my lawyer announces,
'Objection approved, I advise the death of the Ms Gaskarth is kept out of the room.' the judge says and I breathe out in relief,
'Alexander, who is your father?' the attorney continues,
'Peter Gaskarth.' I state,
'And when was the last time you saw Peter other than today?' he asks,
'When I was 3 years old. He walked out on me and my mother.' I say effortlessly,
'Do you wish to live with Peter Gaskarth?' he asks,
'No I do not.' I say and the attorney nods,
'You may return to your seat Alexander.' he says and I quickly go and sit back down with Jack,
'Well done.' he whispers and I smile sadly, glancing over at my dad, who is watching us with an awful glare.
'The court case with continue tomorrow at 1pm. Thank you all for your time, you may leave with your residing sides.' the judge says and Jack hugs me,
'You did so well today. I'm proud of you.' he whispers,
'I just wanna go home, can we go home?' I whisper shakily and he nods,
'Of course baby, come on.' he sighs.
(later on)
I walk downstairs quietly to hear Bassam, Joyce and Jack talking in hushed voices in the kitchen,
'And do you want to tell him?!' Joyce whispers harshly,
'No! But it could help the case so much Mum.' Jack whines,
'How!? Alex is 17, his dad is the only relation he has. We're gonna lose custody Jack.' Joyce sighs,
'No! Don't say that! Peter raped Isobel. That changes everything! Alex is a rape product. She didn't even want him! All three of us know this, it's in his files for god sake. The court needs to know, it will win us the case!' Jack says and my heart drops. I'm a rape product. My mum didn't even want me. Of course, it all makes sense. I genuinely am not meant to be alive. I sit on the bottom of the stairs and start crying silently.
'Look, whatever. All I'm trying to do is keep my boyfriend here. I'm going upstairs, if you won't tell them, I don't have much time with Alex left.' Jack says and walls out te kitchen, shutting the door behind him, i squint at him in the dark as he sighs and runs a hand through his hair, he walks towards the stairs and jumps when he walks straight into me,
'Alex?!' he gasps and kneels down in front of me,
'You knew. You fucking knew.' I whisper and he hugs me,
'Im so, so, so sorry baby, don't cry, your mum loved you so, so much.' he whispers,
'Clearly not. I'm a rape product Jack. I'm a fucking rape product.' I snap,
'Mum?!' Jack calls and she rushes into the hall, flicking the light on,
'What?' she asks,
'He heard.' Jack whimpers and she gasps,
'Oh Lex, baby.' she whispers and rushes over to us,
'Tell them. Please fucking tell them, I want to stay here.' I whisper, clutching onto Jack,
'Okay baby, okay.' she nods,
'I want to go to bed.' i whisper and Jack nods,
'Come on.' he whispers.
'I love you. I really am sorry babe.' Jack whispers, holding me tightly in bed,
'I love you too... It's fine. It's funny though, because when I thought I shouldn't be alive, I really shouldn't have been.' I sigh,
'But I'm so, so glad you are.' he whispers.