Paper Cranes

The large front windows of the Baylor University Medical Center reflected what was left of the sun, creating a transparent swirl of pinks and blues against the stark white building. People walked around the front, helping loved ones in and out of the cars parked along the pick up lines, and a few nurses that were off of their shift departed from the doors, their eyes in a downcast as their feet shuffled against the pavement. Their lack of energy was something I could easily relate to.

Hospitals had a way of draining you. There was something about walking around the halls and smelling the cleaners mixed with medical supplies that ate away at you, ate away at the smile on your face and the sanity in your brain. Hospitals were a constant reminder that this was the end, for mostly everyone. No matter who you were one day you would end up in one of these beds, withering away, watching your family cry over you for days on end until finally it was all too much.

The thought made my heart ache.

“Hello Ms. Davis”, the woman at the front desk greeted as I walked through the large automatic doors. Looking toward the large circular desk, I sent the older woman a smile and adjusted the bag loosely hanging off of my shoulder. Glancing down at my feet, I let out a small sigh as my legs walked me right over to the front desk and stopped when I was about a foot away from it. “Who are we visiting today?” She asked with a smile.

A sigh escaped my lips as I forced myself to return a smile for the woman and chuckled lightly. “Shelby, I picked up more pieces of origami paper for her on my way out of class.”

“I saw her collection, it’s fantastic”, the older woman shot me an impressed smile and then finished writing out the small pass and handed it to me. With a short nod, I grabbed the strap of my book bag and headed toward the elevator bidding the woman a small goodbye and good night.

As I reached the elevator, another small sigh escaped my lips, and I rubbed my eyes with my hands, trying to erase the tiredness that had been plaguing me for the last four years. Letting out a small yawn, I brought my hands up to my face and let my head sink into them, instantly feeling my body relax as my breath warmed the skin on my face.

The elevator made a small noise signaling that it had reached the bottom floor. Picking my head up, I watched as the doors slid open and a few doctors and nurses spilled out, the same tired and drained look in their eyes as they mindlessly headed toward the front door. Once it was clear, I took a few steps into the elevator and then leaned my back against it, letting my book bag fall to the floor. Glancing at the number pad, I hit the six and watched as the doors started to close.

“Hey, hold on, shit!” A man screamed, his hand waving just as the doors were closing. Blinking, I reached forward and pressed my hand into the side one of the doors. Applying some pressure, it sent out a small ring and then the doors slid back open. Seconds later, then man who had yelled appeared next to me, his chest rising and falling drastically as he tried to catch his breath.

Stepping forward, he hit the button with a worn out three on it and then leaned back against the wall next to me, his left hand holding a bouquet of flowers. As the doors slid shut, we both stood there silently. My eyes traced over the ugly patterns in the carpeted floors as the elevator started the slow crawl to the third floor.

“Hey, thanks for holding the elevator for me,” the man besides me whispered.

“No problem, do it all the time.”

“You work here?” He asked, interested.

“Not yet”, I chuckled, my eyes lifting from the ugly carpets and running along the contours of the elevator until they landed on the man next to me. “Just visiting some family.”

He didn’t ask any questions about my family, and for that I was thankful. The number one thing that people normally did when I mentioned the fact I was here a lot visiting family was to ask why they were here, and then give me a bout of sympathy, something I had grown to hate over the years of spending days on end in the children’s wing of the hospital.

“You go to medical school?” His eyes flickered from the number on the screen, which was now two, and back over to me.

“Yeah, I’m studying Oncology.” My eyes found their way to his. He nodded, his lips pressed into a thin line and then shook his head a little and sent me a small smirk implying that he had the slightest idea what that word meant. It was understandable, not many people knew what oncology was unless they had a family member who had cancer.

The elevator dinged and stopped its slow crawl to the sixth floor. “Cancer, it’s a doctor that specializes in cancer.”

“You must be pretty smart, eh?” Our eyes met and I shrugged a little as blood rushed to my cheeks. When he noticed my modest response, he nodded and then looked up as the doors slid open. “Well it was nice speaking with you, hope everything turns out alright.” His eyes met mine and as we shared a stare, I watched as the small smile fell from his lips and he nodded a little as he slowly walked out of the elevator and started heading down the hall, his free hand rubbing the back of his neck as he looked at numbers on doors. I could have probably lead him right to the room he needed, but I was too tired to try to stop the doors from sliding shut again.

The elevator started the crawl to the sixth floor, which left me enough time to rest my head against the cool metal walls of the box and shut my eyes. I had spent all day in class, reading books and writing papers on illnesses and symptoms and medications. All of the long words and terminology rocked my brain, and I was honestly surprised that after poking and prying information form my it all day I was sane enough to make my way to my car and drive to the hospital.

A ding sounded causing my eyes to pop open just as the doors parted and showed the colorful walls of the sixth floor. The flowers and rainbows on the walls always made me smile. If it were my decision, I would have painted the whole hospital this way, maybe it would have been less draining if everything was painted in the same fashion as the Pediatric Oncology wing.

“Ah, Ms. Davis!” An older woman called out as I hitched my bag higher on my shoulder and took a few steps into the hallway. “Shelby hasn’t stopped talking about you all day, she’ll be happy you’re here.” My eyes flickered to her face as her name instantly came front and center in my mind. She had been working in this wing for years, and she was always around when I came to see my sister.

Smiling at her, I nodded and walked over to her. “How are you today, Mary?”

“I should ask the same to you.” Her eyes ran up and down my body until they landed back on my half open eyes. “Classes taking a toll on you or are you tired of sleeping on the horrible cots we have here?”

“A strong mixture of both, to be honest.” I blinked hard as my body ached, remembering how uncomfortable the over night beds in the hospital were. It was like they had a board on top of springs and they just tossed a sheet and a pillow on top of it. Despite how uncomfortable it was, I still slept on them at least three times a week. There were just some nights when I couldn’t leave her here, I couldn’t bear watching her crawl under the pale pink sheets and hug her stuffed animals as she stared at the door waiting for someone to walk in.

Mary sighed, placing a hand on my shoulder and gave me a sad smile. “You know when you work here you can’t sleep here with the kiddies, right?”

We both laughed. It was nice to laugh. I had never really laughed lately, I had always been too stressed over classes or Shelby to take time to smile and laugh and enjoy things in life. My idea of fun over the past few months had switched from having a beer with my friends and watching a Dallas Stars or Cowboy games to sitting in the Pediatric Oncology wing with my little sister playing board games, reading books, or folding little paper cranes.

After a few more words with Mary, her pager beeped and she sent me an apologetic smile as she walked down the hall, holding the pager to her mouth and mumbling something into it. Watching her leave, I turned on my heels and headed down the hall until I reached the fifth door on the right and placed my hand on the doorknob.

The door creaked open, and as soon as I took a step in, my torso was wrapped up with a pair of thin little arms. “Lennon!” The small girls voice instantly put a smile on my face. “Did you get the papers? It’s okay if you didn’t, I have enough until the weekend.” Her baby blue eyes darted up to my face as she took a few steps back.

“What kind of sister do you think I am?” She giggled as I walked over to her bed and set my book bag down and unzipped it. As soon as the front fell open, I watched as her eyes landed on the books in my bag and quickly grabbed one. As her eyes scanned over the title, she let out a short laugh and then placed it down on the bed.

“You’re books look really boring.” The young girl joked, her eyes flickering from mine to the book. “Why don’t you study something cool, like art or writing?”

“Art and writing won’t help people.” I stated, my fingers finally reaching the small plastic bag that had fallen under all of the books and folders. “I’m going to be one of the doctors in your wing one day, that’s what my boring books are for.”

“That’d be weird”, she blinked and then dropped her eyes down to the pale pink sheets that dressed her bed. “You think I’ll be able to make one thousand of these?” She quickly changed the subject as her small hands carefully took the stack of square pieces of paper I had pulled from my book bag and brought it to her eyes as she closely examined the different patterns and colors.

I nodded instead of answering. A lump had formed in my throat, something that frequently happened when my sister made any comment that indicated she realized how much time she had left, or how bad she was actually doing. It was a horrible thing, having an eleven-year-old child aware that she was dying. My heart broke every time, but I refused to let her see it, or hear it. I needed to be strong for her, and I intended on being that pillar she needed until the very end, no matter when it was.

Shelby didn’t press me for an answer, and simply reached over to her night stand and pulled out the small stack of colored paper she still had and set it down on her bed, and then patted a spot next to her, signaling me to come over and sit with her.

“You know”, the small girl started as her slim fingers started folding the small piece of light blue paper, “the Dallas Stars are coming to visit tomorrow, you should come.” Baby blue eyes on mine, I shrugged and watched the small girl blow a small stream of air out of her mouth, shifting the thin line of blonde bangs that hung down from her forehead. “You love the Dallas Stars.” She pressed.

“I haven’t really watched many games, haven’t had the time.” I whispered as I easily folded a little crane and then set it down on the bed between us.

“Doesn’t matter”, Shelby retorted, “I can barely watch any games but I still want to meet them. ‘Member last time they were here, I got them to play Pretty, Pretty, Princess with me; they’re fun.” A giggle escaped her mouth as she looked up at me, her face scrunching up to fit the huge smile that adorned her lips.

A laugh pushed passed my teeth as I nodded and quickly folded another crane. “Okay, I’ll make an appearance.” I caved. Tomorrow was Saturday after all, and over weekends I usually just wrote papers and hung out with Shelby anyway, so it wasn’t really that big of a deal. It would be nice to talk to new people. Sure, they were professional hockey players, but the guys they sent here were usually really sweet. Some of them would even come back in small groups to come visit on their own, visiting the same little kids they had done with the organization. Shelby was always one of their favorites; there had always been something about her that pulled people in.

“I heard that the new guy is going to be here, he’s twenty two”, her little blonde eyebrows wiggled on her head as she reached over and gave my shoulder a little push. “Twenty-two, yeah? You’re what, twenty-one, sounds like a good deal to me.”

Shaking my head I took the little paper crane I had created and lightly tossed it at her. As the small bird hit the tip of her nose, she scrunched up her face and let out a small giggle as she fell back into the pillows on her bed and picked up the crane that had fallen into her lap. “My little eleven year old sister is not going to try to hook me up with some hot-shot hockey player, understood?” I asked as I crawled over to her, wiggling my fingers against her sides as she squealed with laughter. “Understood?” I asked over her screams of laughter.

Bright blue eyes filled with tears, she started to flail her limbs, sending tons of little paper cranes to the floor. “Pr-pr-promise!” She cried out as more squeals hit the air.

“Good.” I pulled my hands away from her and took my spot at the end of her bed, a smug smile on my face as I watched her body relax for a minute and then quickly take the seated position she was in only moments ago.

For the next hour, all we did was make paper cranes. The space between the two of us was now occupied with a mound of the little paper birds, and as we folded the last piece of paper form the stack that she had in her nightstand, her little blue eyes met mine and she let out a long yawn. Admitting she was tired, I nodded and crawled off of the bed, quickly grabbing one of the shoeboxes in the corner of her room and brought it over to her bed.

Since we had started folding these paper cranes a few days ago, Shelby had managed to fill up three shoeboxes full of the little guys. Once the nurses on the floor heard about her quest to fold one thousand of them, they started bringing in old shoeboxes so she had somewhere to keep them. Now not even a week into her quest, she had about twenty shoeboxes stacked in the corner of her room.

Once the cranes were put away, she crawled under her sheets and grabbed the teddy bear my mother had bought her the day we found out that she had to take up permanent residency in the hospital. Holding it close to her, she took a deep inhale and then looked over at me as I walked over to the television and hit the off button.

“Can you stay with me until I fall asleep?” The small girl asked, sitting up and running a hand through her thin blonde hair. Staring at her, I simply nodded and walked over to her bed, slipping under the pink sheets and propping myself up against the plastic headboard of the bed. As the small girl snuggled into my side, I sucked in a deep breath and placed my arm around her, giving her shoulder a small squeeze.

“How many cranes do you have so far?” I whispered.

“I dunno.” She mumbled tiredly. “A lot. I think I’ll be able to make my wish in about two weeks.”

“What are you going to wish for?” I asked as my eyes connected to the open door of her room. Watching as a few nurses shuffled by, then I noticed a familiar body move past the door, the broad shoulders and brunette hair that I had witnessed earlier in the night. My eyebrows came together in the middle of my forehead as my mind instantly became curious.

“I can’t tell you, it won’t…” she let out a tiny yawn, “it won’t come true, silly.”

Shelby was asleep seconds later. The light sound of her breathing calmed my nerves as my mind started going through every possible wish that she could make. All of them revolved around the same thing, the same horrible thing that no eleven year old should ever wish about.

Not dying.

“Ms. Davis?” A male voice whispered. Jerking my eyes to the door, I tilted my head to the side as soon as my orbs landed on the man standing in the doorway, a familiar bouquet of flowers hanging in his hand. “I’m that guy from the elevator.” He stated sheepishly as he took a few more steps into the room. As he rubbed the back of his arm, he sent me an awkward smile and then shifted uncomfortably under my confused gaze.

“Oh hey”, I whispered as I carefully slid out from the bed and replaced my body with the pillow I had behind my back. Once Shelby held onto the pillow, I turned to the boy and walked over to him, leading him a little closer to the door so our voices wouldn’t wake up Shelby. “What are you doing over here?”

His eyes met mine, and studied them for a second before he let out a small chuckle. “I bought these for my friend, but he really didn’t want them. Maybe it’s a guy thing, so I didn’t want them to go to waste so I figured I would see if I could find you. Looked like you needed a little cheering up.” A smile slipped onto his lips causing my heart to flutter in my chest.

“That’s really sweet but I really can’t-“

“Then give them to her.” He motioned to the girl sleeping soundly in the bed. “She like flowers?”

“She does.” I replied slowly and watched as the man’s arm extended toward me the bouquet of flowers hanging under my nose, the smells of them filling my head and making a small smile form on my face. “This was really sweet, I… I really don’t know what to say. Thank you?”

“Nah, not a problem.” His lips formed a small smile as he rubbed the back of his arm and looked toward the door. “Maybe I will see you around again?”

“Haha”, I looked down, “Sure, yeah, maybe.” I answered doubtfully.

“Well, I have to head out, see ya later, Doc.” He sent me a joking smile and a wink as he turned toward the door. As I let out a small chuckle, I gave him a small wave and watched as he disappeared into the hallway, his hands tuck into his pockets. Once he was gone, I looked down at the flowers, a stupid smile stuck on my face as I inhaled the scent of them again, letting it fill all of my senses. Eyes fluttering shut, my mind brought back the small smile on the mans face, making all of the blood in my body rush to my cheeks.

I hope by some strange miracle of god that I could see that man again.