Paper Cranes

“Lennon, are you ever going to hang out with us again?” Maria sighed heavily from the desk next to me, her light brown hair creating a shield in front of her face as she leaned towards me. Pushing the long strands back, her bright blue eyes locked on me, begging me to tell her I would, but behind all of the hope in her bright blue eyes, I knew that she realized that I was a lost cause.

Pulling my bottom lip between my teeth, I shrugged a little and then looked back up at the board, a large mess of notes were scribbled on the white board in blue and red marker. Squinting a little, my hand quickly jotted down the rest of the notes and the placed my pen down on the sheet of paper.

“We miss you, ya’ know.” Maria pressed.

“I know.” I sighed, blinking hard.

“Just one night? We can go to a club and-“

“You know I… I can’t, Maria.” We locked eyes, and as her stunning blue ones searched mine, she frowned and nodded a little. Letting out a small sigh, she reached over and put her hand on my shoulder, giving it a small squeeze.

“You know I love you girl, and I’m always here for you. I just wish you’d stop killing yourself over everything and have some fun like you used to.” She ended in a small whisper and leaned back into her seat, quickly writing down the rest of the notes with her purple pen. Once she was done, she pulled out her phone and quickly started pressing the tips of her fingers into the screen.

Class dwindled on for another half hour before our professor dismissed us. As I gathered my things and shoved them into my forest green backpack, I watched as Maria quickly grabbed her books and walked out of the room, shooting a small smile my way before disappearing into the hallway.

I was used to being alone. The silent walk across campus never really bothered me anymore. I could be alone for days, walk around without speaking to anyone for days and not be bothered by it. Ever since I dedicated my life to my baby sister, I had burned every bridge with friends I had ever created. Some of them hated me for it, and some of them, like Maria, understood what I was doing but simultaneously hated it.

Hanging out and relaxing sounded amazing, but I couldn’t do it now without feeling guilty. Why could I go have fun when my little sister wasn’t even going to make it to ten years old? When my baby sister was going to die in the horrible bleak walls of the hospital.

Slinging my bag over my shoulder, my back straightened and I slid out of the chair, and made my way into the hall. Once there, a long stream of air left my parted lips, and my legs followed the rut I had created. Down the hall, down three flights of stairs, make a right, follow that path all the way to the upper lot, and then climb the first three flights of stairs and then all the way down the top level of the parking lot. Then, at the end of the lot, my black scion would be sitting in a parking spot all alone, because no one in their right mind would park that far away when they knew their class would run until seven thirty.

I didn’t mind the walk, and even though it could have been ‘dangerous’, I never let it bother me.

Once I made it to the parking lot, I looked around at the large amount of empty spaces and sucked in a small breath. Grabbing my cell phone from my back pocket, I hit the top button and watched as the screen lit up with my mother’s work phone number.

Heart rate accelerating, I quickly swiped across the screen and out the phone to my ear. Inhaling sharply, my whole body started to pulse as my pace quickened to a soft jog. Ring after ring, I felt my body start to grow numb. My mother and I didn’t have a very good relationship anymore; it had fallen apart with Shelby’s residency at the hospital. The only time she would ever call me is if there was something wrong with Shelby, and that was it. We didn’t talk about anything besides that.

“Lennon?”

“Is she okay?” I breathed, tears about to pour from my eyes. After a few seconds, she sighed heavily, and I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

“She’s fine, Lennon.” Anger and relief rushed through my veins. Shutting my eyes, I stopped halfway up the second staircase and leaned against the railing, sucking in a deep breath before I spoke.

“Then what’s the problem.” I tried to stay civil. Although my mother and I didn’t like each other, I respected the fact that she worked hard as a nurse in the ER, and knew she didn’t have extra time to chat on the phone. “I know you’re busy and all-“

She hesitated before speaking. “There was a man in Shelby’s room when I came to see her today. He said his name was Tyler, a friend of yours.” The pause that followed made my skin crawl. “Is there anything I should know about?” The woman asked in a curious motherly tone.

“Nothing at all, mom.” I huffed and rolled my eyes.

Of course she scares the shit out of me just to ask if I had a boyfriend.

“Well he was really cute, you should-“

“I’m driving, I have to go.” I snapped and quickly bid her a good-bye before hanging up and shoving the phone back into my pocket.

Calming myself down, I finished my walk to the car and once I reached it, I dropped my backpack onto the pavement and pressed my forehead against the cool window of the drivers’ side door. It relaxed me, the cool smooth surface of the window. My nerves were always on edge, my mind was always reeling, even my heart rate was slightly higher than normal. Every minute of my life I dreaded the minute I would get the phone call with the news. It kept me feeling stressed and in a horrible mood for weeks on end.

Once I felt a little bit better, my back straightened and I quickly unlocked the car and picked up my book bag, tossing it onto the passengers seat before sliding into the drivers seat. Shutting the door, I shoved the key into the ignition and twisted it, listening to the engine roar to life.

After that, my mind started to wander as my muscle memory took over, and started the drive to the hospital. I had driven their after classes so many times, that I could get there without even thinking about what street to turn down or what light to stop at. It was scary how easily I could find my way there, and how easily my muscles remembered just how much to turn the wheel for every turn.

Finding a close parking spot, I shut the car off and grabbed my book bag. Heading to the front door, I watched as a man walked out of the door, his head hung low as he pulled at the shirt hanging off of his shoulders. Once I got closer to him, his face suddenly became recognizable, and without a second thought, I walked up to him.

When he noticed a body in his path, his eyes drifted up, but as soon as they rested on me, they lit up. “Lennon”, he breathed as he pulled me into his chest, hugging me tightly. “What a site for sore eyes.” He huffed as he placed his hands on my shoulders and held me in front of him, his tired eyes tracing over the small smile on my face. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in weeks.”

“Seems like it, huh?” I answered quietly and watched the sadness start to fill his bright blue eyes. “I talked to mom today.”

“And?” His fatherly tone smothered the question. As I stayed silent and drifted my eyes to the floor, he sighed heavily and then pulled me into his side, kissing the top of my head.

“It kills me, you know.”

“I know, dad.” I huffed and watched as he frowned and then looked over at my book bag and my slumped shoulders.

“Are you going to be home tonight?” He asked even though by the look in his eyes he already knew the answer. I shrugged as an answer, which lead him to nod a little and suck in a small breath. “Well if you are, let me know, I’ll order you something from the place down the street, the sushi place.”

With a nod and a kiss on the cheek, we bid each other a goodbye, informed the other that we loved them, and then headed in different directions. As my father disappeared into the parking lot, I walked through the huge doors of the front of the hospital and let out an audible sigh as my eyes connected with the front desk and the woman sitting behind it, sending me the same sad smile she sent me every single night I was here.

Going through the normal conversation with her, I got my pass to Shelby’s room and with a small goodbye and goodnight, I headed toward the elevator, my eyes stuck to the floor through the whole walk there. Once I reached the large silver doors, I pressed the down arrow and let out a small sigh as I rubbed my cheeks with my cold hands and waited for the ring to tell me the large box had reached the bottom floor.

Just as the ring filled the air, I straightened my back and took a few steps away from the door in anticipation of tired nurses or other people pouring out. As a few tired nurses walked out, I walked in and hit the button I needed and just as the doors were about to shut, he walked in.

“Funny seeing you here”, he commented as he slipped through the closing doors and stood right next to me, a bright smile on his face as he swung his keys around his finger.

“I feel like you’re here more than I am”, I huffed as I watched the brunette shift his weight from one foot to another, and then took the bag he was holding and placed it under his arm. “What are you doing back here anyway?”

His eyes snapped to mine as the elevator started its slow crawl to Shelby’s floor. When he didn’t hit a different button, I realized that he was here to se her, and not his friend that he went to visit the first time we ran into each other.

“I promised Shelby I would get her a jersey.” My eyes widened as I looked over at him, lips parting and hanging open. “I had practice today and I got the guys to sign it for her.” His eyes landed on mine and then as he studied them, he smiled wide and sent me a wink. “Of course she wanted number ninety-one.”

I couldn’t help but to roll my eyes as I realized he wore number ninety-one.

“Well, thanks for being super awesome and doing that for her, she’ll love it.” I commented as I held back all of the sarcastic and slightly rude things I could have said. After doing something like this, and being such a good friend to her, it wasn’t my place to give him snide remarks.

Nodding a little, the brunette stayed silent as the elevator paused and the doors slid open. Noticing the colorful walls of the pediatrics wing, I quickly took a step ahead of the brunette and walked out of the elevator. As he followed right next to me, I watched as a few nurses sent us odd glares, and the few that I knew on a first name basis gave me approving winks and nods.

Ignoring all of them, I rubbed the back of my neck as I made my way down the hall and over to Shelby’s door. Pushing it open, I listened as she called out my name and jumped out of her bed, sliding across the tiled floor until she crashed into my legs and wrapped her thin arms around them.

Kneeling down, I dropped my book bag on the floor and took her into a huge hug. Kissing her cheek, I watched as her huge eyes looked into mine. Parting her lips to talk, she quickly glanced to the spot next to me and gasped. “I was just going to tell you how Ty promised me he would.. Oh my gosh, he got it!” She squealed and quickly tackled the boy who kneeled down to her level into a hug and sent him tumbling back onto the floor. “I can’t believe you actually did it!” She squealed as Tyler handed her the bag and watched as she tore the plastic bag off and held the small jersey out in front of her.

Eyes sparkling, she smiled wider than I had ever seen her smile, and just as she was about to pull the jersey over her head, she caught glimpse of the large amount of silver writing on the back and paused. Turning the jersey over in her hands, she examined the writing and then looked up at me, mouth hanging open.

“You did not!” She giggled as she quickly got off of the brunette and hoped back onto her bed, pushing all of the little cranes that had filled her sheets off onto the floor as she laid the jersey out on the sheets and leaned in, examining the sloppy signatures and small notes to her that were scribbled on the back of the jersey.

Shelby started ranting and reading them all aloud, giggling to her self and sending Tyler and I huge smiles in between some of them. Once she was done, she turned the jersey over and pulled it over her head, holding her hands out in front of her to see the green sleeves stretch out further than her hands.

“Shell, you like it.?” Tyler asked as he pulled himself off of the floor and walked over to the side of her bed.

“Like it!” Her eyes widened. “I love it, Tyty!” She squealed and jumped to her feet and wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. As they both laughed, I couldn’t help but let a small smile appear on my lips as I walked over to the chair in her room and sat down, pulling my book bag onto my lap and unzipping the large pocket. Once I pulled out my text book and read over the sticky note I stuck on it, informing me of the large amount of homework I had, a sigh escaped my lips that was loud enough to break up the conversation between the other two in the room.

As they both looked at me, Shelby frowned and went to say something to Tyler when a nurse walked in and sent us all a huge smile. “Shelby my dear” she greeted, “It’s almost eight thirty, and you know what that means.”

“Bed already”, the small blonde girl frowned as she plopped down on the bed, hugging the jersey closer to her body. “Do I really have to, they just got here?”

“I’ll be back tomorrow, I only have one class tomorrow, we can-“

“I have a game tomorrow, you can watch the game with you sister.” Shelby’s eyes lit up. “The sooner you get to sleep, the sooner you’ll wake up and the sooner the game will be.”

Gasping, the blonde nodded and quickly gave Tyler a huge hug, a kiss on the cheek and then hopped off of the bed and ran over to me, crawling into my lap. “I need to get to sleep so we can watch the game tomorrow.” She informed me, a huge smile on her thin lips. “We can eat popcorn and yell at the TV like we used to.”

“Of course, of course”, I chuckled as the memory of me sitting on the couch with a smaller Shelby next to me yelling at the television as the Dallas stars skated around on the ice. It was something we did regularly when I was still in high school and she was just old enough to understand what was going on.

Bidding my sister goodnight and packing up my things, I thanked the nurse, called a goodnight to Shelby one last time, and then walked out of the room with Tyler close behind me. Once we were back by the elevator, I cleared my throat and watched as the brunette’s eyes instantly locked onto mine.

“You’re probably the nicest guy I had ever met.” I blurted out feeling all of the blood in my head rush to my cheeks. “I’ve never seen Shelby so happy around someone, I mean… I can’t thank you enough for this.” I ended in a whisper as I watched the man’s eyebrows furrow.

Nodding a little, he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and hit the down arrow on the small keypad on the wall and leaned into me a little. “Friends, remember?”

“Yeah but-“

“Nope.” He popped the ‘p’ in the word like a small child causing a smile to surface on my lips. “We are friends, and since we are friends, we should probably go grab some dinner after this.”

“Did you just subtly ask me out to dinner?” I asked, dumbfounded.

“I don’t think it was very subtle, but yes, I did.” His cheeks tinted pink for a moment before they went back to their normal shade. “Not out, out.” He defended as he pulled his arm back from my shoulders and sucked in a small breath. “More like out as in a dinner or take out food.”

“I dunno”, I looked down at my feet as the elevator stopped at out floor and the doors slid open. As Tyler motioned me to walk in first, I nodded a little and walked into the box, leaning against the back wall as he walked in and hit the ground floor button.

When the doors slid shut, I watched as he looked over at me, a small smile on his face. “Just friends.” He reminded as he gave me a small smile and leaned against the back wall next to me. “You can even pay for your own food if it makes you feel better.”

Looking up at the brunette, I watched as he gave me a warm smile. I wanted to go with him, I wanted to go out somewhere and feel like I was alive. I wanted to spend time outside of the hospital and the corners of my room, but as I thought about it, I thought about Shelby, and I couldn’t help but frown.

“You know”, Tyler whispered as the elevator hit the bottom floor and we both walked out, side by side. “I don’t want to come off as rude, but I don’t think Shell wants you to beat yourself up over this. You’re aloud to live, Lennon.”

Eyes locked on his, I felt my bottom lip start to quiver as his words sunk through my thick, stubborn skull. He was right, and I knew he was right. I knew all of this seclusion would get me no where, I knew my sister wanted me to smile and be happy again, but I couldn’t. I just… couldn’t.

“I’m not going to hate you, if you say no, Len.” Tyler whispered as we made our way to the front doors. Pushing one open, he held it open for me and after I carefully walked out into the cool air, I watched as he shoved his hands in his pockets and stood awkwardly next to me. “I’ll be happy if you just tell me you and Shell will watch the game tomorrow night.”

My mind whirled through millions of thoughts. I wanted to tell him to stop talking, I wanted to go grab food with him. I wanted to go out somewhere and stare at walls that weren’t mine. I wanted to smile and talk to someone; I wanted to feel human again. I just wanted to breathe and not feel this horrible guilt in my chest.

“Okay.” I blurted out.

“You’ll watch the game?” His eyes lit up.

“No.” I said and felt my body go numb as I looked up at his eyes. As I stared into them, enjoying the swirls of different shades of brown dancing around his pupil, I sucked in a deep breath and watched as his face fell. “I’ll grab some dinner.”

“Wait… Really?”

“Yeah.” I looked up at him and smiled a little. “But I’m paying for myself.”

“It’s a deal.”