Paper Cranes

A SOFT CHUCKLE FELL FROM Tyler’s lips as he looked up at the large brick face building. “Elbow Room, eh?” Tyler whispered as our bodies stopped on the sidewalk across from building. A large neon sign hung over the front door, and smaller, less noticeable, neon signs featuring major beer brands hung in the windows. “Is this a good idea?” His bright eyes found mine within in seconds of his words hitting the air, and as they sunk in my head, I couldn’t help but smile a little.

Without a word, I mindlessly grabbed Tyler’s hand and pulled him across the street. As he stumbled behind me, his large hand clamped over mine, maneuvering a little until his fingers pushed through my thinner ones, creating a protective grip on my hand. “It’s good, I promise”, my voice was barely above a whisper as I turned to him, my eyes landing on his that were barreling into mine, nearly inches away from my face.

Breath catching in my throat, all of the blood in my body rushed to my chest as my eyes dropped down to see just how close we were. It must have been inches judging by how my eyes could trace over every freckle and tiny imperfection on his face, and every crease and line in his lips. As he let out a shaky exhale, and his hot breath crashed down against my already trembling lips, I shut my eyes and bowed my head a little, taking a step back so I could take a moment to regain my composure.

“Ready?” His voice was smooth like the previous closeness had no effect on him. It bothered me in a way, that he was unaffected by my breath hitting his lips, but as he lead me into the restaurant and we were loudly greeted and lead to a table away from the bar, I realized who I was and who he was, and that any thoughts about his face being that close to mine ever again, were bordering pathetic, hopeless, dreams.

Once the hostess sat us down at the booth, she handed us menus and then flashed a huge smile and headed back toward the louder section of the building. As people cheered and laughed loudly, glasses clinked together, and forks and plates clattered against each other, Tyler and I say in complete silence. My eyes scanned over the menu, nothing peaking my interest like it used to, and he would tilt his head from side to side every now and again, like he really had a hard decision to make.

“Hey Len”, my eyes snapped from the menu to the boy sitting across from me. “You alright?” His voice was caring, and as it hit my ears, my eyes slowly made their way to his, and as I stared at him, I felt my stomach knot and twist uncomfortably.

There was something about the way that his eyes shimmered. There was something about the way his facial features were mapped out on his face, and there was something about the voice that flowed from his pink lips. There was just something about Tyler that pulled me in. It was dangerous, and as I realized this, I wished that I had declined his invitation. I wished that I had never agreed to be friends; I wish that I had never put myself into this situation. He probably just felt bad for me. This was all probably pity.

“Oh yeah”, I huffed, my blood running cold, “I’m fine. No worries, just trying to figure out what I want for dinner.” I breathed and then glanced up at him, watching his eyebrows meet in the center of his forehead before he nodded a little and then looked back at the menu, sucking in a deep breath and leaning back against the seat.

We sat in silence for what felt like hours before the waiter came over and asked it we were ready to order. After Tyler rambled off something on the menu and a Pepsi, the waiter turned to me and sent me a small smile. “And you?”

I froze, my eyes staring down at the words on the menu. They all jumbled together making mounds of letters that I couldn’t remember the sounds too. Lips parting, I felt both sets of eyes on me, tension filling the air as they both waited for me to speak.

“Cesar… Salad”, was the first word I could decipher, so I let it push passed my teeth and slip off of the edge of my tongue. “I’ll have a Cesar Salad and a seltzer, please.” Voice cracking a few times, I locked my eyes onto the wooden table under my hands and carefully closed the menu and handed it over to the waiter who rambled off something that didn’t reach my ears.

The silence was making my skin crawl. All I wanted to do was run, run away from him and not look in his stupid beautiful eyes anymore or feel his stupid hot breath on my lips. All I wanted to do was lay on the most uncomfortable cot in the world next to my sister in her permanent hospital bed and watch her, take her in while her little chest rose and fell rhythmically.

I shut my eyes as the thought of her chest not making those movements rushed through my head.

Shivering, I pressed my fingertips into the tabletop and watched as the pale hand on the other end of the table slowly made its way across the wooden rectangle and paused right when his fingers were about to graze my skin. “Lennon, look at me a second, okay?” His voice was the softest hum I had ever heard in my life, and without any hesitation, I looked up at him, wishing that his lips would part and his warm voice would produce more words.

Eyes on his, I watched as he forced himself to smile at me. “Lennon Davis, you need to talk to me.” His voice commanded as his thumb rubbed against my knuckles. “I know we aren’t best friends and all, but I don’t want to sit here and see you like this. Is it because of Sh-“

“I’m fine”.” I whispered, watching his thumb run over the boney mountains on the back of my and. “I’m just tired is all.”

“You’re lying to me.” His thumb paused as it sunk into the little valley between to of my knuckles. “Len, I’m here for you, why can’t you just-“

“You don’t understand.” I snapped, my eyes quickly attaching themselves to his. “You have no idea what it’s like to be in my position. You have no idea what its like to feel like horrible about doing anything that makes you happy, you have no idea how it feels to see someone every day that is never going to be able to live outside of that horrible hospital. Never see a Broadway show or go to school. She’ll never be able to ride a bike or feed ducks at the park, and why?” I was in tears now. “Why does it have to be her? What did she ever do to deserve this kind of torture?”

Tyler cleared his throat and moved his hand from mine, his normally bright and cheery eyes dull and in a downcast to the table. “I’m here for you though, Len. I-“

“Just stop.” A tear slipped from my eye, and as it started to roll down my face, I instantly became embarrassed. “I understand that you feel bad for me and you’re trying to right your wrongs, but I don’t need it.” The man’s eyes widened to the size of saucers as I continued. “This was a mistake, this was all just a huge mistake. Do you know who you are? People like you don’t hang out with people like me, around people like me and with my problems. I’m not some charity case that you can use to make yourself feel better about being an asshole.”

“Lennon!”

“I’m leaving.” Heart racing, I slid out of the booth and walked to the door, my limbs violently shaking as I stepped in and out of the maze of tables, careful not to make it too obvious that I was running away from someone and crying almost to the point of hysterics. I was embarrassed over everything, I was mad about everything, and all I wanted to do was go sit on a swing somewhere and feel a cool breeze blow through my hair. All I wanted was to be alone. That’s how it has been, and that’s how it should continue to be.

I was a mess, and someone like Tyler would never see my cluster of problems as anything but a charity case.

Half way down the street, someone grabbed my arm, stopping my limbs from moving any further down the street toward the hospital parking lot. As my heart raced and my body started to shiver from fear of who could be grabbing me, I quickly turned around, my dark brown hair creating a shield in front of my face.

The man pulled me into him, my face squishing against the fabric of his shirt as his strong arms pressed against me, holding me as tight as possible against his strong body. Inhaling deeply a few times, I felt my throat start to burn as my eyes filled to the very brim with water. I wanted to turn away from him. I wanted to turn away and cry into my hands, but as I tried to move, the strong arms around me tightened their grip.

I wanted to scream for him to let me go. I wanted to run as fast as possible back to my car and sit in the drivers seat and lock all of the doors. I wanted to lie in my bed and read textbooks and take notes and never look into his stupid beautiful eyes ever again because it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that his breath beat down on my lips, it wasn’t fair that he was so close to me and was perfectly okay with it. It wasn’t fair that I had to have all of these feelings for him, and got absolutely nothing but a pity friendship in return.

Minutes ticked by as we stood there. Neither of us said a word although it was obvious that we both wanted too. Tyler took a few sharp inhales like he was about to yell back at me, tell me how stupid and not worth it I was, but he never parted his lips. Instead, he shifted from foot to foot, readjusted his grip on me, and pressed his chin into the top of my head.

Finally, after a few harsh winds beat against our exposed skin, the brunette loosened his lock on me and dropped his arms to his sides. “Is that really what you think?”

“I just want to go home.”

“You think I’m using you and Shelby to make up for being a dick in Boston?” He said between gritted teeth.

“Just stop.” I pressed my hands together in an attempt to stop the horrible shake that had infested my bones.

“You think I don’t care about you? How do you even come off saying that? I see that girl every damn day and I-“

“Shut up!” I yelled, throwing my fists at my sides like a small child not getting what they wanted from the toy store. “Just stop talking, alright? I just… This was a bad idea. All of this is just a bad idea. You don’t hang around with people like me. We aren’t supposed to be friends, and I’m not going to be strung along like this.”

“Strung along!” Tyler yelled, his normally calm bright eyes dark and wild. “You think I’m stringing you along? You think I’m just using you to make myself feel better? Well I’m not.” He ended in a scream that caused me to flinch. “Did you ever think for once that maybe I actually like you, that maybe I actually like seeing you and Shelby? Damnit Lennon, I don’t even know you that well but I already know that you’re so close minded, so set on being depressed and in mourning that you can’t even believe that people want to be with you. You act like living your life is so horrible. Stop acting like Shelby’s already fucking dead.”

Once his words faded into the air, I stood there, speechless.

We didn’t look at each other for at least five minutes. The man standing a few feet away from me would run his hand through his hair and then over his face, letting his thumb and his pointes finger trace the contours of his chin. Every time he did this, I felt my breath catch in my chest a little as I tried not to burst into tears in front of him. As much as I hated him right now, as much as I wanted to sprint down the street, he was right. I had been mourning over death of my sister since she had taken permanent residency in the hospital; and she was still alive and smiling.

Inhaling slowly, I pressed my hands into my jeans and looked down at them, wishing that the sidewalk would split open and the Earth would swallow me whole. I wanted to disappear so badly, I wanted to just shrink down and run away so badly that as Tyler started to walk toward the door, all I could think about was running from him, running from everything and never coming back.

Shutting my eyes, I took a deep breath and went to walk toward the door when I walked right into someone’s chest. “I’m sorry”, I muttered as soon as I opened my eyes and saw the familiar fabric of Tyler’s shirt. “I ruined this, and I-“

The man’s hands slipped onto the sides of my face as he tilted my head up so that our eyes were aligned. Bright eyes barreling into mine, my heart ceased beating as we stared at each other, no words or actions coming to the forefront of my brain. All I could do was stare at him and feel every inch of my skin grow numb as his thumbs swirled in little circles on my cheeks and his warm minty breath beat down against my lips.

My eyes fluttered shut as I felt Tyler’s lips brush against mine. Nerves exploding in my spine, I parted my lips, trying to take an inhale. Just as my lungs managed to suck in some air, Tyler pressed his lips against mine in a rough needy kind of way. As he held my face, his warm hands making my face numb, every muscle in my body turned to jell-o as I melted under his touch.

Pulling his lips from mine, Tyler looked down at me, his eyebrows furrowed. “Please don’t ever say that I don’t care about you, Lennon.”

“But-“

“Lennon.” Tyler placed his hands on my shoulders and looked right into my eyes, “We haven’t been friends that long, I don’t know your favorite book or your favorite food, but I want to. I’m not playing you, Lennon. I want you in my life, okay? Not because I feel like it makes me a better person, but because there is something about you that I first encountered in the hospital elevator that pulled me in. Ever since that day, I can’t get you out of my head.”

Blinking a few times, I nodded my head a little and let my eyes flutter shut as Tyler pressed another kiss against my lips and then pulled away, hid normally light pink lips a bright red.

Eyes locked onto his lips, parted and breathing heavy, I looked down and shook my head a little.

I had to be dreaming.