My Paper Heart Will Bleed

After the episode in the bathroom, Ashley wasn't as reluctant to speak with Andy regularly. Although, Andy did all the talking and he did all the listening. Listening to that glorious voice... Andy would usually stop talking to see if Ashley was paying attention, then teased him about day dreaming again. It was like nothing had happened. He felt as if everything was finally falling back into place. Ashley was falling in love all over again...
"Earth to Ashes!" Andy laughed, waving a hand in front of his face. Ashley blushed immediately at the pet name and hid behind his hair, silent. "Aw... c'mon, don't I get to see?"
"No!" he swatted his hand away with a giggle. Ashley expected Andy to push his hair from his face anyways, but... he didn't. Andy wasn't doing anything. "Andy? Are you okay?" He frowned
Andy sighed and closed his eyes. "Ashley... you know I still love you, right?"
"Yeah, why?" He bit his lip. This didn't sound good...
"What would you do if it meant having our relationship back?" he whispered and glanced up at him through his raven hair. Ashley opened his mouth to answer with an 'anything!' but they both knew that wasn't true. There were things that he just couldn't do. He looked out the window, watching cars drive on the road with Christmas trees tied to the top, or possibly carrying presents and decorations. He could see someone hang lights up on their house in the neighborhood directly across from the school, standing on the tall ladder and trying not to fall at the same time. Ashley wondered what it would be like if LA had snow; what it would be like if the ground was covered in multiple layers of a cushioned white powder... It all seemed like a dream to him to see such a winter wonderland when he visited his aunt in Missouri every Christmas break.
"Ash?"
Ashley looked over, pulled from his thoughts to see Andy's saddened, yet hopeful, face.
"I-" he bit his lip. "Give me some time to think about it." Andy nodded and stood up, anticipating the bell to ring.
"I should tell you now, Ash... I don't deal well with feelings. Especially when they're feelings that I'm forced to keep bottled up." Andy didn't look at him. Instead he kept his gaze on the hands of the clock.
"What do you mean?" Ashley chewed on his lip harder, the anxiety bubbling in his gut.
"If you say no... If you turn me down- and that's fine! I completely understand but I... can't be around you."
"What?! Why-"
"I need to get over you if you ever want a good, solid friendship." He said and left the room along with the other students. Ashley stayed in his seat, staring at where Andy was standing in a daze. If he said no... then he'd lose Andy for who knows how long. If he said yes, the fear of fucking up again wouldn't leave him alone. It would eat him alive. Slowly, Ashley rose from his seat and walked to his next class. What was he going to do...
-
About 2 weeks passed with Ashley dwelling endlessly on the question. Did he want Andy back? Yes... Was he willing to risk everything for it? He wasn't sure. If he was caught again, there was no telling what his mom and dad would do. They'd send him to boarding school or something like that, knowing them. Andy would leave again, too...
"Andy, we need to talk." He said boldly during their lunch period. He nervously tugged on the ends of his hoodie sleeve, pulling them over his hands. Since today was the last day before Christmas break, the school allowed a day they could be out of uniform. Everyone took advantage of the few they got, and Andy especially. Black, ripped skinny jeans, his favorite Alkaline Trio tee shirt with a black zip-up hoodie with a Misfits skull on the back. His hair was teased and straightened, and his nails were all painted black except one that was red. All in all, he looked... perfect. Andy looked up from his phone, which wasn't even supposed to be out in the first place, and put it in his boot, standing up.
"Yeah, uh, c'mon. Lets go somewhere private." He placed a hand on his back and led him down the hall to a quiet part of the building. "Now have you thought about it?"
Ashley looked at his feet. "Andy... I- I can't." he whispered. "I wrote-" he began to pull out the piece of paper, on which he had written out his reasoning.
"You mean you won't." Andy replied quietly.
"Please don't be mad." Ashley couldn't bare to look at him, both because he didn't want Andy to see how weak he was and he didn't want to see how bad he had just hurt Andy. "I'm sorry."
Andy was silent for a moment.
"You know what this means, don't you?"
Ashley finally made eye contact as Andy gently pushed his soft lips to his. "Goodbye..." he whispered and turned, leaving Ashley alone once again. Ashley slid down the wall and covered his face to quiet the sobs. "Please don't leave." he whimpered into his knees. When he looked up again, people were coming back from lunch. He looked through his hair as Andy passed by with his friends. Part of him hoped he'd look at him and see just how hurt he was. Part of him wanted to be ignored and curl up and die.
Andy looked at him and clearly saw how hurt he was. Who wouldn't? His eyeliner was smudged all over his cheeks now and the tears wouldn't dry. Ashley had hoped he would take back what he said and stay... but he didn't. He gave the biggest laugh ever as his friend said something supposedly funny, his baby blues lit up as he did so. How... How could he do that... Tell him goodbye and then no more than ten minutes later be perfectly fine. Not too far behind Andy was Hayley, and she clearly understood what had happened. Andy did what she was hoping he wouldn't, and that was break Ashley apart more than he already had. Hayley weaved through the crowd and knelt beside him, enveloping him in her arms as he cried harder.
"He's an asshole, Ash... I'm sorry I even set you two up. It's my fault." she whispered in his ear. Ashley's body racked with heart broken sobs as she pulled him closer. The only thing he could focus on was Andy.
Andy
"I'm so, so fucking sorry."