Welcome to Paradise

We’re about to go on stage, Danny hands me my guitar and I slip it over my shoulder. Alex is standing next to me and I swear he’s physically shaking.
“Alex, what’s up?”
“Just....Nervous” he says, running his hand through his hair.
“You nervous?” I ask, he looks down at his feet and doesn’t meet my eyes.
“Come here” I hug him awkwardly due to our guitars getting in the way.
“You’ve done this 100s of times, and you’ve done is amazingly each time. You can do this”
“Yeah” he smiles, I brush his check slightly and kiss him.
“You’ll do great, come on” I say, the crowd starts cheering I grab Alex’s hand and we go out together. Alex gets through the first part o the set well, a bit shaky to start but soon he gets back into the show and even messing with the crowd. With my worries for Alex lessening I go back to my standard ‘running round the stage like a man mad’
“I wanna be weightless and...” Alex stops singing and I look up at him, he’s staring out at the crowd that’s luckily picking up the words.
“You okay?” I ask.
“Yeah...Yeah I just...forget the words” I laugh but I can’t help but worry about him again, this doesn’t seem like Alex. Yeah he’s forgotten the words before, but not like this. The song ends, the crowd singing the rest of the lyrics for Alex.
“Sorry about that guys, Alex here was too busy thinking about the sex we had last night to remember the lyrics”
“I was not!” he argues.
“Haha, are you going to stop thinking about last night and play the next song?” I joke, trying to hide my concern.
“Of course” We all walk off stage; Alex changes his guitar and goes back on leaving us all in the wings until it’s out queue.
“What happened out there?” Rian asks.
“He froze, it’s like he completely forget how to perform”
“That’s weird, and very unlike Alex”
“I know...” I bite my lip, as I watch Alex singing Too Much he seems normal. Maybe I’m just over reacting it’s been an odd few days with the bus and waking up in hospital; I’m probably just over reacting. Yeah, yeah that’s probably it. I calm down ad by the time we go back on stage to join Alex for the rest of Too Much I’m able to enjoy running around on stage again.
The crowd roars again, as the last chords of Dear Maria fade away. I throw my left over picks into the crowd, watching people try and grab them before I throw my water bottle too. I can’t help smiling as I watch them, my eyes move to Alex who’s standing watching them too, smiling and throwing his own picks. All four of us walk off stage together, my hand finds Alex’s as we make our way back stage.
“That was great guys” Matt says, he goes on to talk about parts of the show but I’m not listening.
“Are you okay?” I ask Alex, he’s staring out the window but paying attention to the rest of us.
“Yeah fine, I just... Sorry about earlier. Everything just got a bit much you know?” he says. I often forget about Alex’s anxiety, it’s not something he ever talks about.
“Yeah I get it, sorry for worrying so much”
“S’okay Jacky, I love you”
“I love you too” I say, leaning over to kiss him.
I try not to notice, I try to let it slip but I can tell something’s up. We go out at bar, we drink and everything is nearly normal, expect Alex he slips up a few times, things that aren’t normal for him. From ordering a drink he hates, to not telling as many jokes then there’s the fact he almost fell asleep on me.
“Alex?” I say nudging him awake from where he lays almost asleep on my shoulder.
“Hmm”
“You’re falling asleep there, you feeling okay?”
“Yeah, yeah I’m fine” he sits up, running his hand through his now messy hair.
“You sure?”
“God Jack I said I’m fine” he snaps.
“I’m sorry I was just....”
“Well don’t” he snaps, getting up and walking away leaving me sat on my own.
“We’d Alex go?” Zack asks, seeing my sat on my own two half empty glasses sat in front of me.
“I...I’m not sure”
“Is he okay?” he asks.
“I don’t know... I spouse I better go find him” I down the rest of my drink and start walking out the bar.
“Wait Jack, are you okay?” he asks, catching up to me.
“Yeah, yeah it’s just not the best feeling when your boyfriend walks out on you”
“Oh...”
“Yeah, look I’ll text you later okay?”
“Okay” I carry on walking outside, pulling my jacket on as there’s a cold wind and it makes me shiver. I walk back to the bus hoping to find him there as my teeth are starting to chatter.
“Alex?” I call out stepping onto the bus. I find him sitting on the couch in the back lounge, a blanket across him as I can see he’s shivering, his eyes are red and his hair even messier.
“Alex...”
“Go away” he mutters.
“Alex look I said I’m sorry for keep asking but you’ve been acting weird! I’m worried about you”
“I’ve not been acting weird”
“You fucking forget the words to Weightless!” He looks away from me, knowing Alex trying to hide his pain.
“Lex...” I sit down beside him, pulling his close. “I’m sorry, I know the last few days haven’t been easy for you but we’re back doing what we love, what we’re good at. That’s the important thing”
“Yeah you’re right” I kiss him again, feeling the saltiness of tears on is lips. My hands go to his cheeks, wiping away any remains of tears. Something is still nagging me about Alex, something here still isn’t right but I push that thought away. Right now we’re alone on the bus and all I want is my boyfriend...